Joseph Stalin Jokes
45 joseph stalin jokes and hilarious joseph stalin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about joseph stalin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Joseph Stalin Short Jokes
Short joseph stalin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The joseph stalin humour may include short soviet russia jokes also.
- Her: Come over, Joseph! Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag
Her: My parents aren't at home
Stalin: I know - Joseph didn't want to go to the United Nations meeting. He called in sick. I guess he was Stalin.
- Why could Joseph Stalin never be a leader in his country today? Because these days, it's all Russian.
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and Joseph Stalin? One's stallin' because he colludes with Russians, and one was Stalin because he gulag'd with Russians.
- Joseph Stalin decides to reorganize the Soviet police. Each unit will consist of three officers:
* one to read the bulletins
* one to write the reports, and
* one to keep an eye on the intellectuals - What do Joseph Stalin and Aladdin have in common? They're both one step ahead of the breadline.
- My friend got a hamster, I said "Name him Joseph Stalin, so you don't feel bad when he dies.", he blocked me.
- Why did it take the Soviet Union such a long time to invade Germany? They were Joseph Stalin.
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Joseph Stalin One Liners
Which joseph stalin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with joseph stalin? I can suggest the ones about soviet and soviet union.
- Joseph never learned how to drive a stick shift. He kept Stalin.
- Why couldn't Joseph Stalin be a pilot? Because he was always stalin.
- Why did the Cold War never happen? Because Joseph was Stalin.
- If Joseph Stalin completed all of his highschool credits Does that make him a Stalingrad?
- What do Joseph Stalin and Superman have in common? They're both *men of steel*.
- Why was Joseph late to the meeting? He was Stalin.
- If you crack a Joseph Stalin joke.. I am obliged to give full Marx for effort.
- Why is Joseph not allowed to fly planes? Because he is always Stalin.
- Why could Joseph never get anything done? Because he was always Stalin..
- What's Joseph Stalin's least favourite sport? Skiing, Trotskiing.
- What's Joseph Stalins least favourite board game? Monopoly.
- Who has the worst car in all of Russia? Joseph Stalin.
- Everyone were dying, except joseph He kept stalin his death
- Did you hear about Joseph Stalin's personal yacht? They say it was a huge dictator-ship.
- Hey Joseph, Why you Stalin?
Charming Humor Joseph Stalin Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about joseph stalin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean communist russia jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make joseph stalin pranks.
Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...
Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."
Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."
A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm
Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.
But God does not exist, replies Stalin.
Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.
Lenin is on his deathbed
He got Stalin by his side. He talks to Stalin:
-Joseph, I am not sure if you are the right person to rule this country. I don't know if our people will follow you.
Stalin responds:
-Don't worry Vladimir; half of our people will follow me, and the other half will follow you!
Stalin visits a farm
One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....
Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?
Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!
Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!
Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist, you know that there is no wheat!
Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl
Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"
Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow
He wants to see their progress with the latest Five-Year Plan.
'Tell Me Comrade,' he asks one farmer. 'How did the potatoes do this year?'
'Very Well, Comrade Stalin. If we piled them up, they would reach God.'
'But God does not exist, Comrade Farmer'
'Nor do the Potatoes, Comrade Stalin'
The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...
appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, I've got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.
Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, Why blue?
Joseph Stalin is giving a speech to his army.
When all of the sudden in the midst of a paticularly moving segment, he hears a loud, uproarious sneeze coming from amongst the crowd. Stalin stops speaking, glares at the soldiers, becomes very visibly annoyed, and says "Who sneezed?..."
All of the soldiers don't say anything, some of them start to sweat and others nervously glance around. After a brief moment Stalin motions towards a few soldiers with him on the stage. "Execute the first row..." he commands, and the soldiers on stage begin opening fire at the first row of troops on the ground.
"I'll ask again, who sneezed?" says Stalin. Another pause, and no one speaks up. Finally Stalin says "Execute the..." but before he can finish, a soldier about 4 rows back raises his hand and says "It was me General Secretary Stalin! I'm the one who sneezed."
Stalin then stares cold and hard at the soldier who spoke up for an uncomfortable amount of time, before he leans towards his microphone and says "Bless you."