Journey Jokes
116 journey jokes and hilarious journey puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about journey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From classic road trip hijinks to the hardships of a pilgrimage, Journey Jokes has the perfect one-liner to bring a smile to the faces of everyone in the car - or on the train! Whether your journey is a dodge through the city, or a scenic, meandering ride through the landscape, you're sure to find something to make the miles ahead more enjoyable, even if it's an otherwise uneventful one.
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Funniest Journey Short Jokes
Short journey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The journey humour may include short expedition jokes also.
- Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing 'Don't Stop Believing'. It was an unexpected Journey.
- "Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth. Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
- My uncle used to always say, "it's the journey not the destination that matters". Nice guy, horrible pilot.
- My favourite thing to do after a long day at work is sit down and take off all my clothes. It makes my train journey more entertaining.
- Is the reason why all of the Pokemon professors are named after trees because They embark you on your journey?
- So I was visiting South Korea but I forgot my phone and I had no map. It was a true Seoul searching journey.
- I will be watching Santa's journey on Norad's website very carefully this year. If he goes to West Africa before coming to the UK, I'm bricking the chimney up.
- A man returns to his home town after a long journey to find all the floors and buildings have become human abdomens... 'this place has become a waist land' he thought to himself.
- The saying goes that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. This must be very frustrating for a fish.
- How do space travelers stay awake on the long journeys across the galaxy? Do some light speed.
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Journey One Liners
Which journey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with journey? I can suggest the ones about adventure and road trip.
- Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing. It was an unexpected Journey.
- Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica? Their journey went south.
- What do a group of whales listen to on long journey? Podcasts.
- I was going through my old CDs and casset tapes. I was on a journey of self-discography.
- Beer is just like the suns journey. It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.
- What do you call it when data goes on a difficult car journey? A hard drive
- Did you see the movie about the x^2's journey to become 2x? It was really derivative.
- Why was the Japanese man sad after the Journey concert? He couldn't stop bereaving.
- What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey? anchor.
- What's the top Journey song at Japanese funerals? Don't Stop Bereaving
- I vowed to quit drinking for 2017 Today my journey begins with success
- Why did the dolphin go on a long journey? To find its porpoise.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
- What do you call a religous journey involving gender dysphoria? A transmission.
- Life's a journey Don't stop believin'
Long Journey Jokes
Here is a list of funny long journey jokes and even better long journey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a pirate tell his dog before going away on a long journey? Arr! Prepare to be boarded!
- Before I go on any long journeys, I always put some salt and pepper on my head. I'm a well-seasoned traveller.
- If you replaced Odysseus with Oedipus.. ..would a long series of journeys or wanderings be known as an Oedipussy?
- It was a long journey, but I finally found and married Ms. Right. The best part is, I can keep Ms. Left on the side.
- My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in the Amazon rainforest who was able to cure her. Too much salt, if you ask me.
- How do you call a knight who came back from a long journey and just reunited with his wife? Sir Came-a-lot.
- So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Train Journey Jokes
Here is a list of funny train journey jokes and even better train journey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If a train passes the Aquarius terminal in the first stage of its journey and the Aries terminal in the third stage... At what stage is the Cancer terminal?
Family Journey Jokes
Here is a list of funny family journey jokes and even better family journey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I left my family of wild dogs and set about a journey on a rubber dinghy. It did it feral to sea.
Journey Band Jokes
Here is a list of funny journey band jokes and even better journey band puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure? Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.
Cheerful Fun Journey Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about journey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traveller jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make journey pranks.
An English, and Irishman and a Scotsman...
...are traveling through the desert in a jeep but eventually run out of fuel. They continue the journey by foot but only take 1 item each.
The Englishman takes an umbrella, when asked why he replies, "I can use it to provide shade against the hot sun".
The Scotsman takes the biggest bottle of scotch, when asked why he replies, "To quench my thirst".
The Irishman takes a door from the jeep, when asked why he replies, "When I get to hot, I can just roll down the window".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Does Journey Hate Athiests?
Because they all stopped believing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Tribs
There is a land where Jewish people known as the Tribs live.
Now, there is a giant that lives in a big castle over the hill next to the Trib city, and any time the giant sees a Trib, he kicks it and sends the Trib flying across the land.
The Tribs got fed up with this, so they went to their Rabbi and told him to journey to the giant's castle to get him to stop k**... Tribs.
So the Rabbi journeys to the giants castle, musters up some courage, and knocks on the door.
A few seconds later, the giant answers, and as soon as he does, the Rabbi starts cowering in fear, but the giant just stares at him.
The Rabbi looks up and says, "Well? Aren't you going to kick me?"
To this the giant replies, "Silly Rabbi. Kicks are for Tribs."
I found this on sickipedia complain if you want
A man is working as a taxi driver He just started his job He went and picked someone up about halfway through the journey the man taps him on the shoulder At this point The taxi driver freaks swerves nearly misses a bus and two cars and crashes into a building. The passenger says "Sorry I didnt know a small tap could scare you that much" The taxi driver replies "No sorry it's my fault I used to work as a hearse driver"
The most trustworthy knight
A king is about to set out on a journey far away from his home, and must leave his wife behind, but is worried about her faithfulness. He asks the local blacksmith to create a chastity belt that will keep his wife faithful, and so the blacksmith gets to work right away. The blacksmith brings the king a set of metal undergarments with a lock in the back, and a large hole in the front. The king asks why the blacksmith would leave a hole in such a spot. The blacksmith proceeds to get a short stick, and place it in the hole. Immediately, the end of the stick is chopped off by a blade within the hole. The king is impressed, so he leaves on his way after giving the undergarments to his wife. On the day the king returned, he assembled all of his knights in a line, and told them to drop their pants, in order to see who had tried to have their way with his wife. To his displeasure, the king saw that all down the line, every knight had lost his member to the blade, with the exception of one. The king congratulated the knight on his trustworthiness, and asked that he be made the new general in his army. The knight simply shook his head. The king asked again, and again the knight simply shook his head. Confused, the king asked the knight why he refused to accept such an honor, only to have the next knight in line turned to the king and say, "Forgive him, your majesty, he has had trouble speaking since his tongue was chopped off."
Warm Milk
In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The
nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a
bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous
Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail
nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had
finished the whole glass down to the last drop.
As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to
have one last talk with their spiritual leader..
"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly,
"Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."
She raised herself up in bed on one elbow,
looked at them and said: "
"DON'T SELL THAT COW."
Two mexicans are walking in a desert....
and are extremely thirsty and hungry, and are out of food and water. As they continue on their journey to reach their homeland, Carlos says to Juan in broken english, "I don't think we es going to make it, Juan." Juan replies, "We must keep trying Carlos, we es got no choice."
As Carlos and Juan approach a big hill of sand in the desert, Carlos immediately smells bacon. "Juan!!! You smell that? Smells like.... Bacon!!!!" Carlos replies reluctantly, "How could you just, smell bacon out here? Make no sense Juan." Juan replies, "Es a bacon tree! I can tell!" Carlos replies, "No Juan, es a mirage!! Es messing with your mind!"
Juan would not listen. "Ok Carlos, your choice." Juan proceeded to climb the hill, while Carlos waited down at the bottom for him, knowing that this was way to good to be true.
As Juan disappeared from Carlos's view, Carlos heard many gunshots. Terrified and confused, he didn't know what to do. Slowly, he saw Juan climb, with gunshot wounds, over the edge of the hill. "Carlos, don't go up there!!"
"Es no bacon tree." "Es a.... Es a hambush."
If Gandhi went on a 100 day journey with no shoes or toiletries...
... he would be a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...
They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How s**... is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.
I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.
God and Jesus were putting the final touches on his proposed journey down to earth
The only thing remaining was mode of death.
"I've narrowed it down to death by crucifixion or death by killer bees," said God.
Jesus mulled it over. "I think I'd prefer the crucifixion," he said.
And that's why Catholics around the world make the sign of the cross instead of swatting themselves furiously at mass.
Leo Tzu once said...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single shlep.
Bilbo Baggins turns on the radio.
After a lengthy commercial break, the DJ suddenly jumps right into a new song.
"Just a small town girl..."
Bilbo was surprised, and delighted: this was unexpected Journey.
The Longest Journey to the Worst Pun Ever Written
Two farmers were talking over the fence about the trouble they had with their horses.
The first one says, "I've got this prize horse but I can't take him to any shows. For some reason sparrows insist on building nests in his mane. I've tried everything but they keep doing it and he looks terrible all the time."
The second says,"That's an easy fix: go get a ten pound bag of brewer's yeast. Sprinkle it all over him and they'll never come back again."
The first farmer is skeptical but decides to try it anyway.
A week later they're back talking over the fence again.
The first one says, "I did what you said to do about the sparrows and it worked like a charm. How did you know that would work?"
"Easy," , says the second farmer, "Yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet."
You have just fallen down from the Moon.
You dust yourself and start hugging everyone, in tears.
The journey has made you thirsty and you take a bottle of Coca-Cola.
The ambulance arrives and they bring you to the psychiatric clinic.
Were you really on the Moon?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
80s rock fan and popular assassination target Kim Jong Un recently stipulated the soundtrack for his f**......
... Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.
The Irish Nun and warm milk
In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous
Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.
As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.
"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us"
She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "
"DON'T SELL THAT COW."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mental patients
Two mental patients escaped from the mental hospital but had to cross a river to continue there journey. One patient said to the other: I have a Flashlight as he pointed it across the river and said: you run across the beam of light! the other patient said: Do you think I am s**......I will get half way across and you will turn the flashlight off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, Englishman and a woman on a plane.
There was an Englishman, a Frenchman and a woman sitting together on a plane.
The pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey.
Right on cue, the lights went out and it was completely dark.
Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud *SLAP*.
When the lights came back on, the woman and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Frenchman had a n**... red slap mark on his face.
The Frenchman was thinking: "The English fella must have kissed the woman and she missed him and slapped me instead."
The woman was thinking: "The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the English fella and got slapped for it."
The English guy was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French guy again."
the whole Malaysian Airlines thing is fascinating
looks like they're out to prove that it is the journey, not the destination, that matters most.
Luke Skywalker and Yoda are hopelessly lost on their journey...
Luke: Yoda, we've been walking for hours! Are you sure that we're going the right way?
Yoda: For the tenth time, told you, I have! Off course, we are!
What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert?
"Don't stop! Be leaving!"
Just a joke I thought up the other day.
During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...
The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'
The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'
NASA's JUNO Probe finally reached Jupiter after ~5 year journey
exactly halfway to its journey to Uranus.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
(long) All the knights in the Kingdom we're leaving for the Crusade.
One knight told his trusty servant,
"My bride is the most beautiful woman in the country. If I die, I do not want such beauty to be wasted. So I'm leaving you the key to her chastity belt to be used if I do not return from my journey."
The knights had only gone a short distance when they heard a horse charging up behind them.
Thinking it might be an important message, the men halted.
The horseman who approached was the Knight's servant.
"hey" he said.
"You gave me the wrong key!"
My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 credit score. And all thanks to this community!
I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!
What's the final meal of a cannibal ?
The last leg of the journey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't determine your worth by if you completed the task you set out to do, it's all about the journey.
I mean there are still Jews but I wouldn't say h**... failed.
I'm a journeyman fisher
I have trouble baiting the lines. One day I hope to be a master baiter.
If you ever get depressed and need inspiration,
look at Pepe's journey of the years.
There once lived a puma (mountain lion) in LA.
This particular cat never really identified herself as a puma, she really felt a closer affinity towards tigers. Being in LA, she convinced herself she could chase her dreams and set off on a journey to find herself and realise her identity.
After swimming across the seven seas, she finally got to India and roamed about the Sunderbans looking for a royal Bengal tiger. When she finally met one, she made her case, pleading the tiger to accept her as a part of the community and promising that she'd be a great tiger.
The tiger, a majestic male, thought about it for a few moments and said,
"No. You'll have to earn your stripes."
If you hate your journey to work because you ride share and you always get stuck in a tunnel...
you have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
The journey to the abortion clinic wasn't one that I enjoyed.
"Turn right at the next corner..."
"...and your destination shall be on your left. But dwell not upon the destination, for it is the journey which is important." - Zen GPS
Avengers
The journey isnt watching the movie.
Its getting their before somebody spoils it for you.
After a 10 day journey, the turtle family finally arrives to the picnic location...
Upon arrival, mama turtle realizes they forgot the ketchup.
Junior, please go back and fetch the ketchup
No way! You'll start without me
Don't worry, we'll wait for you
I don't believe you
We promise not to start without you
Reluctantly, Junior leaves.
They way for a day... two... five... ten... twenty...
After 30 days, grampa turtle bursts:
I can't take it any longer!!! - and bites the sandwich
At this point Junior suddenly jumps from behind a rock and yells:
AHA!! I KNEW IT!!!
I won a bike race when no-one thought I could
Apart from Siri, she was routing for me throughout the whole journey
What do you call a journey south east planned out on a map?
Some good downright navigation
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The bus driver shouts to the conductor
Two women are in a bus fighting bitterly over the last available seat.
The conductor had already tried unsuccessfully to intervene when the bus driver shouted to the conductor, "Let the ugly one take the seat"
Both women stood for the rest of the journey
there once was a...
There once was a community in which there where the squares and the "jokes". the "jokes" were actually circles but were a minority and were often laughed at and segregated in the community, so they were called "jokes". One circle had enough of the ridicule from the squares and wanted to become a square himself.
He knew that there was only one person in their town that could pull off such a thing. They called him Eye, for he was all seeing. After his long Journey, he finally arrived at Eye's magical hut. After the circle told him his request, the mystical Eye said, "This joke will forever be pointless, and Eye just wasted your time"
After that whole ring fiasco, Gandalf was in the Shire talking to Merry and Pippen..
"So, you went through the dark forest and met my friends the tree hearders. The Ents. Tell me about your journey."
Merry began. "They were all so big and mean and full of energy. All they did was rant and insult us!"
"Most of them, yes!" added Pippen. "Then we met old Gnarly Bark and his friends. They were much more sedate and relaxed. In fact, they told us so many funny stories and jokes."
Gandalf smiled, smoking his pipe. "I guess you could say their Bark was worse than their bite."
If dentists believed they had to journey across America to whiten people's teeth...
Would it be called Manifest Crest-iny?
I met a guy who believes the Earth is flat. He set off on a journey to see for himself.
I'm sure he'll come around.
In America you hit the road when starting your journey
In Russia the road hits you the whole time.
The other day, I'm checking my buddy's engine
Out of nowhere, he tells me about the journey he took to find the woman he felt was inside him all along. But after a day of wearing make-up and a sundress, he knew it didn't feel right. And that's when I discovered his faulty trans mission.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The bus journey
A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused as to why they are doing this so he turns round and asks why you offering me so many of your raisins? They both say oh son we don't like them to which he replies why buy them then?
Simple, we both enjoy s**... the chocolate off of them
The master of a galley ship comes to his rowers to thank them for such a speedy journey...
Master: Men, since we made such good time crossing the sea, the captain told me to do something special for you, but not too special. So today, everyone gets to change their underwear and loincloth
Rowers: Yea!
Master: hold off celebrating a minute, Bill, you change with John. Kevin, you change with Robert. (And so on)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mental hospital
A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.
- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.
- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.
The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to find him m**....
- Heavens, Gary! What are you doing?!
Asked the nurse.
- I am having s**... with Bob's wife while he's in Canada.
Gary replied.
A particularly open-minded flat-earther started out on a journey, and decided he wouldn't stop traveling until he found evidence to convince him to change his worldview.
And eventually he came around.
Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.
Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.
"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"
"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."
Eye joke
I lost my contact lense, but managed to get back home without bumping into anyone.
It was a contactless journey
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.
When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great, everyone was clapping for me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On the wisdom of King Solomon
This Driver has Solomon's Wisdom
Two women in a bus were fighting bitterly over the last seat available.
The conductor already tried to intervene but to no avail. So the driver shouted, "Let the ugly one take the seat!"
Both women stood for the rest of the journey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship
The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"
I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the s**... we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Old Man and the Burdensome Load
An old man was tasked with carrying a bundle of sticks from his home to the next town over, and it was a terrible task. The bundle was very heavy, and the journey was many miles through harsh terrain. After many days, he could bear it no longer. His feet were blistered, his t**... was dry, and he was too tired to go on. In his misery, he called for Death.
Death appeared to him, clad in a black robe and carrying his scythe. The old man fell to his knees. "Thank you so much for coming to me in my time of need!" He cried with joy. "You can help me carry these sticks!"
