Jesus Christmas Jokes
32 jesus christmas jokes and hilarious jesus christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jesus christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Jesus Christmas Short Jokes
Short jesus christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jesus christmas humour may include short jesus christ jokes also.
- Jesus was born on Christmas, died on good friday and rose on Easter. What are the odds?!?!
- I wish I was Jesus so instead of listening to the same Christmas songs every day if the office, I could be dead.
- Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day. It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.
- What is something you want to hear in Christmas But not in a Mexican prison? Jesus loves you
- Those presents the three wise men got baby Jesus... ...where they for Christmas or his birthday?
- If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday? Sales at K-Mart
- Everybody knows Christmas is way better than Easter Even when it comes to Jesus -- the concept is better than the execution.
- I find it very strange and coincidental that Jesus. Was born on Christmas day and died on good Friday.
- Jesus celebrated each birthday on Christmas... ... imagine the amount of presents he must have gotten!
- Isn't it a huge coincidence... That Jesus was born on the same day as Christmas, how crazy is that?!
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Jesus Christmas One Liners
Which jesus christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jesus christmas? I can suggest the ones about santa christmas and happy christmas.
- You know why the gates of heaven are always left open? Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!
- What does Jesus get for Christmas? Older.
- Why do we say Merry Christmas? We should say Happy 2018th Birthday Jesus!
- Know Thyself, said Jesus. in the biblical sense. Merry Christmas.
- What name does Jesus use when delivering pizzas?
Chjesus Chrust - It's Christmas Jesus Huekber
Uproarious Jesus Christmas Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about jesus christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean christmas holiday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jesus christmas pranks.
Jesus's favorite gun
My uncle is a member of the NRA. He came over for the Christmas dinner wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. I noticed his shirt and complimented it.
He then took his jacket off and showed me the back. On it, Jesus was holding a PK in one hand and an AK-47 on the other. Above it was text that reads "What would Jesus shoot?" That question was a no brainer. I answered "a nail gun."
I don't know why he got mad. Jesus was a carpenter.
Who knows where Jesus is?
A Sunday School teacher was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
Christmas movie surprise.
Last night I watched a Nigerian Christmas Movie and on that part when Mary (Jesus's mom) told Joseph that she's pregnant...
Joseph was surprised and shouted; Oohh Jesus Christ!!!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wish Jesus was born on another day than Christmas
Then we wouldn't have this entire brouhaha in December every year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The earlier we start Christmas...
the more likely Jesus will be born dangerously p**....
As a kid I always thought that Jesus was unbelievable...
...I thought it was impossible for him to perform all of those miracles in just the four months between Christmas and Easter.
What would've happened if Jesus Christ didn't make Christmas?
It would've just been "mas".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three p**... are discussing the meaning of Easter
The first p**... says, "Easter is that time of year when your family comes over for the night. You sit down to a big turkey dinner and you watch football.
"No you m**...," said the second p**.... "That is Thanksgiving. Easter is the time of year when a fat man in a red suit comes down your chimney and leaves you presents underneath a tree."
"Don't be s**...," said the third p**.... "You should know that is Christmas. Easter is the time of year when Jesus died for our sins and was put behind a boulder. Then in three days, he pushed the boulder out of the way, stepped outside, saw his shadow and ran back inside shouting six more weeks of winter."
Christmas
His teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmastime?
Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.
"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...and begin to sing: What A Friend We Have in Jesus. Then we all go to the Bahamas .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Santa's Jokes
Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.