Jones Jokes
169 jones jokes and hilarious jones puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jones that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A hilarious round-up of some of the best jokes about Indiana Jones, Osmosis Jones, Junie B Jones, Dow Jones, Marilyn Harris, and Zeta. From the classics to the obscure, these jokes are guaranteed to entertain!
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Funniest Jones Short Jokes
Short jones jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jones humour may include short indiana jones jokes also.
- Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney world and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
- What's the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump? Trump would've charged for the kool-aid.
- A guy goes to the doctor. A guy goes to the doctor.
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual." - So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?" I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."
- My friend drowned last week My friend drowned last week, so I had a wreath made in the shape of a life jacket in his memory. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted.
-Milton Jones - I didn't believe my girlfriend when she told me Davy Jones had died. And then I saw her face...
- So I heard Jessica Jones is directed by only Females Well thats one way of saving 20% on production costs
- That priest from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was actually a really inspirational guy. He touched so many hearts.
- Why don't people ever make jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones? The punch line is too long.
- The Doctor says: "Mrs Jones, I think your 7 year old is watching way too much TV" "How can you tell?" asked Mrs Jones
"He just asked me if Cialis is right for him"
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Jones One Liners
Which jones one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jones? I can suggest the ones about tom jones and milton jones.
- Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
- Why does Indiana Jones have such a hard time getting a girlfriend? Bad dates.
- What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones.
- What's Indiana Jones's least favorite beer? Rolling Rock
- Why are Jim Jones jokes still funny? The punchline kills.
- Jokes about Jim Jones are hilarious But always have the worst punchlines.
- Davy Jones was a lucky man He had 3 grown men fighting for his heart
- The best part about Jim Jones jokes Is that theres always two punchlines
- What's a pirates favourite paint? Davy Jones Lacquer.
- I have a disorder where I see Tom Jones lyrics wherever I go But it's not unusual
- What does Davy Jones like to work out the most on his body? His dead man's chest.
- Jones Soda is good... ...but have you ever tried their Kool-Aid?
- What's Indiana Jones's least favorite band? The Rolling Stones
- Doug Jones' victory is so small Roy Moore wants to date it
- Does Indiana Jones like foreplay? No, he just whips it out.
Tom Jones Jokes
Here is a list of funny tom jones jokes and even better tom jones puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife finds it strange that my toddler is a huge Tom Jones fan "Well, it's not unusual" i told her
- How rare was the disease that killed Tom Jones' wife? It's not unusual
- Tom Jones visits the doctor… Doctor: Mr Jones, you have the common cold!
Tom Jones: what do you mean by common?
Doctor: It's not unusual! - "I hate when I can't remember the names of Tom Jones songs!" "Does it happen to you a lot?"
"It's not unusual." - Everyone...I've got Tom Jones syndrome.... I wouldn't say it's common, but it's not unusal.
Indiana Jones Jokes
Here is a list of funny indiana jones jokes and even better indiana jones puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today my girlfriend told me that I'm Indiana Jones, so I told her… Well in that case, that makes you Diana Jones
- What would you call Indiana Jones if he was a cop? Indianapolis.
- What does Indiana Jones drink to reinforce his courage? A snakebite shot chased by a rolling rock.
- Which evil villain would most likely defeat Indiana Jones? Cobra Commander
- Did you hear they're making an Indiana Jones 5? How can they do that?!
They haven't released a fourth! - Why is Indiana Jones sad? Because his career is in ruins.
- What did Indiana Jones and Stevie Wonder both find? The Holy Brail
- What did the whip cream say to Indiana Jones? Cool Whip
- What's Indiana Jones favorite dance move? The Whip.
- You never know which way Indiana Jones' necklace will vote It's an Indy-pendant.
Mr Jones Jokes
Here is a list of funny mr jones jokes and even better mr jones puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's your networks name Mr. Jones? ItHurtsWhenIP
Davy Jones Jokes
Here is a list of funny davy jones jokes and even better davy jones puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Tried to buy a Charlie Brown LP on ebay and got a Davy Jones album instead. You know what they say.
You pay Peanuts, you get Monkees. - The anchorwoman on the local news just reported that Davy Jones from the Monkees has died At first I didn't believe it. But then I saw her face.
- What do you call a shoe shop at the bottom of the sea? Davy Jones's foot locker.
- After the death The Monkees' Davy Jones... I'd like to offer mickydolenzes to his family.
- You've probably heard of Davy Jones' locker, but do you know who Davy Jones is? He's a Sea-Monkee.
- Davie Jones is afraid of Chuck Norris' Locker.
- Why aren't there any French Restaurants in Davy Jones' Locker? Dead men sell no snails!
- Singer Davy Jones has died. Right after Whitney Huston, I guess monkee see monkee do.
- Just heard Davy Jones is dead. I wonder who gets his locker?
Ridiculous Jones Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about jones you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mr jones jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jones pranks.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carpet matches the curtains
10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, "My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"
Ben informs him that it is when a lady's p**... hair doesn't match the hair on her head.
Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains.
The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They meet up at lunch on Friday to discuss their discoveries.
Andy says, "It's a scandal: Mrs Adams bleaches her hair blonde, she's actually a brunette."
Ben says, "It's so crazy: Ms Brown dyes her hair red, she's actually a blonde."
Chuck says, "That's nothing: Mrs Carter wears a wig!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does j**... Jones do after winning the Super Bowl?
Gives the X Box back to grandkids
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas gift to a friend... could afford much but the payphone is cheap.
Me: "Hello, is this the Police?"
Police: "Yes. What do you want?"
Me: "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Jones! He is hiding m**... inside logs of firewood in his woodshed"
Police:"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend upon Billy's house. They search the woodshed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they split open every piece of wood, but find no m**.... They swore at Billy and left his property.
Soon after they leave the phone rings at Billy's house:
Me: "Hey, Billy! Did the Police come?"
Billy: "Yeah!"
Me: "Did they chop your firewood?"
Billy: "Yep."
Me: "Merry Christmas, Buddy!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trial in a small town.
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded "why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me." She continued "You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied "why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counsellors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said "If either of you b**... asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Medical miracle!
An 80 year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six months together, the woman wasn't feeling well and she went to her doctor.
The doctor examined and said, "Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you're going to be a mother."
"Get serious doctor, I'm 80."
"I know," said the doctor, "This morning, I would have said it was impossible, but this afternoon you are a medical miracle."
"I'll be darned," she replied and stormed out of the office. She walked down the hall and around the corner to where the telephones were. In a rage, she dialed her husband.
"Hello" she heard in his familiar halting voice.
She screamed, "You rotten s**.... You got me pregnant!"
There was a pause on the line. Finally, her husband answered, "Who's calling please?"
People believed in Jim Jones but...
Sadly, he switched to koolaid and lost a lot of followers.
I'll just apologise right now...
A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I think there may be something wrong with the pills you gave me last time."
The doctor peered over his glasses, "Why do you think that, Mr Jones?"
"I keep veering to the left, then to the right."
"I shouldn't worry about that," replies the doctor. "Those are just side effects..."
An attorney called the governor just after midnight,...
...insisting that he talk to him urgently. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Jones has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."
Whatever happened to Robot Jones?
He got cancelled.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill can't get the song "What's New, p**...?" out of his head.
Bill goes to the doctor, and says "Doctor, doctor, you've gotta help me! I can't get the song "What's New, p**...?" out of my head."
Doctor says "Well, that's not really a medical condition, is it?"
Bill says "You don't understand, it's been in my head for three or four months, constantly, morning to night, I can't work, I can't concentrate, it's affecting my relationships, my career, it's ruining my life"
"Ah," the doctor says, "sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Tom Jones Syndrome?" Bill asks. "I've never heard of that, is it rare?"
"Oh," the doc replies, "it's not unusual."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Either way, the results are not good
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I do whatever I can to fight poverty
So the other day, I punched a t**...
(Courtesy of Milton Jones)
On a scale of 1 to Amanda Jones
how bad was your day?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking along the other day, and someone threw some shampoo at me...
Actually, it turns out it was real p**....
__________________________________________________
Joke told by Milton Jones. Great comedian, check him out.
What do Mike Jones and an owl have in common?
Who?
Jon Jones will for sure beat Cain Velasquez.
Its no secret he recently did kocaine many times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some people just don't understand evolution.
I was talking to an Australian the other day who actually thought *he* came from Darwin!
All credit to Milton Jones for that one.
Who was the intern Bill Clinton smashed? Was it Paula Jones?
Close, but no cigar.
Who was the best boxer of all time?
Jim Jones, I heard he took out 909 people with one punch.
I visited America recently...
..and got really into the local culture, I was walking along one morning and guy said 'Have a nice day!' and I didn't, so I sued him. --Milton Jones
My neighbor just threw out the biggest trash I have ever seen..
Boy, I will surely miss Mrs. Jones
I interned at the Dow Jones News Fund.
It had its ups and downs.
"The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on....
Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."
Reading it one time might be not enough.
-"Hello, are you there?"
-"Yes, who are you please?"
-"I'm Watt"
-"What's your name?"
-"Watt's my name."
-"Yes, what's your name?"
-"My name is John Watt"
-"John what?"
-"Yes. Are you Jones?"
-"No, I'm Knott"
-"Will you tell me your name then?"
-"Will Knot"
-"Why not?"
-"My name is Knott"
-"Knot what?"
-"Not Watt, Knott."
-"What?"
Ali was great but he was not the greatest...
The best boxer that ever lived was reverend Jim Jones. He killed over 900 people with one punch!
Spoiler alert: the new Bourne movie has...
Tommy Lee Jones chasing a fugitive.
A man goes to the courthouse to change his name.
"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."
I've been watching you urinate in the pool..
Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?
Why did Billy Bob Jones...?
He wanted his apples
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!
***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:
Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People keep asking me if iv'e seen s**... Squad
Well, i have watched a documentary on Jones town.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jim Jones is so strong
He killed 900 people with one punch
I recently found an audio bible narrated by James Earl Jones
Overall it was good, though the book of Luke seemed a bit forced
A lady goes to the doctor, for results of a test she took.
Doctor: Mrs. Jones, I have some great news for you!
Lady: Miss, not Mrs.
Doctor: Miss Jones, I have some bad news for you.
Anyone who believes in climate change just believes whatever someone tells them to. They don't think for themselves.
I know that because Alex Jones told me so
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a d**... and Indiana Jones have in common?
They both ride on top of subs.
What do you get when you cross ancient Chinese philosophy with modern American derivatives markets?
Dao Jones.
I got an idea for a movie
Called Fidget Jones
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sleeping Pills
A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need sleeping pills".
"Why, what's going on?", replies the doctor.
"I have these two songs constantly stuck in my head and I can't sleep! You've got to help me!", implores the man.
"Well which two songs?" asks the doctor.
"That song 'What's New p**...' and the theme song to the movie Thunderball", the man tells the doctor.
"Ah. You've got Tom Jones Syndrome", the doctor solemnly tells the man.
"Tom Jones Syndrome? I've never heard of that! Is it rare?" the man asks.
The doctor replies, "It's not unusual".
When the Empire Strikes Back was being filmed, they considered getting rid of James Earl Jones and bringing in Hulk Hogan instead to be Darth Vader.
But they quickly decided not to when they realized the line "No Luke, I am your father, brother!" Was way too confusing.
A couple of hens were discussing the days events...
... One of the hens is flustered and worried, so she tells the other hen, "I think one of us is gonna get it! I heard Farmer Brown tell Neighbour Jones that he was gonna stay home and choke the chicken tonight!"
The Jones and the Smiths decided to try swinging…
… so they left for the week-end to a mountain resort where they rented two cabins, and they swapped partners for the night.
The next morning, Joe Smith woke up, and said let's go see how the ladies are doing …
What's the difference between Roy Moore and Doug Jones?
Doug Jones: hard on crime.
Roy Moore: hard-on crime.
(found on twitter)
Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore
I guess you could say he got Moore votes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Surprisingly, Doug Jones isn't the best thing to come out of Alabama
I-65 North has been saving people from Alabama since 1959
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number ...
She looked great going down the stairs.
Source: Milton Jones
A lot of people think that firefighters are overpaid, but recently a pole was taken...
...and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
-Milton Jones
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The good doctor
Dr. Jones was having mixed feeling after having i**... with a patient. One voice kept saying "follow your heart" another kept saying "remember, you're a vet"
An Asian nurse goes in to see Mr Jones
A few minutes later she comes out angry, refusing to see such a racist patient. The doctor goes in and asks Mr. Jones what he said to upset the nurse.
"I have no idea doc. She asked me if anything was bothering me, and I said yeah, urination"
Sometimes I like listening to some classic Norah Jones
Don't Know Why
You know why there are no jokes about
Jim Jones and Guyana?
The punch lines too long
To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet..
You can hide, but you can't run.
^Credit ^to ^Milton ^Jones.
You don't want to mess with Jim Jones
He killed hundreds of people with a single punch!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I didn't believe that a friend had a picture of his mom after a b**... party with Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork, and Davy Jones.
But then I saw her face...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to see a fortune teller when I was in Vietnam...
...but she was on fire. She was a n**... reader.
I believe this is a Milton Jones joke.
Sam Jones, and his wife Ella decided to open a restaurant.
Sam and Ella's
Mrs. Jones was giving a spelling test to her third grade class...
How do you spell the word 'straight'? asked Mrs. Jones.
Little Johnny shouts, S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T!!
Excellent job Johnny! And what does that word mean?
Without ice.
Alex Jones hates crisis actors.
So he quit his job.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lord Williams turns to his butler
Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a f**...."
"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones
"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams
