The Best 20 Jewish Food Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jewish Food jokes. There are some jewish food flour tortillas jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jewish food sabbath puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jewish Food Jokes and Puns

A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.

I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.

Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?

Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?

Because There I can complain!

a Jewish man living in Moscow applies to move to Israel.

At 3:00 AM there's banging on his door. It's the KGB.

You! Jew! You applied to move to Israel?

He nods.

Here in Russia, you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in Russia, you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in Russia, you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why you apply to move to Israel?

Because *There* I can complain!

A Soviet Jew applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.

I see that you want to move to Israel? asks the KGB interrogator. The Jewish man nods.

Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?

Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why do you want to move to Israel?

Because There I can complain!

A Jewish man on his deathbed is talking to his daughter.

The man smells noodle kugel (a traditional Jewish food) coming from the kitchen downstairs and reminds his daughter that it's his favorite food. He asks her to go get him some for his last meal- he knows he will die very soon. The man's daughter goes downstairs, and comes back with no kugel. The man asks why she didn't bring any. The daughter says:

Mom said it's for after.

Two old Jewish women sit down at a local restaurant to catch the early bird special...

Their waiter takes their orders, brings out the food, and then goes to wait on a different table.

Five minutes later, he decides to check in on the two women.

He comes up to their table, and with a bright and chipper smile asks:

"Good evening ladies, is *anything* alright?"


The Jewish Year is 5776. As of yesterday, the Chinese year is 4714...

That means Jews had to exist for 1,062 years without Chinese Food. They call this time, "The Dark Age."

A teacher at an international school...

asks her class what their opinion is on giving food to people in other countries.
The Jewish kid asks "What is giving?"
The African kid asks "What is food?"
The Chinese kid asks "What is my opinion?"
And the American kid asks "What are other countries?"

a miracle

A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.

Two Jewish women are complaining about a restaurant

The first one says 'the food was terrible' the other says 'yes it was and such small portions too' (hat tip Woody Allen)

An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you.

" A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill myself."

Some people complain about not being able to afford food...

That's what us Jewish just like to call an extended holiday

You can explore jewish food rabbis reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jewish food meat dairy dad jokes. There are also jewish food puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do Jewish Mathematicians eat?

cosher foods.

A rich Jewish businessman got kidnapped...

The kidnappers told him to make a call to his family. He called and told them to not make any dinner for him tonight, so the food doesn't go to waste.

Did you know that despite being a Christmas food all Gingerbread men are Jewish?

GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.

What's Black Panther's favorite jewish food?

T'challa bread!

Two old Jewish guys are sitting in a restaurant...

one says: "The food here is terrible!"

the other says: "I know! And such small portions!"

I told a joke to my Jewish friends about kosher food, but they didn't like it at all...

they said it was too ham-fisted.

5 Jewish ladies sitting at the table in the restaurant...

...waiter comes by few minutes after the food was delivered to the table and asks:
-Ladies, is ANYTHING ok?


An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you.

" A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill myself."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jewish food meals jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jewish food foods piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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