Jimmy Carr Jokes
44 jimmy carr jokes and hilarious jimmy carr puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jimmy carr that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Jimmy Carr Short Jokes
Short jimmy carr jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jimmy carr humour may include short jimmy jokes also.
- I saw that show, "50 Things To Do Before You Die"... I would have thought the most obvious one was "shout for help"
~ *Jimmy Carr* - A police officer told me once: "We'll never forget 9/11". I said: "Of course you won't, it's your phone number!"
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\- Jimmy Carr - My wife insisted that I list every woman I'd ever been with... so I started with the woman I lost my virginity to, all the way up to her. And that is where I should have stopped.
~Jimmy Carr - What Africa Really needs If only Africa had more mosquito nets
Then every year we could save millions
Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids
\- Jimmy Carr - I recently wrote a book about poltergeists.... They're flying off the shelves!!!
(Credit goes to jimmy Carr on that one) - I went to donate a kidney once.. I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr - I was in a relationship with a blind girl... It was hard because it took me so long to get her husband's voice just right.
^by ^Jimmy ^Carr - Say what you like about the make-a-wish foundation. But they can work to a deadline. - Jimmy Carr
- If you like flowers but don't like gardening Run over a kid outside your driveway
-Jimmy Carr - I have no problems with buying tampons... I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present.
(Jimmy Carr)
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Jimmy Carr One Liners
Which jimmy carr one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jimmy carr? I can suggest the ones about jimmy carter and jim carrey.
- I'll tell you what I know about dwarfs! Very Little
Courtesy of Jimmy Carr - If Sean Lock was a Hollywood actor... ... He'd be Robert Frowny Jr.
- Jimmy Carr - People say there is power in numbers. Say that to 6 million jews.
-Jimmy carr - They say there's strength in numbers. Tell that to 6 million jews.
- Jimmy Carr - He's so smart, he's like a walking, talking... Stephen Hawking
*-Jimmy Carr* - o they're bringing in £100 fine for bad driving... How sexist is that?
(via Jimmy Carr) - Never high five a rabbi - Jimmy Carr
- o**... bin laden *ji had it coming.*
- Jimmy Carr "Big Fat Quiz 2011" - I met a Cute s**... girl online...uninhibited Yeah she was paraplegic
(Jimmy Carr)
Rib-Tickling Jimmy Carr Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about jimmy carr you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jimmy fallon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jimmy carr pranks.
why would you be a s**... bomber...
And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr
A friend of mine asked me, "what rhymes with orange?"
I said, "no, it doesn't".
*Credit to Jimmy Carr.*
**
Professional boxers usually will abstain from s**... the night before a big fight....
...you might find this hard to believe, but they don't really like each other." - Jimmy Carr
I said to my girlfriend, "Do you want to experiment with a role-play r**... fantasy?"
She said, "**NO!**"
I said, "*That's the spirit!*" —Jimmy Carr
I was walking down the street with my wife...
... when I saw my mother-in-law being beaten up by six men.
My wife said, "Aren't you going to help?"
I said, "Six should be enough."
*(Copyright Les Dawson, as retold by Jimmy Carr on QI.)*
Russians are sending peacekeepers into Ukraine.
They're saying, " You see this piece of land? We're keeping it."
- Jimmy Carr
if men fall asleep directly after s**... . . .
why is it so hard to catch a r**...?
-Jimmy Carr
p.s. never high five a rabbi
My friend asked me if I had to have s**... with my mother to save my father's life what would I do?
Apparently reverse c**... is the wrong answer.
That's a Jimmy Carr joke, btw. It's my go to at the moment. Happy Friday everyone!
Spaghetti is the term I believe...
With women, their sexuality can be a mood thing, can't it?
Spaghetti is the term I believe.
**Straight until wet**
-----------------------
(This is one of Jimmy Carr's jokes but I laughed a lot so I thought I'd share it.)
I love it when a woman says those magical words which means she's up for s**... tonight
"This drink tastes funny"
~Jimmy Carr
From Jimmy Carr
Backseat drivers are always the same, why are we driving into the woods! Let me out! .
Jimmy Carr says this is the oldest joke he found for a book on humor
A man sits down in the barbers chair, the barber says "how would you like your hair cut?" the man says "in silence"
Does anyone know any good r**... jokes?
Jimmy Carr, "What do nine out of 10 people enjoy? / Gang r**....")
I read about a Catholic priest that exposed himself
So the church defrocked him.
- Jimmy Carr
Adolf h**... has been judged very harshly by history however..
he did kill h**....
NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr
My favourite two word joke.
Dwarf
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
Shortage
[By Jimmy Carr]
it's difficult to date when you have OCD.
Every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I turn her off again.I
(Jimmy Carr)
When comedian Jimmy Carr was told by an obese women "I think you're fatist," he responded, "No. I think you're fattest."
It's very easy to distract a fat person....
....it's a piece of cake!!!
Source: Jimmy Carr
When a man sleeps with a lot of women....
....he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
-Another gem by Jimmy Carr
My Muslim friend knows the Qur'an back to front...
Which is great, because that's how you read it.
(Thanks Jimmy Carr)
