Joins Jokes
74 joins jokes and hilarious joins puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about joins that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Joins Short Jokes
Short joins jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The joins humour may include short joining jokes also.
- Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn't know what group to join... She's still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former
- Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea river
- Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force? They wouldn't know who to shoot
- I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numeral I M LIVID
- Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
- The other day I joined all my watches together to make a belt... ...but then I realised it was a waist of time.
- I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
- I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god. Its a naan prophet organization.
I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning. - My girlfriend asked me why I was sitting with the eggs... I couldn't find my whisk, and if you can't beat them, you might as well join them...
- I wanted to join the Yakuza, but I got it mixed it up with Jacuzzi . Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
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Joins One Liners
Which joins one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with joins? I can suggest the ones about joined and conjoined.
- I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues. Everyone kept telling me You're the bomb.
- I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
- What would you call the Fantastic Four if snoop dogg joined the team? The High Five
- How do you get Americans to join a world war? Tell them it's nearly finished.
- A Robber entered my home in hopes of finding money..... I joined the search with him.
- Did you hear about the Mexican racist? Hey tried to join the que que que.
- A girl asked me if I wanted to join her in yoga at 6 am I told her, "namaste in bed".
- If Iron Man and the silver Surfer Joined Forces They would become alloys
- I'm really excited about the new autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is Open Mike night.
- I joined a dating sight for arsonist's… They sent me a lot of matches.
- I recently joined a nudist colony. The first few days were the hardest.
- Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang? Atmospheric Pressure.
- I like to sleep with a fan on me at night. It's why I'm divorcing my wife to join a band
- How easy is it to tell a joke 1 year after joining Reddit? A piece of cake.
- What's the best way to serve Turkey? Join the Turkish Army.
Entertaining Joins Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about joins you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean meets jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make joins pranks.
husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop..
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut up."
An old woman joins a gang.
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my n**... a few times."
What do you call a dinosaur who joins the band The Clash?
A StayGosaurus
Nun takes a vow of silence
A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.
Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new mattress and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and the woman says, "I quit." The head nun says, "Fine by me. All you've done since you got here is complain."
The Three Construction Workers
Three construction workers were at lunch one day, a Mexican, an Italian, and a Blonde man. While eating, the Mexican says "I love my wife, but if she makes me one more burrito for lunch, I swear I will jump off this building!" The Italian man joins in as well "I agree, my friend, I have been eating her pizza every day for 10 years! I will join you if my wife makes me this for lunch again!" Then the Blonde man pipes in, saying "Me too! I don't want another bologna sandwich, so count me in!"
The next day, sure enough the Mexican man gets his burrito, the Italian his pizza and the Blonde a bologna sandwich. So they wrote a note, and in unison, keeping with their oath they hurl themselves off the top of the skyscraper!
At the f**..., the wives of the Mexican man and the Italian man were both very sad, wishing they had known they could have prevented their deaths. But the blonde mans wife was upset like the others, so they asked her why she wasn't sad. She responded "Hey, don't look at me. He made his own lunch."
The whiny monk
A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He can only say two words every five years.
After five years, Father Donald says to him, "Brother John, what do you have to say?"
He replies, "Bed hard."
Five more years go by and Father Donald asks him again.
He replies, "Food bad."
Another five years go by and Father Donald asks him again.
This time he replies, "I quit" at which point, Father Donald says, "Good! You've done nothing but complain since you got here!"
A religious traitor
Son: Dad, what's a religious traitor?
Father: A person who leaves our church and joins another.
Son: And what is a person who leaves another church and joins ours?
Father: A convert, son, a blessed convert.
Lebron James is going to be in Space Jam 2
It's going to be really weird when Lebron quits the Tune Squad and joins up with the Monstars midway through the movie
The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.
An Estonian stands by a railway track.
Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.
The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?
Not too long.
He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.
After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?
Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.
Chatty Monk-A fine joke...
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He's allowed to say only two words every 7 years. After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his t**... and says, "Bad food". They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. "I quit," he says, "That's not surprising," the elders say, "You've done nothing but complain since you got here!"
A straight girl joins the softball team
It could happen.
Did you guys hear the one where the Imam joins the priest and rabbi walking into the bar?
That's because muslims can't drink.
Kanye joins One Direction as a replacement for Zayn...
He kicks everyone out of the band and says: "If there's only one direction, it's West."
A blonde joins a Mexican cartel
The cartel sends her to Colombia to get coke and she brings Pepsi.
I have a good League of Legends jokes
Doublelift joins TSM!! HAHAHA AMIRITE GUYS!! :'(
It's strange isn't it
It's strange isn't it, you stand in a library and go "Aaaaaargh" and everyone stares at you. Do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.
Guy joins the Army...
... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"
Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.
Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"
Past& Sees Her.
Susie is a p**... who doesn't want her gran to know. One day Police raid the brothel & line up the girls outside.The gran walks past& sees her.Quick thinking Susie tells her its a queue for free oranges, so her gran joins the queue. When the Police get to gran, they're surprised& ask her 'how do u do it at your age?'she replies ,I take my teeth out, peel back the skin& s**... 'em until they're dry.
The teacher, Miss Brown, goes to school in a mini-skirt
At some point, Little Matt whispers to his friend:
'I saw Miss Brown's thighs!'
Miss Brown hears the comment.
'You cheeky brat! Get out of here right now, I don't wanna see you for three days!'
A while later, Little Timmy whispers to his friend:
'I saw Miss Brown's a**...!'
Miss Brown hears that too.
'You should be ashamed of yourself, Timmy! Get out of here at once, I don't wanna see you in school for a week!'
As Little Timmy stands up to leave, Little Johnny joins him as well.
'Johnny, where are *you* going?'
'Miss Brown, based on what I saw, I don't think I'm coming to school again this year.'
A nacho enters the stomach
A nacho enters the stomach, lays down near the duodenum and falls asleep. A chunk of pizza also arrives and falls asleep too. Then a shot of tequila joins and says: We're having such a party up there and you prefer to just sleep here? Get up, we're going back.
A man is trying to join a country club with a history of racism
The head of the club says "you may have heard of our reputation, and it does affect who joins". He pulls out a revolver and says "go shoot five black people and one rabbit"
"Why do i have to shoot a rabbit?" Says the man.
"You'll fit in well here" says the head.
Best explanation of Star Wars
The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a t**... attack which kills 300'000 people.
DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"
What happens when h**... joins nofap?
My struggle.
Three men are arguing about when exactly life begins?
The first man says "at the time of conception",
The second man argues that it is "actually at the time of birth".
Finally the third man joins in and says "oh no. Life actually begins when the wife takes the children and they all leave for vacation"
What do you call it when a Hispanic man joins the CIA?
Puerto Recon
A telecoms engineer joins the army...
On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"
Two pilots are sitting in the cockpit, talking, when they realize they are flying over a huge crater.
"Wow, what a beautiful sight," says the first pilot.
"It is, isn't it?" the other pilot replies.
Then a flight attended joins them.
"Sir, what are we flying over?" she asks the first pilot.
"It's a crater. A meteor crashed into the earth and left that giant hole."
"Wow," replies the flight attendant. "And what's that building right next to it?"
"That's the visitors center," the second pilot says.
"Phew," she says. "They really got lucky, didn't they?"
A database professional walks into a bar
And joins two tables.
How does a fish get educated
It just joins others and form a school.
I'm free! I'm free!
A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!" - A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, I'm four! I'm four!"
A bunny escapes from a research facility
he runs out of the lab and joins some other bunnies in the field behind the building.
"hey there!" one of the bunnies says. "are you from the lab?"
"yeah. I'm from the lab"
"then you have a lot to learn about being a bunny" one of the other bunnies says.
he teaches the young bunny about how to eat carrots, hop, and etc.
"So, new friend, do you want to stay with us?" the wild bunnies chorus
"I'm sorry, but I have to go back. I'm dying for a cigarette!"
Mike joins a new school.
After school is over he returns home to his mother.
Mom: So Mike, how was your day today?
Mike: It was great! We learned about explosive materials in our lab today.
Mom: That sounds interesting, so what will you learn in school tomorrow?
Mike: What school?
What do you call a tech geek you joins the wrong group of friends
A miss-clique
A blonde joins a book club.
She goes along to the first meeting and it's her turn to share what she's been reading this week.
"Well, it took me a while to finish, but this was a brilliant read and I highly recommend it". She pulls out a bookmark and shows it to the group.
One of the members says, "Um... That's not a book"
"What are you talking about? Mark at the library gave me this when I asked him for a book!"
*HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...*
A new teacher Joins school... She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance...
Teacher asks:- " Twins...???"
Boy:- No... *"NEIGHBOURS"*
A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.
After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.
The son lifts his face from his palms and says, "Please... mum, dad... you're making a scene".
A wallhacker joins a COD game,
he comes a cross this o**... who is pretending to be a soldier. The soldier says "Alright, men. We need to step it up", the wallhacker replies: "I don't see any men here, just a bunch of squares."
Neil arms weak
Neil joins gym
Neil does chin ups
Neil Armstrong
What do you call a musician who joins the military
A Major
Chuck Norris joins the caravan
Now it's a ram
A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather
One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."
The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.
But a short while later, he receives another message. "s**... autocorrect. I meant wifi."
A navy crew aboard a submarine are called by their initials...
A new recruit joins the crew, his name Ben Olivander. His crew-mates consist of Fredrick Udell, Collin Kilmer, Oscar Chase, and Owen Omar Faber.
BO is quickly made fun of by OC, although FU, c**..., and OOF enjoy BO's company as he is funny and kind. Due to this, OC is somewhat outcasted on board and nobody likes him.
The captain later comes in as OC is complaining about his poor treatment.
BO, FU, c**..., and OOF, why are you guys so rude to one of our members!
Why doesn't anyone on this sub like OC!?
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.
Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.
An drunk alcoholic walks into a kids' party
He sees all these long lines of children waiting for their rides, snacks etc.
He finally sees some adults holding drinks in their hands and joins them.
He stand there for hours, waiting for the line to move. Finally when his number comes, he asks for a v**... Martini, Shaken not stirred. I have waited so long for this line to end, please make it quick.
The person replies, Sir, I am sorry to inform you.
You waited this whole time for the punch line.
Not for you
A Christian Armenian man walking by the border of Armenia and Iran sees a few Iranian men pushing a car stuck in a ditch. Every time the Iranian men push they yell allah akbar! 1.. 2... 3... Allah akbarrr! As the Armenian man joins in pushing the car, the Iranians are surprised to hear the Christian man also yell allah akbar. One Iranian man says allah is our god not yours, why do you call on his name? The Armenian man replies "I'm not going to work my god for your a**..."
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?""No," replied the trainee."It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"The trainee shouts back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!""No," replied the CEO indignantly."Good!" replied the trainee, and slams down the phone.
An electrical current joins the air force
He was too afraid to fly over enemy ohmland because he was worried he'd be grounded.
A nun joins a monastery...
She vows to say only two words every year.
After the first year she approaches the mother and says "bed hard". The mother nods and sends her away.
After the second year she approaches the mother and says "food bad". The mother nods and sends her away.
After the third year she approaches the mother and says "I quit".
The mother replies "Good! Because all you've done is b**... since you got here"
A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a m**... are talking about their families.
The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The m**... speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
a m**... joins a party
he killed the mood instantly
24 Shots
A bar holds a drinking contest to see who can drink 24 shots of Scotch in an hour? A man walks in, is invited to join in, and promptly leaves. He comes back an hour later, joins the contest and wins.
When asked where he went, he replies, "I had to go across the street to another bar to see if I could do it first."
A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence
He is told by the abbot that on the anniversary of his vow, he can speak one sentence. A year goes by and on the first anniversary, the monk says: "My bed is uncomfortable."
Another years goes by. On the anniversary, the monk tells the abbot: "The food is cold."
Yet another year goes by, and this time the monk says: "It's drafty in my cell."
The abbot throws up his hands. "b**..., b**..., b**..., is that all you can do?!"
Translated (badly) Goulash is sitting and relaxing in the stomach...
Goulash is sitting and relaxing in the stomach, when suddenly a tequila falls in. He shrug it off and continue to relax, but after a while a r**... falls in and join them.
He do some smalltalk but in general isn't much interested, so he continue to relax on his own. Then v**... falls in and joins.
He clearly annoyed by all this commotion asks "what the h**... is going on up there?"
"You don't know? There is this huge party" says the v**....
"Yeah? I need to check it out." says the goulash as he starts climbing up.
A young novice joins a Silent Monastery. He is permitted to speak two words every 10 years.
After the first Decade he is admitted to the Abbot's study, sits across from him at his desk, and says: "Soup cold". After the second Decade, he does the same and says: "Bed hard". Once thirty years have passed, he stands at the threshold and declares: "I'm leaving"! Whereupon the Abbot slowly looks up and says: "Well I'm hardly surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you got here".
What do you call a Marine who joins the Navy?
A Sub-Marine.
Bobby joins the military.
Recruitment sergeant: what would you like to achieve?
Bobby: I want to be a general after 2 years.
Recruitment sergeant: are you insane?
Bobby: is that required?
A man joins a monastery where you may only speak once a year
After the first year he says to the head monk "food s**...".
After the second year he says "bed is hard"
After the 3rd year he says "I quit".
The head monk says " I'm not surprised, you've done nothing but complain since you got here".
A man joins a ship's crew as a cook
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like p**.... "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.
"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like p**.... I don't like it," he says.
The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."
