John Lennon Jokes

76 john lennon jokes and hilarious john lennon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about john lennon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest John Lennon Short Jokes

Short john lennon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The john lennon humour may include short paul mccartney jokes also.

  1. Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side... I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
  2. John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon... History shows if you don't want your child assassinated, don't name them after an airport.
  3. Scientists are cloning John Lennon.. What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?
    Imagine all the people..
  4. I heard that beans were John Lennon's favourite vegetable.... .....up until he decided to give peas a chance.
  5. What did John Lennon's mother say to get him to eat his vegetables? "Come on John, give peas a chance."
  6. How did John Lennon convince his son to eat his vegetables? He told him to give peas a chance.
  7. Just started my own business selling John Lennon memorabilia on Ebay... Imagine all the PayPal.
  8. I founded John Lennon Television, and now we're the second biggest subscription TV service in the UK. Above us, only Sky.
  9. Did you hear that they exhumed the body of John Lennon? All they found was a dead beetle...
  10. How does John Lennon get his kids to eat their vegetables? He tells them to "Give Peas a Chance"

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John Lennon One Liners

Which john lennon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with john lennon? I can suggest the ones about yoko ono and john deer.

  1. I've decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay Imagine all the PayPal!
  2. All flights from John Lennon Airport are cancelled. Imagine all the people.
  3. Put all my John Lennon memorabilia on Ebay Imagine all the paypal
  4. I just sold all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay Imagine all the PayPal
  5. All flights to John Lennon Airport have been cancelled Imagine all the people...
  6. "Love me do" was written by John Lennon... After he got a really nice haircut
  7. Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player
  8. Why did John Lennon become a vegetarian? He wanted to give peas a chance.
  9. I'm selling all of my John Lennon collection on EBay Imagine all the pay pal
  10. What did John Lennon say when he got egg shells in his cake? Yolko Oh-no
  11. What was John Lennons final hit? The pavement
  12. What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.
  13. What is John Lennon's favourite donut? Strawberry Filled forever!
  14. Yo mama so old She knew John Lennon before he had long hair!
  15. John Lennon is asked for tips on opening crates: "It's easy if you pry."

Silly & Ridiculous John Lennon Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about john lennon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean john kennedy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make john lennon pranks.

The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.

After Yoko Ono told John Lennon she loves him 8 days a week, Lennon wrote the song "Help!".

John Lennon should do an AMA...

...for instant karma.

What do Kodak film and John Lennon have in common?

They both came in a yellow box

I'm going to sell John Lennon memorabilia online.

Imagine all the PayPal.

Rock'n'Roll Heaven

Stevie Ray Vaughan dies in his helicopter c**... and goes to heaven. He is escorted by Saint Peter to a special area reserved for famous dead rock musicians. He is very honoured as he sees that he is in the company of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Buddy Holly and dozens of other famous faces from the history of rock.
Then he spies Bono preening in front of a mirror.
"Hey wait a second," he says, "Bono's not dead!"
Saint Peter replies, "Actually, that's God. He just thinks he's Bono"

h**..., John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.

h**..., John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.
Lennon says to the bartender, "give me your best shot."
The bartender pours Lennon a shot, and it's dead-on perfect.
John Paul says, "Give me your best shot."
The bartender pours him a shot, and it was decent, but a bit off
h**... says, "Give me your best shot."
The bartender is about to pour it when h**... stops him and says,
"Actually, I'll do it myself."

Why was John Lennon shocked when he got his wife's gynecologist bill?

He had misunderstood the doctor when he said "I do probe Ono."

I've finally taken the time to list my collection of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.

Imagine all the PayPal.

Why was John Lennon so ashy?

Because he was cremated

What was John Lennon's favorite fruit & place to eat it?

A wee olive in a yellow submarine.

Why did John Lennon get shot?

because Mark Chapman was a terrible shot, and kept missing Yoko.

If John Lennon was still alive today

he'd be scratching furiously at the lid.

What's John Lennon's favorite card game?

Yoko Uno

Been selling random stuff on Ebay recently.

I'm now torn about whether or not to sell off my beloved complete John Lennon collection. They'll be hard to part with, but imagine all the Paypal.

"Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds"

John Lennon - World's Worst Cluedo Player.

What comes in a yellow bag?

John Lennon. This joke is out of date and i do not apologise.

Why Did John Lennon Get shot?

Yoko Ducked

What were John Lennons last words before he died?

That's not a real gun.

What's British and comes in a Japanese box?

John Lennon

John Lennon invented that device in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.

How does John Lennon practice playing in front of large crowds?

He imagines all the people.

How did John Lennon like his Pop-Tarts?

Strawberry Filled Forever

Did you know that John Lennon beat his wife?

Yoko? Oh, no...

What did John Lennon say when he first arrived at the Door section of Home Depot.

Imagine all the peep holes.

How would John Lennon respond if after telling a Japanese 'Woman' "I love you," she said, "Arigatou?"

*--iie, iie*

Why does Liverpool have an airport named after John Lennon?

Because it's the first place he went once he got some money

What's the diffrence between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

Annie Leibovitz was the last person to shoot John Lennon before his death

Except for the guy who shot him.

From a conversation at the the Thanksgiving table about the turkeys Trump pardoned

Why did John Lennon hate carrots?
Because he wanted to give peas a chance.

I like music by underground artists

Like Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Prince.

Where does John Lennon buy his groceries from?

Nowhere anymore

What's John Lennons favourite Indian ready meal?

Instant Korma.

The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music

Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono

The 1960s started with beetle mania The 2020s have started with bat fever...

Well I'm hoping Covid-19 is just a one-hit wonder, you know, like Come on Eileen or John Lennon's first wife

What did John Lennons parents say to him to get him to eat his veggies when he was a kid?

All we are saying is, give peas a chance

jokes about john lennon