Jewel Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A jewel thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said, You can take anything you want. You can even pistol whip me, but please untie the rope and free her.

Thief: You must really love your wife!


Man: No, but she will be home shortly .

A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.

"I want to be a detective and follow in my father's footsteps," says Johnny.

"That's very admirable of you," says the teacher. "I didn't even know your father was a detective."

"He's not," says Johnny. "He's a jewel thief."

The Jewelery Store

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000." the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man
and said "There's no money in that account!"

'I know, said the old man, but let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

A wife tells her husband her underwear cost $300...

The husband screams "Three hundred dollars!? That's outrageous!" The wife says "Well you don't wrap a beautiful jewel in newspaper".

The husband replies "Yeah, but you don't gift wrap a dead beaver, either".

A jeweler and blacksmith gets married. What do they name their kid?

Jaden Smith

What is the difference between a failed jewel thief and a man who performed a sex change on himself?

One of them managed to pull it off.

Two jewelers saw a man get shot to death.

The first jeweler looks at the second and says, "I'm absolutely opalled!

The second just looks down and says, "I dunno man, I'm just too jaded to care."

The three jewels of buddhism...

Karma, dharma and a good parmigiana

Son, some children, before they are born, are the jewel of their mother's eye.

You, however, were the crust in the corner.

The jeweler received a new stamp kit as a birthday present

He thought it was pretty impressive.

Did you hear about the Irish jewel scam?

They got caught selling sham rocks

Why did the jeweler buy weed?

Because he was a stoner

Why is Jewelry so expensive?

Because Hitler killed so many jewelers it became an almost extinct business.

What are the funniest jewel jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Jewel? Well, here are the best Jewel puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Jewel pick up lines to share with friends.

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