Japanese Jokes
146 japanese jokes and hilarious japanese puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about japanese that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of Japanese jokes! From funny stories about Samurai to jokes about sushi, these jokes are sure to get you laughing.
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Funniest Japanese Short Jokes
Short japanese jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The japanese humour may include short sushi jokes also.
- Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?" "I am not Master Akira."
- What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
- According to ancient Japanese lore, a person's aura takes a particular colour right before they die. Cyan Aura.
- What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
- I wanted to join the Yakuza, but I got it mixed it up with Jacuzzi . Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
- How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people? Use a Geiger counter
*Cr - Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl? You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.
- What do you call an alcohol free Japanese city? Nadasaki
- My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food Sushi left me.
- I warn you not to mess with me! I know Karate, Judo, Aikido, Jiujitsu and 22 other japanese words.
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Japanese One Liners
Which japanese one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with japanese? I can suggest the ones about rice and noodles.
- Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
- A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.
- I once thought I had a Japanese friend. But it was just my imagine Asian.
- How do you say " 'sup dawg" in Japanese? Konichihuahua
- How do you say goodbye to 20,000 Japanese? With a big wave.
- What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!
- How do you say "no" in Japanese? EA.
- How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello? Konnichihuahua
- What was Hannibal Lecter's favorite Japanese food? Rawmen
- What do Japanese men do when they have erections? They vote.
- What do you call a fantastic Japanese teacher? Sensei-tional
- How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl cry? 10 tickle
- What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan
- 50% of Japanese doctors have Cataracts... The other 50% drive Rincolns.
- When did Japanese start eating egg? A long tamago
Japanese Car Jokes
Here is a list of funny japanese car jokes and even better japanese car puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A plane full of Japanese car parts just exploded in mid-air Apparently it's raining Datsun cogs
- What do you get when you mix Nintendo and Japanese cars? Super Honda Odyssey
I'm sorry - There are japanese car parts falling from the sky here It's raining datsun cogs
- What kind of car does a Japanese horse drive? A neigh-san
- What does a Japanese person say when their older brother crashes their car? Oh, Nissan!
- What do you call a green-skinned, pointy-eared Star Wars action figure driving a Japanese car? A toy Yoda driving a Toyota.
- What car does a japanese girl love to ride Nee-san
- Q: What do Japanese kids say when they want to ride in the front seat of the car? Shogun!
- What do you call a Japanese car thief? Tommy Tukamoto
- I bought a new Japanese car. I turned on the radio... I don't understand a word they're saying.
Japanese Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny japanese food jokes and even better japanese food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food? Because they prefer ramen.
- I asked my girlfriend to buy me some Japanese food. ... sushi did.
- I just couldn't decide which asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese. I ended up calling it a Thai.
- What did the Japanese guy say when he tried Mexican food? Takoyaki!
- What is a Japanese person's favorite Korean food? kimchi, because it makes them feel good. (I woke up at 4am for this.)
- What do you call it when a late 60s rock band uses japanese cooking techniques to prepare food on a griddle? Steppenyaki
- Modern food, I just don't get it. I mean, Japanese-style batter and deep fry, I've no quarrel with that. But then they start applying this to these giant salt-water eels...
*O tempura! O morays!* - What do you call a Japanese person delivering sea food pizza? Crust-Asian.
- What's a Japanese house pet's favorite food? Catsu Curry
- What is Shaka's favorite Japanese food? Shakitori!
Japanese Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny japanese name jokes and even better japanese name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Japanese friend bought a new Sentra and named it 123 When I asked why 123, he replied with
"Ichi Ni san" - A Mario joke I heard for the first time today: Mario is a Japanese character, so his family name could be Itsumi, or in Japanese name order…
Itsumi Mario - What did the thankful Japanese man name his half-Jewish half-Mexican cat? Arigato
(Credit to my brother who just made it up) - What did Japanese-mexican name his cat? Ari-gato
- What is another name for a Japanese hot tub? A Yakuzzi
- I'm a Hispanic man and started a family with my Japanese wife. The kids names are Mikasa and Tsukasa, we're gonna stop visiting my folks for a while because they always laugh at them.
- What should we name this ancient Japanese throwing knife? A: Let's just name it the first thing that comes to mind, think you can handle that?
B: Sure I can. - A Japanese lady chopped her toe in an accident Her name was Ms.Shinomoto
- I have a Japanese friend named Kaku... ...last name Saka
Japanese Sake Jokes
Here is a list of funny japanese sake jokes and even better japanese sake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Japanese man walks into a bar.. Just for the sake of it.
- Last night I was bored so I entered a drinking competition in a japanese restaurant It was only for the sake of it
- I stole a Japanese alcoholic beverage from Pennywise. When police asked me why I did it I couldn't give them a reason - I just did it for the sake of it.
- What do you call a barefooted Japanese man? No sake
- Did you hear about the Japanese man who suffered burns trying to save a bar? He did it for his own Sake
- What's the difference between Japanese sake bars and doctors in Oregon? One of them serves adults in Asia...
- A Japanese commander invites Darth Vader to dinner He asks him " Will you be there tonight at 8 PM Lord Vader?"
Vader says " I hope so commander, for your sake ". - Why do Japanese people go to an alcohol shop? Just for the Sake of it.
- I asked my Japanese father why he drinks before church. "For Christ's sake, don't ask!"
- Why did the japanese man buy a bottle? Just for the sake of it.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Japanese Jokes
What funny jokes about japanese you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soy sauce jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make japanese pranks.
I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"
Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An average Englishman has s**... 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has s**... once or twice a year.
This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.
A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.
"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.
"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.
"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man.
"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" asks the Jewish man.
So the Chinese man punches the Jewish man.
"Ow! What's that for?" asks the Jewish man.
"It's for the Titanic," says the Chinese man.
"What? That was an iceberg that brought down the Titanic!" says the Jewish man.
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane.
Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face.
"What was that for?" asks the Chinese man..
"For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man.
"That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says.
"Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference?
Few minutes later, the Chinese man slaps the Jewish man.
"What was that for?" asks the Jew.
"It's for the Titanic."
"The Titanic? That was an iceberg..."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" says the Chinese man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Japanese spice d**...?
Pepper-oni.
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes b**...?
Hen-tie
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?
He doesn't, they are both Aryans.
A Black Guy, a Japanese guy, a Chinese Guy, an Arab, a Turk and a second Black guy walk into a bar
The Arab guy sits down at the bar and subsequently, he gets served first.
The bartender says, "what'll it be?"
The Arab guy says to him, "I think I'll get a Mich Ultra. Nothing too high calorie; I'm actually trying to lose a few pounds for the upcoming charity 5k next month."
The bartender looks at him and says, "well that's all well and good, but I don't see why you need to bring races into this."
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know the Japanese mass m**... was a chef?
He spent his day cutting up vegetables
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.
I mean, they're all Chinese.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Korean and a Jew
Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?
Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.
Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?
Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?
Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.
Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Maybe every nation has ninjas
And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.
Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.
"How nice!" said the teacher.
"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese doctor has a Jewish patient.
"Listen," says the patient, "I didn't think we were going to get along so good together."
"What do you mean?"
"What do I mean! Pearl Harbor, that's what I mean!"
"What are you talking about, Pearl Harbor? I'm Chinese!"
"Yeah, well...Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same thing."
"What do you mean, all the same thing? The Jews sunk the Titanic!"
"The Jews sunk the Titanic?"
"Sure. Greenberg, Goldberg, Iceburg, all the same to me!"
What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians?
Comic Sans
A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When i was younger i had a invisible Japanese friend...
***as i grew up i just realised it was just my imagine-asian***
I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are.
Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.
How do Japanese people learn to say milk in English?
Dairy practice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?
With a Geiger Counter.
I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters.
If you want, I can samurais it for you.
There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die
He's unbereavable
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Know what's the hardest thing about having s**... with a Japanese girl?
Trying to find an octopus at 11PM.
Mexican self defense
A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.
Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.
Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.
At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices
Mexican: Judono
Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?
Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American businessman was in Japan...
He hired a local h**... and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."
A French Girl gets her Period
My friend's family is French.
His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.
Then one night she got her period.
Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.
What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?
A Tempura-Pedic
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
A cut above the rest
Once upon a time a powerful emperor of the rising sun advertised for a new chief samurai. Three men applied, A Japanese samurai, A Chinese swordsman And a Jewish samurai. The three met with the emperor to see who would get the job. "Japanese Samurai Show me your skill", the Japanese samurai stepped forward and released a fly from a box and the Japanese samurai cut the fly in two. "very impressive" said the emperor. "Chinese Swordsman Show me your stuff", the Chinese man stepped forth and released a fly from its box and with two swings of his swords cut the fly neatly into Quarters. "A marvelous feat" the Chinese swordsman was pleased. "How are you going to top that Jewish samurai?" The Jewish Samurai stepped forth and released his fly from a box, and with a mighty blow swepped his sword through the air and the fly continued to fly about. "what kind of skill is that? the fly isn't dead" the emperor laughed. "dead is easy" the Jewish samurai replied "Circumcision... now that takes skill".
You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl?
If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message
A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...
As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.
"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"
Moments later, another car speeds ahead.
"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"
Then once more, another car rushes ahead.
"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"
Then they reach their destination.
"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...
This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese h**.... He has his way with the h**... and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his h**.... He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a p**....
He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.
The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a phrase his p**... used the other night to express his excitement. One of the businessmen turns to him and says, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
The new store...
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked, 'What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arseholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well. Only two left!'
It's not surprising that the Japanese have adopted so much of American culture.
The first American product they tested blew everyone away.
I always make sure to call my Japanese friends before I go visit them...
Turns out, they really don't like an unexpected fat man dropping in.
Itchipussy
A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I held the door for a Japanese man the other day...
And he said, sank you.
So I punched him right in the face.
I can't believe he'd bring up Pearl Harbor like that.
Happy Pearl Harbor Day!
What does a Japanese pirate say?
Nothing, he's too busy frying the prane.
Biochem professor told me this one today... Who is the all time leading scorer in hockey history?
-(Answer)
-No, no its not him. Its a Japanese guy, the name's Eshutsi.
-Eshutsi? I've never heard of him....
-You haven't? How many times have you heard the announcer say "He shoots he scores!!!"
What has two wings and a halo?
A Japanese phone,
Wing wing, "Halo?"
I took my Japanese girlfriend to meet my nana
My girlfriend excitedly greeted her by saying, "It is so nice to finally meet you seven!"
I know Karate...
...And like two other Japanese words.
Ohayo means "good morning" in Japanese
And that is the most interesting thing about Ohio.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call Japanese people that fly planes?
Pirates.
