Joe Jokes
127 joe jokes and hilarious joe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about joe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a few rounds of Joe jokes from Johnny, Scruffy, Bazooka Joe and Billie. Laugh at the silliness of G.I. Joe and the popular Sloppy Joe. Get your friends giggling and have some fun with Joe jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Joe Jokes
- Joe One Liners
- Gi Joe Jokes
- Average Joe Jokes
- Joe Mama Jokes
- Joe Paterno Jokes
- Sloppy Joe Jokes
- More Joe Jokes
Funniest Joe Short Jokes
Short joe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The joe humour may include short johnny jokes also.
- Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about. - A girl says to her mom, "I want a Barbie and a GI Joe". Mom says, "Doesn't barbie come with Ken?"
And the girl replies, "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe. She just fakes it with Ken." - I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."
- A man stumbles upon a Genie and is granted 3 wishes. Genie: What is your first wish?
Joe: I want to be rich.
Genie: Granted. What is your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money. - Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11." - I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down. They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.
- While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing? He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.
- I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020 Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....
I'm sorry - If Joe Biden's wife is called the First Lady, then what will his mother be called? Joe mama.
Credit to u/Grignard_RMgX - Julius Caesar: Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new? Brutus: Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.
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Joe One Liners
Which joe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with joe? I can suggest the ones about gi joe and bob.
- Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe? I'm not joking, but he is
- Who would win in a street fight between Joe Biden and Donald Trump? Everyone watching
- If Joe Biden's wife is called the First Lady, then what do you call his mother? Joe mama
- Joe Biden is not my president!! At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
- What's Obama say to Biden when he leaves the room after a argument? Good bi-den
- President Joe Biden just had a meeting with the Cabinet. Now he's talking with the couch
- What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning? Grab a cup of joe.
- Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
- What do you call Joe Biden's mom Joe mama
- Young Macdonald had a toy... GI GI Joe
- Old McDonald's son joined the Army G-I-G-I-Joe
- Why does joe Biden use a Mac? Because apparently he doesn't want you to have windows.
- How do cannibals start their day? With a cup of Joe
- They call me Joe Fat Fingers And I dobn't kniw whu
- When Joe Biden becomes president The white house will be forbiden.
Gi Joe Jokes
Here is a list of funny gi joe jokes and even better gi joe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear? None, they go commando.
- Which popular action figure has a farm? GI GI Joe
- Does Barbie come with Ken? No, she fakes it with Ken. Barbie only comes with GI Joe.
- Old MacDonald had a toy store... GI GI Joe
- What do you get when you cross Ant-Man and GI Joe? Giant man (ba dum tsk)
- What do you call a military gastroenterologist? GI Joe
* My buddy Julien just made this up - Why do barbie dolls have purple n**...? Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...
Average Joe Jokes
Here is a list of funny average joe jokes and even better average joe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This is the first time that a US president is named Joe. Goes to show, it's still not true that any average Joe can become president.
- What's a better term for the average Joe? ReguLarry
- I went to a local meet-up of Average Joes ...they were all pretty mean.
- I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction... ... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.
- What do you call an unimpressive looking, chubby, unintelligent Joe in America? Above average.
- I saw Brad Pitt on the street then I suddenly became a hot movie actor and he turned into your average Joe. Because we exchanged "looks".
- The main character of Megalo Box is a phenomenal boxer. He's no average Joe.
- Statistically speaking..... Isn't a mean Joe just an average Joe?
Joe Mama Jokes
Here is a list of funny joe mama jokes and even better joe mama puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey is that joe Joe Mama!
- "Man, it smells like upjoe in here." "What's up Joe?"
"Who's Joe?"
"Joe mama." - Hey, do you guys know Joe? Joe Mama.
- joe. joe who? Joe mama
- What do you call a m**... barista? Joe Mama
Joe Paterno Jokes
Here is a list of funny joe paterno jokes and even better joe paterno puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Penn State has taken down the statue of Joe Paterno. However, they have opted to leave his name on the library, as a reminder to stay quiet.
- Joe Paterno was such a good coach... ...that after he died, he won another 112 games.
- Why did Penn State move the Joe Paterno statue into the campus library? To keep the children silent.
- 3 boys walk into a shower Joe paterno gets fired.
- Joe Paterno actually died 2 days ago but his wife only reported it to senior officials.
- Joe Paterno doesn't walk into a police station. We like to have fun here.
Sloppy Joe Jokes
Here is a list of funny sloppy joe jokes and even better sloppy joe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My First Time, so cut me some slack What do you call a Sloppy Joe with Mystery Meat?
Sloppy John Doe! - What's a cannibal's favorite sandwich? A Manwich Sloppy Joe
- When you get sloppy seconds and get her pregnant. You get a sloppy Joe.
- What do you call a "Sloppy Joe" sandwich made of venison? Sloppy Doe.
- What happen to careless Joe who fall into the grinder? He becomes sloppy Joe
- Is your mother's name Josephine? Cuz I had sloppy joe's for dinner last night.
Great Joe Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about joe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean john jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make joe pranks.
Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.
They find three parachutes.
Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, The world needs a great person like me!
Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, I need to help make choices for our world , so he jumps off the plane.
At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane.
The Pope says to the boy, take the last parachute, I am too old and I'm going to die soon one day.
Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.
A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.
The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.
The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.
The next date shows up and says "Hi there, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she good to go?". Again the farmer nods and Joe and Flo go on their way.
A while later the last date shows up and says "Sup man, I'm Chuck"
And the farmer shoots him.
A farmer had three daughters...
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
Slip of the Tongue
Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of f**...' one?"
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.
One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"
Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, s**... in his stomach.
"Joe, you know that's not going to help you," she said
"Oh it helps a lot," he replies. It's the only way I can see the numbers!
What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?
When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a s**....
When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a s**....
I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe...
I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe;
I said, "They're all named Joe?"
She said "Yeah it's great! When it's time for dinner I just have to yell "Joe! Dinner!" and they all come running.
I said, "but what do you do if you just want one of them?"
She said, "Oh then I just use their last name."
Buying aspirin
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is m**....
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
Joe Biden called a press conference, to discuss his meeting with Vladimir Putin…
The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.
After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad news…
A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland…
So there's these two beavers...
one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.
Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."
Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"
Two old men are sitting on the porch,
their wives in the kitchen. One says to the other, "Bob you should try that restaurant we went to last night. Best food I've had in a long time."
"Yeah Joe? What was it called?" asked Bob.
"Well, I can't seem to remember...What is the name of that red flower, you know with the thorns on the stem?
"A Rose, I think you are thinking of."
"Your right, thanks....**HEY ROSE, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT?"**
Presidential
Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same.
What's the best thing about being Joe Biden?
Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.
What do Joe Biden and trans people have in common?
Republicans want to block their transition
The Smith family is having a reunion.
The matriarch is a 110 year old woman who is confined to a wheelchair and cannot speak, so she uses a pen and notepad to communicate.
While watching her great grandchildren play, she begins to leeeaaan to the left. So cousin Joe lifts her back up and puts a pillow on her left side. Later she begins to leeeaaan to the right, so cousin John lifts her back up and puts a pillow on her right side.
Later, Uncle Bob approaches and asks if she's enjoying the family reunion. She takes out her notepad and slowly writes, "They won't let me f**..."
A little girl sits on Santa's lap and asks him for a Barbie and a GI Joe.
"Well little girl, you can certainly have that, but doesn't Barbie usually come with Ken?"
"Oh no, Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she comes with GI Joe."
My buddy Joe has lost a lot of weight on the new dolly parton diet.
It's made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean.
A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18
The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.
s**... with Twins!
Two friends, Bob and Joe, were playing golf. Bob remarked, "Ya know Joe, last week I had s**... with twins!" "Really?" Joe replied. "How could you tell them apart?" "Well," Bob answered, "the brother had a moustache."
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet
Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today
He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
Donald Trump and Joe Biden are on a plane heading straight towards a volcano. Who survives?
The United States of America.
Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?
I mean, where did it come from where did it go?
Reggie, Joe, and Chuck
There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.
Oh hey, Larry's sporting bling in his ears
Joe: When did you start wearing earrings?
Larry: Since the day my wife found them in my car.
Joe Biden and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
As they are waving to everyone, Biden leans towards Trump saying,
Did you know, that with one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? Also, this joy will not be merely a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts, and for the rest of their lives, whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Come on, show me!
So Biden slapped him.
Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
My brother Joe started the Dolly Parton diet.
It really made Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean
Joe was heading towards the end of a round of golf...
...when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, p**...! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?
Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.
Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.
As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!
Then p**...! she was gone!
After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you?
Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows.
Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING !
What's the difference between Joe Biden and Donald Trump?
When Joe Biden speaks, you wonder if he's had a s**....
When Donald Trump speaks, you wonder if you've had a s**....
All the single ladles
Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious.
Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates."
A week later, Julie came to Joe and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't seem to find the gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it on accident, do you?"
Joe agreed that it was a reasonable possibility, and wrote a letter to his mother inquiring about the ladle. It read, "I'm not saying you 'did' take the ladle, nor am I saying you 'did not' take the ladle,' but the fact is it's been missing since you came to dinner last week."
Several weeks later, a reply came.
"I'm not saying you 'do' sleep with Julie, nor am I saying you 'do not' sleep with Julie. The fact is if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now."
A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date
A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.
How will Joe and Jill Biden spend thanksgiving with proper social distancing?
Biden selves.
There once was a farmer with three daughters.
They were all going on their first date at the same time. The farmer, being protective of his daughters, grabbed a shotgun and stood by the door. The first guy came to the door and said
"Hi, my names Joe, I'm here for Flo, we are going to the show, is she ready too go?"
The farmer thought he was ok, so they went out.
The next boy came and said
"Hi, my names Kenny, I'm here for Benny, we are going to Denny's, is she ready?
The farmer thought he was ok too, so they went off. The last boy came and said
"Hi, my names Chuck-"
The farmer shot him in the chest.
a Trumper dies and goes to heaven.
After getting processed in by St.Peter he goes to find God. He finds God in the garden listening to the birds.
M: "Can I ask you something?"
G: "Anything my child"
M: "Who was the rightful victor of the 2020 US election?"
G: "Joe Biden won fair and square my child"
M: "This goes higher up than I thought."
My dad's a magician
Bob: What does your father do for a living?
Joe: He's a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
Since the Democratic Party is led by Sleepy Joe Biden, today they announced that they'd be renaming themselves to the ZZZ Party...
... realizing that the Republican Party name no longer provides a strong enough contrast with their opponents, President Trump and Mitch McConnell declared that they will be changing their name to the Not ZZZ Party.
Joe : Barack....
Joe : Barack....
Obama : yes Joe, we have to go our on ways after our term is over.
Joe : I'll miss you man. I'm going to be....
Obama : Don't you say it !
Joe : I'm going to be ... *cries* .....*sobs*.
Obama : don't you ever say it !
Joe : it's just.... I'm going to be... *sighs*
Joe : OBAMASELFFF
Be verbs.
The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.
"She is beautiful", said Kate.
"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.
"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.
"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she.
As fast as he could, Joe uttered,
"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
A student visits his teacher man early in the morning
And sits on in a chair. The teacher man looks up and offers the pupil a cup of coffee.
"Sure, I'll take a mug of joe," says the student.
The teacher pours a cup, and gives it to the kid. The student takes a sip, and nearly gags.
"The is terrible! Seriously! What is this, mud??"
"Well," the professor replies, "it was ground just this morning."
Christmas gift
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe; she fakes it with Ken."
I told my Brother, "My wife ran off yesterday with my Best friend Joe."
My brother looked at me funny for a minute then said. "Since when is Joe your best friend?"
I looked back and replied "Since yesterday"
Little Johnny coming home from the store
Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a goodopportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."
Joe goes to church and starts praying hard. The pastor comes up and asks: 'what's wrong?'
Joe says: "I want you to pray for my hearing."
The pastor puts his hands on Joe's ears and starts shaking and praying hard for ten minutes.
Pastor says: "So how's your hearing" ?
Joe says: "I don't know, it's not till next Monday."
I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe
Because I have two questions,
Where did he come from,
And where did he go!?
"I hear you just got married again."
Jim: "Joe, I hear you just got married again."
Joe: "Yes, for the fourth time."
Jim: "What happened to your first three wives?"
Joe: "They all died, Jim."
Jim: "How did that happen?"
Joe: "My first wife ate poison mushrooms."
Jim: "How terrible! And your second?"
Joe: "She ate poison mushrooms."
Jim: "And your third ate poison mushrooms too?"
Joe: "Oh, no. She died of blunt head trauma."
Jim: "I see, an accident."
Joe: "Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.
No way would she have done that if she were still alive.
Jim and Joe are sitting at a bar drinking and jim asks where is John? Joe says John is missing . What happened asks Jim . Well joe says
John forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway pointed to the ground and said., I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning.
Fine says Jim but that doesn't explain where John is.
Well continued Joe they next morning his wife woke up walked out side and saw a big box with a ribbon so she opened it and saw a new set of bathroom scales and John hasn't been seen since
Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?
America.
Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench.
Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"
Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."
Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer."
Joe approached the gates of Heaven and God asked him what he had done in life that made him worthy...
Joe: "I once saw a gang of bikers harassing a woman, so I went up to the biggest and baddest one, gave him a punch across the face, and said 'If you want to mess with her again, you'll have to go through me first.'"
God: "Really? When was that?"
Joe: "About 5 minutes ago."
A farmer has three daughters when they were finally allowed to date it went something like this.
First daughter..... Guy knocks on the door and says "Hi I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo and take her to a show is she ready to go?" Second daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says, "hi I'm Eddie I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" Third daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says "hi my name is CHUCK!" Dad promptly slams the door!!!!
