Jokes Jokes

117 jokes jokes and hilarious jokes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jokes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Jokes Short Jokes

Short jokes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jokes humour may include short jokes also.

  1. Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it's always too soon.
    ^(i feel bad)
  2. COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
  3. Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in tree? Because they're so good at it!
    Please don't ban me
  4. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands
    You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old
  5. Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
  6. My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...
    Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too...
  7. Having homosexual parents must be terrible Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
  8. As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
  9. The problem with Trump jokes: Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
  10. Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
    Me: yeah he is really milking it

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Jokes One Liners

Which jokes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jokes? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.
  2. I never understood school shooting jokes I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
  3. Did you know that Stephen King has a son named joe? I'm not joking, but he is
  4. r/Jokes Has 19 Million subscribers! It's amazing what 7 jokes can do
  5. Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day. Feeling desserted.
  6. Alright guys, the Suez Canal jokes are getting a bit old now. That ship has sailed.
  7. Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
  8. Your mum is so slow It took her 9 months to come up with a good joke
  9. Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
  10. I tell dad jokes all the time even though I'm not actually a dad I'm a faux pa.
  11. Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday I feel desserted
  12. nobody seems to upvote a cake joke on cakeday anymore Feeling desserted
  13. Screw that clown from IT. Always joking around when he should be fixing my computer.
  14. Two countries go to war... Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.
  15. I know several jokes in sign language I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.

Jokes Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about jokes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jokes pranks.

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

The Jewish way

As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".

No one in here better be making any jokes about Fred Phelps' death

God hates gags.

The new father

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

A small chest with no b**....

I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes...

The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

Where did sally go when the bomb went off?

- everywhere.
Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..
Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally.

Everyone keeps downvoting my racist jokes.

It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.

My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.

Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

A joke is like a frog..

When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.

I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl...

they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"

I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own.

I still do, but I used to too.

People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist."

Their words not mine

Sometimes I just wish I was black.

That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

These Bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon

Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.

A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5"

Jokes on her, I'm 4'11

A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar

Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."

My friends made fun of me because they found out that my girlfriend is imaginary...

Jokes on them, they're imaginary too.

Do you know any jokes?

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."

"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."

"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**

One day when I was young......

I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

Making jokes about Trump taking us to war is all fun and games until

You realize you're a healthy young man

While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...

**It must have been the delivery.**

I don't always tell dad jokes

But when I do, he laughs.
Bonus: my dad says I'm the only joke he'll ever need.

With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.

Because there is no delivery.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.

So wake me up when it's all over

I love dad jokes

WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not

Them: "don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your s**... jokes when you get older

Me "when I what"

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.

Having gay parents must be terrible

Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

I told my friends I have a girlfriend...

They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real.

Well Jokes on them because neither are they

Jokes and s**... are almost the same

I don't get it

Mom got a s**... change operation

After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."

Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal...

As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.

It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.

I tell it in the wrong order.

Why am i bad at telling jokes?

I feel bad for children of gay couples.

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of ask your mother.

I will never date a girl who doesn't understand algebra jokes

That's why my x is no longer in the equation

Jokes about murderers aren't funny.

Unless they're executed properly, that is.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible.

Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.

Can we ban "yo momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, s**... and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo mamma

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes.

I mean, I still do, but I used to, too.

Why should you always post jokes in American English?

They can reach a wider audience.

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a m**... are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The m**... speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

***A faux pa.***

One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.

Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.

I feel sad for people with gay parents

They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'

When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.

But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.

Who gets communist jokes?

Everyone ideally

I was wondering where you guys get all these funny dad jokes from?

Then I came to the conclusion that they're just all kept in a dadabase.....
I'll see myself out

All dad jokes are bad and here's why


I can't come up with any jokes about cutting down trees.

I'm stumped.

These b**... "Among Us" jokes have really run their course!

Sorry, I just had to vent.

What soaps are used to keep men away?

Day 4 of posting soapy dad jokes for a week!

Dad Jokes are like farms

The cornier the better

Can I tell banana jokes on this sub?

Because opinions on those jokes are pretty *split*. I don't know if they'll ap*peal* to everyone.

Why do dads tell jokes here?

For the groan up votes.

Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?

Because they would crack each other up

I love politically incorrect jokes, and here is my favourite.

Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.

Please don't post any more school shooting jokes, consider them rule 10 - overly offensive.

Let's give each other time to heal and get back to the reposts we all know and love (just kidding) - but enough is enough of these.