Joints Jokes

What are some Joints jokes?

The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana".

It's hard on your joints.

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."

The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."

The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker...

...so I told her to roll them tighter.

Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.

The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."

The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."

The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?

The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!

The electrical engineer responded that, without the brains and nerves, those muscles and joints would be useless. God must be an electrical engineer!

The civil engineer just looked at the two of them and shook his head. "Who else but a civil engineer would put the sewer outflow right in the middle of the entertainment district?"

I think medical marijuana is really good...

... for joints.

I'll see myself out.

Three engineering students.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Three engineers are discussing what sort of god designed the human body.

The first says "god must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all these joints!"

The second says "nonsense! God must be an electrical engineer. The brain is made of millions of electrical connections!"

The third says "both of you are wrong! God must be a civic engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...

I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"

So I went to my Dr. and said I needed something for my joints...

He handed me a lighter

A koala bear is smoking a joint...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink... The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!' So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude... How much water did you drink!?'

An Australian joke...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

'Hey you!'

The koala looked down at him and said,

'FUCK ME! How much water did you drink!?'

Three engineers are debating what kind of engineer designed the human body

The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"

The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."

The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

If God were an engineer...

3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"

The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sure!"

The Electrical Engineer: "No way. Electrical. Look at that brain! All the nerves, neurons, every little electrical impulse that ties it together! Must've been Electrical!

The Civil Engineer: Takes a sip of his drink. "Nope. I can say for a fact that the human body was designed by a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreation area?"

3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is......

and the mechanical engineer says, "Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer." To which the electrical engineer says. "No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores information; God was clearly an electrical engineer." "I'm sorry guys, God was a civil engineer. " says the civil engineer. " No one else would run a waste disposal pipeline right through the entertainment district."

Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis?

Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints

How come you never see stoners jog?

It's hard on their joints.

I just smoked a ligament..

I'm not that big of a fan of joints

Why did the pothead have weak knees and elbows?

He didnt have any joints.

Why cant Mexicans smoke joints?

They aint ever got any papers

I need a medical marijuana card for my joint pain.

I'm always in pain when I'm out of joints.

Why arent chiropractors allowed to start bar tabs at honkey-tonks?

Because chiropractors have been manipulating joints for years...

I believe that marathons are bad. They are an excess; a perversion of healthy running. Running anything more than a few miles puts serious wear and tear on the joints without any benefit. Runners should be limited to no more than a 5k at the most, and marathons should be banned.

… and don't tell me that I'm just being racist.

Why do pirates have sore joints?

Because they get arrrrrrrthritis

TIL It's a myth that people's joints hurt because it's cold and damp

Turns out it's just a mist ache.

My friend gave me a ride to work but every time we drove under a bridge my joints started aching.

Guess I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

A man with arthritis goes to his drug dealer.

He says "Man, I need a few new joints."

Doctor: Tell me your problem.

Me: There is something wrong with my joints.

Doctor: Is there any pain?

Me: No, they are not rolled properly.

Doctor: GTFO!

An Engineer was asked: "What is the Technical Difference between Welding and Wedding"

He replied: "Not much; both are joints, in a way.
In Welding there are sparks first and bonding forever, whereas in Wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever "

Three Engineers are Sitting at a Bar...

...and discussing what kind of engineer constructed the human body. The first exclaimed that it must be a Mechanical Engineer because of all the joints and moving parts. The second said it had to have been an Electrical Engineer because of all the nerve endings and electrical signals. The third disagreed with both and declared that it had to have been a Nuclear Engineer, because who else would construct a toxic tube so close to a recreational area?

Did you hear about the drug dealer with arthritis?

He had bad joints.

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?

They both love to spark up joints.

Why do people look to Snoop Dogg and Seth Rogen to teach them how to make good blunts and joints?

Because they're good roll models.

Elderly women problems

**Elderly Woman 1:** My joints are getting stiff again.

**Elderly Woman 2:** You're rolling them too tight.

My 85 year old grandmother was complaining that her joints feel really stiff.

She must be rolling them too tight.

What do you call a handsome tramp who hangs around liquor joints chatting up girls?

A dirty bar stud.

An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.

The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."

The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itself, the perfect mechanisms of its joints, its balance and speed and grace to see that."

The civil planner gives them the finger and says, "God is an accountant! That sumbitch cut the cost of materials in half by running a waste disposal plant through a pristine recreational area!"

What did the joints say to the arthritis pain?

Uh-Leave!

I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come.

What is a common question at lizards' fast food joints?

You want flies with that?

What do you call it when a dog has chronic inflammation in its joints?

Arf-ritis...

Can I invite my friend, the skeletal system, to the party?

He always brings all the joints.

I think Sublime would make a great oncology team

They'd smoke two joints before they smoke two joints, and then they'd smoke tumor.

What do you call it when an amphibian has inflamed joints?

Rheumatoad arthritis

All I do all day is roll massive joints and deal with huge quantities of dope.

Being a pipe inspector sucks.

What is the best way to take care your joints as you get older?

Remember where you stashed them.

I played my lute for 9 hours straight today and it's affected the joints in my hands.

I think I have minstrel cramps.

How to make Joints jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Joints to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Joints? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Joints pick up lines to share with friends.

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