Gather Around for Fun Jokes Jokes and Laughter with Friends
Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?
Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
I never understood school shooting jokes
I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
Where do little jokes come from?
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...
Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too...
The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
The new father
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?
A small chest with no b**....
I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes...
The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
You can explore jokes cornea reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jokes banter dad jokes. There are also jokes puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Everyone keeps downvoting my racist jokes.
It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.
My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.
Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
A joke is like a frog..
When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.
I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl...
they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.
What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own.
I still do, but I used to too.
Sometimes I just wish I was black.
That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes
A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
These Bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon
Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.
A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5"
Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
Do you know any jokes?
**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."
"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."
"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**
One day when I was young......
I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...
**It must have been the delivery.**
I don't always tell dad jokes
But when I do, he laughs.
Bonus: my dad says I'm the only joke he'll ever need.
With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.
Because there is no delivery.
Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.
When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."
What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe...
Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon
The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.
So wake me up when it's all over
I love dad jokes
WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not
Them: "don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your s**... jokes when you get older
Me "when I what"
I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.
Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
Having gay parents must be terrible
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes
It was the end of my Korea
Mom got a s**... change operation
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal...
As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.
It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
I tell it in the wrong order.
Why am i bad at telling jokes?
I feel bad for children of gay couples.
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of ask your mother.
r/Jokes Has 19 Million subscribers!
It's amazing what 7 jokes can do
I know several jokes in sign language
I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.
I will never date a girl who doesn't understand algebra jokes
That's why my x is no longer in the equation
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Alright guys, the Suez Canal jokes are getting a bit old now.
That ship has sailed.
Can we ban "yo momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, s**... and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times
Just like yo mamma
I never get school shooting jokes.
Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I'm not actually a dad
I'm a faux pa.
I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"
I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor
I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes.
I mean, I still do, but I used to, too.
Why should you always post jokes in American English?
They can reach a wider audience.
A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a m**... are talking about their families.
The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The m**... speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...
Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.
One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.
Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.
I feel sad for people with gay parents
They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
I was wondering where you guys get all these funny dad jokes from?
Then I came to the conclusion that they're just all kept in a dadabase.....
I'll see myself out
🚪🚶🏾♂️
All dad jokes are bad and here's why
Why
I can't come up with any jokes about cutting down trees.
I'm stumped.
What soaps are used to keep men away?
Deter-gents
Day 4 of posting soapy dad jokes for a week!
Dad Jokes are like farms
The cornier the better
Can I tell banana jokes on this sub?
Because opinions on those jokes are pretty *split*. I don't know if they'll ap*peal* to everyone.
Why do dads tell jokes here?
For the groan up votes.
I love politically incorrect jokes, and here is my favourite.
Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.
Please don't post any more school shooting jokes, consider them rule 10 - overly offensive.
Let's give each other time to heal and get back to the reposts we all know and love (just kidding) - but enough is enough of these.
Too soon for COVID jokes?
COVID is like fashion…
We started hearing about it in Italy…
Became popular in LA and NYC…
Florida ignored it…
And it was all made in China in the end.
Having homosexual parents must be terrible
Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
A guy is spending his first night in prison
He hears someone in another cell shout out "37!" and the whole cell block bursts out laughing.
Another guy shouts out "74!" Same thing.
"46!" and everyone loses their minds.
He asks his cellmate "What's going on? Why are the numbers so funny?"
"Well we've all been here so long we remember all the jokes by heart. To save time we just give them numbers and tell those instead."
"Oh I think I understand. Let me try. 63!"
There's dead silence.
The new guy says "What's wrong, is that one not funny?"
"Nah, it's a good one. Some people just don't know how tell a joke."
having gay parents must be awful
Either 2 times the normal amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in a loop of go ask your mom.
Please don't make jokes about crucifixion.
Unless you really nail the execution.
Three Things I Enjoy...
Subtle jokes, irony and the Oxford comma.
What do all these Leonardo DiCaprio jokes have in common?
They're all so childish..
Why doesn't Leonardo DiCaprio like jokes about the movie "Titanic"?
They're all more than 25 years old.
My jokes are like my girlfriends.
Quantity over quality.
When I make a pizza for a bar customer I always ask them if I should cut it into six pieces or eight
Because some people aren't hungry enough to eat eight pieces. That joke isn't very funny. I guess pizza jokes are all about the delivery.
Why did the eyeball give dry jokes?
It ran out of aqueous humor.
Why Are Nostril Jokes Inappropriate?
They're Two on the Nose!
Where do dads store all of their jokes?
In the Dadabase
