Following is our collection of funniest Joke jokes. There are some joke unoriginal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these joke reposting puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Take your foot off his head.
**
A chicken.
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
It's my longest running joke of the year.
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
You can explore joke witty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean joke upvoted dad jokes. There are also joke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?
A: Seedless fruit.
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.
*This is my first post here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone too much. I heard this joke in a pub in central Australia and found it way to funny.*
Because it had a bad driver!
*drops mic*
I like to joke about it, but I never want to see it live.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
Plagiarism.
---
EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.
after a moment of awkward silence, I said: "Well I guess you should have been there".
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
"That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."
Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the credit it deserve. But here's a different site with it anyway...
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
Because that's where students have the most potential.
One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...
He neverlands
You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old
Kinda like yo momma.
sabe inglΓ©s?"
"si"
"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglΓ©s?"
"a shoe"
"salud"
"gracias
Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!
Bear with me...
Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.
But when I do, he laughs.
Bonus: my dad says I'm the only joke he'll ever need.
How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
$0, it's on the house.
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
Because its illegal.
Dad: what are you drinking, son?
Son: Soy Milk
Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to tell a joke?
A Fort.
B Fort.
C Fort.
D Fort.
E Fort.
G Fort.
H Fort.
I Fort.
J Fort.
K Fort.
L Fort.
M Fort.
N Fort.
O Fort.
P Fort.
Q Fort.
R Fort.
S Fort.
T Fort.
U Fort.
V Fort.
W Fort.
X Fort.
Y Fort.
Z Fort.
I didn't put any F Fort into this joke.
[remooved]
White people looking both ways before they start
Europa creek with no paddle.
I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.
Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife:No you're not
A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".
Sorry, I'm still working on it.
I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.
They love anything that's 15% off
Just a joke lol
He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
Fat. You get fat.
What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a bitch was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.
One is nude in dye and the other died in new.
It means Lousy Hunter
I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I'd share.
Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.
That didn't sound right, so he tried again.
Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.
That still didn't sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:
Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you're at it- send me another mongoose.
(In memory of my dad who told that joke at every family gathering for 30 years.)
8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.
I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.
There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, Do you have any last words?
The murderer said, Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.
So, I hadn't showered for a week by the day I killed my wife. I tied her up and told her that I'd cut her apart while she was still alive, and she told me, 'At least cut my nose off first.'
Everyone there burst out laughing. The hangman said, That joke was about something terrible! Why was it so funny?
Well, I believe you can make a joke about any topic funny, said the murderer. After all, good comedy is all about execution.
Feeling desserted.
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this damn country .
But, no one else would get it.
I feel desserted
It was about a weak back.
You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.
Banned from of Seaworld
Because they're so good at it!
Please don't ban me
-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.
Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries!
(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)
Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.
A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"
The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"
You order it from the Cat-alogue
10+10=twenty
11+11=twenty too
why did the banana put on sun screen?
answer: so it wouldn't peel!
Fat. You get fat.
You were expecting a joke about pi? On my cake day?
p.s not my joke, found it online
Most of you wont get it.
It's also a good statistical approach to get the average American to wear ONE mask. (Sorry, that was a mean joke.)
are funny only if you share them with everyone.
I don't know if this joke has been done before, English is not my native language, but I thought of this myself (I think)
Here it goes:
What did 8 say to 4 after her blind date with 3?
- Well, he seems to be in his prime, but he is also a little odd. I've set you up on a blind date and now you got me that blind date, so I think we're even.
But now, they have security cameras everywhere
[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]
They got together and made a joke years ago yet people are still laughing.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the joke joked jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working joke funny piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.