Jeez Jokes

40 jeez jokes and hilarious jeez puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jeez that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Jeez Short Jokes

Short jeez jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jeez humour may include short gosh jokes also.

  1. I was browsing Toys R Us and the aisles said "Girls 3-5", "Boys 5-7", etc. Jeez, just let me buy something. I don't need the whole guilt trip about who made it.
  2. Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from? I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez.
  3. I saw a man cutting a pizza with a smart phone I know it's cutting edge technology but jeez
  4. I went to buy a new stereo the other day They were organized by brand and size. Jeez I hate seeing stereotyping these days.
  5. What did the annoyed coffee say when it saw an old acquaintance... Oh jeez, not this mug again
  6. A German, Frenchman, and Pakistani walk into a bar "Jeez, we should lower the bar" the Olympic hurdle committee exclaimed.
  7. I hate the people who shout "THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR YOU CREEP". Who plays those kind of jokes anymore? You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.
  8. While a couple was cuddling up the girl perks her head up and asks "babe, you'd never cheat on me would you?" "of course not. Jeez, what is up with you galls today?"
  9. A young man walks in to a pharmacy to buy a pack of condoms Cashier: would you like a bag?
    Man: jeez, she's not *that* ugly!
  10. I saw a sign today while driving out in the country: PICK YOUR OWN BLUEBERRIES! I though- Jeez, what set *them* off???

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Jeez One Liners

Which jeez one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jeez? I can suggest the ones about jesus christ and whoa.

  1. Women tell me Just be yourself, be more confident. I'm like... jeez pick one!
  2. Aziz Ansari should just change his name to Ah-jeez I'm-sorry
  3. What do you call the wafers you get at church? Jeez-Its
  4. What did the french baker say after a long day of work? Jeez, I baguetting tired.
  5. What is Mary and Joesph's Favorite Snack? Jeez-its
  6. Boss: Why did you write up all instead of appal in this document?!? Me: Appal? Oh jeez
  7. What did the zebra say when he was bit by a lion? Jeez bruh!
  8. What do you call Wisconsin s**... parties? Ohh Jeez
  9. What do you call Christ on a c**...? Jeez-It's.
  10. Jeez mom! They aren't s**... dolls, they're s**... action figures!!

Jeez joke, Jeez mom!

Humorous Jeez Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about jeez you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gees jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jeez pranks.

Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...

Two jewish guys are walking down the street when they spot a sign outside a church: "Today Only: Convert to Christianity and we will give you 100 bucks cash!"
"I'm gonna do it," o**... tells the other and disappears through the church door.
5 minutes later he's back. "Well, Did you get the cash?" his buddy asks.
"Jeez Is that all you people think about?" comes the friend's reply.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, m**...?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

What did God say when he saw Eve walking out of the sea competely n**...?

Jeez, I'll never get that smell out of my fish.

Man finds a Genie in a bottle

Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

Nurse: "Oh jeez, was that you that fell 20 ft out of the tree?"

I don't know, I wasn't counting.
Not much of a joke but it was hilarious when my grandpa said it at the hospital (happened to him ofc).

A guy walks into his office with both his ears bandaged up

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, What happened to your ears?
He says, Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.
The boss says, Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?
He says, Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!

Guy goes in for a checkup...

... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"
The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."
Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."
"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"
Doc replies, "You've got Alzheimer's."
"Hey, you know at least I don't have AIDS."

Police officer approaches a drunk man urinating on the street late at night and said.

"Sir, you'll have to accompany me to the police station" the drunk guy responded with a grunt "Jeez! You became a police officer, and still afraid of walking in the dark? Okay I'll walk you home, but don't tell anyone"

Two Elderly Couples are Having Dinner…

Man #1: We had dinner last week at this amazing restaurant. Four courses and a dessert that was heaven
Man #2: Sounds nice. What was the name of it?
Man #1: Oh jeez, my mind isn't as good as it was, I'm drawing a blank. What's the name of that flower with the thorns on it?
Man #2: You mean a rose?
Man #1: That's it! Hey! Rose! Where did we eat last week?

An elderly lady takes a cab ride

When she gets to her destination the drìver says, "That'll be $15."
The old lady lifts up her skirt and says, "How about I pay you with this? "
"Aw jeez lady!" the driver says, "Don't you have anything smaller?"

A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...

He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"
The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"
The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"

This w**... in the bathroom tried talking to me while I was on the toilet.

Just because the stall door is open doesn't mean I'm here to chat. Jeez, have some boundaries dude.

2 bikers going for a ride...

They decided to stop for a leak off the side of a bridge. As they're doing their business, one biker says "jeez, the water's cold". The other one says "jeez, the bottoms rough...".

n**... Two sperms were swimming for the egg...

One s**... says to the other "Jeez, I'm tired! How long til we get to the egg?" The other s**... says, "It's going to be a while, we just got past the colon."

9 martinis

I walked into a bar ,a guy was sitting at a table ,with 9 martinis in front of him . I say ." Jeez man what are you celebrating.?"
He replies " my first b**....".
Me::" congratulations ,bro ,let me buy you another ."
Him :: no thanks ,,if 9 don't get the taste out of my mouth ,I doubt another will help ."

A lion calls 911 and gets put on hold.

a couple of minutes later...
911 what is your emergency?
Jeez Finally! One of our lion cubs was eaten by a hyena!
Are the other cubs safe??
Well, I actually got really hungry while I was on hold...

Jeez joke, I saw a sign today while driving out in the country:  PICK YOUR OWN BLUEBERRIES!