japan Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious japan stories

What are the best japan puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Japan? Well here is a complete list of the top japan jokes:

What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

They vote.

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A Japanese man on vacation in america...

Went to a bank near his hotel to exchange his yen for dollars. He hands the teller 1,000 yen and he gets 10 dollars. The next day he goes to the same bank and hands the teller 1,000 yen only this time he gets back 8 dollars. When the Japanese man asks why, the teller replies "Because fluctuations." the Japanese man says "Oh yeah? Well fuck you Americans too!"

-edit. changed 100 yen to 1,000.

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What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

Vote

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An American businessman was in Japan...

He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

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Why does Japan love Obama?

He is first Barack president.

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A limerick about limericks

There was a young poet from Japan

Whose limericks did not easily scan

When asked why this was,

He said, "It's because

IAlwaysTryToFitAsManySyllablesInTheLastLineAsEverIPossibly can."

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Why do Japanese people always look serious in photos?

Last time they saw a flash, it destroyed their country.

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There was a young man from Japan

Whose limericks would never quite scan.

When told this was so,

He said, "Yes, I know...

It's because I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."

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What do Japanese men do when they have an
erection?

They vote.

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Why do Japanese people look so serious in pictures?


Last time they saw a flash it destroyed their country

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What do you call a stock market crash in Japan?

The "My Yen" Apocalypse

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Business Trip to Japan

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fujifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable..

The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo".

The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

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Maglev train hits 310mph in Japan.

Critics say it has barely left the ground.

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A Japanese man observes his son scratching his knee.

He comments, "Itchy knee, son?"

The son replies, "I already know how to count, Dad!"

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Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII

The Pacific Theatre

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An American travels on business to Japan for the first time, and decides to pick up a hooker

When he was diddling her, she kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!" The guy figured this was a term for something great.

The next day, he went golfing with his Japanese client and colleagues, and he got a hole-in-one. He wanted to impress his Japanese friends, so he yelled out, "Fujifoo!!!"

The Japanese speaking folks looked confused, and one of them finally said, "No, you got the right hole."

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Japanese Camera



There's a Japanese firm that has developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast it can actually catch an Aussie with his mouth shut.

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A Japanese guy goes into a bank...

...and exchanges some Yen for $. The banker gives him a hundred dollars and the Japanese guy leaves. He comes back the next day to exchange the same amount of yen but only gets ninety dollars. Upon questioning, the banker says "fluctuation." So the Japanese guy yells "Fluck you too, white guy!"

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I'm really high right now.

I'm cruising about 3 kilometers above the ground, all the way to japan.

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A Japanese man wished to join the knights of England.

The recruitment official turned him away, however, stating that there can not be any chinks in their knights' armor.

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What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

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So the oldest man in Japan turned 112 today...

His parents threw him a great party

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i am at a japanese restaurant right now

and i think something fishy is going on

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A Japanese Man's Last Words...

A dying Japanese man wished to be cremated. What were his last words to his son?

["Donburi me"](/spoiler)

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A Japanese man was changing some money into GB Pounds at the airport....

A Japanese man was changing some money into GB Pounds at the airport. He was startled at the low amount of money he got back. He asked the attendant why the amount was so much lower than the previous time he was there.

"Fluctuations," replied the attendant.

Furious, the Japanese man yelled, "Well fuck you British too!"

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So, a man goes on a business trip..

To Japan, he gets there during the night and is pretty nervous about the business meeting so he decides to order up a prostitute, a fine lady walks into his room and they make love for hours, the entire time she is going wild, taking it from behind and screaming "Machigatta ana" after he finishes he's feeling pretty relaxed so he goes to bed.

The following day he meets up with his business clients and they tell him they are taking him to one of Japan's best golf courses. The man is excited as he loves golf and off they go, all is going well and on the 7th hole, a par three, one of the Japanese men gets a hole in one! All the men are ecstatic, jumping up and down when the businessmen gets an idea, he will impress the Japanese men by using the phrase the prostitute used the night before, it must have been something good right?! So he loudly proclaims "Machigatta ana!" And both the Japanese men look back at him puzzled and say "huh? No, That's the right hole.."

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Why aren't there many Japanese drivers?

KFJKANDNAF(U#$(U#($RJ@#KDF@#){R)@#&%(@#&@#(_%*@FKWEKCWDKCLAS πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two Japanese and American....

Two Japanese copilots and an American are flying over japan when the planes engines fail.

The first Japanese pilot jumps out of the plane and says, " Oh great Buddha please help me!" And Buddha grabs him by his hands and safely puts him on the ground.

The second Japanese pilot jumps out of the plane and says, " Oh great Buddha please help me!" And Buddha grabs him by his hands and safely puts him on the ground.

The American thinks to himself, if it worked for them, maybe it will work for me. He proceeds to jump out of the plane and exclaim, " Oh great Buddha please help me!" And Buddha grabs him by his hands, but on the way down the American says, "Oh thank god!"

And Buddha drops him.

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Did anyone hear what Joe Rogan just said at the UFC match held in Japan?

Japanese guy is getting his ass kicked...

ROGAN:
"Well it's looking like he's gonna have to pull a kamikaze here...."

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What does Japanese dubstep sound like?

RUB RUB RUB

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A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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Some Japanese business men take out an American exec out on the town...

to show him a great time. They hit a bunch of restaurants and eventually settle at a local bar and drink heavily. As the night is coming to an end, the Japanese men think it would be hilarious if they send the American man home with a Japanese hooker. In a drunk state, he agrees and is sent to his hotel room with a Japanese lady of the night.

As they begin to had a good ole time, she starts yelling almost immediately "Machigatta ana!". Not understanding Japanese, he thinks he is doing an AMAZING job. I mean he has her screaming at the top of her lungs the same phrase over and over "Machigatta ana!!". Thinking she is screaming in pleasure he then proceeds to scream this pleasure phrase as well "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ANA!!!".

The next day the Japanese and American man go golfing. The American man goes up for his turn and hits the ball to which all the Japanese men yell "MACHIGATTA ANA!!". Confused, the American man turns to them and asks "I'm sorry, What does that mean?" To which one of the men replies "Oh, it mean 'Wrong Hole' ".

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Japan to bring manufacturing to the US...

A Japanese business man met with president Obama. he said he would take his profitable business to america, if Obama wins a second term, in order to bring manufacturing to american shores. Obama was very excited to hear this. he stood up to shake his hand and the business man said "now you just have to take care of that erection"

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Have you heard about that new therapy they're using in Japan? Soy lattes up the rectum. It's supposed to have amazing health benefits.

Enemame.

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Are you Japanese?

Cause i wanna touch japenis.

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Who's Angry in Japan?

The director of Life of Pi.

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An American goes to Japan....

...to close a big business deal. The night before, he is very tense so he picks up a hooker in the hotel bar. She speaks no English, but they get their transaction settled and go to his room.

In bed, she is wildly thrashing around screaming out a phrase in Japanese. The man figures she is loving it and tries to remember what she is yelling.

The next day, he is playing golf with his Japanese customer. On the third tee, the Japanese man swings, the ball makes a beautiful arc, hits the green, bounces twice, rolls, and winds up right in the cup -- a hole in one!

Thinking to impress his client, the man repeats the phrase he had heard so much the night before. The Japanese golfer eyes him and says, "What you mean.... wrong hole?"

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How does the Japanese mafia keep their drinks cold

they put it in a a Ya Koozie

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A whale of a joke

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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An American businessman on a business trip in Japan meets this beautiful Japanese girl at a bar.

She hardly understands any English and he tries his best to communicate with her using sign language. She is very amused.

They both end up in bed together and "get it on !
It's pretty dark in the room and all the guy hears is the girl screaming "TSING TO"!!!!
To him it sounded something like "Fuck yeah" so he kept going all night long.

The next day at a golf court:
A potential Japanese client shoots a hole in one. The American then takes his chance to make use of his newly learned language skills and yells "TSING TO"!!!!

The Japanese businessman then replies: "What do you mean wrong hole"?

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A Japanese man, a French man, and an American are traveling the amazon...

When out of nowhere, they're ambushed by a pack of head hunters and each one of them is knocked out. When they all come to, they are tied to wooden poles, a native man, the chief, standing before them. He says, "Now before we kill you, I want to let you all know, not a single part of your body will go to waste. We will ground your bones to make powder. We will use your teeth for necklaces and jewelry. Your skin will be tanned and stretched out across a frame to make canoes, and so on." He adds," I will give you all a knife, and you can kill yourselves how you want", he says untiing them. He hands a knife to the French man, he yells, "VIVA LA FRANCE!", and slits his throat. The Japanese man is next. He takes the knife, yells,"BANZIA!", and commits a hari-kari. Then, the American takes the knife, stabs holes all over his body, and says,"THERE'S YOUR FUCKIN' CANOE!"

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There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar.

They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too.

It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, "Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so many useful things. But you still eat seaweed!"

Then it was the Englishman and the Japanese man who spoke about France. They said, "France is such a fine country which has provided the world with so many useful things. But you still eat frogs legs!"

Finally, the Japanese man and the Frenchman spoke about England. They said, "England is such a fine country which has provided the world with so many useful things. But you still eat English food!"

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Friday Update - Jokes for the week of 3/16-3/22

A new study shows sugary drinks cause over 180k deaths a year, only 4 of which are from being crushed by a soda machine. I like those odds!

Japan has created a remote controlled mobile toilet, because sometimes you just gotta go.

A North Korean spokesman has said that its nuclear arms are not a bargaining chip for food or assistance. Said Kim Jong Un, "Chips? Food?!"

The Westboro Bastist Church will soon be next door to a rainbow-painted pro-gay house, with a white picketing fence.

A climate change denier has been named head of the House Climate Change Subcommittee, though maybe if we deny it he'll go away.

A man who robbed a pharmacy in Louisiana was tracked down by a pickax he left in the store, so it sounds like he picked the wrong ax.

Harry Reems, star of the infamous porn "Deep Throat," died Wednesday at 65. He is survived by millions of sperm on this gross couch.

A hotel maid was caught on February 13th stealing 13 pills from Room 13. Terrible service, but let me tell you about the maid for Room 69...

All based on real news from this week. See more @FridayUpdate on twitter.

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a man goes to japan on a business trip

...and he is bored on his first night so he hires a prostitute. she comes to his room and he furiously screws her. the entire time, she is saying "hoshi mota HOSHI MOTA HOOOSSHIIII MOTAAAAA!!!!!!!" he thought the sex was wonderful. the next day, after a business meeting, he goes to play golf with his business partners, and happens to score a hole in one. everyone is congradulating him in japanese, and he has nothing else to say, so he says "hoshi mota" his partner looks at him with a confused look on his face and says, "what do you mean wrong hole?

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They call Japan "The Land of the Rising Sun"

That's probably why they always look like if they're squinting with their eyes 24/7.

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A rich Texan is visiting Japan....

A rich Texan businessman is visiting Japan, so he decides to hire a Japanese hooker. That night, as they're reaching the climax of the night's activities, she begins yelling, "Nagasai! Nagasai!" He obviously doesn't speak the language, so he guesses she was yelling "Yes! Yes!".

The next day, the Texan goes to play golf with a group of fellow businessmen who are Japanese. On the green of one of the later holes, one of the businessmen sink a 35 foot, double breaking putt for an Eagle. Remembering the hooker from the night before, the Texan starts yelling "Nagasai! Nagasai!"

The group of businessmen turn to him with faces of confusion. The man who sank the putt then says "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

(I heard this joke this morning on 1310 KTCK in DFW)

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A Japanese man walked into a shooting range...

And saw a Chinese man, an American man and a British man arguing over who was the better shooter. The Japanese went over to them and suggested that they get into a competition to settle the argument. They all agreed.

The Japanese man took out an apple from his bag, and put it on his head. He said: I am Samurai. I do not fear death. Whoever can shoot this apple from the furthest distance is the best shooter.

The American decided to go first. He walked 50 yards away from the Japanese man, turned, and shot the apple. He smiled proudly and said: I am Hunter .

The Japanese man replaced the apple. This time the British man walked 100 yards away from the Japanese man, turned, and shot the apple. He smiled proudly and said: I am Bond .

After the Japanese man put another apple on his head, it was the Chinese man's turn. He walked 10 yards away from the Japanese man, turned, and shot the Japanese man in the face. As the British and American man looked at him in horror, the Chinese man smiled proudly and said: I am sorry!

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What kind of pennies come from Japan?

Jap-pennies

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A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...

This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese hooker. He has his way with the hooker and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his hooker. He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"

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This joke is from Egypt but i'll try telling it in English

a private competition was held between England Japan and Egypt
Who can last longer in bed
the president of each country was present
and it's important to know that Egypt was represented by a guy from upper Egypt
so
the English man lasted two hours
the Japanese two and a half
thier presidents were very proud
the guy from upper Egypt took only 7 minutes
the president was sad and a little ashamed
fhe guy said " don't worry sir.... she's dead"

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best japan jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about japan. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty japan gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these japan jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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