Jose Jokes
124 jose jokes and hilarious jose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Be prepared to laugh with these jokes featuring the popular name Jose! From San Jose puns to jokes about Juan Pedro Jose, you won't want to miss this selection of Jose jokes. Explore the many sides of the Jose name, from Jose Mourinho to Jose Manalo, Fransisco to Juan, and more.
Funniest Jose Short Jokes
Short jose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jose humour may include short no way jose jokes also.
- The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
- what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck? Jose and Jos-B
this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom - Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter? Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.
- Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"
- So hurricane Jose is growing in the Atlantic.. It's going to set records as the first hurricane to put a new roof on your house...
- I was hanging out with my friend from Mexico the other day and he asked me how runny I like my cottage cheese. I told him "No whey, Jose"
- Jose Mourinho has been brought in to help Theresa May with Brexit negotiations. He made leaving Europe look so easy.
- Why did the Mexican get fired from the firestation? He couldn't tell the difference between Jose and Hose 'B'.
- What do you do if you drop your keys in San Francisco? Kick them to San Jose. Then pick them up.............
- What do you say to your Mexican friend when you don't have any of the protein powder he asked for? "No whey Jose"
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Jose One Liners
Which jose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jose? I can suggest the ones about jose name and maria.
- "I'm Jose!" Said no Juan ever.
- Just when you thought it was over after Irma... No way Jose.
- If you… …use tequila instead of ground beef, it's called a Sloppy Jose.
- Jesus take the wheel Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa
- A fireman has two sons. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second? Hose B
- What is Jose Cuervo's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird.
- How does the Mexican national anthem start? Jose can you see.....
- Jose looked at a bottle of soy sauce He said, "Yes you are"
- What did the lactose intolerant Mexican say? No whey Jose.
- The New York Mets Specifically, Jose Reyes' career ERA of 54.00
- Jose Cuervo showed up at his girlfriend's house with a gun... Tequila
- Self esteem is… …what happens when Jose and Pedro build their own sauna.
- If you drop your wallet in San Francisco kick it to San Jose, before you pick it up.
- Hey, Jose! How many of our friends do you see?
Just Juan. - Manchester United were playing a match Their manager was Jose Mourinho.
Hahahahaha.
Jose Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny jose name jokes and even better jose name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The best part about communicating with someone named Jose is the eventual opportunity to say no way Jose.
- What's the most patriotic name in America? Jose. Jose can you see? By the dawn's early light...
- Did you know that Jose is an American name? It's mentioned in the very first line of the U.S. National Anthem.
- A Catholic named Jose climbed mount Olympus. He saw God at the top and said "Hey! Zeus!"
No Way Jose Jokes
Here is a list of funny no way jose jokes and even better no way jose puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Americans respond to reports of two new hurricanes American 1: Irma God
American 2: No way Jose - The best way to prevent Hurricane Jose from reaching the US Is by building a wall along the boarder.
- How do Mexicans react when they see snow? Snow way Jose!
- What do you call a Mexican with no car? No way Jose
- Mourinho asks the man utd board for money "No way, Jose!"
- Heard this today when a kid was asked if he was taking Spanish next year... No way Jose!
Cheerful Fun Jose Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about jose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jose pranks.
Who is Joseph Kony's favorite rapper?
Soulja Boy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a Mexican with two d**...
He called one Jose and the other Hose B
So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...
A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'
I'll see myself out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two p**...?
Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)
Joseph Stalin is giving a speech to his army.
When all of the sudden in the midst of a paticularly moving segment, he hears a loud, uproarious sneeze coming from amongst the crowd. Stalin stops speaking, glares at the soldiers, becomes very visibly annoyed, and says "Who sneezed?..."
All of the soldiers don't say anything, some of them start to sweat and others nervously glance around. After a brief moment Stalin motions towards a few soldiers with him on the stage. "Execute the first row..." he commands, and the soldiers on stage begin opening fire at the first row of troops on the ground.
"I'll ask again, who sneezed?" says Stalin. Another pause, and no one speaks up. Finally Stalin says "Execute the..." but before he can finish, a soldier about 4 rows back raises his hand and says "It was me General Secretary Stalin! I'm the one who sneezed."
Stalin then stares cold and hard at the soldier who spoke up for an uncomfortable amount of time, before he leans towards his microphone and says "Bless you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the guy with two p**...' name name his p**...'?
Jose and Hose B.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a gay Mexican?
Jose HAAAAAAAAAAY!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Bacon tree
Two Mexican brothers are lost in the desert.
They're hungry and thirsty, and have been walking for miles on end.
Suddenly, Jose yells at his brother. "Brother! Do you smell that? It smells like bacon!"
He rushes ahead, and sure enough, over the next dune, he sees it. A bacon tree. Glorious strips of crispy bacon, glistening in the sun, waiting to be eaten.
Jose runs head long at the tree, just as his brother climbs the dune behind him. Suddenly two machine guns pop out of the bacon tree and cut him down!
He turns to his brother, and with his last breath he yells out
"Brother! Is not a Bacon Tree!"
"Is..."
"Is a..."
"Is a Hambush..."
Is your mother's name Josephine?
Cuz I had sloppy joe's for dinner last night.
Jose juan reyes maldonado
Why did Joseph Goebbels own a pair of binoculars?
For proper gander purposes.
Why was Joseph late to the meeting?
He was Stalin.
The Panhandlers
Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle in different areas of town.
Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.
Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"
Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say"?
Carlos sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and six kids to support'."
Jose says " No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars."
Carlos says... "So what does your sign say"?
Jose shows Carlos his sign. It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you ever hear about the Mexican born with two wieners.
He named them Jose and hose b
I'm in a Josef Fritzl tribute band...
You probably haven't heard of us, we're pretty underground.
My name is Joseph King.
Nah, just JoeKing.
2 Mexican brothers crossed the border and need money
(Slightly Racist - You have been warned)
Jose and Juan, 2 brothers, crossed the border to USA and had no cash. Their plan was to beg on the streets for some money. So the two brothers both got cardboard and made their own signs. Juan says "Lets split up, you go up the street, I do down, we meet here at night."
Jose agrees to the plan and heads up the street with his sign begging for money at a busy intersection. Juan feeling good about his plan goes down the street at another intersection and begs also.
By the end of the day, the 2 brothers meet where they started with all their money. Juan, still feeling good about his plan, shows his younger brother he made $40! While Juan is laughing, his younger brother pulls out $200 from his pockets.
Juan shocked ask his brother, "How did you make so much money?" His brother responded, "Read my sign." Jose's sign reads "Need $20 to go back to Mexico"
(My dad told me this joke when I was 10, I live in LA area)
What do you call horse hay from Mexico
Jose
Why could Joseph never get anything done?
Because he was always Stalin..
Joseph confronts Mary...
Joseph: "Mary, I've heard you've been prostituting your body through the town!"
Mary: "Don't worry, Joseph. I was just trying to make a little prophet."
If Joseph Stalin completed all of his highschool credits
Does that make him a Stalingrad?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does Jose Fernandez like his v**...?
On the rocks...
Why Joe and Jose always together?
Because they're gay!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Mexican body builders
have devoted their lives to power-lifting and they just found out that certain protein supplements have become i**.... Just as one was about to sip on his protein shake, the other smacks it out of his hand and yells: "No whey, Jose!"
Her: Come over, Joseph!
Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag
Her: My parents aren't at home
Stalin: I know
Looked up Connor McGregor GIFS...
...Watched entire Jose Aldo fight.
Joseph and Mary are having a romp in the hay.
Mary says, "what if I get pregnant, what will I tell them?" Joseph replies, "you will think of something."
How did Joseph react when Mary shocked him that she was pregnant with Jesus?
"Mother of God..."
Why could Joseph Stalin never be a leader in his country today?
Because these days, it's all Russian.
Jose and the Game.
Jose snuck across the border to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
A friend from Spain asked if I wanted to go see the fjords with him...
Norway, Jose
So, an Indian went to the US embassy
to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!
The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''
'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''
"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."
Why did Joseph McCarthy go piano shopping?
He was looking for Communist Synthesizers
What's Joseph Stalins least favourite board game?
Monopoly.
What were the two Spanish firemen called?
Jose and JosB
A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US
and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"
Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....
Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.
Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.
Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"
Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump is planning on shifting his efforts to build a wall along the east coast.
He thinks it can keep Jose out.
Why will Jesus be in Puerto Rico in nine months?
Because Maria and Jose were hitting it.
A Hispanic man forgot to buy protein powder on his last trip to the grocery store.
Now he's no whey Jose.
Joseph: No rooms? Dude she's about to give a birth to humanity savior
Inkeeper: Sorry we get really busy around Christmas time
Joseph: Around what time?
I feel like Jose Mourinho and Donald Trump would get along really well....
...they both need to build a wall.
What do Joseph Stalin and Superman have in common?
They're both *men of steel*.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who has run out of supplements?
No Whey Jose
Joseph and Mary began talking...
What do you get when you mix red wine with white wine and add a jalapeño?
Jose
What do you call A Hispanic Joe who lives in Western Scandinavia?
Norway Jose
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lactose intolerant Mexican bodybuilder.
No whey Jose
Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl
Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"
What do you call 2 Mexican farmers?
Jose and Jos-b
Joseph never learned how to drive a stick shift.
He kept Stalin.
Joseph didn't want to go to the United Nations meeting. He called in sick.
I guess he was Stalin.
What do Joseph Stalin and Aladdin have in common?
They're both one step ahead of the breadline.
What is the one thing Jose Mourinho and Donald Trump will always agree on?
Spending lots of money on their defence.
