Java Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Why do Java programmers need glasses?

Because they can't C#.

Why do Java Programmers wear glasses?

Because they don't C#.

Why do blind programmers use Java?

Because they can't C.

(I'm so sorry.)

Why do java coders wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

Why do JavaScripters wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

Why do Java engineers wear glasses?


Because they can't C#

A zombie walks into a brain store

On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug

to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java.

He hates me.

I made a java program to tell me my purpose.

It keeps saying "Null point exception", so it works great.

Why do java developers always wear eyeglasses?

Because they dont C#

Coffee maker in the IT department doesn't work

Try reinstalling Java.

Why can't Java programmers see well?

Because of the eclipse

Why do java developers wear glasses?

Because they don't c#

My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be Java Developer.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that means he'll be making the coffee.

This never gets old!

Saying Java is Good Because it Works on All Operating Systems, is Like Saying Anal Sex is Good Because it Works on all Genders!!

Why does Java programmers always wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

Why did the javascript programmer need glasses?

Because he couldn't C#

If i create a Java class public Class Woman{}

Am I objectifying women?

As a programmer, I had a shit day

I spilled Java all over my paper, found a Python in my backpack, and to top it all off, I got a C++ on my final exam.

To follow up on the Java/C# joke...

Q: Why did the Java Developer quit his job?

A: Because he didn't get arrays.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"

"Install the latest version of the Java Runtime Environment", I said. Silly guy, now he's all confused. People these days... SMH.

After I drink coffee I like to show the empty mug to my friends...

We work in IT and I tell them that I have successfully installed JAVA. They kind-of hate me.

I'm trying to teach my cat Java programming...

But he keeps complaining about a NullLaserPointerException.

Why do programmers make terrible dates?

They take you out for Java and try to get you to bed.
To make matters worse, their skills in the bedroom is pretty BASIC so they only ever get a C++ rating.

I'm old fashioned when it comes to coffee. If someone offers me a hot cup of java, I say no thanks.

I'd much prefer a cup of C++.

"For Dummies"

In an effort to reinvigorate my interest in reading, I decided to visit Barnes and Noble. I walked past the romance section, I strolled by the mystery books, until I came across the "For Dummies" series.

For those that don't know, *For Dummies* is a series that explains things in a simplistic manner, so that anyone can try to understand them.

I found *Java for Dummies.* That's great! I wouldn't mind learning how to code.

I found *Violins for Dummies.* That's fantastic! I'd love to learn violin.

Then, I came across *Athletic Scholarships for Dummies.*

I never realized they came in any other way.

What do programmers say when surprised?

By Java!


A computer programmer was asked if he used Java or something else.

After a short pause, he replied "Yes."

Don't you say that about Java.

Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders

The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with all the esoteric programming languages like LOLCODE and Brainfuck. Normally a programming language as big as Python would be angry at this placement, but instead Python politely asks Java,

"Excuse me. What's a bracket?"

Saying Java is good because it works on Windows, Linux and Mac OS is like saying...

Anal sex is good because it works on men, women, and animals.

I thought Java file readers were a huge pain in the ass...

...but colonoscopies are way up there.

Two friends, Java and C, are sitting in a bar late one night having a chat.

Two friends, Java and C, are sitting in a bar late one night having a chat. Intrigued by their exotic languages, a steady stream of guys have been walking over to hit on them. However, they're all paying a lot more attention to Java, leaving poor C stuck in a loop back and forth to the bar.

After a few more iterations, C's feeling a little tipsy. Eventually, she plucks up some courage and asks the next guy why he's so keen on Java and not her.

He replies: "It's nothing personal C, really. I just prefer girls with a little more class."

What does C++ say to the Java?

You had me at "Hello World"

What's the difference between a normal intern and a tech intern?

One gets people coffee, and the other sends Java programs

I thought it was coffee break...

... when I saw "Java Script" on schedule.

Then I realize it was Speech n Drama.

Why is my computer so slow in the morning?

It hasn't had its cup of Java yet.

How do you describe a thick girl who codes Java and Ruby?

"baby got back-end"

Why does 2 ^ 3 = 1?

Because JavaScript was designed by heretics.

So I was in my Java class today...

*this* is way too difficult to understand at first

Air Asia Accident - java reference

So some remains of the Air Asia Airline were found in the Java sea.
Guess the pilot didnt C#.

Why do Java developers have bad eyesight?

Because they can't C#

I felt so good when I woke up today

that I even let Java install its update.

Opera Mini 8 for Java and BlackBerry phones

The IT department hates me

I finish my delicious cup of morning coffee and kindly let them know "I successfully downloaded java again!"

What are the funniest java jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Java? Well, here are the best Java puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Java pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes