Jobs Jokes
147 jobs jokes and hilarious jobs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jobs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Packed with laughter, this article is your go-to for a good chuckle about the world of employment. From applying for government jobs to taking on retail gigs, employers, laborers, and everyone in between will relate to these jokes about the ups and downs of finding the perfect job.
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Funniest Jobs Short Jokes
Short jobs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jobs humour may include short employment jokes also.
- "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
- Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
- Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that's comparing apples to oranges.
- I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- What do apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
- Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
- You know when you get the urge to eat something just because it's there? Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
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Jobs One Liners
Which jobs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jobs? I can suggest the ones about works and employed.
- Bullets are so weird They only do their job AFTER they're fired
- Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I'm the CIEIO
- I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great, I love being my own boss.
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
- People say being a waiter is a bad job... ... but, hey, it puts food on the table.
- Jobs that don't exist anymore 1. Steve
- I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory...... I just couldn't concentrate.
- I lost two things today. My virginity... ...and my job at the morgue.
- What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
- Your momma so ugly… She went into a haunted house and came out with a job application
- At my new job I have 500 people under me. I mow grass at a cemetery.
- What was Tasha Yars' favorite job? Data Entry
- Just quit my job at the helium factory. I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.
- My friend just quit his job at BMW. He gave no indication he was leaving.
- Anyone need a job? I hear Malaysia Airlines is looking for people.
^im ^so ^sorry
Applying For Jobs Jokes
Here is a list of funny applying for jobs jokes and even better applying for jobs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD He got shot down
- I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory. The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.
- So I asked my friend, "I hear your husband applied for a position in the government" Me:"What is he doing now?"
Friend: "Nothing"
Me: "But I thought he got the job!?"
Friend: "Yes he did." - I applied for a job at Google and when I got the job, I said Yahoo and I was immediately fired
- If I apply for a job at a railroad... Will they expect me to know the job or will they train me?
- I applied for work at a furniture factory and they said they had an opening for someone to inspect the mirrors. I told them, "That's a job I could really see myself doing"
- Why did the snowman apply for a job on the winter solstice? It wanted to work during its peak season.
- I just applied for a job down at the diner. I told them I really bring a lot to the table.
- If you want a job in the moisturiser industry The best advice I can give you is to apply daily.
- What do you call 3 mentally handicapped people applying for the same job? American politics
Steve Jobs Jokes
Here is a list of funny steve jobs jokes and even better steve jobs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
- Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.
- Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump... But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
- Okay to tell dead Steve Jobs jokes now? What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.
- Why wasn't Steve Jobs allowed to fart at home? His house didn't have windows!
- Jobs that don't exist anymore..
1. Steve.. - Steve Jobs would've been a better POTUS than Trump Well...
Maybe not?
It's hard to compare apples and oranges. - What happened to Steve Jobs before he died? His life HTML5d before his eyes.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Trump. Although that isn't really fair to say, since any other corpse would be too.
- Why did Steve Jobs eat all the cookies? Mac users have no CTRL

Government Jobs Jokes
Here is a list of funny government jobs jokes and even better government jobs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president? We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!
- A kid was talking to his dad because he was considering a job in organized crime. The dad replied with "government or private sector"
- What's the fastest animal in the world? The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.
- My brother has a government job He gets 42 cents per hour.
- Got fired from my government job today They said I was too efficient
- Lately, I've seen a post about red flags to look out for when looking for a job All I can say is dont go looking for a job at chinese government buildings because there's always a red flag
- After I botched a surgery, the entire government is after me and I lost my job. My Korea went south after that.
- What do you get when you cross a badger, a wolf, and a Marine? A nice new government job!
- Do you know why I don't believe in government conspiracies? Because 7-Eleven was only a part-time job.
- If a pirate had a government job, what department would they work in? The department of treasury!
Manufacturing Jobs Jokes
Here is a list of funny manufacturing jobs jokes and even better manufacturing jobs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's my job to fully test the functionality of newly-manufactured toilets and urinals. I go where no man has ever gone before.
- A man who worked two jobs, archery manufacturing and mailman, was well known for his prowess in bed. He could make them quiver when he delivered.
- Despite Trump's recent push to bring manufacturing jobs to the U,S., where are most of his Signature Series ties made? Tieland
- Today I was asked about my job manufacturing nuts and bolts I told them it was quite riveting
- Cigarette Paper manufacturers are bad at their job because They cut corners.
Retail Jobs Jokes
Here is a list of funny retail jobs jokes and even better retail jobs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked a tailor to hem my jeans He did a bad job of it so I ended having to go to the retailer
- What kind of job does a gecko work? Retail
- Retail job interview (2012): Where do you see yourself in 10 years? You mean after the global pandemic or before the war?
- When robots take over retail jobs... ...will customers complain about poorly programmed customer service?
- You know what they say: If you've seen one retail job, then you've seen the mall.
- Retail Joke A man goes to a job interview at a local grocery store. The interviewer asks him, "So what kind of schedule are you looking for?". The man replies,"Monday to Friday, nine to five."

The Funniest Jobs Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about jobs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean occupation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jobs pranks.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
People say that Steve Jobs died too soon.
But I think his death was a fitting metaphor for apples attitude to battery life.
Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)
Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?
Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
So, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs walk into a bar...
and I got sued for millions because I used both of their names in the same sentence.
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs
The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."
The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.
About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."
One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."
The groom, waiting in the church for his bride, has a huge grin on his face...
..."What is wrong with you", asks the best man, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the groom, "Last night, I got the best b**... in the history of blow jobs, and I'm marrying this girl. My life is set." Meanwhile in the bride's room, she too has a huge grin on her face. "What is wrong with you", asks the bride's maid, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the bride, "Last night, I gave the last b**... I ever have to."
Two women are talking and the conversation veers towards work...
One of them says to the other:
"Work is great! The jobs are challenging, my coworkers are supportive and the pay is phenomenal. But there is one problem. The mail boy is constantly flirting with me and its borderline harrasment now."
"Well, what did he say?"
"Its just the one thing, everytime he passes by me he compliments me on how wonderful my hair smells."
"That doesnt sound too bad."
"Yeah, but hes a dwarf!"
A man walks into a bar...
and glances at the menu.
* **Sandwiches, $2**
* **Hand jobs, $5**
He calls over to the waitress, a gorgeous young blonde woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties.
"Hey, hi there. Are you the one doing the hand jobs?"
She smiles thinly, "Yes sir, I am."
"Well, wash your hands and put on some gloves. I'd like a sandwich."
What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started?
Looking for Jobs.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox
I find:
* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.
* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.
* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.
* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.
* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.
* 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.
* And Approx 40-50 mails from different girls who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.
What do you call a principal who gives good blow jobs?
A headmaster.
I'm not sure if Steve Jobs got into heaven...
God's a bit touchy about apples...
Another blonde joke.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money...
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Horse trainers have stable jobs.
Trump's wives were immigrants, proving the adage true...
Immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do.
If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors...
Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.
Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants.
Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.
Fun prank
Make them study for 18 years then don't give them jobs
Why don't the police protest against BLM?
Because they have jobs.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts?
One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs.
A man walks into a bar.
The menu reads
>Burger: $5
>h**...: $10
He slides a $10 bill to the female bartender and asks:
"Are you the girl who does the hand jobs?"
She responds with a smooth voice:
"Why yes I am"
The man then says:
"Then wash your hands, because I want two burgers"
Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America:
Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers.
Since Trump got elected 2.5 million Americans want to leave the country
That's 2.5 million jobs he's already made!
Why are there so many grammar n**... on the internet?
Because English majors have no jobs.
I think my wife was sleeping with my boss so I changed jobs to prevent that from happening...
One of the perks of being self-employed.
Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?
She was a lesbian.
The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs
Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.
You know many surnames are taken from jobs. Taylor , Smith , Cooper, etc.
Man, am I glad my last name isn't Dickinson!
At the job interview
Interviewer: I see here that you had a five-year gap between jobs. Can you please explain it?
Me: Oh that's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: That is very impressive. You can start tomorrow.
Me: Yay, I got a yob.
A drunk chick at the club offered me a b**..., but I turned her down. She looked too much like my sister.
And my sister is terrible at blow jobs.
Why are there a lot of grammar n**... on the Internet?
Because English majors can't find jobs!
Did you hear the one about rim jobs?
It's very tongue in cheek.
-came up with this while trying to fall asleep. Pretty sure it's OC
I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled...
but we shouldn't elect them President.
Guy walks into a bar...
There's a sign that says: Cheeseburgers - $1.50, Chicken Sandwich - $2.50, h**... - $10.00. He walks up to a very attractive barmaid and ask "Hey, are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purred, "I am." He looked her straight in the eye and said "Well, go wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
What did the suspenseful man say when he finished three jobs?
Done done done!
I just read that article about Robot s**... Workers, and all I could think was, "Man, automation really is taking over all the jobs...
Even your mom's.
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.
It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.
Why were Apple employees always happy?
Because they had Jobs
James Bond is laid off
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country
The White House seems to always be hiring.
A nun was fired from her job in heaven...
A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."
It's refreshing to see a President keeping his campaign promises.
Although I'm not entirely sure rotating people through the cabinet counts as creating jobs but the effort is certainly present.
Why doesn't Donald Trump compare his leadership to Steve Jobs?
Even *he* knows not to compare Apples and oranges.
I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin
It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.
A Lot Of People Are Saying Steve Jobs Would Make A Better President than Trump.
But that's just ridiculous, it's like comparing apples and oranges.
A women at a women's right protest got mad at me because I told her that women sometimes can't do the jobs that men can do
She then got her boyfriend to beat me up
Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?
Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.
You cannot compare Steve Jobs with Donald Trump.
Apples vs. oranges.
I asked my dad, Can you give me examples of jobs that don't exist anymore?
He said, Steve.
What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers?
Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.
I feel that Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Donald Trump
Then again, that's like comparing apples to oranges...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your f**...' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
Kevin Bacon
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.
A blonde was going door to door...
She was looking to do odd jobs and chores to make some extra money. She knocks on a door, a guy answers and she asks if he has any chores he needs done. He said "sure I need my porch painted. I'll give you $100 if you do a good job". He shows her where the paint and brushes are and she says she'll make it look great. 30 minutes later, she knocks on his door and says "I'm done" and he replies "already? I thought it would take hours". She assured him she was finished and then said "by the way, that's a Ferrari, not a porch".
It's true women do make less money than men.
But it's their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Where women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

