The Best 79 Journey Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Journey jokes. There are some journey trek jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these journey kilometers puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Journey Jokes and Puns

Why Does Journey Hate Athiests?

Because they all stopped believing.

I found this on sickipedia complain if you want

A man is working as a taxi driver He just started his job He went and picked someone up about halfway through the journey the man taps him on the shoulder At this point The taxi driver freaks swerves nearly misses a bus and two cars and crashes into a building. The passenger says "Sorry I didnt know a small tap could scare you that much" The taxi driver replies "No sorry it's my fault I used to work as a hearse driver"

Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing.

It was an unexpected Journey.

Journey joke, Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing.

If Gandhi went on a 100 day journey with no shoes or toiletries...

... he would be a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

God and Jesus were putting the final touches on his proposed journey down to earth

The only thing remaining was mode of death.

"I've narrowed it down to death by crucifixion or death by killer bees," said God.

Jesus mulled it over. "I think I'd prefer the crucifixion," he said.

And that's why Catholics around the world make the sign of the cross instead of swatting themselves furiously at mass.


Leo Tzu once said...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single shlep.

What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his funeral?

Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

Journey joke, What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his funeral?

Bilbo Baggins turns on the radio.

After a lengthy commercial break, the DJ suddenly jumps right into a new song.

"Just a small town girl..."

Bilbo was surprised, and delighted: this was unexpected Journey.

A man stumbles out of a bar

A man, completely wasted, stumbles out of a bar. He begins his relatively long and unbalanced journey home. After a few blocks he notices a nun walking on the other side of the street. He stops dead in his tracks and gets this shit-eating grin on his face. Suddenly, he bolts over to the nun and starts dishing out a violent beat down. After about 10 minutes the man finally relents, stands up, spits on the nun and says "ain't so tough now are ya, batman"

I will be watching Santa's journey on Norad's website very carefully this year.

If he goes to West Africa before coming to the UK, I'm bricking the chimney up.

You have just fallen down from the Moon.

You dust yourself and start hugging everyone, in tears.

The journey has made you thirsty and you take a bottle of Coca-Cola.

The ambulance arrives and they bring you to the psychiatric clinic.

Were you really on the Moon?

You can explore journey uneventful reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean journey tour dad jokes. There are also journey puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


80s rock fan and popular assassination target Kim Jong Un recently stipulated the soundtrack for his funeral...

... Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

Reeling in a mermaid

Two fisherman are out on a typical, long journey when they reel in a mermaid. After having a good look, one of the fishermen throws her back in to the water. "Why?!" asks his friend. "How?" he replies.

Mental patients

Two mental patients escaped from the mental hospital but had to cross a river to continue there journey. One patient said to the other: I have a Flashlight as he pointed it across the river and said: you run across the beam of light! the other patient said: Do you think I am stupid...I will get half way across and you will turn the flashlight off.

Baby mosquito with his father

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.

When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"

the whole Malaysian Airlines thing is fascinating

looks like they're out to prove that it is the journey, not the destination, that matters most.

Journey joke, the whole Malaysian Airlines thing is fascinating

What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey?

Anchor.

Luke Skywalker and Yoda are hopelessly lost on their journey...

Luke: Yoda, we've been walking for hours! Are you sure that we're going the right way?

Yoda: For the tenth time, told you, I have! Off course, we are!

What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert?

"Don't stop! Be leaving!"

Just a joke I thought up the other day.


During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...

The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'

The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'

NASA's JUNO Probe finally reached Jupiter after ~5 year journey

exactly halfway to its journey to Uranus.

What did the Japanese Journey covers band sing at the funeral?

Don't stop, bereaving!

Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica?

Their journey went south.

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...

To help him, he hired a Native American scout.

The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.

After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.

He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

The scout replies, "Ear sticky".

Is the reason why all of the Pokemon professors are named after trees because

They embark you on your journey?

My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 Credit Score. And all thanks to this community!

I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!

My favourite thing to do after a long day at work is sit down and take off all my clothes.

It makes my train journey more entertaining.

What's the final meal of a cannibal ?

The last leg of the journey.

Don't determine your worth by if you completed the task you set out to do, it's all about the journey.

I mean there are still Jews but I wouldn't say Hitler failed.

I'm a journeyman fisher

I have trouble baiting the lines. One day I hope to be a master baiter.

Why did the dolphin go on a long journey?

To find its porpoise.

It was a long journey, but I finally found and married Ms. Right.

The best part is, I can keep Ms. Left on the side.

If you hate your journey to work because you ride share and you always get stuck in a tunnel...

you have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

If a train passes the Aquarius terminal in the first stage of its journey and the Aries terminal in the third stage...

At what stage is the Cancer terminal?

Life's a journey

Don't stop believin'

My uncle used to always say, "it's the journey not the destination that matters".

Nice guy, horrible pilot.

What's the top Journey song at Japanese funerals?

Don't Stop Bereaving

Did I tell you about the time Bilbo Baggins woke up to "Don't Stop Believing" on the radio?

It was an unexpected Journey.

I vowed to quit drinking for 2017

Today my journey begins with success

What do you call a religous journey involving gender dysphoria?

A transmission.

"Turn right at the next corner..."

"...and your destination shall be on your left. But dwell not upon the destination, for it is the journey which is important." - Zen GPS

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert

As they're walking the come upon a convenience store. They go inside to gather supplies for the long journey home.

The brunette says "I'll grab plenty of water so we can have enough to drink."

The redhead says "I'll grab food so we have enough to eat."

The blonde says "I'll grab a car door in case it gets hot, we can roll down the windows!"

Avengers

The journey isnt watching the movie.
Its getting their before somebody spoils it for you.

I left my family of wild dogs and set about a journey on a rubber dinghy.

It did it feral to sea.

I won a bike race when no-one thought I could

Apart from Siri, she was routing for me throughout the whole journey

What do you call a journey south east planned out on a map?

Some good downright navigation

Why was the computer tired after a long journey?

It had a hard drive.

So I got here by train, the whole journey there was a child opposite me screaming.

I could even hear him through my wolf mask.

The bus driver shouts to the conductor

Two women are in a bus fighting bitterly over the last available seat.

The conductor had already tried unsuccessfully to intervene when the bus driver shouted to the conductor, "Let the ugly one take the seat"

Both women stood for the rest of the journey

How do you call a knight who came back from a long journey and just reunited with his wife?

Sir Came-a-lot.

The saying goes that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

This must be very frustrating for a fish.

Did you see the movie about the x^2's journey to become 2x?

It was really derivative.

If dentists believed they had to journey across America to whiten people's teeth...

Would it be called Manifest Crest-iny?

Sperm journey

One sperm asks another, How far is it to the ovaries? The other one answers, Relax. We only just passed the tonsils.

My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in the Amazon rainforest who was able to cure her.

Too much salt, if you ask me.

I met a guy who believes the Earth is flat. He set off on a journey to see for himself.

I'm sure he'll come around.ο»Ώ

In America you hit the road when starting your journey

In Russia the road hits you the whole time.

Despite the heavy rain, I drove my old banger around with my German girlfriend. As the journey went on, I realised that she has a snake obsession.

She kept telling me that I needed vipers.

The other day, I'm checking my buddy's engine

Out of nowhere, he tells me about the journey he took to find the woman he felt was inside him all along. But after a day of wearing make-up and a sundress, he knew it didn't feel right. And that's when I discovered his faulty trans mission.

What does a pirate tell his dog before going away on a long journey?

Arr! Prepare to be boarded!

What do a group of whales listen to on long journey?

Podcasts.

Why was the Japanese man sad after the Journey concert?

He couldn't stop bereaving.

The master of a galley ship comes to his rowers to thank them for such a speedy journey...

Master: Men, since we made such good time crossing the sea, the captain told me to do something special for you, but not too special. So today, everyone gets to change their underwear and loincloth

Rowers: Yea!

Master: hold off celebrating a minute, Bill, you change with John. Kevin, you change with Robert. (And so on)

A man returns to his home town after a long journey to find all the floors and buildings have become human abdomens...

'this place has become a waist land' he thought to himself.

Mental hospital

A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.

- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.

- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.

The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to find him masturbating.

- Heavens, Gary! What are you doing?!
Asked the nurse.

- I am having sex with Bob's wife while he's in Canada.
Gary replied.

A particularly open-minded flat-earther started out on a journey, and decided he wouldn't stop traveling until he found evidence to convince him to change his worldview.

And eventually he came around.

"Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth.

Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"

"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

Beer is just like the suns journey.

It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.

Bilbo Baggins woke up in the morning and heard someone singing Don't Stop Believing.

It was an unexpected Journey.

I was going through my old CDs and casset tapes.

I was on a journey of self-discography.

Eye joke

I lost my contact lense, but managed to get back home without bumping into anyone.


It was a contactless journey

Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing .

It was an unexpected Journey.

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.

When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"

The baby mosquito replied, "It went great, everyone was clapping for me!"

On the wisdom of King Solomon

This Driver has Solomon's Wisdom

Two women in a bus were fighting bitterly over the last seat available.

The conductor already tried to intervene but to no avail. So the driver shouted, "Let the ugly one take the seat!"

Both women stood for the rest of the journey.

Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the shit we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)

The Old Man and the Burdensome Load

An old man was tasked with carrying a bundle of sticks from his home to the next town over, and it was a terrible task. The bundle was very heavy, and the journey was many miles through harsh terrain. After many days, he could bear it no longer. His feet were blistered, his throat was dry, and he was too tired to go on. In his misery, he called for Death.

Death appeared to him, clad in a black robe and carrying his scythe. The old man fell to his knees. "Thank you so much for coming to me in my time of need!" He cried with joy. "You can help me carry these sticks!"

An Estonian visits russia

He departs from Tallinn, the journey goes as planned until, 2 hours and a half in, he realizes he needs petrol otherwise he won't get to russia, so he stops at a gas station near narva, and decides to get a snack and go to the bathroom. So before filling up his car he gets off, walks to the gas station's shop's counter and asks for a sandwich, he eats it, and then goes to the bathroom, seeing all the doors closed, he knocks.

"Occupied"

"Again?!"

Chris Rea's two biggest hits in the UK are 'Driving home for Christmas' and 'Road to Hell'

Which if you have a family like mine, both songs describe the journey.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the journey turbulence jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working journey explore piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes