Juan Jokes

What are some Juan jokes?

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.

A golf gun? What's a golf gun?

I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan

A woman has twins...

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '

Jesus take the wheel

Carlos take the stereo, Manuel get the seats and I'll be the Juan on watch.

My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names...

...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.

I hate tacos!

Said no Juan ever.

You know, Mexican and Blacks jokes are really starting to bore me.

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

I don't like tacos

Said no Juan ever.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.Β 
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal

Black jokes and Mexican jokes are all the same...

Once you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal.

Hispanic and black jokes are really all the same...

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?

I guess someone made a hole in Juan.

I hate Cinco De Mayo!

-Said no Juan ever

What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer?

A hole in Juan

What do you call the top wealthiest people in Mexico?

The Juan percent.

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder..

Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

What did the cannibal say to 2 Mexicans?

I thought I'd eat both of you but I only have room for Juan

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Wrapped in a burlap sack and hauled across the border on a donkey by Juan Valdez.

How many Mexicans does it take to mow the lawn?

Only Juan.

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.


Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something.


And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story."


And you leave it there.


And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.


And you'll eventually be asked, "what's a golf gun?"



To which you say, "don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club.

I shot a hole in Juan.

a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day....

it was a hole in Juan

Two twins were separated at birth

One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal.
10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. "I wish I could see the other one," she said. The adoption mother then said,
" If you've seen juan, you've seen jamal."

What do Mexicans play at their funerals?

Another Juan Bites The Dust

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health.

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.

'Sure,' his wife said. 'It will cost you $500.'

'That much?'

'But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town.'

'I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350,' the man countered.

'Sorry,' she shrugged. 'You can't have Juan without the otter.'

"I'm Jose!"

Said no Juan ever.

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?

Just Juan and Emmanuel.

How do Mexicans play basketball?

Juan on Juan.

What do you call a Mexican man who escapes the cops?

The Juan that got away.

A mexican woman goes into labor, and then passes out...

a few hours later, she wakes up in the hospital and finds out that she has given birth to perfectly healthy twin baby boys. "Since you were unconscious while your children were born, your husband named both of your children for you", the doctor informs her. "Oh no!", exclaims the woman, "my husband is an idiot! Did he name the children something stupid?" "Well, the first child's name is Juan", says the doctor. "That's not so bad," she says, "but what did he name the second child?"

"Two."

Identical twins were put up for adoption and separated at birth...

...20 years later, their biological parents decided to find and meet them.

After many hours of research, they discovered that one child had been adopted by a middle-eastern family and had been named Amal Allamedan, while the other boy had been adopted by a family in Chile and had been named Juan Cerejo.

They set out to meet their son in Chile first. After meeting with him and having a wonderful time, the mother was ready to go meet her other son, but her husband disagreed.

When she asked why they couldn't go see him, he replied, "Well, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"

Why didn't the Mexican ever walk into a glass door again?

Because Juan does not simply walk into more doors.

Why are there so many Mexican jokes but no black jokes?

Once you know Juan, you know Jamal

why didn't Maria go to prom?

she had no Juan to go with

What do you call a guy thats half Mexican and half Chinese that wears only one sneaker?

Juan Chu

I would like to get deported

Said no Juan ever.

What do you call it when a Mexican man shoots himself?

a hole in Juan

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just Juan.

I'm a regular Don Juan

The ladies Don Juan anything to do with me

How many Mexicans do you need to change a lightbulb?

Juan

A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption

One of the twin boys is adopted by a family in Spain and is named Juan. The other boy is adopted by a family in Egypt, who name him Jamal.

Years later, her son Juan connects with her and sends him a picture of himself with his family.

Feeling moved and happy that Juan is doing well, she sighs to her husband, "I wish I could see the other one, too."

Her husband looks at her and says, "Well, honey, they're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal!"

How many Mexicans do you need working in the kitchen?

Just Juan.

So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...

A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'

I'll see myself out

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

Carry the Juan

The bacon tree.

Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance.

He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon tree!! A juicy delicious bacon tree!"

At this point Juan takes off in a sprint towards the bacon tree when out of nowhere he is gunned down!

Carlos runs to Juan's side as he lay there dying. Juan looks at Carlos and, with his final breaths, manages to say "Carlos, mi amigo, it was not a bacon tree. It was a ham bush."

A husband and wife are unable to have children, so they decide to adopt...

They eventually find a boy from Spain named Juan, and bring him back to America to live with them.

Years later, they learn from the adoption agency that Juan has a twin brother, who was raised by an Arab family. His parents were tragically killed, so the boy, named Amal, needs a home to live. So, since they wanted another kid anyways, they decide to adopt him.

The husband and wife are looking through the adoption papers for Amal a few days before seeing him, and the wife glances at a picture of him, and asks the husband if he would like to know what the boy looks like.

The husband shrugs and says: "Well, they are twin brothers, so I think I already know what he looks like. You know, once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.

Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"


"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"

Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"

What do you call two Mexicans having gay sex?

Juan on Juan

How will Donald Trump build such a huge wall ​without congressional approval​​?

By forcing every Juan to work on it.

I witnessed a Mexican Standoff the other day.

It was Juan v Juan.

What do you call the Mexican airforce?

Twenty Juan Pilots

A couple gave their twin boys up for adoption...

...it was a tough decision, but they felt unable to care for them, and decided it was the only way their children would thrive. One of the boys went to a Spanish family, who called their new son Juan. The other went to an Egyptian couple, who named the new addition to their family Ahmal.

20 years past, and the now elderly couple received a surprise in the mail, a letter from Juan, with a recent photo included. The mother was ecstatic, and said to her husband "It is such a blessing to finally see an image of our son, all grown up. I only regret that I cannot see a photo of his brother as well".

The husband said "What are you talking about? They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.

What's the difference between a really good golfer and a police officer on paid administrative leave?

One shot a hole in one, the other shot a hole in Juan.

How does a Mexican build a house?

Juan nail at a time.

How to make Juan jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Juan to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Juan? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Juan pick up lines to share with friends.

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