The Best 35 Jesus Crucified Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jesus Crucified jokes. There are some jesus crucified jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jesus crucified puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jesus Crucified Jokes and Puns

how do we know that jews crucified Jesus?

they used one nail for both legs

I made a Jesus joke today...

And I completely nailed it.

(Please don't crucify me this was just for a pun)

Why wasn't Jesus allowed to return to his food service job after he was crucified?

They were afraid of *cross*\-contamination

How do you think Jesus felt about being crucified?

I'll bet he was a little cross.

I understand why Jesus was crucified

But the crown of thorns is a real head scratcher.


Jesus crucified on the cross yelled out Peter's name

Peter! Peter! Peter!

Peter wasn't allowed to go near the cross by the soldiers, so with great difficulty he fought them all off.

With tears in his eyes eventually he reached the cross and joined both his hands,
"What is it my lord?"

"Peter, i can see the roof of your house."

Today, Jesus rose from the dead. He had been wipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified.

In fact, he was beaten so badly you'd think he flew united.

If Jesus comes back and is crucified again

Does that mean he's been double crossed

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and Matt Gaetz?

Matt Gaetz is not coming back after he's crucified

There were two thieves who were also being crucified next to Jesus. One of them said, Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.

Jesus looked towards the thief and said, Truly I say to you, today you shall be with me in para...ARE THOSE MY SANDALS!

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?

I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*

You can explore jesus crucified reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jesus crucified dad jokes. There are also jesus crucified puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Ever hear the joke Jesus made right before he was crucified?

I heard he nailed it.

Jesus didn't become Holy until after he was crucified

How did Jesus feel when they crucified him?

He was cross.

If Jesus died on 4/20, he wouldn't have been crucified....

he would've been stoned to death

Why was Jesus crucified and not electrocuted?

Because if they had electrocuted him, today, 100 million Catholics wouldn't bless themselves with a cross. They would scream "Aaaarrrrrgggghhh!" and shake.

I love showing up to religious conventions cosplaying as a crucified Jesus.

I'm a cross dresser.

With faint voice, crucified Jesus calls Petrus...

"Petrus, come closer, I have to tell you something important."
Petrus steps to the cross, looking up to Jesus: "Yes master, what is it?"
"Please come closer.", Jesus whispers.
Petrus takes a ladder and climbs up to Jesus. "Yes master, I'm here, what is it?"
Jesus: "From up here I can see our house."

Do you think Jesus was upset about being crucified?

I heard he was pretty cross about the whole thing.


What did the Centurion say when he crucified Jesus?

Nailed it

Backwards Compatibility.

People hated on the new console generation because they weren't backwards compatible, the Internet practically crucified Sony and Microsoft. But really people have always been like this.

Did you see what they did to that Jesus guy when he announced Christianity was no longer backwards compatible with Judaism?

When Jesus Christ was crucified his cross was custom made

It fit him to a t

What do you call a crucified zombie?

Jesus Christ.

Guys, I think I know why Jesus got crucified

Someone crossed him

What did the Romans say to each other after crucifying Jesus?

"Nailed it!"

I've never been crucified...

But Jesus, that must hurt!

There was this church that was so so small

That instead of having a crucified jesus they had one hanging

Q: What happened to Jesus when he said "

Catch me outside, how bout dat"?

A: He got crucified

Why do people say Jesus Christ is going to come back?

It's not like he's been crucified to a boomerang or something.

What was Jesus' reaction to being crucified?

He was cross.

When Jesus was crucified, what was the cause of death?

Cross Contamination

What did they call Jesus Christ when he was crucified?

Holy

Why is crucified Jesus always depicted with six pack abs?

He did CrossFit.

My son's teacher called and said my son might be the next Jesus

because they crucified him on the playground

Jesus was first betrayed by Judas then he was crucified...

I guess jew could say he was double crossed...

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jesus crucified jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jesus crucified piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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