Jehovahs Witness Jokes

A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who shows up to your door for no reason.

A Jehovah's Witness Came By Yesterday

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I've put on a p**... of coffee, do you want some? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then motioned toward the kitchen table and we both sat down. We sat and looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Then I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before..."

God is in an argument with Jehovah...

about which one of their faiths is the true one.
"That's it, I've had it with this! I am taking the matter to the supreme court." he said
"I'd like to see you try." said Jehovah. "I have witnesses."

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?

They prefer to not have windows.
[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. Source: my ex-wife was a former member]

Guy comes to my door and asks if I want to be a Jehovah's Witness

I said, "Hey man I didn't even see the accident"

I opened a window to let a fly out...

and three more flew in, along with five mosquitoes, three ladybugs, a bird, and a Jehovah's Witness.

An Atheist, a Vegan, and a Jehovah's Witness walk into a bar..

I know because they told everyone in less than a minute.

What do you call a chinese Jehovah's witness?

Ding d**...

What does a tweaker and a Jehovah's Witness have in common?

Both ride bicycles and are on a mission.

What's the difference between windows 10 and a jehovah witness

None, they just keep asking you to let them in

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" The Jehovah's Witnesses look at each other and says to the houseowner, "We don't know what to say, we've never made it this far."

What are Jehovah witnesses called in Chinese?

Dind d**...

A Jehovah's Witness came to my door today.

That prosecutor is insane when it comes to getting that guilty verdict.

Jehovah's witnesses are always b**... on my door everyday

Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.

Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake...

Because they are always in your doorway.

Trump opens a window in the white house to let a fly out..

And In comes 3 bees, 5 mosquitoes, 2 Jehovah's witnesses and some i**... Mexicans.

The World's Most Politically Correct Joke

THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE
A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a m**..., a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.
Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.

A couple of Jehovah witnesses!

A couple of Jehovah witnesses knocked on my door. When I answered, they asked "If they could come in and talk to me about Jesus."
I said sure and walked them to my living room. After sitting down on the sectional, I said ok what do you want to talk about?
They replied, " we're not really sure sir, we haven't ever made it this far before."

What's the difference between a Skoda and a Jehovah's Witness?

You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.

I saw justice in action today for the first time ever.

I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah's Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses hate Halloween?

They have to compete with other strangers going door-to-door.

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?
Me: Of course! please come in!
[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]
Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a m**...?

I have no idea but I can't get him off my porch

Did you hear about the really popular film about stalking Jehovah's Witnesses?

It had a cult following audience!

I've just joined the Jehovah's Observers.

It's like being a Jehovah's Witness but we don't like to get involved.

An office hired a m**... and a Jehovah's Witness.

Soon after, there was an open door policy.

What's a quick way to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses?

Ask them if they're here for the o**....

A jehovah's witness knocks on a door

An old jew opens it. The jehovah's witness asks excuse me, sir, but have you had a chance to read the bible?
Oh, my dear, replies the jew, we wrote it.

How many jehovah's witnesses do you need to change a lightbulb?

Idon´t know... haven´t let them in neither.

A group of Jehovah's witnesses were walking around in a big city.

One of them said " looking at beautiful women is a sin. So, whenever you see one, always say "Oh Lord! Forgive me".
After sometime one of them said "Oh Lord! Forgive me"
Everyone else said "where?"

How do you get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses who come knocking on your door?

Tell them you're an avid blood donor.

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

A Jehovah's Witness knocked at my door this morning.

Could you spare a few moments to talk about the Judgement Day? he asked.
Well, I replied, I'm not a big fan of the Terminator series. I Said

The Jehovah's Witness don't seem to get the hint with my Koran, so...

Islam the door in their face

A Jehovah witness was going from house to house looking to talk to people

He approached a house and saw a man. "Good day" he said "do you have time to discuss, I'm Jehovah witness?"
"Sure" said the man. He let him in the house and they just kept staring at each other until the man asked "so what do you want to talk about?"
Then confused Jehovah witness just said " I don't know, no one has let me in before"

Knock, Knock. Warning.

Warning.
If you receive a knock knock email. Do not open it.
It will be Jehovah Witnesses working from home.

Did you hear that Judas turned state's evidence against the lord?

He had to go into the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

You know the only good thing about quarantine?

I haven't seen a jehovah's witness in awhile.

What do a Jehovah's Witness and my boyfriend have in common?

I never let them come inside, no matter how much they beg

At The Door

One day, a woman's doorbell rang. The weather was very bad. The woman opened the door, and there stood a young girl, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. The woman felt sorry for her, so she asked the young woman into the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off.
The woman wanted to make conversation as the two drank their hot chocolate, so she asked the Jehovah's Witness, "So, what's the message you're passing along?'"
The girl stuttered and said, "I'm not sure. I never got this far."

I once knew a Jehovah's Witness who became a stand-up comedian.

But all he knew was knock knock jokes.

You Know It's Hot When ...

Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
Catfish are already fried when caught ...
Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ...

I had a Jehovah witness

Knock on my door one day and asked to come in and speak with me about Jesus.
I said sure come on in, so we went to living room and sat down. And I asked, so what do you want to talk about?
And they said we're really not sure we have never made it this far before.

Which part of Italy has no Jehovah's Witnesses?

Sicily. It's a really dangerous place for witnesses.

I'm in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

I have to go door-to-door and tell people I'm somebody else.

Sicily isn't a safe place for Jehovah's Witnesses.

I've heard that Sicilians really don't like witnesses.