The Best 31 Jerusalem Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jerusalem jokes. There are some jerusalem jew jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jerusalem kraft puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jerusalem Jokes and Puns

An old friend told me this...

Three middle aged jewish men are sitting around one afternoon. The first one says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He came back as an atheist!" The second man says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He married a Christian!" The third man without missing a beat says, "Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did, he converted to Christianity!" All of a sudden they hear the voice of God and He says, "Oy, that's nothing! I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did..."

Can't take that chance

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker

told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man

thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and

you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take

that chance."

Jerusalem by Don McLean

I think the song could be greatly improved if at the line: All roads lead to you, the singer shakes a fist and yells out Take that, Rome!

Jerusalem joke, Jerusalem by Don McLean

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are discussing where to holiday...

The Holy Spirit, predictably, suggests Las Vegas, but God says he feels like a change this year.

God suggests Jerusalem, but Jesus vetoes - not after last time...

Jesus suggests The Vatican City. "Sounds good to me." says God. " Yeah I'd like that," says the Holy Spirit, "I've never been."

Did you know that Kraft is building a factory in Jerusalem?

They're calling the operation Cheesus of Nazareth...


A Jamaican man's wife dies in Jerusalem

A Jamaican man and his nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it could cost $500, 000 to ship her home to Jamaica or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said, "ship her home" shocked, the undertaker asked, but sir why don't you bury her in holy land and save the money? To which the husband replied. A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead.......I can't take that chance.

A man and his ever-nagging wife are on vacation in Jerusalem

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the holy land, for $150.

The man thought about it, and finally decided he would have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when you can have her burried here for so much less?"

The man replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was burried here, and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Jerusalem joke, A man and his ever-nagging wife are on vacation in Jerusalem

COOL HUSBAND :D :P :)

Husband & wife went to Jerusalem. Wife died there.

Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $10000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".

Man:"........ I'll take the body home!!!"

Priest:" Why the costly option?"

Man: " Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. I CAN'T TAKE THE RISK" !!!

So I was in Jerusalem and a man was trying to sell me a gold watch...

I kept telling him I don't want it. It looks too fake, not real gold.

He looked at me and says "It's not fake, Israel."

An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..

...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.

Couple went to Jerusalem...

And the wife died there..

Priest : Sending her body to home will cost you $10,000 , but burial in this holy city will cost just $100.

Man : I'll take the body home.

Priest : Oh,you must really love your wife a lot...

Man : Nothing like that father.....
Just that Jesus was buried here......
and he came alive the third day...

You can explore jerusalem isreal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jerusalem mort dad jokes. There are also jerusalem puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Traffic on Good Friday

How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?
Cross traffic doesn't stop.

Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem

One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.

'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'

'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'

'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'

Did you hear about the magician who went to perform on stage in Jerusalem?

He got absolutely crucified

A couple of Aliens land in the middle of Jerusalem and see all the worshippers...

One looks to the other and says "See, they still believe your bullshit, pay up!"

A crusader walks into the bar

The bartender ask the crusader: "What will you take?"

Crusader replied: "I will take Jerusalem!"

Jerusalem joke, A crusader walks into the bar

Jesus walked into a hotel in Jerusalem

And asked if they could put him up.

Do you like food and travel!?

Why should you got to Jerusalem for the food?

Because israeli good.

Why couldn't Jesus play int he match opposing Jerusalem to Nazareth?

Because he was suspended.


Why Did Baby Jesus Go to Jerusalem?

A catechist asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.A small child replied, They couldn't get a baby-sitter?

Food from Jerusalem may not be the best

But Israeli good

I'm really worried about Jerusalem being recognised as the capital of Israel.

Who's going to Tel Aviv?

Jerusalem is not a fake city!

Israel

Zuckerberg visits Jerusalem...

BREAKING NEWS: Iran announced they will be moving their Embassy to Jerusalem

All their documents, files, blueprints, CD's, videos are already there.

What do you call an aquatic pleasure trip to Jerusalem?

A cruiseade.

Jerusalem is the capital of Israel

But don't Tel Aviv I said that

Jerusalem has a lot of petty crime. Thieves will steal anything not nailed down.

...which is why they even had to nail down Jesus.

Burial dilemma.

Husband & wife went to Jerusalem and the Wife died there.

Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $5,000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".

Man:"I'll take the body home!!!"

Priest:"Why the costly option? You must really love your wife a lot"

Man: "Nothing like that Father.. Just that Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. Why take unnecessary risk!!!

I heard Netflix and Yahoo are merging. They are moving their HQ to Jerusalem.

They'll be known as Net 'n' Yahoo.

my nagging wife died suddenly on a trip in Jeruselum

Funeral director: "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem"

Me: "ship her home"

Funeral director: "But sir, why don't you bury her here in the Holy Land and you can save money"

Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jerusalem israel jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jerusalem pilgrimage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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