The Best 30 Jeez Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jeez jokes. There are some jeez omg jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jeez yikes puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jeez Jokes and Puns

What did the annoyed coffee say when it saw an old acquaintance...

Oh jeez, not this mug again

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

Man finds a Genie in a bottle

Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"

"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"

"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"

"Ok, I want to understand Women"

"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"

Jeez joke, Man finds a Genie in a bottle

I hate the people who shout "THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR YOU CREEP". Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

Jeez mom!

They aren't sex dolls, they're sex action figures!!


Nurse: "Oh jeez, was that you that fell 20 ft out of the tree?"

I don't know, I wasn't counting.

Not much of a joke but it was hilarious when my grandpa said it at the hospital (happened to him ofc).

Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from?

I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez.

Jeez joke, Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from?

A guy walks into his office with both his ears bandaged up

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, What happened to your ears?

He says, Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.
The boss says, Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?

He says, Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!

MLK day

I'm kinda surprised it's a national holiday. I mean, I love milk as much as the next guy, but jeez.

What did God say when he saw Eve walking out of the sea competely naked?

Jeez, I'll never get that smell out of my fish.

I went to buy a new stereo the other day

They were organized by brand and size. Jeez I hate seeing stereotyping these days.

You can explore jeez geeze reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jeez argh dad jokes. There are also jeez puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An elderly lady takes a cab ride

When she gets to her destination the drìver says, "That'll be $15."
The old lady lifts up her skirt and says, "How about I pay you with this? "
"Aw jeez lady!" the driver says, "Don't you have anything smaller?"

What do you call Wisconsin sex parties?

Ohh Jeez

While a couple was cuddling up the girl perks her head up and asks "babe, you'd never cheat on me would you?"

"of course not. Jeez, what is up with you galls today?"

I was browsing Toys R Us and the aisles said "Girls 3-5", "Boys 5-7", etc.

Jeez, just let me buy something. I don't need the whole guilt trip about who made it.

What did the french baker say after a long day of work?

Jeez, I baguetting tired.

Jeez joke, What did the french baker say after a long day of work?

A German, Frenchman, and Pakistani walk into a bar

"Jeez, we should lower the bar" the Olympic hurdle committee exclaimed.

nsfw Two sperms were swimming for the egg...

One sperm says to the other "Jeez, I'm tired! How long til we get to the egg?" The other sperm says, "It's going to be a while, we just got past the colon."

Police officer approaches a drunk man urinating on the street late at night and said.

"Sir, you'll have to accompany me to the police station" the drunk guy responded with a grunt "Jeez! You became a police officer, and still afraid of walking in the dark? Okay I'll walk you home, but don't tell anyone"


Guy goes in for a checkup...

... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"

The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."

Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."

"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"

Doc replies, "You've got Alzheimer's."

"Hey, you know at least I don't have AIDS."

I saw a sign today while driving out in the country: PICK YOUR OWN BLUEBERRIES!

I though- Jeez, what set *them* off???

A young man walks in to a pharmacy to buy a pack of condoms

Cashier: would you like a bag?

Man: jeez, she's not *that* ugly!

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

2 bikers going for a ride...

They decided to stop for a leak off the side of a bridge. As they're doing their business, one biker says "jeez, the water's cold". The other one says "jeez, the bottoms rough...".

A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...

He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"

The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"

The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"

A lion calls 911 and gets put on hold.

a couple of minutes later...

911 what is your emergency?

Jeez Finally! One of our lion cubs was eaten by a hyena!

Are the other cubs safe??

Well, I actually got really hungry while I was on hold...

Women tell me Just be yourself, be more confident.

I'm like... jeez pick one!

I saw a man cutting a pizza with a smart phone

I know it's cutting edge technology but jeez

9 martinis

I walked into a bar ,a guy was sitting at a table ,with 9 martinis in front of him . I say ." Jeez man what are you celebrating.?"

He replies " my first blow job.".

Me::" congratulations ,bro ,let me buy you another ."

Him :: no thanks ,,if 9 don't get the taste out of my mouth ,I doubt another will help ."

This weirdo in the bathroom tried talking to me while I was on the toilet.

Just because the stall door is open doesn't mean I'm here to chat. Jeez, have some boundaries dude.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jeez gee jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jeez golly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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