juan Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious juan puns

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.

A golf gun? What's a golf gun?

I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan

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A woman has twins...

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '

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Jesus take the wheel

Carlos take the stereo, Manuel get the seats and I'll be the Juan on watch.

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My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names...

...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.

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I hate tacos!

Said no Juan ever.

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You know, Mexican and Blacks jokes are really starting to bore me.

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

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I don't like tacos

Said no Juan ever.

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Black jokes and Mexican jokes are all the same...

Once you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal.

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Hispanic and black jokes are really all the same...

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

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Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?

I guess someone made a hole in Juan.

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I hate Cinco De Mayo!

-Said no Juan ever

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Juan

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The tale of twins

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

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What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer?

A hole in Juan

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What do you call the top wealthiest people in Mexico?

The Juan percent.

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An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder..

Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

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What did the cannibal say to 2 Mexicans?

I thought I'd eat both of you but I only have room for Juan

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I like my women like I like my coffee.

Wrapped in a burlap sack and hauled across the border on a donkey by Juan Valdez.

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How many Mexicans does it take to mow the lawn?

Only Juan.

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"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.


Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something.


And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story."


And you leave it there.


And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.


And you'll eventually be asked, "what's a golf gun?"



To which you say, "don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

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A women has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named Amal. The other one goes to a family in Spain, and is named Juan. Years later, Juan send a picture of himself to his biological mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But honey, they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club.

I shot a hole in Juan.

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a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day....

it was a hole in Juan

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Two twins were separated at birth

One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal.
10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. "I wish I could see the other one," she said. The adoption mother then said,
" If you've seen juan, you've seen jamal."

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What do Mexicans play at their funerals?

Another Juan Bites The Dust

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"I'm Jose!"

Said no Juan ever.

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Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health.

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.

'Sure,' his wife said. 'It will cost you $500.'

'That much?'

'But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town.'

'I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350,' the man countered.

'Sorry,' she shrugged. 'You can't have Juan without the otter.'

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How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?

Just Juan and Emmanuel.

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How do Mexicans play basketball?

Juan on Juan.

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What do you call a Mexican man who escapes the cops?

The Juan that got away.

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A mexican woman goes into labor, and then passes out...

a few hours later, she wakes up in the hospital and finds out that she has given birth to perfectly healthy twin baby boys. "Since you were unconscious while your children were born, your husband named both of your children for you", the doctor informs her. "Oh no!", exclaims the woman, "my husband is an idiot! Did he name the children something stupid?" "Well, the first child's name is Juan", says the doctor. "That's not so bad," she says, "but what did he name the second child?"

"Two."

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Identical twins were put up for adoption and separated at birth...

...20 years later, their biological parents decided to find and meet them.

After many hours of research, they discovered that one child had been adopted by a middle-eastern family and had been named Amal Allamedan, while the other boy had been adopted by a family in Chile and had been named Juan Cerejo.

They set out to meet their son in Chile first. After meeting with him and having a wonderful time, the mother was ready to go meet her other son, but her husband disagreed.

When she asked why they couldn't go see him, he replied, "Well, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"

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Why didn't the Mexican ever walk into a glass door again?

Because Juan does not simply walk into more doors.

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Why are there so many Mexican jokes but no black jokes?

Once you know Juan, you know Jamal

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why didn't Maria go to prom?

she had no Juan to go with

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What are the most funny Juan jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Juan? Well, here are the best Juan dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Juan pick up lines to share with friends.

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