John Lennon Jokes
66 john lennon jokes and hilarious john lennon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about john lennon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest John Lennon Short Jokes
Short john lennon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The john lennon humour may include short paul mccartney jokes also.
- Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side... I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
- John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon... History shows if you don't want your child assassinated, don't name them after an airport.
- Scientists are cloning John Lennon.. What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?
Imagine all the people.. - I heard that beans were John Lennon's favourite vegetable.... .....up until he decided to give peas a chance.
- What did John Lennon's mother say to get him to eat his vegetables? "Come on John, give peas a chance."
- I founded John Lennon Television, and now we're the second biggest subscription TV service in the UK. Above us, only Sky.
- Did you hear that they exhumed the body of John Lennon? All they found was a dead beetle...
- How does John Lennon practice playing in front of large crowds? He imagines all the people.
- The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono
- What did John Lennon say when he first arrived at the Door section of Home Depot. Imagine all the peep holes.
Share These John Lennon Jokes With Friends
John Lennon One Liners
Which john lennon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with john lennon? I can suggest the ones about yoko ono and john kennedy.
- I've decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay Imagine all the PayPal!
- All flights from John Lennon Airport are cancelled. Imagine all the people.
- "Love me do" was written by John Lennon... After he got a really nice haircut
- Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player
- Why did John Lennon become a vegetarian? He wanted to give peas a chance.
- What did John Lennon say when he got egg shells in his cake? Yolko Oh-no
- What was John Lennons final hit? The pavement
- What is John Lennon's favourite donut? Strawberry Filled forever!
- John Lennon is asked for tips on opening crates: "It's easy if you pry."
- What's British and comes in a Japanese box? John Lennon
- What were John Lennons last words before he died? That's not a real gun.
- Why Did John Lennon Get shot? Yoko Ducked
- What's John Lennon's favorite card game? Yoko Uno
- What do Kodak film and John Lennon have in common? They both came in a yellow box
- What's John Lennons favourite Indian ready meal? Instant Korma.
Silly & Ridiculous John Lennon Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about john lennon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean john jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make john lennon pranks.
The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.
After Yoko Ono told John Lennon she loves him 8 days a week, Lennon wrote the song "Help!".
John Lennon should do an AMA...
...for instant karma.
If John Lennon was a fruit
... He would be John Lemon
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rock'n'Roll Heaven
Stevie Ray Vaughan dies in his helicopter c**... and goes to heaven. He is escorted by Saint Peter to a special area reserved for famous dead rock musicians. He is very honoured as he sees that he is in the company of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Buddy Holly and dozens of other famous faces from the history of rock.
Then he spies Bono preening in front of a mirror.
"Hey wait a second," he says, "Bono's not dead!"
Saint Peter replies, "Actually, that's God. He just thinks he's Bono"
A homeless man goes to a fortune teller...
A homeless man who spends his days street performing on an old guitar for some loose change decides to spend the money on a fortune teller one day.
The fortune teller tells the homeless man that she has good news and bad news for him. The homeless asks to hear the good news first.
She begins to tell the man about his after-life. She tells him that he will meet Elvis and John Lennon in the after-life, and that the three of them together are going to be the next top hit band.
The homeless man leaps from joy, realizing his experience with the old guitar has aided him well. Having already thanked the fortune teller and shook her hand, he pauses for a moment on his way out to turn around say, "Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you what the bad news was?."
"Auditions are tomorrow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**..., John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.
h**..., John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.
Lennon says to the bartender, "give me your best shot."
The bartender pours Lennon a shot, and it's dead-on perfect.
John Paul says, "Give me your best shot."
The bartender pours him a shot, and it was decent, but a bit off
h**... says, "Give me your best shot."
The bartender is about to pour it when h**... stops him and says,
"Actually, I'll do it myself."
Why was John Lennon shocked when he got his wife's gynecologist bill?
He had misunderstood the doctor when he said "I do probe Ono."
I've finally taken the time to list my collection of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A billionaire decides to build a palace
A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60's together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It's perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson Airplane, The Beetles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60's luminaries standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is playing cards with m**... Jagger.
The billionaire is stunned. I've spent a year building this palace, making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60's has ever known. Why won't you come inside?
John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: You forgot The Doors.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was John Lennon so ashy?
Because he was cremated
What was John Lennon's favorite fruit & place to eat it?
A wee olive in a yellow submarine.
Why did John Lennon get shot?
because Mark Chapman was a terrible shot, and kept missing Yoko.
If John Lennon was still alive today
he'd be scratching furiously at the lid.
What comes in a yellow bag?
John Lennon. This joke is out of date and i do not apologise.
What did John Lennon say when his eggs over easy accidentially became scrambled?
Yolk oh OH NO!!!
John Lennon invented that device in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.
What was John Lennon's last words?
Help!
Did you know that John Lennon beat his wife?
Yoko? Oh, no...
How would John Lennon respond if after telling a Japanese 'Woman' "I love you," she said, "Arigatou?"
*--iie, iie*
Why does Liverpool have an airport named after John Lennon?
Because it's the first place he went once he got some money
Annie Leibovitz was the last person to shoot John Lennon before his death
Except for the guy who shot him.
From a conversation at the the Thanksgiving table about the turkeys Trump pardoned
Why did John Lennon hate carrots?
Because he wanted to give peas a chance.
I like music by underground artists
Like Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Prince.
Where does John Lennon buy his groceries from?
Nowhere anymore
The 1960s started with beetle mania The 2020s have started with bat fever...
Well I'm hoping Covid-19 is just a one-hit wonder, you know, like Come on Eileen or John Lennon's first wife
