The Best 74 Japanese Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Japanese jokes. There are some japanese wassah jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these japanese japanese practical puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Japanese Jokes and Puns
I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"
Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."
What do Japanese men do when they have erections?
They vote.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me
Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.
I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...
It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.
I warn you not to mess with me!
I know Karate, Judo, Aikido, Jiujitsu and 22 other japanese words.
A recent study revealed that 85% of all Japanese men have cataracts.
The rest drive Rincons and Chevrorays.
What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag?
The French flag!
What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people?
A big wave
What do you call an alcohol free Japanese city?
Nadasaki
What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?
Ryan
You can explore japanese konichihuahua reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean japanese jap dad jokes. There are also japanese puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Korean and a Jew
Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?
Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.
Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?
Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?
Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.
Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.
A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.
"Fluctuations," the teller says.
Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are.
Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
50% of Japanese doctors have Cataracts...
The other 50% drive Rincolns.
A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.
How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?
With a Geiger Counter.
On average, an American man will have sex
two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.
So, I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend recently.
I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua
What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians?
Comic Sans
How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?
He spent his day cutting up vegetables
Maybe every nation has ninjas
And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst
What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?
He doesn't, they are both Aryans.
Don't be racist, be like Mario...
He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...
I held a door for an elderly Japanese man.
He said "Sank you."
Why did he have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that?
I once thought I had a Japanese friend.
But it was just my imagine Asian.
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?
You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute.
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.
I mean, they're all Chinese.
How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl cry?
10 tickles
A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...
The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".
What do you call a fantastic Japanese teacher?
Sensei-tional
My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food
Sushi left me.
Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets?
It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.
What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Ilene.
What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?
Irene.
What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage?
Hen-tie
What do you call a Japanese spice demon?
Pepper-oni.
A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange.
He gives the teller $100 CAD And receives $150 ¥ back.
He returns the following week to do the same thing. He gives the teller $100 CAD and receives $140 ¥.
He asks "I was in here last week, why am I not getting the same amount back?"
Teller replies, "Well, fluctuations."
The Japanese man says, "Oh yeah? Well fluck you white guys too"
When did Japanese start eating egg?
A long tamago
How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people?
Use a Geiger counter
*Cr
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
How do you say "no" in Japanese?
EA.
A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation
Before long they're arguing.
Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."
Chinese man: "Why?"
Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"
Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."
Jewish man: "Why?"
Chinese man: "The Titanic!"
Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"
Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
An average Englishman has sex 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has sex once or twice a year.
This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.
How do you say goodbye to 20,000 Japanese?
With a big wave.
What was Hannibal Lecter's favorite Japanese food?
Rawmen
A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.
Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.
"How nice!" said the teacher.
"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"
The worst part about breaking up with my Japanese girlfriend?
Having to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.
How do you say " 'sup dawg" in Japanese?
Konichihuahua
Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"
"I am not Master Akira."
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
When i was younger i had a invisible Japanese friend...
***as i grew up i just realised it was just my imagine-asian***
Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl
You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it
How do Japanese people learn to say milk in English?
Dairy practice.
I accidentally mixed up the words 'jacuzzi' and 'yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.
"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.
"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.
"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man.
"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" asks the Jewish man.
So the Chinese man punches the Jewish man.
"Ow! What's that for?" asks the Jewish man.
"It's for the Titanic," says the Chinese man.
"What? That was an iceberg that brought down the Titanic!" says the Jewish man.
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?
Because they prefer ramen.
A Japanese business man living in nyc goes into the bank to exchange a large amount of US dollars into Yen....
He does the transaction with the teller, offer a polite bow accompanied by an 'ah so', and leaves.
He comes back in a week with another large amount of usd to exchange. This time he gets much less yen. He looks quizzically at the teller and she says to him, 'fluctuations'!!
He angrily grabs the cash and storms out. As he's leaving the branch he comes back in and yells at the top of his voice: 'fluc you Americans too!!!'
A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane.
Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face.
"What was that for?" asks the Chinese man..
"For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man.
"That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says.
"Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference?
Few minutes later, the Chinese man slaps the Jewish man.
"What was that for?" asks the Jew.
"It's for the Titanic."
"The Titanic? That was an iceberg..."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" says the Chinese man.
Its good that the Japanese chef is recovering from his alcohol addiction
He's 2 years soba already.
Some of the biggest red flags I can think of are Danish, Chinese, Spainish, Turkish, or Albanian
And to a lesser extent, Canadian, Indonesean, Hatian, American, and Japanese
Japanese banks
The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.
Origami bank has folded.
Sumo bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped.
I wanted to join the Yakuza, but I got it mixed it up with Jacuzzi .
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
High school laffs
In high school once our history teacher asked who bombed pearl harbor, a Japanese kid raised his hand and the teacher said; correct!
A crappy joke I thought up.
What do you get if you purchase a quad pack of traditional mature Japanese wine?
Four old times sake.
I've made a huge mistake.
I've mixed up the words Jacuzzi and Yakuza.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia
I read an article about Japanese sword fights
It was super long though, let me know if I should samuraize it for you.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the japanese japanese food jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working japanese japanese language piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.