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Jew Money Jokes

66 jew money jokes and hilarious jew money puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jew money that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Jew Money Short Jokes

Short jew money jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jew money humour may include short jewish money jokes also.

  1. I feel sorry for Anne Frank... First she gets her diary published, which is every girl's worst nightmare, but on top of that she doesn't get any money from it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.
  2. Jews aren't good with money and I can prove it! How often do you hear about one bringing home the bacon?
  3. How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? One they're just like the rest of us except they're good with money.
  4. You can't go to a synagogue without giving money to the rabbis. You have to pay your Jews.
  5. A wise man once said, "There is safety in numbers". Yeah?! Well, tell that one to six million Jews!
  6. What is the same between a Jew and Money? I would actually care if I lost 6 million Dollars.
  7. What do you call the Jews who wanted to retire in Florida so they could be tan but didn't save enough money? Orange juice
  8. Toll workers are given a number in replace of their name and they take my money... Must all be Jews
  9. Did you hear about the kind and humble Jew that donated a lot of money to charity? Neither did I.
  10. A Jew found some money He counted it and some was missing

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Jew Money One Liners

Which jew money one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jew money? I can suggest the ones about jews and money and old jew.

  1. Why were piggy banks made? To keep the Jews away from the money
  2. Why are piggy banks actually pigs? To keep Jews away from your money.
  3. What do you call a Jew who is terrible with money? Bernie Sanders.
  4. Why do Jews Have So Much Money? They always keep the tips.
  5. What do you call a Jew with no money? A Liar
  6. Star Wars I saw 2 jews fighting for money today, it was star wars
  7. Why don't Jews wait for their bread to rise? Because time is money.
  8. Why are Jews afraid of gas leaks? Because it costs money
  9. I became a Jew today Only in it for the money.
  10. What's a Jew's favorite basketball move? The money shot
  11. What is Jew's favorite thing besides money? Cashew.
  12. Wanna know why Jews have big noses? They smell the money better with them!
  13. UK Doctor's strike - the religious dimension They want more money. The Jew-near doctors.
  14. What's a Jew's favorite classic rock song? Money - Pink Floyd
  15. I'm surprised it isn't Jews who do Ramadan... Think of all the money they'd save

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about jew money can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of jew money puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Gather Around for Fun Jew Money Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about jew money you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jeweler jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make jew money prank.

Why is money green?

Jews pick it before its ripe.

Two Jews are walking in Odessa at night...

Suddenly, in a dark alley, they are surrounded by muggers with knives.
-- Money, watches, wallets - quick!
One Jew turns to the other:
-- Abram, remember, I owe you $300? Here they are, returned to you in front of witnesses.

Two Jews during the depression

Two Jewish guys are liking for work during the depression. They come across a atholic church that has a sign saying , "get saved; convert and receive $25".
One if the guys says, "my children are starving, I need that money" and goes in the church. His buddy waits for him and about am hour later he comes out. His buddy immediately ask, "did you get the money" to which the new follower of Christ responds, "is that all you people think about?"

Help with joke

3 terrorists are about to behead an infidel.
The first one says god is great. God is great. We will kill this infidel and Allah will bless us with 72 Virgins.
The second says. God is great god is great. We will kill this infidel and Allah will bless us with untold riches.
The third t**... takes out a cellphone and starts dialing really fast.
The two others are looking at him and asking him what he is doing?
So the guy goes:
God is great god is great. My passport just came in and now I can go to Iraq and fight the U.S.
How is that great? We have work to do here?
More money, more virgins. You do the math.
Math? Kill the infidel, he's a Jew.

Two Jews walk past a Christian Church.

There was a sign outside saying "If you let us baptize you as a Catholic we'll give you $500 dollars!."
The first Jew raised his eyebrows to the other and said "How about it?". "No!" the other Jew exclaimed, "I'm not forsaking my beliefs for $500!." "Hey money is money| the first Jew shrugged, "besides I'm not even that dedicated to the faith. I'm going in"
Grudgingly the second Jew consents to wait outside while the first Jew goes in to be baptized. He's gone for quite some time, but a couple of hours later he emerges with a beaming smile on his face, looking the picture of spiritual contentment. His curiosity peaked, the second Jew goes up to him and asks, "Well did you get the money?!
"Oh it's all about money with you people!"

Joke

Q: Why do Jews like watching dirty movies backwards?
A: Because they like the part were p**... gives the money back!

The Pope is walking through the streets of Vatican City...

... and he sees two beggars holding up cans for money. One of them is holding up a Christian cross, and the other a Star of David. The Pope sees that the one with the cross is, of course, getting much more money than the one with the Star of David, with some people only giving money to the Christian to spite the Jew. The Pope decides he has to intervene.
So he taps the Jew gently on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me. I noticed that you didn't have anything in your tin and I wanted to point out that in Vatican City, begging for money with a Star of David isn't a very good method of getting any, especially with a man with a cross next to you. Perhaps you should try a different city?"
The Jewish man laughs out loud, shocking the Pope. He turns to the Christian and exclaims, "Hey Abraham! Look who's trying to teach the Goldberg brothers marketing!"

Why does god always need money?

He's a greedy jew.

Two jews are walking past an evangelical church...

When they see a sign in the window, "accept Jesus today and we'll give you $10,000"
Goldberg says to his buddy Strausman, "Hey Straussy wait here I'm gonna go rip these g**... out of ten grand!"
"Wait!" Strausman responds, "what if you get s**... in and you lose your faith?!"
"Don't worry, Strausman. Once a Jew always a Jew. I'll say *I am found,* I'll do the dunking thing, I'll accept Jesus, badabing badaboom, and Ill walk out with $10,000!"
So Goldberg goes in and an hour later walks out to a worried Strausman. "So? Did you get the ten grand?"
"You jews, all you think about is money!"

Two Jews walk by a Christian church. . .

There is a sign on the door that says, "convert to Christianity and receive $100". One of them speaks up and says, "I'm going in." His friend says "you're really going to change religions for $100?"
"A $100 is a $100, I'm doing it!" And he walks inside.
A few minutes later he walks back out and his friend says, "Well? Did you get the money?"
He replies, "Oh, that's all you people think about isn't it?"

Two Jews at Miami Beach

Two Jewish men from New York pass each other walking down Miami beach. They see each other walking every now and then over a couple months and eventually introduce themselves and walk together. After walking for awhile the first said to the second how did you end up here in Miami. The second man told him that he owned a garment factory until there was a fire that burnt it to the ground and because he was older he decided to just keep the insurance money and retire. When the second asked the first how he came to be in Miami he told him it was a very similar story. He also had owned a garment factory until a flood destroyed it which also cause him to retire. After their talk they walked for a minute or two and the second man turns to the first and asks, how exactly do you start a flood?

They say of rich Arab oil families that the first generation rides in limosines, the second generation drives SUVs, and the third is poor again.

Well that's what happens when you don't keep any Jews around to manage your money.

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church.

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends meet again in front of the same church, and one of them confides to the other: "I still wonder if that offer is serious." the other replies condescendingly: "Ah you Jews, all you think about is money!"

Two Jews walking down the street

Two Jews are taking an afternoon stroll. As they pass St. Joseph's Cathedral they notice a sign posted on the front door.
**CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM
GET $50!**
"$50!!," exclaims David. "What a great deal, we can just convert back after!"
"Hold your horses," says Aaron. "It could be a scam, tell you what, I will go and do it, we'll see if this deal is real."
Aaron goes into the cathedral and David waits outside.
Finally, after an hour passes, Aaron comes out of the cathedral.
"So? Was it a scam? Did you get the $50??," asks David.
Aaron replies, "Is it always about the money with you people?"

A men goes to a priest...

-Father, I am a sinner...-
-So, what you've dove?-
-I hid a jew in my basement during the second world war.-
-But this one isn't a sin, it's a very honorable thing.-
-I made him pay 300 pounds a month-
-Well, those are a lot of money but you saved him so you can go and may God be with you.-
-Ok then but... should i tell him that the war is over?-

A friend convinces a jew to donate to charity...

The friend sees the jew put an envelope in the donation box and asks him
"How much money did you put in there?"
The jew replies "Money? Are envelopes really worth nothing nowadays?"

A Jew gets robbed

The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"
The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.
The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"
The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

A businessman wakes up from a coma

"What happened?" The businessman asks the nurse who was in his room.
"Sir, you have been in a coma ever since the September 1, 1939. Your whole family has been dead for many years, your company has filed for bankruptcy and now you have no money left in the bank"
"Ah, that's okay as long as I can still see my favorite 6 million jews!"

Old jews telling jokes

Two old Jews Shmuel and Moshe are walking down the street and see a sign outside of a church that says:
"Jews, come let us save your soul! Convert and we will give you $50!"
Shmuel and Moshe look at each other, amused by such mishegas, and plot that Moshe should go in, listen to their schtick, and then they can share the money. Shmuel waits for much longer than he expected, he is waiting outside for hours. At last, Moshe comes out and Shmuel says:
"Finally! I at least hope you got the $50 after all that."
Moshe says, "What *is* it about you people and money?"

One day, 2 Jews were hanging around

They found a notice outside a church. It said: Get converted and get $50.
The first Jew went inside. When he came outside, his friend asked "So did you get the $50?"
The boy replied: "You Jews only care about money."

How five Jews changed the way we see the world:

Moses: "The Law is everything"
Jesus: "Love is everything"
Marx: "Money is everything"
Freud: "s**... is everything"
Einstein: "Everything is relative"

A billionaire is in a hospital and needs a blood transfusion.

He turns to his Jewish friend and says. "I'll pay you 100,000 dollars for a blood transfusion. The Jew happily agrees? Excited for the money.
Then a month later the man needs a another transfusion and offers the Jew 10000 dollars for the blood. The Jew happily agrees.
Then a month later the man needs another blood transfusion. He offers the Jew 10 dollars. The Jew says "first 100000 then, 10000 now a ten? What's wrong?"
The man then says "must be all the Jewish blood in me."

The well

An Arab sold a well to a Jew. The next day, the Arab went back to the Jew and said," I sold you the well, not the water inside it. If you want to buy the water, you'll have to give me more money." The Jew smiled and said," I was just about to call you because of that. Since you didn't sell me the water, you're either going to have to move your water or pay me an hourly rent for storing your water."
Thanks BrokeBorkLensar for the correction

An old Jew is sitting on a park bench

reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His friend Harry walks by, stops, and says, "Irv, what are you doing reading that paper? You should be reading The Jewish Journal.'"
Irv says, "'The Jewish Journal' has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel...all kinds trouble for Jewish people. I like to read good news."
Harry says, "What good news could possibly be in that paper?"
Irv says, "Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money, the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the Jews control Hollywood. See? It's all good news."

Why do a Jew, an Italian, and a r**... go to stripclubs?

The Jew goes to pick up the rent.
The Italian goes to pick up his protection money.
The r**... goes to pick up his daughter.

Two old Jews, sitting on a park bench ...

The one old guys says, "Simon, you just won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"
Simon replies, "Well, I was thinking of going back to the old country and putting up a big statue in the town square."
"That sounds nice. A statue of whom?"
"I'm going to put up a big statue of Adolph h**...."
"WHAT?? Are you meshuggeneh!!?? He killed 6 million Jews!! Why on Earth would you put up a statue of h**...???"
"Oh, I owe everything to h**...! Look ... [rolls up his sleeve] ... he gave me the winning numbers!"

jokes about jew money

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these jew money jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.