The Best 63 Jones Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jones jokes. There are some jones mrs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jones jimmy jones puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jones Jokes and Puns

I didn't believe my girlfriend when she told me Davy Jones had died.

And then I saw her face...

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...

... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.

"Whats the worse news?"

"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."

Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"

"you have Alzheimers."

Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."

What does Jerry Jones do after winning the Super Bowl?

Gives the X Box back to grandkids

Jones joke, What does Jerry Jones do after winning the Super Bowl?

Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

"Smith," asked Jones, "are there any JΓ©ws in China?"

"I don't know," Smith replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, "Are there any Chinese JΓ©ws ?"

Waiter: "No Chinese JΓ©ws, Sir." "Are you really sure?"

Jones asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese JΓ©ws ."

The waiter replied exasperated, "We have Orange JΓ©ws, Prune JΓ©ws, Tomato JΓ©ws and Grape JΓ©ws but we have no Chinese JΓ©ws."

A man goes to the doctor...

... and he says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I can't stop shaking my hips and singing Tom Jones songs."

To which the doctor replies, "Clearly sir, you have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man asks, "Is this common?"

The doctor answers, "It's not unusual."


So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child.

So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child. The judge ask the woman why should you get the the kid and she is saying how she was in labor and held the child in her womb.. The judge says good argument now Mr. Jones your argument.. He sits there and thinks for a moment and says if you put a dollar in a coke machine is the coke yours or the machines?

Tom Jones Syndrome

A woman goes to a doctor's office to get results back from a test she took a few weeks ago. The doctor sits her down and tells her "You have TJS, Tom Jones Syndrome." The woman, scared, asks "Is it rare?" and the doctor replies "It's not unusual"

Jones joke, Tom Jones Syndrome

The Doctor says: "Mrs Jones, I think your 7 year old is watching way too much TV"

"How can you tell?" asked Mrs Jones

"He just asked me if Cialis is right for him"

My friend drowned last week

My friend drowned last week, so I had a wreath made in the shape of a life jacket in his memory. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted.

-Milton Jones

What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.

A man goes to his doctor

"Doc, you gotta help me. I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."
"Oh, that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome," said the doctor.
"Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that rare?"
"It's not unusual."

You can explore jones zeta reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jones agnes dad jokes. There are also jones puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I'll just apologise right now...

A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I think there may be something wrong with the pills you gave me last time."

The doctor peered over his glasses, "Why do you think that, Mr Jones?"

"I keep veering to the left, then to the right."

"I shouldn't worry about that," replies the doctor. "Those are just side effects..."

"Tom Jones Syndrome"

A man is in the waiting room at his Doctor's office and finally, the Doc arrives.

"Hello Jim what seems to be the problem today?"

Jim replies "Doc, you've gotta help me. I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady' by Tom Jones!"

The Doc says "oh yes, that is 'Tom Jones Syndrome'"

"Is it common?" Jim asks

"Well it's not unusual"

First post.

Why can't Indiana Jones find a long lasting relationship?

Bad dates.

A guy goes to see his doctor...

He says to his doctor:

>Man: "Doctor, I can't get that song "She's a Lady" out of my head... I keep singing it over and over, but it just won't go away...."

>Doctor: "Hmmm.... sounds like a case of Tom Jones Syndrome."

>Man: "Oh no.... Is it serious?"

>Doctor: "Well, it's not unusual."

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

Jones joke, Either way, the results are not good

Who was the best boxer of all time?

Jim Jones, I heard he took out 909 people with one punch.

Why aren't there many jokes about the Jim Jones massacre?

There would have been, but the punch line was too long...

A guy goes to see his doctor...

He says, "Doctor, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home."

The Doctor says, "Hmmm, it sounds to me like a case of Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Tom Jones Syndrome, is that common?"

"It's not unusual."


Why aren't there more jokes about Jim Jones?

I think it's because usually the punchline is too long

Reading it one time might be not enough.

-"Hello, are you there?"
-"Yes, who are you please?"
-"I'm Watt"
-"What's your name?"
-"Watt's my name."
-"Yes, what's your name?"
-"My name is John Watt"
-"John what?"
-"Yes. Are you Jones?"
-"No, I'm Knott"
-"Will you tell me your name then?"
-"Will Knot"
-"Why not?"
-"My name is Knott"
-"Knot what?"
-"Not Watt, Knott."
-"What?"

Ali was great but he was not the greatest...

The best boxer that ever lived was reverend Jim Jones. He killed over 900 people with one punch!

My Doctor just diagnosed me with Tom Jones Syndrome...

"Is it common?" I said.

"Well..." He replied

"It's not unusual"

A man goes to the courthouse to change his name.

"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."

I've been watching you urinate in the pool..

Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!

***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

A man goes to the doctor's office...

He tells the doctor "It's the strangest thing. Every time I see a cat, I can't help singing "What's new pussycat, woah-oh-oh".

The doctor says "I've heard of this before! It's called 'Tom Jones Syndrome'"

"Tom Jones Syndrome?" The man asks. "Is it common?"

"It's not unusual"

Anyone who believes in climate change just believes whatever someone tells them to. They don't think for themselves.

I know that because Alex Jones told me so

Why don't people ever make jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones?

The punch line is too long.

That priest from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was actually a really inspirational guy.

He touched so many hearts.

The Jones and the Smiths decided to try swinging…

… so they left for the week-end to a mountain resort where they rented two cabins, and they swapped partners for the night.

The next morning, Joe Smith woke up, and said let's go see how the ladies are doing …

A woman goes to the doctor due to some distressing symptoms.

She tells him she can't stop dancing and crooning ballads.

Ma'am, you have Tom Jones syndrome he says.

Oh no! Is it rare? She asks.

Well, it's not unusual....

A guy goes to the doctor.

A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore

I guess you could say he got Moore votes.

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.

If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

" doctor I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."

" I think you might have Tom Jones syndrome."
" is it rare?" " it's not unusual."

The good doctor

Dr. Jones was having mixed feeling after having intercourse with a patient. One voice kept saying "follow your heart" another kept saying "remember, you're a vet"

So I heard Jessica Jones is directed by only Females

Well thats one way of saving 20% on production costs

A guy says, ...

A guy says, "Help me, doctor, I can't stop singing What's new Pussycat?"

The doctor says, "Oh no, you may have Tom Jones disease."

Guy says, "I've never heard of that. Is it rare?"

The doctor says, "It's not unusual."

Mrs. Jones was giving a spelling test to her third grade class...

How do you spell the word 'straight'? asked Mrs. Jones.

Little Johnny shouts, S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T!!

Excellent job Johnny! And what does that word mean?

Without ice.

Interviewer: and what do you see yourself doing 5 years down the road Mr. Jones?

Mr. Jones: Personally, I believe my biggest weakness is listening.

Why is Jim Jones the best boxer?

He took out 918 people with one punch.

Lord Williams turns to his butler

Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a funeral."

"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones

"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams

If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...

Where would you hide it?

Everyone thinks Muhammad Ali was the best boxer in history, but Jim Jones had a way higher number of KO's...

900 with just one punch.

Alex Jones dies and meets Jesus at the pearly gates.

As they are waiting to see if God will allow Alex into heaven, Jesus says:

"Alex, while we wait you can ask me any question and I will answer it".

So Alex asks him, "who planned 9/11?"

And Jesus responds "Osama Bin Laden"

Alex goes " wow, this goes higher up than I thought."

Doctor, Doctor.

DOCTOR. "Mr. Jones, I have some good news and some bad news"

PATIENT " I'll take the bad news first Doc."

DOCTOR "We'll have to amputate both your legs".

PATIENT. "My God, that's terrible, what's the good news?"

DOCTOR. The guy in the next bed wants to buy your shoes."

I was having sex with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate, Jones, entered the room

Im indiana Jones, Get out

"Doctor! Doctor! I can't stop singing Delilah!"

"It sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual..."

Doctor, I can't stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home. He says That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Is it common? I asked.

" It's not unusual", he replied.

Why are there no Jim Jones jokes?

The punchlines are too long.

My wife finds it strange that my toddler is a huge Tom Jones fan

"Well, it's not unusual" i told her

It was on this day in 1978 that cult leader Jim Jones carried out a mass murder/suicide of over 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. Horrifying. There's a joke about it but it's wildly innappriopriate.

And anyway, the punchline's too long.

"Doc, you gotta help me. I can't stop singing 'What's New Pussycat'."



"Ah. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

A 90 year old man goes to the doctor.

Full disclosure, I got this joke from Tom Jones on Marc Maron's WTF podcast today. Tom's 80, mentally spry like he's 30, and he swears like a sailor.

----
90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Says Doctor, it used to be that I'd get these erections so hard that I couldn't even bend them with two hands! 16, 17, 18 years old, all through my twenties... 30, I could bend a little bit, 40s a little bit more. 50s and 60s I'm getting it to about a 90 degree angle, and now I'm 90 I can bend it in half!

I'm getting stronger, right?"

Teenage boys

Two teenage boys go to confession. In the booth the first boy admits having sex with a girl but refuses to name her. The priest asks, 'It wasn't Mary Jones, was it?' The boy says 'No, Father it wasn't'. The priest asks' 'Was it Angela Brown?'. The boy replies 'No, Father. it wasn't. 'It wasn't Jane Carter by any chance?' The boy says 'No father it wasn't' The priest gives up and says 'Well for your penance say fifty Hail Mary's and leave half your pocket money in the poor box.' When the boy leaves his friend asks him how it went. He replies 'Not bad, a $5 fine and three great leads!'

Jokes about Jim Jones are hilarious

But always have the worst punchlines.

Why are there no Reverend Jim Jones jokes?

The punchlines are too long.

A guy goes to the doctor

He says, You got to help me, Doc! I have the song, What's New,Pussycat stuck in my head. It just keeps going around and around. It's driving me CRAZY!

Doctor replies, Hmmm, that sound like Tom Jones Syndrome.

Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that serious??

Well, it's not unusual.

What's the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump?

Trump would've charged for the kool-aid.

Mr. And Mrs. Jones were on a safari

in the darkest part of Africa. They were walking cautiously through the jungle when suddenly a huge lion sprang out in front of them, seized Mrs. Jones in its jaws and started to drag her off into the bush. "Shoot!" She screamed to her husband, "shoot!" "I can't!", he yelled back "My phone battery just died!"

Why does Indiana Jones have such a hard time getting a girlfriend?

Bad dates.

Back at the nursing home,

A few evenings a week, Mr Jones would visit Ms Smith in her room. They would sit on the bed and talk and as they did, she would just simply hold his private part in her hand. They enjoyed this very much.
Then Mr Jones stopped visiting. As a few weeks went by, Ms Smith stopped Mr Jones in the hall and asked him why he stopped visiting.
He said, I visit Ms Clark now. And Ms Smith says, What does she have that I don't have? He answers, Parkinson's

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jones indiana jones jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jones jerry jones piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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