The Best 61 Joseph Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Joseph jokes. There are some joseph catherine jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these joseph joseph fritzl puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Joseph Jokes and Puns

Birth of Jesus

Mary: the King of Kings!

Wise men: the Lord and Saviour!

Joseph: who's white baby is this?

And Jesus said unto them, "Come forth and you shall receive everlasting life."

We all know how John came fith and won a toaster, but Joseph didn't even come and he got a baby!

Who is Joseph Kony's favorite rapper?

Soulja Boy

Why were Mary and Joseph considered such good businessmen?

Because they produced such a great prophet.

jokes about joseph

So there's this girl named Mary...

1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph
2. Mary ends up pregnant
3. ???
4. Prophet

Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...

One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court

Joseph joke, Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

Another old jew on the deathbed,

He could barely see, only shades, but he could still talk. He turned to his wife and said:

-Is David, my oldest son here? *cough*


-is Eli, my middle son here?

-Yes, he is here too

-is Joseph here too ?

-Yes, yes, everyone is here

-*cough*, if everyone is here, why is the light in the kitchen on?

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Why did Joseph Goebbels own a pair of binoculars?

For proper gander purposes.

Why was Joseph late to the meeting?

He was Stalin.

You can explore joseph innkeeper reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean joseph james dad jokes. There are also joseph puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My name is Joseph King.

Nah, just JoeKing.

Why could Joseph never get anything done?

Because he was always Stalin..

Why did the Cold War never happen?

Because Joseph was Stalin.

God said too Joseph, come fourth and be granted with enternal life...

Joseph came fifth and got a toaster

Why couldn't people find Joseph?

He was Haydn!

Joseph joke, Why couldn't people find Joseph?

Joseph confronts Mary...

Joseph: "Mary, I've heard you've been prostituting your body through the town!"
Mary: "Don't worry, Joseph. I was just trying to make a little prophet."

If Joseph Stalin completed all of his highschool credits

Does that make him a Stalingrad?

Her: Come over, Joseph!

Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag

Her: My parents aren't at home

Stalin: I know

Joseph and Mary are having a romp in the hay.

Mary says, "what if I get pregnant, what will I tell them?" Joseph replies, "you will think of something."

So my cousin screwed up bigtime

My cousin has two tickets for the 2017 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St. Joseph Church, in Warwick, RI at 3 p.m. Her name is Amanda. She's 5'2, about 130 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

Biblical Parenting Techniques

Joseph: What should we do about Jesus acting up in school?

Mary: I don't know it's not like raising the Son of God came with Emmanuel

Did you hear about the magic pen that God gave Joseph Smith to write the Book of Mormon?

Every time Joe wrote something made up, the pen would leave ink on the page.

Why did it take the Soviet Union such a long time to invade Germany?

They were Joseph Stalin.

Why could Joseph Stalin never be a leader in his country today?

Because these days, it's all Russian.

Why was Mary a virgin?

Because Joseph the Carpenter worked his own wood.

Joseph joke, Why was Mary a virgin?

What's the difference in an Italian Nativity

An Italian nativity has Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, and a couple of wise guys

Why Did Baby Jesus Go to Jerusalem?

A catechist asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.A small child replied, They couldn't get a baby-sitter?

Mom, why is dad so pale?

Shut up Joseph, just keep digging

A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm

Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

But God does not exist, replies Stalin.

Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.

Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.

Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.

Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"

Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."

How did Mary and Joseph know..

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg? Cause they had a weigh in the manger.

My friend got a hamster, I said "Name him Joseph Stalin, so you don't feel bad when he dies.", he blocked me.

Joseph: No rooms? Dude she's about to give a birth to humanity savior

Inkeeper: Sorry we get really busy around Christmas time

Joseph: Around what time?

An exasperated and weary Joseph asked the innkeeper, "Do you have any rooms?"

The innkeeper shook his head and replied, "No, we're all full."

Joseph pleaded, "Listen, my wife is pregnant..."

The innkeeper retorted, "Hey, that's not my fault!"

Joseph shouted, "It's not mine, either!!"

What do Joseph Stalin and Superman have in common?

They're both *men of steel*.

Why is Joseph not allowed to fly planes?

Because he is always Stalin.

Saint Peter has a day off...

... so Jesus takes his place. A man arrives at the Pearly Gates.

Jesus: Hello. Name?
Man: Joseph.
Jesus: What did you do for a living?
Man: Well...I was a carpenter.
Jesus: Have you made any good to humanity?
Man: Oh yes. I raised a child that revolutionized the world.

After along pause... Of thinking how much of a coincidence it is... Of re-reading what he wrote down. Jesus look up. Tears in his eyes.

Jesus: DAD?!


What do you call a genocidal turkey?

Joseph Gobbles.

Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist, you know that there is no wheat!

Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl

Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"

Joseph never learned how to drive a stick shift.

He kept Stalin.

Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow

He wants to see their progress with the latest Five-Year Plan.

'Tell Me Comrade,' he asks one farmer. 'How did the potatoes do this year?'

'Very Well, Comrade Stalin. If we piled them up, they would reach God.'

'But God does not exist, Comrade Farmer'

'Nor do the Potatoes, Comrade Stalin'

Joseph didn't want to go to the United Nations meeting. He called in sick.

I guess he was Stalin.

There was no room at the inn. Joseph and Mary were really furious.

What they need is manger management.

Saint Joseph said Jesus, close the door behind you. Were you born in a barn?

Whatever! You're not my real dad!

A Jewish woman turns to her husband and asks,

# "Joseph, what is my love worth to you?"

# Joseph thinks for a while and replies," Am I buying or selling?"

Mary and Joseph talking

Mary: Oh no my period is late

Joseph: Oh no how late

Mary: I dunno, what's the date

Joseph: hmm, according to the calendar it's 9 months BC

Mary: 9 months what now

If you crack a Joseph Stalin joke..

I am obliged to give full Marx for effort.

What does an atheist call the meeting of Muhammad, Moses, and Joseph Smith?

A non-prophet organization

Christmas movie surprise.

Last night I watched a Nigerian Christmas Movie and on that part when Mary (Jesus's mom) told Joseph that she's pregnant...
Joseph was surprised and shouted; Oohh Jesus Christ!!!

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, I've got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, Why blue?

Mary and Joseph had nobody but themselves to blame for having to spend the night in a stable

They should have known it will be impossible to get last minute accommodation on Christmas.

Why couldn't Joseph Stalin be a pilot?

Because he was always stalin.

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...

God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.

Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?

God: Joseph R. Biden

Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought

Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...

Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."

Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."

Lenin is on his deathbed

He got Stalin by his side. He talks to Stalin:

-Joseph, I am not sure if you are the right person to rule this country. I don't know if our people will follow you.

Stalin responds:

-Don't worry Vladimir; half of our people will follow me, and the other half will follow you!

Why couldn't Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?

Well it was Christmas....they should have booked ahead

Why is Joseph jealous of Jesus ?

Because Jesus is getting a second coming while he didn't even get a first one

Jesus's name was going to be Frank

Then Joseph stubbed his toe and the rest is history

If Christians are against gay marriage...

Why do they always talk about Jesus marryin' Joseph?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the joseph andrew puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working joseph maria piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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