Joy Jokes
115 joy jokes and hilarious joy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about joy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud! This article features hilarious jokes of all shapes and sizes - from almond joy to ode to joy and more - that will bring the joy of laughter to your life. Enjoy joyfully as you read jokes about Christian joy, kinder joy, nurse joy, joy mama, pleasure, and more. Laughter is the best medicine, so don't miss out on these funny Joy Jokes!
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Funniest Joy Short Jokes
Short joy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The joy humour may include short pleasure jokes also.
- Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".
- Simply by replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87%... ...of what little joy you had left in your life
- I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
- Let's hear some Confucius Jokes I'll start
Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy. - How does a grasshopper like to celebrate the arrival of spring? By hopping into the season with joy!
- I gave a homeless man 100 dollars today.. ..The amount of joy i felt when he put the gun away was priceless.
- A preacher visits a prison to give a sermon. All the inmates attend the service.
The preacher opens with
"It brings me joy to see you all here" - I told my friend I hope to deliver a joke half as well as her some day. Sadly, we men will never know the joys of childbirth.
- A mother Chameleon was so overcome with joy when her eggs hatched that her camouflage dropped. Looking down excitedly, she exclaimed, "I've become apparent!"
- Guy comes home and says to his wife, "Pack your bags! I just won the lottery!" She jumps for joy and asks, "Where are we going?!?"
He says, "I'm not going anywhere. You're outta here!"
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Joy One Liners
Which joy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with joy? I can suggest the ones about atop and excitement.
- You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
- "Honey, I'm pregnant" "Hello Pregnant", he whispers, tears of joy in his eyes. "I'm Dad"
- What is the only thing stopping a "bundle of joy."? a period
- What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies? Almond Joy.
- Some bring joy wherever they go... Others whenever they go.
- I Want To Bring Joy To The World But she refuses to leave the house.
- I asked Nurse Joy if she could examine me. She said "I'll take a Pikachu."
- What's a nymphomaniac's favorite candy bar? Almond joy.
- What kind of candy does King David make? Psalmond Joy
- Why were the children jumping for Joy? Because Joy was stuck on the roof.
- What is it called when someone overdoses on ecstasy? Kill-joy
- Yo momma so fat when she jumped for joy she got stuck.
- After the divorce went through, Kevin felt... Unbridaled joy.
- My friend lost my favorite Joy Division movie She's lost Control again.
- I got in trouble joy riding when i was younger Mostly with Joy's husband.
Tears Joy Jokes
Here is a list of funny tears joy jokes and even better tears joy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My heart sank when i received a text from my gf " I can't take this anymore,let's break up " You can imagine the tears of joy I had when i received a follow up message
"Sorry ,wrong number" - I was washing the dishes when a drop of the dishwashing liquid I was using somehow got to my eye. It stung so bad I started crying. I guess this is what they call tears of Joy™.
- Asking for my wife's hand brought tears of joy to my mother-in-law. I should have thought about it.
- My Father told me to marry this girl named Joy so that even if i disappoint her and end up making her cry, it would still be... tears of joy
- What Is Tears Of Joy? Tears Of Joy Is When A Car Hits You And You
See Bill Gate Coming Out From The Car.😃😃😃😂 - My girlfriend starting crying tear of joy when I asked if she'd like to be in a f**....... All I asked was "Will, you, Mary, me?"
Almond Joy Jokes
Here is a list of funny almond joy jokes and even better almond joy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a bisexuality favorite candy bar? What's a bisexual's favorite candy bar?
Mounds and Almond joy, because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't. - An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat. Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty." - What's six inches long and has nuts?
Almond Joy - Yo' Mama is so n**..., her mouth is like an Almond Joy bar full of nuts.
Christmas Joy Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas joy jokes and even better christmas joy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
Fun-Filled Joy Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about joy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean happiness jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make joy pranks.
So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...
... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...
A desert island with six women
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...
She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm n**...."
She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.
Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"
It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.
Hillary is talking to The Pope, and he says...
"With but one wave of my hand, I can make these people feel joy. Joy that nothing else in the world can bring. And it will be an eternal, everlasting joy."
Hillary says "I'll believe that when I see it."
And so, the Pope raises his hand into the air, and slaps her across the face, and the crowd goes wild.
My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's
And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...
Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better places..
But the look of pure joy on his face every time i tell him she's dead just makes my day and keeps me from leaving.
A guy says to the other...
"Marriage has taken all the joy out of s**...."
"How so?"
"You know, there is always the terrifying chance of my wife coming home."
Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven
When an old man approaches.
"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.
"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him very much. Later in life he went through many trials and transformations. He spread joy and his story is told all over the world even to this day."
Jesus looks at the man, with a tear in his eye, and says "Father?"
The man looks back; "... Pinocchio?"
A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.
Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as happy. "I can hear everything again!" The disabled guy in the wheelchair drives in, splashes around and then comes out, beaming and cheerful. "Guys, I have new tires!"
Joe Biden and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
As they are waving to everyone, Biden leans towards Trump saying,
Did you know, that with one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? Also, this joy will not be merely a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts, and for the rest of their lives, whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Come on, show me!
So Biden slapped him.
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes when I tell him this is worth a world.
OG: Anthony Jeselnik
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
One of my favorite Reagan jokes:
A Soviet Diplomat goes to one of the farms in Russia, and approaches the farmer.
How are the carrots doing? Said the Diplomat.
Oh, the carrots are as big and orange as ever! Replies the farmer.
I see, and how are the beets?
Oh, sir, if Gorbachev saw these beets, he would cry with joy!
And what about the potatoes?
Sir, if we stacked the potatoes, they would be high enough to reach God!
The diplomat stares for a minute. But comrade, we don't believe in god.
Oh, good. Says the farmer. Because there are no potatoes.
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me if I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
Who is a "d**..."
While at college, foreign students found an online English-to-English dictionary of American slang.
Awesome read, but almost all agreed there was no need to look up for the word "d**..." as it was completely clear.
One student persisted.
And got the answer - the dictionary stated:
"d**..." - the person who looks up for the word "d**..." in a dictionary.
Our joy was limitless.
Old Man Jack married an old maid
Life had been hard on old Ethel. But they were truly in love, and their families agreed it was best for them to live out their final days in joy.
On their wedding night, Jack lay on the bed and watched his new bride undress.
She took out her glass eye and placed it in a velvet case.
Next, she removed her false teeth and put them in a glass of water.
Taking off her wig, she placed it on a small bust on the dresser.
She removed her prosthetic leg, and stood it beside the chair.
Jack finally spoke: "When you get to the part I'm waiting for, just toss it over."
They say money doesn't buy happiness
but money could buy me some yacht and that would at least give me some *fleet*ing joy
Everyone brings joy to this house. Some when they enter, and others when they leave.
A sign I saw at my parents friends' place.
An inspector goes to a mental institution to check if any of the patients had been cured
When he gets there he places an empty pool on the ground. All the patients start squealing with joy, and jumping in the pool, hurting themselves. Only one patient stands to the side and doesn't jump. The inspector goes to ask him why he isn't jumping. The patient says: do you think I'm crazy? I can't swim
An old man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
Yes of course, said the doctor, why not!
"Oh How nice it would be, I have been illiterate for so long" replied the old man with joy.
Traditional joke from my childhood... I am the first person to translate this to English LoL
There was a young boy that always struggled to cross the road, every time he tried to cross the road he got hit by a car...
One time he was crossing the road and he made it to the other side!
He jumped for joy!
...He got hit by a plane midair.
Jesus Returns
A booming voice descends from the heavens. Jesus has returned. I have come to take you unto heaven. People on earth are besides themselves with joy. Thank you Lord, they scream, we are ready. Jews only! He says. But Lord, what about the millions of Christians? And Jesus says, what's a Christian?
The best bet ever made
One day, a man went to his boss and said, "I bet you $2,000 that I can pee in that cup over there 30m away". The boss replied, "Deal!". The man proceeded to pee all over the floor. The boss is dancing with joy, as the secretary walks in and says "F*c**...". "What?" asks the boss. "HE BET ME $400,000 THAT HE WOULD PEE ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR AND YOU'D BE HAPPY ABOUT IT!"
A couple hooked up to the Joy of painting.....
9 months later they had a happy little accident
The Three Simple Things in This World That Give Me The Most Joy In This Life Are…
Eating Puppies and Not Using Commas Appropriately.
Dawn craved repetition.
It explains why she relished relish, and was a fan of fans.
But nothing compared to the joy of the early morning.
Because that's when the dawn dawned on Dawn.
A couple of weeks ago I went to buy a pair of my favourite sandals
only to find they were sold out.
Imagine my joy when I went in today to find they were Birkenstock.
I told my wife that she needs find joy in the little things in life.
She replied, honey, I am not in the mood right now for s**....
Scientists in Germany Have Discovered a New Particle That Can Only Exist By Absorbing Joy
It's no laughing matter
A man is sitting on the couch one evening when his son walks in and tells his father he lost his virginity
The father jumps up from joy and claps his hands and says: Congratulations son! Here, have a beer and take a seat.
The son says: The beer I can take, but I can not sit for a while
Opposites
A theology professor at a rural community college started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said another. "And how about the opposite of woe?"
A r**... in the back of the class stood up from his seat and said, "I reckon that would be giddy up, mister."
A young boy says to his mother, "When I grow up, I'll have two wives just like the king in the stories."
Mother: "But which one of them will put you to bed?"
The boy thinks for a while and then says, "Neither. I want only you to do that."
Tears of joy well up in the mother's eyes and she blesses her son,"May you live long."
She then proceeds to ask the son,"Whom will your two wives sleep with?"
The boy again thinks for a while and then says, "Let them sleep with father."
This time, tears of joy well up in the father's eyes and he blesses his son, "May you live long."
Last night, I was jumping for joy and yelling, and my wife came over to ask me what was going on
I yelled out - I just won the lottery!!! Pack your bags!!!
She got really excited and said - Where are we going?!?!
I replied - what do mean, we ?
My family loves to have dance parties.
My dad will play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect.
Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing!
It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
Today, I donated my wallet, and my watch to a homeless guy. You will not believe the joy that overcame me as i saw him
put his p**... back in his pocket.
Did you hear that the new Nintendo Switch controllers were a scam?
Turns out that they were a joy con.
The blessed arrival of a baby into my life yesterday would have been greeted with a lot more joy...
If I could only figure out who mailed it to me.
A widower man dies and goes to heaven...
... when he gets there his wife, full of joy, comes to greet him.
"I'm so excited, I couldn't wait to be with you again"
The man replies
"A deal is a deal honey, they told me: "until death do us apart""
There was a boy that only had a head
There was a boy that only had a head. When he turned 18 his father decided 2 take him out 4 some drinks. After the first drink. The boy grew an arm. Then after the 2nd drink he grew a leg. He kept drinking until he became a full person. He was so excited, he just couldn't believe his luck. He ran outside with joy and then got hit by a truck and died. The bartender turns 2 the father and said. He should of quit while he was a head!
The Chinese President dies of a chronic disease. How does his wife feel?
Xi's Jinping with joy.
If you wish to grow old with Joy, grace and feeling Rosy all over...
You had better ask for their permission first!
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a crowd...
The Pope turns to Trump and says, "Did you know that with a single wave of my hand, I can make this entire crowd go wild? Their joy will not be a momentary passing emotion either, but will live on in their hearts each time they tell someone of this day."
Trump replies, "What?! With one wave of your SAD hand? I doubt it."
So the Pope slapped him.
My family and I rode Space Mountain as Joy, Disgust, and Anger from Inside Out.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions.
Sir John and Chung Lee walking in front of the Buckingham palace
Chung Lee says: "When I see all these flags, my heart fills with joy!"
Sir John:"But you are a Chinese national only visiting the United Kingdom, how so?"
Chung Lee:"Did you ever read the labels on the flags?!"
I didn't learn much from Mario Party 64, but I did learn that...
the button mashing and joy stick rotation techniques don't necessarily translate well to the bedroom.
"You think parachuting will finally bring joy to your life?"
"You're just setting yourself up for a bigger fall"
Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut....
And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.
Today I gave my phone, watch, and money to a poor man
You can't begin to imagine the joy I felt as saw him stuff his gun back into his waistband
If a 12 year old in Africa steals a sports car do they call it a joy ride? Grand theft?
Or a midlife crisis?
Yesterday I gave my phone, wallet, and watch to a homeless guy on the street.
You should've seen the joy on his face as he put the gun away.
One night at the discotheque
The DJ was playing shout, so shouted at the top of my lungs in joy.
Then he played jump and jumped up and down on the dance floor.
Finally he played come on Eileen, I was thrown out the doors for that. That's the last time I go in there.
My 5 year old always begs me to take her to the dog park...
She loves playing with them and giving them treats. But the whole time I'm filled with dread. My hands start sweating. I feel anxious and nauseous. That despite her laughter and joy my whole day will be utterly ruined. I finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD.
Pooon Tennis Shoe Disorder
May you live your life with joy
and may she make you miserable.
For my father who instilled in me the joy of a good joke--or better, a bad joke: When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
