Jeep Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I'm 1/16th Cherokee...

Not by ancestry, but because I got into a terrible accident in my Jeep and the doctors were unable to remove all the shrapnel.

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.

A friend of mine said, I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?


She did, I replied, But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!

Army Wargames

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."

The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."

They helped.

A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.

The other 2% made it home.

An English, and Irishman and a Scotsman...

...are traveling through the desert in a jeep but eventually run out of fuel. They continue the journey by foot but only take 1 item each.
The Englishman takes an umbrella, when asked why he replies, "I can use it to provide shade against the hot sun".
The Scotsman takes the biggest bottle of scotch, when asked why he replies, "To quench my thirst".
The Irishman takes a door from the jeep, when asked why he replies, "When I get to hot, I can just roll down the window".

There was a bad accident at the Air Force base.

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.

I like my women like I like my jeep

Topless and easy to get into.

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in Africa

They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist says, "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a white zebra! There are white zebra's! We'll be famous!"

The statistician explains, "It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra."

The mathematician corrects him: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side."

The computer scientist exclaims "Oh, no! A special case!"

My wife crashed the car listening to Adele,

She was rolling in the jeep

The generals chauffeur was late...

and the general needed to be at a meeting on the other side of the base in ten minutes. The luckless private chauffeuring the jeep was going around corners on two wheels, running red lights and speeding like a maniac.

The general asks the private, "Son, do you know what the penalty is for making a general late for a meeting?"

The private, imagining firing squads, stammers "N-no sir! I don't!"

The general replies "Neither do I. But I bet it's a lot less than the penalty for maiming or killing one!"

So a guys goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Jeep.

The sales guy thinks for a moment and says, Yeah, O.K. that is a fair swap.

What brand of car would the Roadrunner be?

Jeep Jeep

The Marine Corp and the radio

One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, California, we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a large radio in the back.

"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.

Several hands went up, and anticipating a ride in the jeep, recruits began listing their credentials. Everything from a degree in communications to a part-time job in a repair shop was declared.

The DI listened to all the contenders, then pointed to the most qualified. "You!" he barked. "Carry the radio."

Singer Adele was rushed to the hospital after a fatal car accident

Paramedics said they found her rolling in the jeep.

I was driving a jeep in a new video game

It was a little buggy

Two hunters were driving down a narrow two lane road in an off-road jeep, and saw a sign that said 'Bear Left'...

They turned around and went home.

Four blondes are about to get into a jeep and start arguing over who will sit next to a window.

I just bought a SUV...

... Because it was a'going Jeep.

My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night

She ended up rolling in the Jeep.

Nyuck!

*Middle of the desert*


Moe: Our Jeep has broken down, I better go for help!

Larry: Here's an umbrella take it with you to protect yourself from the Sun!

*Moe sets off looking for help*

(The next day)

Larry: Moe still ain't back I better go look for him and help!

Curly: Here's a bottle of water, take it with you in case you get hot and thirsty and need to cool off!

*Larry sets off looking for help*

(The next day)

*Larry and Moe are at a camp they discovered both are looking off into the horizon and see Curly approaching, he's carrying a door from the Jeep*

Moe: why are you carrying the door from the Jeep?

Curly: When it got too hot I just rolled the window down!

What are the funniest jeep jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Jeep? Well, here are the best Jeep puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Jeep pick up lines to share with friends.

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