Jersey Jokes

What are some Jersey jokes?

I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.

I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".

"Is that your real name?", she asked.

I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?

Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

Why are people in New York always so sad?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is *New Jersey*

Thinking about opening up a sperm bank in New Jersey.

Gonna call it: "Get a load of this guy over here!".

What's the Difference between NHL Players and the Jersey Shore Girls?

NHL Players shower after three periods.

If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware?

I dunno, Alaska.

What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites?

New Jersey picked first.

Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.

The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.

The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs

Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.

Did you hear about this year's newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?

The swim-fast diet.

Know why New Yorkers are so cynical?

For them, the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

How do you get a Rams fan to stop beating his wife?

Put her in a Patriots jersey

This Hurricane should have been called Snooki...

The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.

Did you hear what sandy did to New Jersey?

A few billion dollars worth of improvements

Jersey Girls aren't trash

Trash gets picked up

Last week, I took a Dallas Cowboys jersey away from my 2-year-old nephew.

It was a choking hazard.

Since I have a lot of exams next week...

I decided to buy a Seahawks jersey. That way, I'm sure to pass even if I shouldn't

If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey, what would Delaware?

I don't know but Alaska

A New Salesman

A young guy from N. J. moves to Fla. He goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a sales job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in New Jersey."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101,237.65."

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

"Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,

"So I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft."

"Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK?!"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got to choose first

I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal

It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.

If Mississippi went to Missouri for a New Jersey what did Delaware ?

Don't know, Alaska

What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey hooker?

A hockey team showers after 3 periods.

Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...

do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?

In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey

Hobo Ken.

Why are New Yorkers so skeptical about everything?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey

A guy is scoping out chicks in a bar...

...when he sees one wearing a Kansas City Chiefs jersey.

He walks up to her and says, "Hi. My name is 21 Point Lead."

The woman laughs and replies, "That's not your name!"

The guy says, "You're right, but I figured anyone wearing a Chiefs jersey would blow a 21 point lead."

My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it stinks.....

So I drove her to New Jersey

Snooki's kind of like Hurricane Sandy...

She's large, slow-moving, an has blown just about everyone in the Jersey Shore.

Why are New Yorker's sad?

The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

How to fix a broken vacuum.

If you ever come a cross a broken vacuum, put a toronto maple leaf hockey jersey on it.

It will start sucking right away.

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

I thought Jersey Shore was going to be about Jersey cows.

I was right.

TIL The New Jersey Devils have never changed their logo or uniform design/colours.

No new New Jersey jersey.

I was making out with my girlfriend in my car when she said "OOH DARMOK!! KISS ME DOWN WHERE IT SMELLS!"

...so I drove her to New Jersey.

I was watching Jersey Shore the other day when I thought...

I didn't know I had animal planet.

Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino was indicted on tax charges today

The Situation does not look good legally.

Why do people drive so fast in New Jersey?

So as to get the f\*ck out of New Jersey.

Why do Long Islander's have the lowest suicide rate in the US?

Jersey is the light at the end of the tunnel.

She said "kiss me wear it stinks"

So I took her to New Jersey and kissed her

Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.

Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.

Where do hockey players go to get another uniform?

New Jersey

Why did Jason Pierre-Paul change his jersey number from 90 to 9?

Because he lost a digit!

What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?

It depends on The Situation.

I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors

I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome

Do you want my Aaron Hernandez jersey?

Its hanging in my closet.

Two bulls are standing in a field.....

..its a cold morning and one bull says to the other..
"It's a bit chilly this morning"
to which the second bull says
"I know, i might just go slip into a jersey........."

A Joke for Hockey Fans

A Devils fan, a Rangers fan and an Islanders fan are all standing at the edge of a cliff, staring death in the face. The Devils fan screams out "this is for New Jersey!" and proceeds to jump, plummeting to his death. The Islanders fan then screams out "this is for New York!" and shoves the Rangers fan off the cliff.

What did Delaware

New Jersey

Whats the name of that old reality show where they go fishing and catch a bunch of crabs?

Oh, right.

Jersey Shore...I miss that show.

How do you kill a vampire from New Jersey?

With a New York steak.

What are two things you don't pick up in New Jersey?

The trash and the women.

What does Deleware?

A New Jersey

Why did Kobe Bryant go to New Jersey after he got arrested?

Because he needed one.

I was putting on a Warriors jersey...

But my friend said "that's a choking hazard."

If two teams of football players hosted a game at a beach..

Would it be a Jersey Shore?

What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day?

It goes into a barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

Why should you never buy golf equiptment made in New Jersey?

Because New Jersey drivers are terrible

Why does New York have all the lawyers while New Jersey got all the garbage dumps?

New Jersey got to pick first

I'm going to wear a Seahawks jersey to my next exam so I know that i'll pass.

What sign encourages you to make a U-Turn on the highway?

"You are now entering New Jersey."

A Bitter Cold Day

Q: What does a bull do on a bitter cold winter day? ...

A: He goes into the barn and slips inside a warm Jersey

Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic dumps?

New Jersey got to pick first.
- from Law and Order

What does a guy from Philly dunk his pretzel in?

a girl from Jersey.

Why are people from the Jersey Shore so stupid?

"Why are people from the Jersey Shore so stupid? They can only count to tan"

Whats the official jersey of Nascar?

A white wifebeater

How to make Jersey jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Jersey to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Jersey? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Jersey pick up lines to share with friends.

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