Jewish Women Jokes
25 jewish women jokes and hilarious jewish women puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jewish women that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Jewish Women Short Jokes
Short jewish women jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jewish women humour may include short jewish wife jokes also.
- A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining And says "ladies, is anything ok?"
- A group of Jewish women are eating at a diner. Their waitress walks by and asks "Is anything alright?"
- Two Jewish women are on a bench One turns to the other and says "meh"
The other responds "eh"
The first one replies "but enough about the children"
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Jewish Women One Liners
Which jewish women one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jewish women? I can suggest the ones about jewish people and muslim women.
- Why do Jewish women never make coffee? Because Hebrew
- A waitress walks up to a table full of Jewish women and says... ... is ANY thing alright?
- Two old Jewish women are sitting together, minding their own business.
- Jewish women are so stingy They want even their d**... at least 10% off!
- What did Jewish, s**...-infested women in the 70s have? A burning bush.
- Why are Jewish Women like the Bermuda triangle They both s**... s**....
Uplifting Jewish Women Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about jewish women you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old jewish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jewish women pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat.
Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual s**... Studies Convention in Chicago".
He swallowed hard.
Here was the gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting about s**... studies!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my extensive personal experience to share interesting facts about sexuality.
"Really," he gulped,"like what?"
"Well," she explained, "For instance, Native American Indians are the most passionate. While Jewish men are the most likely to satisfy a woman fully. And in terms of lasting the longest, surprisingly it's the Southern r**...."
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Um, Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Arab wandering through the Sahara
finds an old bronze lamp. When he uncorks it, out comes a genie dressed in black, with side curls a yarmulke.
"Oy, someone has *finally* freed me from that prison! I will grant you *1 wish*."
"You covetous Jew, you will give me *3* wishes!"
"It is 1 or I give you nothing, you vile Arab!"
So the Arab thinks and says,
"I know what I *really* want, more than anything. And it is to be wanted—nay!—*needed* by beautiful young women all the world over!"
And *p**...!* the Jewish genie turns him into a t**.... The lesson here is that when you do business with a Jewish genie, there is going to be a string attached.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Ducks in the Road
Two ducks were waddling down the street in Buladean the other day when the first duck says, "Why do you suppose Jewish men get circumcised?"
To which the second duck, never having heard a talking duck before, keels over dead from the shock of it.
Nonplussed, the first duck says, "Because Jewish women like anything that's 20% off." because he wasn't going to stop for a dead duck in the road.
A short collection of jokes....
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: homework!!!
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Why is there no mexican olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder..
Q: Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off.
Boy:say me
Girl:me
Boy: you forgot the d
Girl: there's no d in me
Boy: not yet there isnt :)
One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if i could help her check her balance... so i pushed her over
Failed my biology test today:
They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently "black people" wasnt the correct answer
Enjoy and post some funny ones i can havea laugh at...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jewish Women
Why do Jewish women like their men circumcised?
Because they like 20% off of everything.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar and sees h**......
A man walks into a bar and sees h**....
"Hey, is that h**...?" he asks the bartender.
"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"
The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to h**....
"Hello Adolf."
"How are you?" Adolf asks.
"Good, what are you doing?"
h**...'s right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."
"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.
"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.
"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.
h**... becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.
"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."
--
The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Jewish women are complaining about a restaurant
The first one says 'the food was terrible' the other says 'yes it was and such small portions too' (hat tip w**... Allen)
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?
"I don't like her" replies the mother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jewish guy walks into a bar.....
and he says to the bartender with much determination, "I'll take 10 shots of whiskey."
The bartender asks the Jewish guy, "What's the matter?"
The Jewish gentleman explains, "I found out my brother is gay and is marrying my best friend."
The next day the same Jewish gentleman comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The Jewish gentleman says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same Jewish man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."
