The Best 35 Jewish Mother Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jewish Mother jokes. There are some jewish mother son jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jewish mother jews puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jewish Mother Jokes and Puns

People say to me Jesus was not Jewish

## I say ofcourse he was Jewish

+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift

## He's Jewish. Give it up

****
_by Robin Williams_

Happy Birthday Robin!

How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?

"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."

Here's a classic jewish joke.

A mother brings her son two new ties as a birthday gift for her adult son. Later, in the evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, You didn't like the other tie?

A waiter checks on a table of Jewish mothers and asks:

Is anything ok?

The Inauguration of the First Jewish President.

The first Jewish President has just been elected, and is being sworn in. One man in the audience is watching him take the oath, when he realizes he is sitting next to the President's mother.

She turns to him and says,

"You see that man up there, the one with his hand on the book repeating the sentences?"

"Yeah?" He responds

"His brother's a doctor"


A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who's sign says life begins at conception

She goes up to the man and says that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn't viable until it graduates medical school!

How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh don't worry about me I'll just sit here in the dark. It's not like I need light to sit here all alone by myself.

Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"

The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."

UNAPPRECIATED HANUKKAH GIFT

A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one.

As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."

"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."

"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"

"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"

She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.

"Who was that?"

"My son."

*gasp* "The doctor??"

"No, the other one."

Dear Father, I've sinned

A man walks into the confessional and says

'Dear Father, I've sinned, I've slept with a mother and daughter at the same time.'

And the priest says 'thank you my son, may I ask how long its been since your last confession'

'I've never been to a confession, I'm Jewish'

so the priests asks 'Then why are you telling me?'

'Because I'm telling everyone'.

You can explore jewish mother king herod reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jewish mother stepmother dad jokes. There are also jewish mother puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light-bulb?

None. Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark.

What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish mothers?

Is *anything* okay?!

What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with terrorists.

A Jewish man is turning 40 years old...

So his mother decides to send him 2 neckties. On his birthday, she calls him.

"Happy Birthday, son!" "Thanks, mom." Replies the man.

"Did you get the ties I sent you?" Asks his mother. "Yes," says the man, "in fact I'm wearing one right now." "So what's wrong with the other one?"

What is the greatest dilemma for a Jewish mother?

She finds out her son is gay, but is dating a doctor.

The first Jewish President is being sworn in

His mother is in the audience, she turns to the man sitting beside her and says "See my son up there? Well, his brother is a doctor!"

The first female president is being sworn in.

Her Jewish mother is sitting in the second row next to a Supreme Court Justice, watching. The judge leans over and says, "Madam, you must be VERY proud."

The mother says, "Well, you see that girl with her hand on the Bible? Her brother's a doctor."

Jewish mother goes to the airport

to meet her daughter, who was returning from a summer abroad. The daughter gets off the plane hand-in-hand with a 7' tall Zulu warrior, with a bone through his hair and nose.

The mother yells at her "I said a *rich* doctor!"


A Jewish man's mother-in-law is in court for stealing a bag of oranges...

The judge says, Well, since you stole 6 oranges, your punishment is 6 nights in jail, one for each orange. Immediately the Jewish Man jumps up out of his seat and yells, WAIT! The whole room is shocked. What is it? Do you not feel that this is a fair punishment? Asks the judge. Oh No. I think it's very fair. I just wanted to add that she stole a bag of peas as well...

Jewish man calls his mom. "Mama, I have good news and bad news..."

Mother, ever the optimist: "Give me the bad news."

Man: "I can't live a lie anymore. I'm gay."

Mother, a traditional conservative woman, after the wailing and the gnashing of teeth that was expected of her by her son, regains her composure and asks: "Well, what's the good news?"

Man: "So I met this nice Jewish doctor..."

What is the difference between a Conservative Jewish wedding, an Orthodox Jewish wedding, and a Reform Jewish wedding?

At a Conservative wedding the bride is pregnant.
At an Orthodox wedding the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a Reform wedding the rabbi is pregnant.

Jewish mothers

How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?

*Exasperated sigh* No it's fine, I'll just sit here in the dark!

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?

Eventually the Rottweiler lets go.

What do a Jewish mother-in-law and 60 Minutes have in common?

They both always start with tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk...

How to tell if Jesus was Jewish.

- Jesus was unmarried until he was 30.
- Jesus inherited his father's business.
- Jesus thought his mother was a god.
- Jesus believed his mother was virgin.

The Jewish Husband

A young boy comes home from school. He's bursting with excitement.

"Mom," he says. "I got a part in the school play!"

"That's great!" his mother exclaims. "What part are you playing?"

"I'm playing a Jewish husband," the boy says.

Suddenly his mother is FURIOUS. "What?!" she screams. "You go back and tell them you want a speaking part!"

A Frenchman has a wife and a lover

He loves his lover the most.

An Englishman has a wife and a lover, he loves his wife the most.

A Jewish man has a wife and a lover, he loves his mother the most.

Weddings by Christian denomination [super-dated but still funny]

At a Catholic wedding, the bride is pregnant.

At a Mormon wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.

At a United Church wedding, the minister is pregnant.

At a Unitarian wedding, the minister and her wife are both pregnant.

*Adapted poorly from a joke about Jewish denominations.*

Some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish

Of course he was Jewish 30 years old single

living with his parents,

working in his father's business,

his mother thought he was gods gift

Give it up oh course he was Jewish

- Robin Williams obm

Most people say Jesus isn't Jewish...

But he is. 30, single, living with his parents, working his father's job and his mother saying he's the son of God, of course he's Jewish.

How do you know what kind of Jewish wedding you're at?

At an orthodox wedding, the mother of the bride is pregnant.

At a conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.

At a reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant!

How do you know Jesus was Jewish?

He lived at home until he was 30.
He went into his fathers business.
He thought his mother was a virgin, and his mother thought he was god.

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Did you hear the one about the Jewish baby?

Well.. he wasn't ACTUALLY Jewish, but at birth, he was accidentally sewn together at the hip with his mother.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jewish mother aryan jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jewish mother ashkenazi piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes