The Best 45 Jewelry Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jewelry jokes. There are some jewelry earring jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jewelry handmade puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Jewelry Jokes and Puns

Black Joke

Why do black people have nice clothes, expensive jewelry, and drive fancy cars with rims but live in crappy houses/apartments?

-They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet.

Where does Mike Ditka buy his jewelry?

De Beers

My girlfriend said she liked the jewelry my grandmother wore

so I bought her a life alert necklace

I don't get it: "In A Texas jewelry store: Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000."

jokes about jewelry

Being late to come home after work yet again husband calls his wife.

He says to her: Listen I am really sorry, I know I'm already late to come home. Do you remember that jewelry store we went to the other day?

The wife says: Yes!!

Husband: Well, I'm at the bar right across from it.

A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...

told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.

''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'

My sex life lately has been like very fine jewelry

100% handmade

Jewelry joke, My sex life lately has been like very fine jewelry

What does a rich guy from Israel wear?


I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.

He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.

Here are some few movie jokes:

The Shining: A family's first Airbnb experience goes very wrong.

β€’ The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry.

β€’ Titanic: Everyone tries the ice-bucket challenge.

β€’ Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works.

β€’ The Chronicles of Narnia: Kid comes out of the closet.

I don't like black and white jewelry.

I feel like it's panda ring.

You can explore jewelry expensive reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jewelry beads dad jokes. There are also jewelry puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear?

24 carrot

What's the cheapest item of jewelry?

A pearl necklace

A Jewish guy walking through Chinatown notices a jewelry shop with has a big sign that says - Abe Goldberg jewelry.

He walks in and asks to meet Abe Goldberg. A Chinese man comes out from the back and says - herro, I Abe Golber.

The Jewish guy says, you're Abe Goldberg??? How did you get that name?

The Chinese man tells how when he was at Ellis Island, the guy in line before him was Abe Goldberg. When the immigration officer asked for his name he said - **Sam Ting**

What's a car's favorite piece of jewelry?

Its engine earring.

I lost my watch at a party...

I lost my watch at a party once. While I was looking for it, I saw a man step on it on the dance floor while harassing a woman at the same time. I immediately went over and punched the man in the face and broke his nose.

"Thank you so much!" the woman said.

"No problem," I said putting my jewelry back on.

"Nobody does that to a woman, not on my watch."

Jewelry joke, I lost my watch at a party...

Wife : Honey before we got married , you used to give me gifts and expensive jewelry.

Husband : Yes…so ?

Wife : How come you don't do it anymore ?

Husband : Have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to the fish after catching it?

A man calls the police station to report a house robbery

Man: an Asian man just broke into my house and took my wife's jewelry!

Operator: how do you know he is Asian?

Man: he's still trying to back out of my driveway!

While married to Rose, we acquired house, cars, jewelry, retirement accounts. And with the divorce,

everything is coming up *ROSE's*!!

I have no idea how my first submission of this came to be flaired "Religion"... so I deleted it.

A woman calls her husband one day...

A woman calls her husband one day to see why he's late coming home from work.

"Well honey, you know that jewelry place we stopped by that one time, where you saw that necklace that you said you liked more than anything you'd ever seen before?"


"Yeah... I'm at a bar across the street from there."

A woman arrives home to find that her place has been broken into

Among the items that have been stolen are her jewelry, money, and her collection of expensive lotions. Police come to file a report and ask her if she would possibly know of any suspects. She responds "No officer, I have no idea of who would do this. But whoever it is is one smooth criminal."

what a dream!!

Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry...

In my defense, I didn't even know she sold jewelry.

I was walking down a street in Hollywood and ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, I piy the fool!

I said, Hey, you missed a T!

I man and his wife walk into a disco...

And in the middle of the dance floor there is a very handsome man with a great body and expensive jewelry. Who is busting some serious moves, back flips, moon walking, running man etc.
The wife turns to her husband and says "see that man he asked me to marry him ten years ago but I said no"
The husband replies "and it looks like he is still celebrating"

Fired the maid yesterday because wife suspected maid had been stealing her jewelry. Today I found a snake on our doorstep.

At least we got a diamondback.

Jewelry joke, Fired the maid yesterday because wife suspected maid had been stealing her jewelry. Today I found a

I ran into a celebrity while walking down Hollywood Boulevard. He had a mullet, tons of jewelry, and was yelling, I piy the fool!

I said, Hey, you missed a t.

After his wife passed away, he stopped wearing his glasses. His sister saw him and exclaimed: Aww it must be so hard for you, nothing is worth seeing anymore after she's gone?

He said: What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.

A jewel thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said, You can take anything you want. You can even pistol whip me, but please untie the rope and free her.

Thief: You must really love your wife!

Man: No, but she will be home shortly .

A Jew was on his deathbed and told his only son

-Isaac, my son, i am dying. I just want you to know that the 8 houses, 3 apartment buildings, 24 taxis, 17 hotels, 8 shops, 3 swimming pools, the statues, jewelry...

-Are you going to give them to me, dad?

-I'm selling them to you. Very cheap

home invader

A home invader breaks into a house and finds a couple in the bedroom and holds them at gunpoint.
The owner points to the woman and says, "You have to let her go right now.
You can have all the money and jewelry in the house, you can have my credit card and car keys.
You can even shoot me but you have to let her go right now." The gunman says,
"You must really love your wife."

"Yes and she will be home in 20 minutes."

Mary's boyfriend called Mary on her birthday...

Mary - m boyfriend - b

b: hey honey

m: hey

b:do you remember that mall we went to last month?

m : yes?

b : and you saw a jewelry shop there?

m : yes?

b : and you really wanted that ring?

m (starting to get a bit exited) : yes?

b : but we didn't get it cause we couldn't afford it back then?

m (getting really exited) : yes?

b : well, there's a MacDonald's in front of it, you want some nuggets?

How does Mike Wazowski make such good neck jewelry?

Because he's neckless

A little girl asks her mom where babies come from.

The mom has been preparing for this so she explains the process using scientifically correct terms but in a way the young girl can understand. Afterwards she asks, "Do you have any questions?"

The little girl thinks for a few seconds and then says, "How does the daddy's sperm get into the mommy? Does she swallow it?"

"Sometimes," says the mom, "If she really wants some new jewelry."

I killed the Boston Strangler and took his jewelry stash

Thanks for the gold kind strangler!

Never purchase jewelry based off of a photograph

It makes you look 2D pendant

The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.

When it came to Johnny he said, I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I'll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.

The teacher was lost for words and didn't know what to do, so she just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be.

Marie replied: "I'd like to be Johnny's bitch!!"

This guy was shopping in town with his wife on Christmas Eve.

They got separated so she called him on his phone and said: "Where are you?" The guy said, "Do you remember that little jewelry store we went to last year where you saw the diamond bracelet that you loved but I didn't have enough money to buy it?" She said "Yes! Yes! I remember!" So the guy said, "I'm in the bar next door to that place having a beer."

I'm of opening my own jewelry store

If anyone wants to help, give me a ring.

A sixty year old millionaire ran into an old friend in a jewelry store after a gap of several years and proudly introduces him to his gorgeous twenty eight year old wife.

The friend eyes her as she tries on a necklace in the tabletop mirror and whispers, "You lucky dog, how did you net someone like her?"

The millionaire leans in closer and whispers conspiratorially, "I told her that I was eighty."

Made this one up on the spot at the jewelry store

The jeweler: "Do any of these pieces scream 'take me home' to you?"

Me: if they were screaming, I wouldn't *want* to take them home.

My mother gave me a pendant for my birthday

It was a special gift with a picture of my late grandmother inside.

I thanked her profusely, but I had to ask, this is such a unique gift. What made you decide on this specific piece of jewelry?

She responded well, your grandmother has always been a strong, in-da-pendant type of woman

I got my 6 year old so good and she actually understood it. I cracked myself up in the process

I was holding my daughter in the living room and she saw the jewelry making kit she got for Christmas. She asked me to make her a necklace.

So I immediately dropped her.

She held on to me and dangled with her arms around my neck.

"There, you're a necklace."

Beware of a new E-bay scam

I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry and they sent me motorcycle parts

It was close to our anniversary and my wife was leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house. So I took the hint and did what any astute husband would do.

I got her a magazine rack.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jewelry bling puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jewelry bracelet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes