The Best 59 Jehovah Witness Jokes

A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.

He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.

Why do Jehovah's witnesses hate Halloween? They don't like people knocking on their door!

Why don't the Clintons like Jehovah's Witnesses?

The Clintons don't like ANY witn

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who shows up to your door for no reason.

A Jehovah's Witness Came By Yesterday

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I've put on a pot of coffee, do you want some? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then motioned toward the kitchen table and we both sat down. We sat and looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Then I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before..."

God is in an argument with Jehovah...

about which one of their faiths is the true one.

"That's it, I've had it with this! I am taking the matter to the supreme court." he said

"I'd like to see you try." said Jehovah. "I have witnesses."

Jehovah's Witness

I was just wondering………..if a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to heaven and knocks on heaven's door….. does Saint Peter answer the door or does he hide like the rest of us???

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?

They prefer to not have windows.

[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. Source: my ex-wife was a former member]

Guy comes to my door and asks if I want to be a Jehovah's Witness

I said, "Hey man I didn't even see the accident"

An Atheist, a Vegan, and a Jehovah's Witness walk into a bar..

I know because they told everyone in less than a minute.

What do you call a chinese Jehovah's witness?

Ding Dong

Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy?

The mafia doesn't like witnesses.

Just had a Jehovah's Witness come to the door and ask if I had found Jesus yet.

I said no, isn't he under the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program?

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?

Because Italians hate any witnesses.

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" The Jehovah's Witnesses look at each other and says to the houseowner, "We don't know what to say, we've never made it this far."

What do jehovah's witnesses believe in?

That I will open the door

What are Jehovah witnesses called in Chinese?

Dind Dong

If a religious person testifies in court...

...does that mean they're a Jehovah Witness?

Jehovah's witnesses are always banging on my door everyday

Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.

Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake...

Because they are always in your doorway.

Trump opens a window in the white house to let a fly out..

And In comes 3 bees, 5 mosquitoes, 2 Jehovah's witnesses and some illegal Mexicans.

The World's Most Politically Correct Joke

THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE

A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a Mormon, a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.

Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.

A couple of Jehovah witnesses!

A couple of Jehovah witnesses knocked on my door. When I answered, they asked "If they could come in and talk to me about Jesus."

I said sure and walked them to my living room. After sitting down on the sectional, I said ok what do you want to talk about?

They replied, " we're not really sure sir, we haven't ever made it this far before."

What's the difference between a Skoda and a Jehovah's Witness?

You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.

I saw justice in action today for the first time ever.

I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah's Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses hate Halloween?

They have to compete with other strangers going door-to-door.

What is a jehovah witnesses favorite band?

The Doors.

My drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness as a disguise...

He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people actually let him in

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?

Me: Of course! please come in!

[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]

Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?

I have no idea but I can't get him off my porch

What is the name of a Jehovah's Witness's place of worship?

Your doorstep

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses believe Christ had no beard?

Jesus shaves.

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

A very jolly father named his son Jehovah

so as to laugh at his witness at a wedding

I've just joined the Jehovah's Observers.

It's like being a Jehovah's Witness but we don't like to get involved.

An office hired a Mormon and a Jehovah's Witness.

Soon after, there was an open door policy.

What's a quick way to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses?

Ask them if they're here for the orgy.

A jehovah's witness knocks on a door

An old jew opens it. The jehovah's witness asks excuse me, sir, but have you had a chance to read the bible?

Oh, my dear, replies the jew, we wrote it.

How many jehovah's witnesses do you need to change a lightbulb?

Idon´t know... haven´t let them in neither.

What r two words u should never say to a Jehovah's Witness?

Come in!

A group of Jehovah's witnesses were walking around in a big city.

One of them said " looking at beautiful women is a sin. So, whenever you see one, always say "Oh Lord! Forgive me".

After sometime one of them said "Oh Lord! Forgive me"

Everyone else said "where?"

Ever wonder how a Jehovah's Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

A Jehovah's Witness knocked at my door this morning.

Could you spare a few moments to talk about the Judgement Day? he asked.

Well, I replied, I'm not a big fan of the Terminator series. I Said

The Jehovah's Witness don't seem to get the hint with my Koran, so...

Islam the door in their face

Did you hear that Judas turned state's evidence against the lord?

He had to go into the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

You know the only good thing about quarantine?

I haven't seen a jehovah's witness in awhile.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

What do a Jehovah's Witness and my boyfriend have in common?

I never let them come inside, no matter how much they beg

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses' favourite part of Middle Earth?

More door.

TodayI discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween...

I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors

At The Door

One day, a woman's doorbell rang. The weather was very bad. The woman opened the door, and there stood a young girl, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. The woman felt sorry for her, so she asked the young woman into the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off.

The woman wanted to make conversation as the two drank their hot chocolate, so she asked the Jehovah's Witness, "So, what's the message you're passing along?'"

The girl stuttered and said, "I'm not sure. I never got this far."

I once knew a Jehovah's Witness who became a stand-up comedian.

But all he knew was knock knock jokes.

You Know It's Hot When ...

Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
Catfish are already fried when caught ...
Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ...

I just found out that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween.

I guess they don't like random strangers showing up at their door.

I had a Jehovah witness

Knock on my door one day and asked to come in and speak with me about Jesus.

I said sure come on in, so we went to living room and sat down. And I asked, so what do you want to talk about?


And they said we're really not sure we have never made it this far before.