Jewish Food Jokes
22 jewish food jokes and hilarious jewish food puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jewish food that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Jewish Food Short Jokes
Short jewish food jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jewish food humour may include short kosher jokes also.
- Some people complain about not being able to afford food... That's what us Jewish just like to call an extended holiday
- A rich Jewish businessman got kidnapped... The kidnappers told him to make a call to his family. He called and told them to not make any dinner for him tonight, so the food doesn't go to waste.
- A short summary of every Jewish Holiday: "They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat."
Share These Jewish Food Jokes With Friends
Jewish Food One Liners
Which jewish food one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jewish food? I can suggest the ones about old jewish and jewish people.
- What do Jewish Mathematicians eat? cosher foods.
- Did you know that despite being a Christmas food all Gingerbread men are Jewish?
- Where do Jewish people go to save money on bulk food? Holocaust-co.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Jewish Food Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about jewish food you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean german food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jewish food pranks.
Another Jewish mother...
A Jewish guy calls his mother in Florida.
"Hi, Mom. How have you been?"
"Not so good. I've been feeling weak."
"Weak? Why are you feeling weak?"
"I haven't eaten for 28 days!"
"Twenty-eight days?! Why? What's wrong?"
"I didn't want my mouth to be full of food in case you should call."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a Jewish man living in Moscow applies to move to Israel.
At 3:00 AM there's b**... on his door. It's the KGB.
You! Jew! You applied to move to Israel?
He nods.
Here in Russia, you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in Russia, you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in Russia, you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why you apply to move to Israel?
Because *There* I can complain!
A Jewish man on his deathbed is talking to his daughter.
The man smells noodle kugel (a traditional Jewish food) coming from the kitchen downstairs and reminds his daughter that it's his favorite food. He asks her to go get him some for his last meal- he knows he will die very soon. The man's daughter goes downstairs, and comes back with no kugel. The man asks why she didn't bring any. The daughter says:
Mom said it's for after.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.
a miracle
A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Jewish women are complaining about a restaurant
The first one says 'the food was terrible' the other says 'yes it was and such small portions too' (hat tip w**... Allen)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Back in the days of the Soviet Union, a Jewish man living in Moscow applies to move to Israel.
At 3:00 AM there's b**... on his door. It's the KGB.
You! Jew! You applied to move to Israel? He nods.
Here in Russia, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in Russia, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in Russia, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?
Because *There* I can complain!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old Jewish guys are sitting in a restaurant...
one says: "The food here is terrible!"
the other says: "I know! And such small portions!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told a joke to my Jewish friends about kosher food, but they didn't like it at all...
they said it was too ham-f**....
A Jewish man calls his mother...
And asks, "Hi Mom! How are you?"
Not so good...not so good." Comes the feeble reply.
"Why, are you sick?
"No...I'm healthy."
"Have you been sleeping alright?"
"Yes...I get a full 8 hours." she answers.
"Have you eaten yet today?"
"Well, no...Actually, now that I think of it...I haven't eaten anything at all in five days..."
"Mom, are you crazy??" He shouts. "Why haven't you eaten in 5 days?"
"Well...I didn't want to have food in my mouth, in case you should call."
A short collection of jokes....
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: homework!!!
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Why is there no mexican olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder..
Q: Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off.
Boy:say me
Girl:me
Boy: you forgot the d
Girl: there's no d in me
Boy: not yet there isnt :)
One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if i could help her check her balance... so i pushed her over
Failed my biology test today:
They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently "black people" wasnt the correct answer
Enjoy and post some funny ones i can havea laugh at...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To clear your conscience
In the midst of the second world war, there was a young Jewish g**... the run from the n**.... She happened to come across a house where a 30 year-old man lived alone. She begged him to help her by providing a hiding place from the n**... until the war was over. The man said that he would allow her to stay in his attic and he would provide food, as long as they could make love at his whim. The girl gladly agreed.
Twenty years later, the war long over, the man decides he wants to clear his conscience from doing what he did. He visits his church and says to the priest, "Father, I once sheltered a Jewish girl from the n**...."
The priest replies, "That is a wonderful thing to do."
The man says, "You don't understand. I forced her to have s**... with me as long as I sheltered her."
The priest replies, "That is ok. She had to pay you back somehow for saving her from the n**...."
The man nods and then says guiltily, "Do I have to tell her the war is over?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God enjoys a good laugh!!
(found on my FB newsfeed)
**There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:**
* He called everyone brother;
* He liked Gospel;
* He didn't get a fair trial.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:**
* He went into His Father's business;
* He lived at home until he was 33;
* He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:**
* He talked with His hands;
* He had wine with His meals;
* He used olive oil.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:**
* He never cut His hair;
* He walked around barefoot all the time;
* He started a new religion.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:**
* He was at peace with nature;
* He ate a lot of fish;
* He talked about the Great Spirit.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:**
* He never got married;
* He was always telling stories;
* He loved green pastures.
**But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a woman:**
* He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food;
* He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it;
* And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
Can I get an AMEN!!