The Best 59 Jose Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jose jokes. There are some jose antonio jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jose jose mourinho puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jose Jokes and Puns

Who is Joseph Kony's favorite rapper?

Soulja Boy

What do you call a Mexican that won't get on a scale?

A no weigh Jose.

I met a Mexican with two dicks

He called one Jose and the other Hose B

Jose joke, I met a Mexican with two dicks

Did you hear about the Spanish Fire Brigade

jose and hose b

What did the Mexican firefighter name his 2 sons?

Jose and Josb

Joke my dad told me a long time ago, although I know he didn't create it

Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff?


So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...

A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'

I'll see myself out

Jose joke, So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...

(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two penises?

Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)

"I'm Jose!"

Said no Juan ever.

The England Football team.....

visited a Brazilian orphanage this morning. 'It's heartbreak to see their sad little faces with no hope' said Jose, age 6.

The Bacon tree

Two Mexican brothers are lost in the desert.
They're hungry and thirsty, and have been walking for miles on end.
Suddenly, Jose yells at his brother. "Brother! Do you smell that? It smells like bacon!"
He rushes ahead, and sure enough, over the next dune, he sees it. A bacon tree. Glorious strips of crispy bacon, glistening in the sun, waiting to be eaten.
Jose runs head long at the tree, just as his brother climbs the dune behind him. Suddenly two machine guns pop out of the bacon tree and cut him down!
He turns to his brother, and with his last breath he yells out
"Brother! Is not a Bacon Tree!"
"Is a..."
"Is a Hambush..."

You can explore jose javier reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jose jorge dad jokes. There are also jose puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Jose Cuervo showed up at his girlfriend's house with a gun...


what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?

Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

There was a Mexican boy born with two dicks. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second one?

Hose B

Jose takes a trip to the USA

Jose just returned to Mexico and couldn't wait to me about his trip to the USA.

He said he went to a baseball game and sat in the outfield stands, directly underneath the flagpole. He said the game was great and all the Americans were so polite. Before the game stated, they turned to him and saluted him. Then they started singing to him, "Jose, can you see!"

My name is Joseph King.

Nah, just JoeKing.

Jose joke, My name is Joseph King.

What did the spanish fireman name his 2 sons?

Jose and Hose B

How does the Mexican national anthem start?

Jose can you see.....

Joseph confronts Mary...

Joseph: "Mary, I've heard you've been prostituting your body through the town!"
Mary: "Don't worry, Joseph. I was just trying to make a little prophet."

What is Jose Cuervo's favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird.

If Joseph Stalin completed all of his highschool credits

Does that make him a Stalingrad?

What did the mexican fireman name his 2 children?

Jose and Hose B

Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter?

Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.

Two Mexican body builders

have devoted their lives to power-lifting and they just found out that certain protein supplements have become illegal. Just as one was about to sip on his protein shake, the other smacks it out of his hand and yells: "No whey, Jose!"

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

Her: Come over, Joseph!

Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag

Her: My parents aren't at home

Stalin: I know

Did here about the Mexican fireman who had twins?

He named them Jose and Hose B

Jose and the Game.

Jose snuck across the border to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What happened?" asked his family.

"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

So, an Indian went to the US embassy

to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!

The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''

'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''

"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."

I went to the US Embassy for a visa interview in Bangalore.

Officer: Where to in the US?

Me: San Jose

Officer: It's pronounced as "San Hosey". J is pronounced as H in the US

Me: Oh okay

Officer: So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me: 7 months, from Hanuary to Huly

Self esteem is…

…what happens when Jose and Pedro build their own sauna.

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.

Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.

Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.

The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings


Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"

Did you hear about the Mexican fireman?

He named his first son Jose.

And the second one Hose B.

Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.

Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.

Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"

Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."

Jose looked at a bottle of soy sauce

He said, "Yes you are"

So hurricane Jose is growing in the Atlantic..

It's going to set records as the first hurricane to put a new roof on your house...

Just when you thought it was over after Irma...

No way Jose.

No way Jose! Another? I can Harvey believe it. Irma find somewhere safer to live.

The local chicken shack changed its name in honor of the occasion. They're now Raisin HurriCanes.

Trump is planning on shifting his efforts to build a wall along the east coast.

He thinks it can keep Jose out.

The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who has run out of supplements?

No Whey Jose

What do you call a lactose intolerant Mexican bodybuilder.

No whey Jose

What do you call two spanish firemen

Jose and hose b

Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl

Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"

The New York Mets

Specifically, Jose Reyes' career ERA of 54.00

A fireman has two sons. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second?

Hose B

Did you hear about the Mexican guy with 2 weiners?

He named one Jose and the other hose-B

What did the lactose intolerant Mexican say?

No whey Jose.

Joseph never learned how to drive a stick shift.

He kept Stalin.

Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow

He wants to see their progress with the latest Five-Year Plan.

'Tell Me Comrade,' he asks one farmer. 'How did the potatoes do this year?'

'Very Well, Comrade Stalin. If we piled them up, they would reach God.'

'But God does not exist, Comrade Farmer'

'Nor do the Potatoes, Comrade Stalin'

I was hanging out with my friend from Mexico the other day and he asked me how runny I like my cottage cheese.

I told him "No whey, Jose"

A doctor, a nurse, and a mom walk into a bar

The doctor sits first and orders a shot of Jack Daniels

The nurse sits second and orders a shot of Jose Cuervo

The mom sits last and says I'm sorry, I don't do shots. then falls to the floor dead from measles.

Jesus take the wheel

Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa

A man named Jose moved to America...

A man named Jose moved to America and the first thing he does is go to a baseball game because it seemed like a very American thing to do. When he got there he had to sit by the flag and there were many tall people in front of him. Suddenly everyone in the stadium turned toward him and sang, "Jo-ose can you see!" He replied, "yes, thank you, I can."

Jose went to the urologist for an exam...

When he removed his pants the doctor was surprised at what he saw.

"You have two penises!" Said the doctor.

"Yeah, I know." Jose replies, "I call the one on the left 'Little Jose.'"

The doctor smiles at the joke, "What about the other one?"

"I call that one 'Little Hose B.'

Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet

There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.

As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.

The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.

Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"

The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"

He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.

Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"

The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"

He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it

"Potato Potato"

Why couldn't Joseph Stalin be a pilot?

Because he was always stalin.

What do call a Hispanic fella that ran out of protein powder?

No-whey Jose.

If you…

…use tequila instead of ground beef, it's called a Sloppy Jose.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jose jose at the game jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jose tijuana piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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