Job Searching Jokes
19 job searching jokes and hilarious job searching puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about job searching that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Job Searching Short Jokes
Short job searching jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The job searching humour may include short applying for jobs jokes also.
- I've been searching for two years to find my wife's killer So far, nobody will take the job.
- I am Responsible Employer : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Applicant : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible.. - What did Google say to the politically incorrect employee? I can help you search for a new job.
- I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor... Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"
- Searching for a job is the same as searching for a girlfriend I just can't find either one.
- Why did Steve Jobs die of cancer? Because he searched for a medicine in Safari and not Google Chrome.
- I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways
- One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves. A robo bro b**....
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Job Searching One Liners
Which job searching one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with job searching? I can suggest the ones about job application and hiring.
- I didn't vaccinate children... And now I'm searching a new job as a doctor
Job Searching Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about job searching you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean job interview jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make job searching pranks.
My wife texted "I'm leaving you"
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
It really saddens me that police officers are so underpaid they have to take second jobs...
This lovely young officer pulled me over for drunk driving and is just going back to his car to get the stuff needed for a 'Cavity search'. Police officer and a dentist. What a hard working man.
An Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Japanese guy all apply for a job at an office.
The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies."
The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working, but he can't find the Japanese guy anywhere. So all of them start looking for him.
After hours of searching, they still can't find him so they give up and turn to go home for the evening when suddenly, the Japanese guy jumps out of nowhere and screams "SUPPLIES!!!!"...
Engineer searching for a job
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
A German, a Mexican, and a c**...
A German, a Mexican, and a c**... all come to the U.S. together eager to live the American dream. Ready to work, they go around knocking on doors asking if anyone needs help. An old man answers the door and informs them that he needs a new barn built. The three agree to do it and follow the old man behind the house.
The old man explains what he wants and leaves them to it telling them that they'll find tools in the old barn.
The German takes charge and says, "I'll design it and supervise the job." Points to the Mexican and says, "You'll do the labor and dig the foundation," and points to the c**... and says, "You'll be in charge of the supplies."
Immediately the c**... takes off. After a little while the German completes the design and the Mexican gets right to work. A little while later the foundation has been excavated and the German and the Mexican look at each other wondering where the c**... is with the supplies. About half an hour later, the Mexican climbs out of the hole and joins the German in the search for the c**....
They are look around the old barn and as they're about to round the corner, the c**... jumps out with a smile on his face and his hands flailing in the air and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
"That's no excuse not to write to your mother."
p**... and Maggy Dunn send their son, Neely, from Ireland to the United States to find a job and build a dream career. Off Neely sails on a freighter, earning his way across the Atlantic as a deckhand.
Upon arriving in the U.S., Neely sends his mam and pap a letter, explaining the glorious sights and sounds he beheld. As Neely searches for a job, his letters dwindle in frequency and, before long, cease altogether.
p**... 'n Maggie are concerned, naturally, and send their second son, Liam, to the States to find Neely and see if he was okay. Off Liam sails.
Liam is so overwhelmed by the vastness of the U.S. that he has no idea how to find his brother. So he walks up to the nearest structure, knocks on the door, and asks, "Are ye Neely Dunn?"
"Yes," comes the reply from the porta-p**..., "but I've run out of paper."
"*That's no excuse not to write to yer mother!*"
So a teddy bear got a job at a mine...
Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine.
On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep.
The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining, then he went to sleep.
On his third day though, he got up in the morning, and his pick was nowhere to be found! He searched and searched and searched, but he could not find it anywhere! In fact, he wasted a whole day searching before he gave up and visited the foreman of the mine. When he asked his pick, the foreman looked at him and said Oh don't you know? Today's the day the teddy bears get their picks nicked!
(Sorry if this has been posted before, I was compiling all of my favourite jokes and I though you guys might like this one)
Good old NYPD
The FBI, CIA, and NYPD had a bet to see who was the best at their job, so they set up a simple challenge.
Three local forest was fenced off, and they released a rare black and white colored rabbit into each. The challenge was to see who could catch the rabbit with a time limit of 3 hours.
First the FBI went; after three hours of searching they could not find the rabbit anywhere. Next, the CIA went; After two hours of searching, they decided to just blow up the entire forest out of frustration, but failed to catch the rabbit.
Finally, the NYPD went into their forest. After 30 minutes, they came out with a bloodied Racoon that was yelling "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"