Journey Jokes
122 journey jokes and hilarious journey puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about journey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From classic road trip hijinks to the hardships of a pilgrimage, Journey Jokes has the perfect one-liner to bring a smile to the faces of everyone in the car - or on the train! Whether your journey is a dodge through the city, or a scenic, meandering ride through the landscape, you're sure to find something to make the miles ahead more enjoyable, even if it's an otherwise uneventful one.
Quick Jump To
- Short Journey Jokes
- Journey One Liners
- Long Journey Jokes
- Train Journey Jokes
- Family Journey Jokes
- Journey Band Jokes
- More Journey Jokes
Funniest Journey Short Jokes
Short journey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The journey humour may include short expedition jokes also.
- Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing 'Don't Stop Believing'. It was an unexpected Journey.
- "Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth. Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
- My uncle used to always say, "it's the journey not the destination that matters". Nice guy, horrible pilot.
- My favourite thing to do after a long day at work is sit down and take off all my clothes. It makes my train journey more entertaining.
- Bilbo Baggins woke up in the morning and heard someone singing Don't Stop Believing. It was an unexpected Journey.
- Is the reason why all of the Pokemon professors are named after trees because They embark you on your journey?
- So I was visiting South Korea but I forgot my phone and I had no map. It was a true Seoul searching journey.
- I will be watching Santa's journey on Norad's website very carefully this year. If he goes to West Africa before coming to the UK, I'm bricking the chimney up.
- A man returns to his home town after a long journey to find all the floors and buildings have become human abdomens... 'this place has become a waist land' he thought to himself.
- The saying goes that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. This must be very frustrating for a fish.
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Journey One Liners
Which journey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with journey? I can suggest the ones about adventure and road trip.
- Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing. It was an unexpected Journey.
- Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica? Their journey went south.
- What do a group of whales listen to on long journey? Podcasts.
- I was going through my old CDs and casset tapes. I was on a journey of self-discography.
- Why was the computer tired after a long journey? It had a hard drive.
- Beer is just like the suns journey. It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.
- Why Does Journey Hate Athiests? Because they all stopped believing.
- What do you call it when data goes on a difficult car journey? A hard drive
- Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing . It was an unexpected Journey.
- Did you see the movie about the x^2's journey to become 2x? It was really derivative.
- Why was the Japanese man sad after the Journey concert? He couldn't stop bereaving.
- What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey? anchor.
- What's the top Journey song at Japanese funerals? Don't Stop Bereaving
- I vowed to quit drinking for 2017 Today my journey begins with success
- Why did the dolphin go on a long journey? To find its porpoise.
Long Journey Jokes
Here is a list of funny long journey jokes and even better long journey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do space travelers stay awake on the long journeys across the galaxy? Do some light speed.
- What does a pirate tell his dog before going away on a long journey? Arr! Prepare to be boarded!
- Before I go on any long journeys, I always put some salt and pepper on my head. I'm a well-seasoned traveller.
- If you replaced Odysseus with Oedipus.. ..would a long series of journeys or wanderings be known as an Oedipussy?
- It was a long journey, but I finally found and married Ms. Right. The best part is, I can keep Ms. Left on the side.
- My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in the Amazon rainforest who was able to cure her. Too much salt, if you ask me.
- How do you call a knight who came back from a long journey and just reunited with his wife? Sir Came-a-lot.
- So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
- One s**... said to the other s**...: "Man, this is a long journey! How far to the u**...?"
"I don't know, but we've got a ways to go. So far we've only made it to the esophagus."
Train Journey Jokes
Here is a list of funny train journey jokes and even better train journey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I got here by train, the whole journey there was a child opposite me screaming. I could even hear him through my wolf mask.
- If a train passes the Aquarius terminal in the first stage of its journey and the Aries terminal in the third stage... At what stage is the Cancer terminal?
Family Journey Jokes
Here is a list of funny family journey jokes and even better family journey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I left my family of wild dogs and set about a journey on a rubber dinghy. It did it feral to sea.
- Chris Rea's two biggest hits in the UK are 'Driving home for Christmas' and 'Road to h**...' Which if you have a family like mine, both songs describe the journey.
Journey Band Jokes
Here is a list of funny journey band jokes and even better journey band puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure? Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.
- What did the Japanese Journey covers band sing at the f**...? Don't stop, bereaving!
- I wish the band Journey was a giant human mouth becasue I have a hard-on and they *s**...*!
Cheerful Fun Journey Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about journey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traveller jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make journey pranks.
I found this on sickipedia complain if you want
A man is working as a taxi driver He just started his job He went and picked someone up about halfway through the journey the man taps him on the shoulder At this point The taxi driver freaks swerves nearly misses a bus and two cars and crashes into a building. The passenger says "Sorry I didnt know a small tap could scare you that much" The taxi driver replies "No sorry it's my fault I used to work as a hearse driver"
Two mexicans are walking in a desert....
and are extremely thirsty and hungry, and are out of food and water. As they continue on their journey to reach their homeland, Carlos says to Juan in broken english, "I don't think we es going to make it, Juan." Juan replies, "We must keep trying Carlos, we es got no choice."
As Carlos and Juan approach a big hill of sand in the desert, Carlos immediately smells bacon. "Juan!!! You smell that? Smells like.... Bacon!!!!" Carlos replies reluctantly, "How could you just, smell bacon out here? Make no sense Juan." Juan replies, "Es a bacon tree! I can tell!" Carlos replies, "No Juan, es a mirage!! Es messing with your mind!"
Juan would not listen. "Ok Carlos, your choice." Juan proceeded to climb the hill, while Carlos waited down at the bottom for him, knowing that this was way to good to be true.
As Juan disappeared from Carlos's view, Carlos heard many gunshots. Terrified and confused, he didn't know what to do. Slowly, he saw Juan climb, with gunshot wounds, over the edge of the hill. "Carlos, don't go up there!!"
"Es no bacon tree." "Es a.... Es a hambush."
If Gandhi went on a 100 day journey with no shoes or toiletries...
... he would be a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...
They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How s**... is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.
I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.
God and Jesus were putting the final touches on his proposed journey down to earth
The only thing remaining was mode of death.
"I've narrowed it down to death by crucifixion or death by killer bees," said God.
Jesus mulled it over. "I think I'd prefer the crucifixion," he said.
And that's why Catholics around the world make the sign of the cross instead of swatting themselves furiously at mass.
Leo Tzu once said...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single shlep.
What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his f**...?
Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.
Bilbo Baggins turns on the radio.
After a lengthy commercial break, the DJ suddenly jumps right into a new song.
"Just a small town girl..."
Bilbo was surprised, and delighted: this was unexpected Journey.
A man stumbles out of a bar
A man, completely wasted, stumbles out of a bar. He begins his relatively long and unbalanced journey home. After a few blocks he notices a nun walking on the other side of the street. He stops dead in his tracks and gets this s**...-eating grin on his face. Suddenly, he bolts over to the nun and starts dishing out a violent beat down. After about 10 minutes the man finally relents, stands up, spits on the nun and says "ain't so tough now are ya, batman"
You have just fallen down from the Moon.
You dust yourself and start hugging everyone, in tears.
The journey has made you thirsty and you take a bottle of Coca-Cola.
The ambulance arrives and they bring you to the psychiatric clinic.
Were you really on the Moon?
80s rock fan and popular assassination target Kim Jong Un recently stipulated the soundtrack for his f**......
... Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.
Reeling in a mermaid
Two fisherman are out on a typical, long journey when they reel in a mermaid. After having a good look, one of the fishermen throws her back in to the water. "Why?!" asks his friend. "How?" he replies.
Mental patients
Two mental patients escaped from the mental hospital but had to cross a river to continue there journey. One patient said to the other: I have a Flashlight as he pointed it across the river and said: you run across the beam of light! the other patient said: Do you think I am s**......I will get half way across and you will turn the flashlight off.
Baby mosquito with his father
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.
When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"
the whole Malaysian Airlines thing is fascinating
looks like they're out to prove that it is the journey, not the destination, that matters most.
Luke Skywalker and Yoda are hopelessly lost on their journey...
Luke: Yoda, we've been walking for hours! Are you sure that we're going the right way?
Yoda: For the tenth time, told you, I have! Off course, we are!
What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert?
"Don't stop! Be leaving!"
Just a joke I thought up the other day.
During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...
The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'
The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'
NASA's JUNO Probe finally reached Jupiter after ~5 year journey
exactly halfway to its journey to Uranus.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 credit score. And all thanks to this community!
I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!
What's the final meal of a cannibal ?
The last leg of the journey.
Don't determine your worth by if you completed the task you set out to do, it's all about the journey.
I mean there are still Jews but I wouldn't say h**... failed.
I'm a journeyman fisher
I have trouble baiting the lines. One day I hope to be a master baiter.
There once lived a puma (mountain lion) in LA.
This particular cat never really identified herself as a puma, she really felt a closer affinity towards tigers. Being in LA, she convinced herself she could chase her dreams and set off on a journey to find herself and realise her identity.
After swimming across the seven seas, she finally got to India and roamed about the Sunderbans looking for a royal Bengal tiger. When she finally met one, she made her case, pleading the tiger to accept her as a part of the community and promising that she'd be a great tiger.
The tiger, a majestic male, thought about it for a few moments and said,
"No. You'll have to earn your stripes."
If you hate your journey to work because you ride share and you always get stuck in a tunnel...
you have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Life's a journey
Don't stop believin'
Did I tell you about the time Bilbo Baggins woke up to "Don't Stop Believing" on the radio?
It was an unexpected Journey.
What do you call a religous journey involving gender dysphoria?
A transmission.
"Turn right at the next corner..."
"...and your destination shall be on your left. But dwell not upon the destination, for it is the journey which is important." - Zen GPS
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert
As they're walking the come upon a convenience store. They go inside to gather supplies for the long journey home.
The brunette says "I'll grab plenty of water so we can have enough to drink."
The redhead says "I'll grab food so we have enough to eat."
The blonde says "I'll grab a car door in case it gets hot, we can roll down the windows!"
Avengers
The journey isnt watching the movie.
Its getting their before somebody spoils it for you.
I won a bike race when no-one thought I could
Apart from Siri, she was routing for me throughout the whole journey
What do you call a journey south east planned out on a map?
Some good downright navigation
The bus driver shouts to the conductor
Two women are in a bus fighting bitterly over the last available seat.
The conductor had already tried unsuccessfully to intervene when the bus driver shouted to the conductor, "Let the ugly one take the seat"
Both women stood for the rest of the journey
If dentists believed they had to journey across America to whiten people's teeth...
Would it be called Manifest Crest-iny?
s**... journey
One s**... asks another, How far is it to the ovaries? The other one answers, Relax. We only just passed the tonsils.
I met a guy who believes the Earth is flat. He set off on a journey to see for himself.
I'm sure he'll come around.
In America you hit the road when starting your journey
In Russia the road hits you the whole time.
Despite the heavy rain, I drove my old b**... around with my German girlfriend. As the journey went on, I realised that she has a snake obsession.
She kept telling me that I needed vipers.
The other day, I'm checking my buddy's engine
Out of nowhere, he tells me about the journey he took to find the woman he felt was inside him all along. But after a day of wearing make-up and a sundress, he knew it didn't feel right. And that's when I discovered his faulty trans mission.
The bus journey
A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused as to why they are doing this so he turns round and asks why you offering me so many of your raisins? They both say oh son we don't like them to which he replies why buy them then?
Simple, we both enjoy s**... the chocolate off of them
The master of a galley ship comes to his rowers to thank them for such a speedy journey...
Master: Men, since we made such good time crossing the sea, the captain told me to do something special for you, but not too special. So today, everyone gets to change their underwear and loincloth
Rowers: Yea!
Master: hold off celebrating a minute, Bill, you change with John. Kevin, you change with Robert. (And so on)
Mental hospital
A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.
- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.
- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.
The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to find him m**....
- Heavens, Gary! What are you doing?!
Asked the nurse.
- I am having s**... with Bob's wife while he's in Canada.
Gary replied.
A particularly open-minded flat-earther started out on a journey, and decided he wouldn't stop traveling until he found evidence to convince him to change his worldview.
And eventually he came around.
Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.
Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.
"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"
"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."
Eye joke
I lost my contact lense, but managed to get back home without bumping into anyone.
It was a contactless journey
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.
When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great, everyone was clapping for me!"
On the wisdom of King Solomon
This Driver has Solomon's Wisdom
Two women in a bus were fighting bitterly over the last seat available.
The conductor already tried to intervene but to no avail. So the driver shouted, "Let the ugly one take the seat!"
Both women stood for the rest of the journey.
Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship
The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"
I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the s**... we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)
The Old Man and the Burdensome Load
An old man was tasked with carrying a bundle of sticks from his home to the next town over, and it was a terrible task. The bundle was very heavy, and the journey was many miles through harsh terrain. After many days, he could bear it no longer. His feet were blistered, his t**... was dry, and he was too tired to go on. In his misery, he called for Death.
Death appeared to him, clad in a black robe and carrying his scythe. The old man fell to his knees. "Thank you so much for coming to me in my time of need!" He cried with joy. "You can help me carry these sticks!"
