Jedi Jokes

Why did the Jedi kill his master?

To get to the other side.

Did you hear about the Anorexic Jedi?

She had to be force fed.

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

What do you call an Italian Jedi?

Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

Why are there no Jewish Jedi family's?

Because they have no force kin

What do you call a nervous Jedi?

Panakin

What did the Jedi order at the Italian restaurant?

Only one cannoli.

Why do the Jedi refuse to measure temperature using Kelvin?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

What do you call a Mexican Jedi?

Obi-Juan

What does a Jedi on a budget eat for dessert?

Only one Cannoli

Why can't you email photos to a Jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden

Why does Yoda have the best seat on the Jedi Council?

He gets a seat next to a Windu.

What did the jedi tell his ex wife?

May divorce be with you.

Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

How much dessert does a dieting Jedi eat at an Italian restaurant?

Only one cannoli.

Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?

His name was Only One Cannoli.

At my trial the judge asked me how i justified using force to get women to sleep with me...

Apparently "Because I'm a Jedi" wasn't a good enough excuse

The Jedi know what we're getting for Christmas

They have sensed our presents

What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies?

Obi-Gyn Kenobi.

The Last Jedi was really good

Definitely in my top 10 Star Wars movies

Why are Jedi so bad at rugby?

Because there is no try.

My wife screeched at me, "What's this pile of clothes doing on the floor!?"

I whispered, "It's a dead Jedi!"

What do you get when you cross a Jedi with a nun?

a force of habit

Why don't Jedi parents let their kids use the Force at the dinner table?

Like any other parents, they believe children should not be Force-fed.

Yoda is telling a joke to the Jedi Council...

"Why was six afraid of seven?" he asks. Everyone remains silent, and he says: "Because nine seven eight!"

Where do evil Jedi go to pray?

The Sithteen Chapel.

My wife got really mad at me earlier when I tried to force feed our young son...

"Just use the fork!" she said. "You're not a Jedi!"

Why did Vader (Anakin) finally rebelled against the Emperor?

In Episode 3, he helped carry out Order 66 to kill all Jedi.
In Episode 4, he helped carry out Order 67 to destroy Alderaan.
In Episode 5, he helped carry out Order 68 to destroy rebel base on Hoth.
In Episode 6.... the Emperor was just too old and nasty for Vader to carry out Order 69.

How is circumcision like the Great Jedi Purge?

They both get rid of the force kin!

What do you call a Mexican Jedi youngling?

A padajuan.

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?

To get to the Dark Side.

Happy May 4th

My friend and I recently watched the Star Wars films back to back in preparation for The Last Jedi...

unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the screen.

Creds: The one liner king Milton Jones

Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi.

So I'm forcekin.

Which Jedi can save PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

Why is a Jewish Jedi Master always an only child?

Because he has no Force-kin.

What do you call a flying Jedi?

A skywalker. (I'm really sorry)

Luke Skywalker went to the Jedi temple

Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialized and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.

Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastically. We fight all the time, and we never seem to do anything together anymore. I'm starting to think there's someone else here too, like she's cheating on me. Ben, I'm not sure what to do."

Obi-Wan responded "Use divorce, Luke"

(OC) What's the dirtiest part of a Jedi?

The Forceskin.

In honor of today's date (May the 4th be with you) I came up with a Star Wars joke

Did you hear about the new Jedi beer?

It's Force Ale.

How do Jedi close programs

force quit

What do you call a Jedi that won't calm down?

Panakin Skywalker!

Why are Jedi kids so fat?

Because they were force fed.

What do you call a family of jedi?

A force kin

How many Jedi does it take to screw in a hallway lightbulb?

None, because once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.

Why couldn't the Jew become a Jedi?

He didn't have the force-kin

Why can't you send files in an email to a Jedi?

Attachments are forbidden!

What did the Jedi Knight say to the proctologist?

"These aren't the 'roids you're looking for."

What does a Jedi Rabbi say to a Christian?

May the foreskin be with you

An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker's last pastry.

Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!

Rewatched The Last Jedi and noticed that they missed an opportunity when they named the black BB droid.

They should have called him BBc.

What do you call a plastic Jedi?

Manakin.

Jedi Knights love analogies.

"Metaphors be with you!"

In the vein of today's Star Wars announcement, a topical joke

In a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke: "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously: "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader: "Because I've felt your presents..."

After a BJ, the girl asked the jedi how it felt. (NSFW)

He replied "It was as if millions of potential voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced"

Where do Jedi go to get inked?

Tattooine.

Why can't you email a picture to a Jedi?

Because attachments aren't allowed

Star Wars Fans Want The Last Jedi To Be Removed From The Star Wars Cannon

They are Separatists!

What do Jedi Knights say to encourage the use of analogies?

"Metaphors be with you."

"Remember, Luke, a Jedi always has doubts about something. Only a Sith can be 100% sure about everything."

"Dad, are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

What do Jedi sheep sound like?

Dagobah.

Why was the Stormtrooper so sad when his Jedi friend left?

He always misses him.

We have collected gags that can be used as Jedi pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Jedi, here are one liners and funny Jedi pick up lines.

Joko Jokes