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Jealous Wife Jokes

27 jealous wife jokes and hilarious jealous wife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jealous wife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Jealous Wife Short Jokes

Short jealous wife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jealous wife humour may include short angry wife jokes also.

  1. My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating... Apparently jealous was not the right answer.
  2. My wife gets jealous when I go grocery shopping... There's always a cashier checking me out.
  3. A cockroach's last words to a husband: "Go ahead, kill me coward. You are just jealous I will make your wife scream more than you do when I climb her."
  4. "How many men have you slept with?" A jealous husband asks his wife.
    "Only you," she replies.
    "Good."
    "All the others were awake."
  5. My wife is upset and jealous about the one night stand I had. We are going to go out and buy one for her side of the bed today.
  6. A man was going to kill a cockroach Man: Any last words?
    Cockroach: You're just jealous of me.
    Man: Why would I be jealous of you?!
    Cockroach: Because I can make your wife scream louder than you can!
  7. Why did the man squish the cockroach? Because he said to the man, "Go ahead, kill me coward. You are just jealous I make your wife scream more than you do when I climb her.'
  8. What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it? You're just jealous, because I can make your wife scream louder than you can.
  9. A Racist, a viciously jealous wife and a socialist walk into a room... Welcome to the US General election debate!
  10. My wife is the jealous type... If I so much as look at another woman, she snatches the binoculars right out of my hands!

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Jealous Wife One Liners

Which jealous wife one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jealous wife? I can suggest the ones about cheating wife and cheated wife.

  1. My wife is an angel. All my friends are jealous because their wives are still alive.
  2. I'm not homophobe... I'm only jealous because my wife is a nag.

Jealous Wife Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about jealous wife you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean annoying wife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jealous wife pranks.

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.

I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.
Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and property I had.
At my wit's end, I was so angry that when I caught them, I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

Guy is looking for a new secretary...

Jealous wife: You should not get beautiful young girl with a great body. Hire someone who is older, isn't beautiful, married, has children and does not have a great figure.
Husband: OK, when can you start?

John( talking to his counselor ): My wife just hired a young,handsome and muscular man to be our driver..

Counselor: So,you're jealous?
John: No,im just wondering?
Counselor: Wondering about what?
John: We dont have a car.

A 70 year old shows up at the country club with his new wife, a gorgeous 25 year old v**...

His buddies are in awe and terribly jealous. "But you're so much older! How did you ever persuade her to marry you?"
"It was easy... I told her I was 90."

The jealous husband!

After the husband heard that his wife was cheating on him, he went home furiously and saw his wife cheating with his friend. He shoots his friend right there and he dies. The wife, after saw what happened, said to her husband:
Honey, if you keep doing that, you will lose all of your friends

My wife is a bit jealous and said I can't do anything with another woman that my wife and I do together.

I guess that means I can sleep with another woman but I am not allowed to listen to them complain about their mother.

What did the cockroach say to the man that was about to kill him?

Your just jealous that I can make your wife scream louder than you can!

Why did Kareem Abdul-Jabbar give up being a Wizard?

Cuz he got jealous every time his wife asked to ride his Magic Johnson

This wife is too jealous

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"
The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

A man found a genie in a magic lamp and was granted three wishes.

The genie said, "For every wish you make, your wife gets two." The man asked for a car and the genie gave his wife two. Then the man asked for a house and again his wife got double. The jealous husband said, "For my last wish, beat me half to death."

Jealous husband

Jealous husband: "My wife where are you?"
Wife: "At home love."
Husband: "Are you sure?"
Wife: "Yes"
Husband: "Turn on the blender."
Wife: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
Husband: "Ok my love goodbye."
Another day, Jealous husband: "My wife where are you?"
Wife: "At home love."
Husband: "Are you sure?"
Wife: "Yes"
Husband: "Turn on the blender."
Wife: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
Husband: "Ok my love goodbye."
The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, finds his son alone and asks him "Son, where is your mother?"
Son: "I don't know, she went out with the blender….."

One night a fellow drove his secretary home...

... after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"