The Best 17 Jesus Is Watching You Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jesus Is Watching You jokes. There are some jesus is watching you moses jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jesus is watching you source puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jesus Is Watching You Jokes and Puns

A burglar

While robbing a home a burglar hears someone say "Jesus is watching you."
To his relief he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something he heard. The burglar asks the parrot "What is your name?"
The parrot says "Moses"
The burglar goes on to ask "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies "The same kind of man that names his rottweiler Jesus."

Jesus knows you're here

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shines his flashlight around the house looking for valuables when a voice in the dark says "Jesus knows you're here." Freaked out, he turns his flashlight off and freezes, but hears nothing more so shakes his head and continues. As he is disconnecting cables from the TV, he hears very clearly "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he shines his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. In the corner of the room he spots a Parrot. "Did you say that?" he asks. "Yes," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you." The burglar laughs a bit, "warn me huh? Who in the world are you!" "Moses." The bird replies. With a now humorous tone, the burglar asks "What kind of person would name a bird Moses?" The bird replies "the same kind of people who would name a rottweiler Jesus."

A burglar breaks into a house...

He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As the burglar continues his search he finds some electronics, but before he can stuff them in his bag he hears the voice again moaning "Jesus is watching you". This time the burglar takes a good look around the room he's in and realizes that there is a bird cage with a parrot in it. He walks up to the parrot and asks, "Did you say that?". The parrot stares at him for a second and replies "yes". The burglar realizes that the parrot is somewhat intelligent so he asks "What's your name?". The parrot squawks "Moses".
"What kinda guy names his parrot Moses?"
"The same kinda guy who names his vicious rottweiler Jesus"

Jesus Is Watching You joke, A burglar breaks into a house...

Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are about to watch the World Cup Final...

Francis says, "sorry, but I spoke to Jesus last night and he said he'd do all he can to help Argentina win." Benedict says, "that's too bad, I spoke to Satan and he said he'd do everything he can to help Germany win." The game starts, and Francis says, "is that referee Italian?" Benedict says, "Yep. Hail Satan."

So, A Man Breaks Into a House...

He begins looking for valuables and such when he hears a voice.
"Jesus is watching you."
The man looks around for the source of the voice. It speaks again.
"Jesus is watching you."
After a few moments, the man finds a parrot in a cage.
"Jesus is watching you." It says.
The man smirked. "Hey there, little guy. What's your name?"
"Moses."
"What kind of people name their parrot Moses?"
"The same kind of people who name their rottweiler Jesus."


I watched a documentary on Jesus the other day.

It was brilliant. Never had I experienced such thought provoking story telling in a documentary.
I particularly enjoyed the end. I think they absolutely nailed it.

Jesus take the wheel

Carlos take the stereo, Manuel get the seats and I'll be the Juan on watch.

Jesus Is Watching You joke, Jesus take the wheel

Next time someone asks you if you've found Jesus

Tell them that it wasn't your turn to watch him, and they should have used bigger nails.

Jesus is watching you

Jesus is playing golf with St Peter...

... he hit the ball straight into a lake. He then walks onto the water to retrieve his ball... a man watching says "Who does he think he is? Jesus?"

St Peter replies "He IS Jesus but he thinks he is Tiger Woods"

A robber breaks into a house

and he hears a voice saying

Jesus is watching you

he stops but then assumes it must be just in his head. Again he hears

Jesus is watching you

finally he looks over and sees a parrot. He says to the parrot what's your name? The parrot says Moses the robber replies "what kind of people name their parrot moses?? The parrot says the same people who name their pitbull Jesus

You can explore jesus is watching you nazareth reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jesus is watching you drunk dad jokes. There are also jesus is watching you puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I had a dream last night...

In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.

Thief breaks into a house

A thief broke into someone's house at night. Out of nowhere he hears "Jesus is watching you". He turns to the left, nothing, then to the right, still nothing. He hears it again "Jesus is watching you". He looks up and sees a parrot.
Thief: "What's your name?"
Parrot: "Moses"
Thief: "What idiot names their parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same idiot that names his rottweiler Jesus"

Christmas movie surprise.

Last night I watched a Nigerian Christmas Movie and on that part when Mary (Jesus's mom) told Joseph that she's pregnant...
Joseph was surprised and shouted; Oohh Jesus Christ!!!

A burglar broke into a house. As he was opening the safe, he heard a voice

The voice was saying "Jesus and I are watching you". The burglar turns around and sees a parrot.

"Stupid bird, it was you that scared the hell out of me"

"Yes, it was me, Aristotle"

The burglar laughs and says "That's a stupid name for a parrot"

The parrot replied "Well, Jesus is a stupid name for a doberman"

Jesus is watching you

A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."

Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"

The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."

Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"

Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."

Jesus Is Watching You joke, Jesus is watching you

I'll only watch a Passion of the Christ sequel under one condition.

Jesus has to say, you crossed the wrong guy!

Nailed it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jesus is watching you voice jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jesus is watching you christ piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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