Japanese Jokes

What are some Japanese jokes?

I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"

Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."

Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"

"I am not Master Akira."

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

An average Englishman has sex 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has sex once or twice a year.

This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.

A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.

I once thought I had a Japanese friend.

But it was just my imagine Asian.

I held a door for an elderly Japanese man.

He said "Sank you."

Why did he have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that?

How do you say " 'sup dawg" in Japanese?

Konichihuahua

What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

How do you say goodbye to 20,000 Japanese?

With a big wave.

What do you call a Japanese spice demon?

Pepper-oni.

What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag?

The French flag!

..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"

Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*

he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*

How do you say "no" in Japanese?

EA.

How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people?

A big wave

I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...

It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.

How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?

Konnichihuahua

On average, an American man will have sex

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age

and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"

The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".

What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage?

Hen-tie

How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?

He doesn't, they are both Aryans.

What was Hannibal Lecter's favorite Japanese food?

Rawmen

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.


In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.


Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.


Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.


Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.

What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

They vote.

What do you call a fantastic Japanese teacher?

Sensei-tional

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me

Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.

How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl cry?

10 tickles

I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.

I mean, they're all Chinese.

A Korean and a Jew

Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?

Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.

Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?

Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?

Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.

Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

Maybe every nation has ninjas

And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst

What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation

Before long they're arguing.

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "Why?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "Why?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"

Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

50% of Japanese doctors have Cataracts...

The other 50% drive Rincolns.

What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Ilene.

What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?

Irene.

How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people?

Use a Geiger counter

*Cr

When did Japanese start eating egg?

A long tamago

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?

You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.

What do you call an alcohol free Japanese city?

Nadasaki

A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.

Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.

"How nice!" said the teacher.

"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"

My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food

Sushi left me.

I warn you not to mess with me!

I know Karate, Judo, Aikido, Jiujitsu and 22 other japanese words.

What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians?

Comic Sans

Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets?

It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.

When i was younger i had a invisible Japanese friend...

***as i grew up i just realised it was just my imagine-asian***

I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are.

Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.


A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.


"Fluctuations," the teller says.


Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange.

He gives the teller $100 CAD And receives $150 ¥ back.

He returns the following week to do the same thing. He gives the teller $100 CAD and receives $140 ¥.

He asks "I was in here last week, why am I not getting the same amount back?"

Teller replies, "Well, fluctuations."

The Japanese man says, "Oh yeah? Well fluck you white guys too"

A recent study revealed that 85% of all Japanese men have cataracts.

The rest drive Rincons and Chevrorays.

The worst part about breaking up with my Japanese girlfriend?

Having to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.

A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute.

He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.


The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"


Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"

So, I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend recently.

I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.

How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?

With a Geiger Counter.

I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters.

If you want, I can samurais it for you.

There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die

He's unbereavable

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it

Know what's the hardest thing about having sex with a Japanese girl?

Trying to find an octopus at 11PM.

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

A French Girl gets her Period

My friend's family is French.


His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.


Then one night she got her period.


Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.

An American businessman was in Japan...

He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

Mexican self defense

A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.

Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.

Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.

At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices

Mexican: Judono

Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?

Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?

A Tempura-Pedic

You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl?

If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message

How to make Japanese jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Japanese to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Japanese? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Japanese pick up lines to share with friends.

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