Judge Ruled Jokes
24 judge ruled jokes and hilarious judge ruled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about judge ruled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Judge Ruled Short Jokes
Short judge ruled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The judge ruled humour may include short judge ordered jokes also.
- Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory. The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.
- I went to the food court today. And in the case of Pizza V Hamburger, the judge ruled in favor of the plantiff.
- Man sentenced to 5 years in prison for robbing a garden centre The Judge ruled it as a crime against nature.
- The Supreme Court ruled against increasing tax on flatbread imports from India. The case was closed by a no naan cents judge.
- A judge ruled to take away Mr. Coffee's custody rights.. His lawyer asked, "on what grounds?"
The judge replied, "Child a-brews" - A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep."
The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep… You wake him up."
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Judge Ruled One Liners
Which judge ruled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with judge ruled? I can suggest the ones about judge and court case.
- Judge Scalia should have worn Nikes He would have ruled the court.
Gather Around for Fun Judge Ruled Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about judge ruled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean court jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make judge ruled pranks.
Duchess
It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:
A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?
The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.
On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
A man robs a bank to get away from his wife...
As he sat on the steps of the bank waiting for the police to come he was relieved with thoughts of never having to see his wife again.
Later In the court room waiting for his ruling, he was excited to finally be somewhere far far away from her.
Seeing this the judge thought of the worst possible sentence that he can give him.
He was given 2 years house arrest.
I'm in the World Thumb Wrestling finals.
We've been deadlocked in competition for the past 15 hours. Given how worn out our thumbs are, the judges have ruled we play sudden death with our big toes.
This will end in defeet.
Four kids were arrested for feeding the elephants in a zoo when there was a rule stating they couldn't do so.
At the court, the judge asked the four kids to state their name and what they had done.
Kid 1 : My name is John, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.
Kid 2 : My name is David, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.
Kid 3 : My name is Arthur, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.
Kid 4 : My name is Peanuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Soccer
A soccer judge accidentally had given a c**... instead of the yellow card to a player. Nobody broke the rules in that match any more.
Family violence
A 6 year old kid was at the center of a NYC Courtroom earlier this month when he challenged a court ruling over who should have Custody over him. When it was discovered that his parents beat him, he was given custody over to his grandparents. A problem arises when the boy says that his grandparents also beat him. Custody is then suggested to he given to his aunt, with the same problem: the boy was beaten by his aunt. After realizing that violence was a problem within his family, the judge let the boy propose who should have custody of him. After talking to welfare officials the Judge granted custody of the boy to the New York Giants. Who the boy firmly believed couldn't beat anyone.
A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.
The man is arrested and brought to trial for killing a protected bird.
He pleads with the judge, "Your honor, I was lost in the wilderness for three days without food, and the eagle attacked me. I fought back in self-defense, and I ate it because I was starving."
The judge listens to the tale and rules that the man is not guilty. But he turns to the man and asks, "Well, now that we're done with all that, I admit that I am curious to know, what does bald eagle taste like?"
"Well, your honor, it's like a cross between a snowy owl and a whooping crane."
Endangered meal
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"
The custody battle
A Man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get
custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said: "Your Honour!I carried the child for
nine months and brought the child into the world with pain and labour.She should be in my
custody". The judge turns to the husband and says:"What do you have to say in your defence?"
The man sat for a while contemplating. Then slowly rose. "Your Honour! If I put money in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, Whose Coke is it, the machine's or mine?" "You", My Lord, in whose favor will you rule? the man or the woman?
Old lady thief....
An 80 year old women was caught shoplifting a can of peaches.
During her court appearance the judge asked the lady "So tell me why did you steal the peaches?" to which the old lady replied, "Your honor I was very hungry because my husband and I have no money to eat".
The judge then asked the old lady "How many peaches were in the tin?"
"Six" she replied.
"Ok i'm going to give you one day in prison for each peach."
All of a sudden, the wife's husband stood up and objected the judge's ruling.
"Your honor I have to admit, last week she stole a can of peas".
Blonde Witness
A blonde named Edna had to appear in court as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor asked her, "Where were you the night of 5th September?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "It's irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said Edna from the witness stand. "I can answer that question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said Edna. "I don't mind giving the answer."
The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of 5th September?"
Edna replied brightly, "I don't know."
Getting beat
(AP) - A seven year-old Philadelphia, Pa boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the ...degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia Eagles whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men enter a hunting contest...
The rules of the contest are simple: A contestant must enter the woods, shoot an animal, return to the judges, and tell them how he shot it.
So the first man goes into the woods, and about an hour later he returns with a freshly shot b**....
The judges ask, "So how'd you shoot it?"
The hunter replies, "I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I shot the b**....
Then the second man goes into the woods, and about 3 hours later he returns with a freshly shot deer.
The judges ask, "So how'd you shoot it?"
The hunter replies, "I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I shot the deer.
Then the third man walks into the woods. The judges wait, and wait, and wait for almost a day. Eventually, the man is gone so long that they send out a search party for him. After hours of searching, they find the hunter. He is crawling along the ground, covered with blood and bruises, and both of his legs are missing. He groans with agony, and it's clear that he doesn't have much time left.
They scream, "Oh my god, what happened to you?"
With his last painful breaths, the hunter pulls a judge close and whispers into his ear, ""I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I got hit by a train."
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.
For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.
For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"