Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
Just like yo momma.
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
(I made this up myself, I'm really proud of it)
Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too...
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.
**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."
"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."
"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**
I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not
Me "when I what"
It was the end of my Korea
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
**It must have been the delivery.**
But when I do, he laughs.
Bonus: my dad says I'm the only joke he'll ever need.
Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a sex change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a sex change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
... you either get twice as much of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes
No more jokes about the profit.
Steve: "Hey, what kind of rocks are these Dan?"
Geologist: "They're sex stones."
Steve: "What? Really?"
Geologist: "Yeah. They're just fucking rocks."
The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames
Come on guys
Come on guys.
You don't want to know how the last guy does it...
Note: all my jokes I post here are originals I'm working on, so as always, feedback is good yadda yadda yadda
A small chest with no booty.
It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.
So wake me up when it's all over
I still do, but I used to too.
Because there is no delivery.
Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."
HeHe...
Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
You realize you're a healthy young man
God hates gags.
I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.
But I keep punching up the fuck line.
I don't get it
Jokes on them, they're imaginary too.
A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
Their words not mine
They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real.
Well Jokes on them because neither are they
This one was written in London.
My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.
"Really!" I exclaimed.
"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."
That'll teach her to try and be funny...
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
...I told him to lighten up.
So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.
Maybe you should lighten up a little.
Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...
A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."
My girlfriend doesn't laugh at my jokes.
*edited for spelling: "Mr" instead of "my"*
Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
If a guy with a foot fetish cheats on his wife, would you say *he got off on the wrong foot?*
**and** (no offense meant to all the women out there, I swear!)
You know why god invented the yeast infection? So that women would also know what it's like to live with a miserable cunt!
A little vulgar, I know. But it was worth the buck I gave him!
Marriage jokes
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes? Why? Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
"It was as bad as your previous two Fibonacci jokes combined," she taunted.
"Because this stupid parrot keeps reposting crappy jokes" said the pet store employee.
What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.
I think it's a gag reflex.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Jokes? Well, here are the best Jokes puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Jokes pick up lines to share with friends.