John Deere Jokes
33 john deere jokes and hilarious john deere puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about john deere that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest John Deere Short Jokes
Short john deere jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The john deere humour may include short john deer jokes also.
- Did you hear about the farmer whose wife left him for a traveling tractor salesman? She wrote him a John Deere letter.
- The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter.
- My friend John has changed so much Ever since moving to Chernobyl he prefers to be addressed with "Deer John".
- Breaking Up Did you hear about the farm equipment salesman whose wife wrote him a John Deere letter?
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John Deere One Liners
Which john deere one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with john deere? I can suggest the ones about lawn mower and johnny.
- John Deere's manure spreader... ...is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
- How do you break up with a farmer long-distance? A John Deere letter.
- What type of math does John Deere do? Prime tractorization
- Surprisingly John Deere wasn't a country music fan... He preferred Mowtown...
- I just got fired from a landscaping business by mail. They sent me a John Deere letter.
- I used to love John Deere and Massey Ferguson... but now I'm an ex-tractor fan.
- Did you hear about the farmer who's wife left him? She left him a "John Deere" letter
- How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend? With a John Deere letter.
Cheerful John Deere Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about john deere you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean john wayne jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make john deere pranks.
Farmer Joe decides to go down the road to visit his friend Eb.
When he arrives at Eb's farm he hears music coming from Eb's barn.
Going to take a look Joe finds Eb dancing n**... around his John Deer!
Taking a step back Joe asks Eb what the heck he's doing?
Eb explains, "Well to be honest me and my woman's been having problems in the bedroom, so we went to see a s**... therapist. I'm just doing what she suggested."
"Do something s**... to a tractor!"
An farmer walks in to a lawyer's office in Alabama...
And he says to the lawyer, "Sir, I'd like to get a divorce."
To which the lawyer says, "Well, do you have a suit?"
"Yes, I sure do", the man replies. "Wear it to church every Sunday."
"That's not what I mean. Do you have a case?"
"No, you see I've always been a John Deere man myself. Never had a Case in my life."
"Sir, do you have any issues with your wife. Did she cheat on you, is she a n**...?"
To which the farmer replies, "No, but the baby is. And that's why I want a divorce."
Bubba and Earl
Earl walks into Bubba's barn and finds Bubba dancing n**... in front of his John Deere. Earl says "Bubba what are you doin' "
Bubba says "Me and the wife haven't been doin so good in the bedroom lately and the therapist said I should do something s**... to a tractor"
Regarding the SCOTUS approval of gay marriage, Iowa representative Steve King has just said (and this is a real quote) "you could marry your your lawnmower with this decision".
Marrying your lawnmower is fine, but when it comes time to leave, writing that John Deere letter is the toughest part.
Yesterday I was on a Edible Plants and Folk Medicine Nature Walk
The guide noted that St. John's Wort is believed to be useful for mood, including anxiety and depression.
Older woman who keeps asking questions: "There seems to be a lot here, don't the deer eat it?"
Me: "If they did, they might jump in front of cars less."
The naturalist was able to mostly hold back his smile.
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing n**... around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing s**... to a tractor." [to attract her]
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing n**... around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing s**... to a tractor." [to attract her]
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing n**... around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing s**... to a tractor." [to attract her]
A farmer passing by his neighbours barn saw a strange sight inside
The farmer peered inside the barn door and there was his neighbour dancing around and taking off his clothes in front of an old John Deere. He knocks on the barn door, walks in and asks him why he's stripping and dancing in his barn. The neighbour says that him and his wife have been having trouble in the bedroom lately and that he has been going to the doctor to seek help. Still puzzled the farmer asks how this will help to which his neighbour replied Well, after the Doctor and I had a good chat he seemed to think I need to do a better job of getting her in the mood so he suggested I start with doing something s**..., to a tractor.
Joke my math professor told me today.
A man and his wife are having trouble with their marriage. They fight all the time and they have been continually becoming less physical. The man decides to visit his pastor on the subject. To which the minister proclaims, "You have to do something nice to attract her." The man responds, "Are you sure this will work?" and the pastor persists, "Yes, just do something nice to attract her, it will work I promise." And so the man goes home to get ready. Hours later, the wife comes home to find her husband with candles lit, and her husband slowly waxing his John Deere in the kitchen. She screams, "What are you doing?!" to which he replies "IM SAVING OUR MARRIAGE MARCIA! Pastor told me to do something nice to a tractor."
r**... Divorce
A h**... walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.
Attorney: "May I help you?"
h**...: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
h**...: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
h**...: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
h**...: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
h**...: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
h**...: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."
Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"
h**...: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."
h**... Stripper
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something s**... to a tractor."
A catholic priest and an Indian named John...
One Friday afternoon on the reservation John and his family were starving. John, being a great hunter, went out and killed a deer to feed his wife and kids.
A catholic priest sees this and says, "John! What are you doing? You cannot eat meat on a Friday!"
John says to the priest, "It's not meat, it's fish!"
The priest couldn't believe his ears. He quickly replied, "It is meat and you should not tell lies, John!"
John says, "I assure you father, it is fish."
Cofused and curious the father ask John, "Why do you say it is fish?"
John says, "I sprinkled water on it and I said from meat you become fish."
The priest yells at John, "You cannot do that!"
John says, "Why not father? When I met you I was Mapuche, then you sprinkled water on me and I became John."
A Farmer goes to town
and enters a lawyer's office. "Mr. Lawyer," he says, "I'd like to get one of them die-vorces."
"Well," replies the lawyer, "do you have any grounds?"
"Yessir, 'bout 180 acres out near the county line."
"No, what I meant was, do you have a case?"
"Naw, but I do have a John Deere."
"No, No, No, do you have a grudge?"
"Yup, park my John Deere in it evry night."
"Look here, do you have a suit?"
"'Course, wear it to church evry Sunday."
"You're not making this easy on me. Listen, is your wife a nagger?"
"Nope, but that last kid was, that's why I want one of them die-vorces."