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Jars Jokes

57 jars jokes and hilarious jars puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jars that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Jars Short Jokes

Short jars jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jars humour may include short pickle jar jokes also.

  1. I changed the tags of my mother's herb jars. She hasn't notice it yet.. But the thyme is cumin
  2. I relabeled all the jars in my mom's spice rack I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.
  3. My girlfriend told me to move out as i am no help around the house. So as i walked out i tightened the lids on all the jars in the kitchen.
  4. Most people think I'm sick and twisted... But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.
    In a jar.
    On my desk.
  5. An Affair I recently had an affair with a jar of chocolate spread ..... If you see my wife, you better nutella
  6. Jesus at Last Supper *breaks bread* This is my body
    *pours wine* This is my blood
    *opens jar of mayo*...
    Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there
  7. I switched the label on the jars in my wife's spice rack. She hasn't noticed it yet... I know the Thyme is Cumin.
  8. At the last supper Jesus lifted the bread and spoke, "This is my body." He then lifted the wine and said, "This is my blood."
    He lifted a jar of mayo...
    Peter: "Okay, that's enough!"
  9. I have a jar in my garage labeled, "My Bachelor Years." It's filled with a bunch of random screws.
  10. Why is it called "canning" if it's storing things in glass containers and not cans? Because renaming it at this point would be jarring.

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Jars One Liners

Which jars one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jars? I can suggest the ones about cans and soup cans.

  1. I have a jar full of jars, I call it jar jar, and when I shake it, Jar Jar Clinks
  2. What kind of cancer was Jar Jar diagnosed with? Meesathelioma.
  3. I bought two jars of queso instead of one... The other one is just in queso-mergency.
  4. How did Chef Gordon Ramsay lose 100 pounds in under a month? He started a swear jar.
  5. Somebody threw a jar of mayonnaise at me yesterday I was like, what the Hellman?!
  6. Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me What the Hellmann?
  7. Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today I was like, What the Hellman?
  8. Why does fruit dislike being preserved? The process is jarring.
  9. Who opens the jars in a lesbian relationship? No one.
    They eat out.
  10. When is a door not a door? When it's a jar.
    (Doctor Who knew how to pun in the 60's)
  11. What do you call a stolen jar? A free mason.
  12. What's the best trade a palindrome has ever made? A nut for a jar of tuna.
  13. My friend has Tourettes. He doesn't have a bank account.
    He has a swear jar.
  14. Some one just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me! I yelled, **What the Hellman!**
  15. Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam? It said "twist to open"

Mason Jars Jokes

Here is a list of funny mason jars jokes and even better mason jars puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • i tried to donate blood today. it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
  • I like my women like I like my mason jars Wide mouthed and full of alcohol!
  • if you receive a mason jar at no cost.... does that make it a freemason jar?
  • What do thrifty Illuminati members like to put their pickled vegetables in? Free Mason jars. :D

    \[\[ Stupidest joke I ever came up with, today at work in the Dish Pit. \]\]
  • Why didn't the mason jar need a paternity test? Because the resemblance was uncanny.
  • I went to dnate blood today... Turns out it has to be your own. Now they wont return my mason jars.
  • I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.
  • Can your secret society friend hook me up with some free mason jars? Yes, but they are two dollars.
Jars joke, Can your secret society friend hook me up with some free mason jars?

Comical Jars Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about jars you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean swear jar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jars pranks.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

I'm so glad I married a big strong program like WinRAR

He can open all of my .jars!

Why is it called canning when you put things in jars?

Because calling it anything else would be too jarring.

When I was a young boy,

My grandmother walked into my bedroom and caught me playing with myself. She smacked me and said "Shame on you! Save that for when you're 21!"
By the time I turned 21, I had sixteen jars.

My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars.

Now she'll have to talk to me.

Man walks in on his son

A man walks in on his son m**..., and gets really mad "Hey, save that for when you are older!"
By the time the kid was 18, he had three jars full.

Who opens stuck jar lids in a lesbian relationship?

Usually, it's the male side who deals with stubborn jars in a straight relationship. But who to be charged with this sacred duty in a lesbian relationship?
The answer is no one, they eat out all the time.

I accidentally walked in my roommate and saw him slathering himself with jars of Mayo.

What the Hellmann!

I just bought five jars of Mayonnaise so I'm all set for...

Cinqo De Mayo!

A parkourist walks into a restaurant

He sees 5 jars.
"What are those?"
The waiter says "Some are suger, Summersalt"

A robber walks into a s**... bank...

... turns to the female receptionist and says: 'You, open the fridge!'. Terrified, she opens the fridge. 'Pick up one of the jars!'. Spooked, she picks up one of the jars. 'Now open it and s**... it!'. 'Please, no!'. 'Do it!' he says, and she swallows it. The robber removes his mask and it's the receptionist's husband: 'See honey, that wasn't so hard!'.

Two jars of peanut butter are fighting.One of them backs off...

The other one says;YOU BUTTER BACK OFF!

What does a neckbeard put in jars?

MarMa'lady

Some morbid baby jokes

What's scarier then ten babies in o**...?
A: One baby in ten jars
How do you got a baby in a container?
A: blend it.

Not PC anymore, but it made my grandfather laugh so I'm sharing it.

Two gay men went to a f**... director to make their final arrangements. "We want to be cremated and have our ashes mixed together." said the men.
The f**... director said "Well we have a fine selection of...umm."
"Urns?" asked the men
"No, fruit jars." said the f**... director.

How do lesbian couples open jars with no man in the house?

They use a strap wrench

I have a collection of old Jars I can only look at when it's dark.

The Day Jar viewing was getting too repetitive.
The Day Jar viewing was getting too repetitive.

I'm putting sesame street characters in brine jars

Pickle me elmo

"Honey, I'm pregnant," said my girlfriend.

She's so proud she's started telling the jars in our cupboard.

What do Gungans prefer to use for storage?

Jar Jars.

What do Gungans put things in?

Jar Jars.

Blonde Joke

Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".

A fun bit of history

Most people don't realize that back in 1912 Hellmanns was produced in England.
The Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment that was scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was the next port of call for the ill fated ship after its stop in NY. This would have been the largest single shipment of the condiment ever delivered to Mexico at the time.
And the ship sank.
The Mexican people loved the condiment so much, and the loss was so devastating tgat the Mexican people declared a national day of mourning the day the shipment qas suppose d to arrive. This tradition is observed every year of course on May fifth, otherwise known by the locals as Sinko de Mayo.
Cheers!

Jars joke, A fun bit of history

jokes about jars