The Best 46 Journal Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Journal jokes. There are some journal bulletin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these journal wrote puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Journal Jokes and Puns
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.
Having too much sex can cause memory loss
I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
Rorschach's Joke
I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you...
The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.
I Have Decided To Publish My Sex Journal
in two volumes.
Volume A: Thinking About It
Volume B: Talking About It
I liked "Facebook posts" better when they were called "journal entries" and no one was allowed to read them.
The difference between birds
A new study from a renowned bird journal found the difference between crows and ravens.
Apparently, aside from size, their wings are made differently. The common crow has six pinions per wing, while the raven has only five.
The conclusion: It is only a difference of a pinion.
What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?
Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
I just found out that the guy who stole my journal has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
You can explore journal publication reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean journal summary dad jokes. There are also journal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The first sentence in my journal
"I've noticed, I'm awful at beginings and endings and grammar."
Just been informed the man who stole my journal has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
I recently found my Journal from my trip to Europe. Allow me to share an entry.
August 30, 1997, 11:49pm - [Paris]
Woah! Princess Diana just waved and smiled at me from her car! What are the odds!
The first joke I made up at age 7 - found in my first grade journal
Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom
A: Arrest-room
Jeffery Dahmer kept a journal, he wrote how he would take the noses of his victims and make pizzas with them.
Dahmersnose Pizza.
What happened to the divers journal?
It got waterlogged.
How would you journal a day on the toilet after eating venison?
Deer Diarrhea...
A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad?
No comment.
Hitlers Disease
A little known fact about Adolf Hitler he had severe asthma and lung issues his whole life. He even wrote in his journal about it briefly titled Mein Cough.
Journalist asks:
-Comrade Stalin, do you have any hobby?
-I collect jokes about me.
-And how many have you collected so far?
-About two and a half gulags.
Journalist to Abused Wife
Journalist : Do you know what your husband does in his free time ?
Wife : *shrugs* beats me.
According to my neighbors journal
I have boundary issues
Why did the journalist fail at killing himself?
Because of the breaking noose.
What did the journalist say when someone asked her for some ketchup?
"Sorry, I don't give up my sauces."
He always writes these things on Fridays...
My neighbors journal says I have Boundary Issues
A journalist asked the master programmer how he code so fast?
"No comments."
I'd been having some stomach issues, so I went to the GI
He said I should keep a bathroom journal, but I prefer to call it a log book.
Every time I start a journal entry I make sure the first two words are surrounded by bright yellow
It's the highlight of my day
Having too much sex can cause memory loss
I read it in Men's Health Journal 2006 on page 73 paragraph 4 footnote 3.
A journalist walks into CNN's headquarters....
Van Jones asks, "Why are you here?"
How many flat earthers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three experts in logistics, one metereologist, two cooks plus six foragers, two engineers, two pilots, two drivers, one cartographer, a steward, a communications expert, someone in charge of the journal, eight porters, five mountain climbers, five divers, two armed bodyguards, and a captain for the expedition that will find the secret instructions written 6000 years ago on stone tablets by the Mayas.
What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode?
Oh the huge manatee!
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
Did you know too much sex can cause memory loss
I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 3:23 pm last year on Wednesday November the 7th.
Evidently, I have boundary issues
according to my neighbors journal.
Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover?
I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.
A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive
"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!"
"Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist.
"Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."
Did you guys know too much sex can cause memory loss?
I learnt that in a medical journal, page 34. At 3:38pm on Thursday the 7th.
How many journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three:
One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the poor.
One to report it as a conspiracy to deprive the poor of darkness.
And one to win a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the electric company hired someone to break the lightbulb in the first place.
But in the end none of them actually changed the bulb.
A journalist tries to find out how different professions deals with basic math.
So he asks them a simple question: "How much is 1+1?"
The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.
The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.
The mathematician start writing formulas and within half an hour he announces he can prove that there is a solution.
The lawyer takes the journalist to the side and whispers, how much do you want it to be?
Dude explaining how he made his first $10 million:
1. Get up at 5:00AM every day
2. 90 minutes of cardio
3. Take a cold shower
4. Journal
5. Schedule out your day
6. Dad owns Fortune 500 company
7. Meditate
The journalist asked, "Excuse me, is it true that quantum computing could spell the end of civilization as we know it?"
The scientist replied:
"Yes ... and no. It's a bit uncertain."
A journalist is sentenced to die at the gallows, but they run out of rope
He says: "I guess no noose is good news"
A few years ago I started a journal of different rocks I've found in the wilderness. For a while I was stuck with 68 entries, until I finally found number 69...
**Gneiss!**
I read in a medical journal that sniffing Rosemary will improve your immunity during this rainy season...
But my colleague is not understanding when I do this and now she's calling the security...
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the journal magazine jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working journal newsletter piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.