The Best 87 Joke Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Joke jokes. There are some joke unoriginal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these joke wanna hear a joke puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Joke Jokes and Puns
How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
**
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
Where do little jokes come from?
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
Wife was breastfeeding
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
I like my women like I like my whiskey.
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.
It's my longest running joke of the year.
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
Republicans are the true snowflakes...
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
You can explore joke witty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean joke upvoted dad jokes. There are also joke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He neverlands
You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old
Every "yo momma" joke has been done thousands of times, by thousands of different people.
Kinda like yo momma.
Here, have a joke in spanish
sabe inglés?"
"si"
"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"
"a shoe"
"salud"
"gracias
What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?
Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
What's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?
Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!
Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says...
Bear with me...
A chess joke: What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?
Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.
How much does Santa's sleigh cost?
$0, it's on the house.
How about an Indian joke?
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?
Because its illegal.
A List of Forts.
A Fort.
B Fort.
C Fort.
D Fort.
E Fort.
G Fort.
H Fort.
I Fort.
J Fort.
K Fort.
L Fort.
M Fort.
N Fort.
O Fort.
P Fort.
Q Fort.
R Fort.
S Fort.
T Fort.
U Fort.
V Fort.
W Fort.
X Fort.
Y Fort.
Z Fort.
I didn't put any F Fort into this joke.
What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?
White people looking both ways before they start
When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...
Europa creek with no paddle.
I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.
Just a Dad Joke
Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife:No you're not
Joke I heard from a 109 year old Holocaust survivor
A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Sorry, I'm still working on it.
Creating a joke is one thing. But delivering it is another.
I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
Cargo Owl Joke
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.
Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?
They love anything that's 15% off
Just a joke lol
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.
He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?
Fat. You get fat.
What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a bitch was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures
A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.
Did you know Vegetarian is a Native American word?
It means Lousy Hunter
I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I'd share.
What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?
8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.
I know several jokes in sign language
I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.
A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.
There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, Do you have any last words?
The murderer said, Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.
So, I hadn't showered for a week by the day I killed my wife. I tied her up and told her that I'd cut her apart while she was still alive, and she told me, 'At least cut my nose off first.'
Everyone there burst out laughing. The hangman said, That joke was about something terrible! Why was it so funny?
Well, I believe you can make a joke about any topic funny, said the murderer. After all, good comedy is all about execution.
Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day.
Feeling desserted.
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this damn country .
I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID.
But, no one else would get it.
Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday
I feel desserted
Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor?
It was about a weak back.
Since this is the first year that I've remembered my cake day, here's my four year old's favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat?
You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero?
Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.
What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?
Banned from of Seaworld
Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it!
Please don't ban me
For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.
COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously
A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
A Russian joke my grandmother once told me. I hope it works in English.
A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"
The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"
How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old)
You order it from the Cat-alogue
A joke from my 8 year old......Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?
10+10=twenty
11+11=twenty too
My Jewish friend says this is a non-offensive Holocaust joke
A Holocaust survivor died recently. Goes to Heaven and upon meeting God, he decided to tell a Holocaust joke. Then God said "That's not funny", to which the Jew replied "Oh, I guess you had to be there".
The only joke I know.
How does a cow introduce his wife...?
He says, "meat patty".
I am very sorry.
Your mum is so slow
It took her 9 months to come up with a good joke
A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?
Mushrooms
I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"
I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor
What's better than enchiladas?
n+1 chiladas.
(sharing this joke I came up with tonight while making enchiladas, because my family didn't find it funny).
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at the beginning, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?
One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
The gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
^obligatory ^not ^my ^joke
How does every racist joke start?
By looking over both shoulders.
Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it
I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.
[Removed]
My 9 year old son just asked me to pretend I was a police officer arresting him for downloading the entire Wikipedia. Me: Young man, you're under arrest for downloading the entire Wikipedia!
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Remember that joke I told you about the chiropractor?
It was about a weak back.
My 4 year oldest favourit joke, which he very proudly memorized and told all his teachers.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
My dad just died. This isn't a joke, I'm lost. I remember at his dads funeral he told me:
Why do they put fences around cemetery's? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?
A Finnish joke from the Cold War
During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.
He replied first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets .
The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.
We are civilized people. Work comes before pleasure , the general replied.
Two countries go to war...
Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.
A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar(a joke)
She says,
"Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"
The Russian replies,
"I work for KGB."
"Cool, tell me an interesting story!"
"About me or about you?"
Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
**
A soviet joke about censorship that I found in my school book
An American tells a Russian that people in USA have the freedom of speech and that he even could go to the White House and shout:"Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!"
The russian answers:"Oh, we also have freedom of speech. I, too, can go to Kremlin and shout:" Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!"
How does every Mexican joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Joke Factory: Why did the [NOUN] go to the [LOCATION]?
Give me a random NOUN and LOCATION using the above format, and I'll give you the punchline.
For example:
Why did the soldier go to the beach?He was caught in a sand-off and came back shell-shocked.
Ready? Go!
\--
My 12 year old just told me a joke
He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
If my jokes seem tired
It's because I sleep funny
Two bunnies are walking in the woods......
Two bunnies are walking in the woods. They're approached by a large bear. The bear says, "Do you guys have any problems with crap sticking to your fur?" Bunny #1 says to bunny #2, "Back away very slowly...... I know how this joke ends!"
I'd tell a joke about trickle-down economics ...
... but 99% of you won't get it.
My mom's favorite joke [clean]
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a lil boogie in it.
After five long years, I've come up with the best clock joke ever…
…it's about time!
A good Internet Explorer joke. [Long]
Loading...
The joke I always think of when asked what's your favourite joke?
Didja hear about the Cutlery Gang downtown? They've started pronouncing the silent 'k' in words. Those kniving bastards!
What does a cow say when its cheering for its friends?
I'll give you some encowregment.
Just an average joke by my sister.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the joke joke about bad jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working joke joke book piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.