japan Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious japan puns

This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

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Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

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Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un?

because they remember what the last fat man did to them

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A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.

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What do Japanese cannibals eat

Rawmen

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Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate?

They don't like Fat Man and Little Boy

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So a man went to a whore house

A man visits Japan and his buddy tells him about this whore house on a corner downtown. He goes to the address, nervous he knocks on the door.
A little eyehole opens up, "what."
The man answers "I want to get fucked"
"Slide $20 under the door."
The man slides a $20 bill under the door and waits.
After a few moments, nothing happens.
The man knocks again, angry.
"What this time" the man behind the door says.
"I said I want to get fucked!"
The man behind the door answers "Again?!"

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How do you say "no" in Japanese?

EA.

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An Japanese man walks into a bank...

... and goes up to the teller. Even though he is new to speaking English, he says, "I wish to exchange 400 of my currency for US dollars. The teller proceeds to do so and they politely part ways. A few days pass and the Japanese man again walks into the bank, again to exchange the same amount currency. This time though, the teller hands him less than the previous exchange. Confused, he asked the teller, "Why have you given me less dollars than before?"
"Fluctuations," replies the teller, " the markets have changed."
"Fluctuations? FLUCTUATIONS!" The Japanese man exclaims, " Fluctu-Americans, too!"

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How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?

Konnichihuahua

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Phrase of the day

An American businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming "Soko janai! Soko janai!". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the man is glad to know that he managed to please her so much.

The next day, he strikes the deal, and is invited to play golf with his Japanese associates. On the hardest hole of the course, one Japanese businessman manages to score an impressive hole-in-one. His colleagues start cheering him in Japanese, and the man, not wanting to be left out, starts chanting "Soko janai! Soko janai!". Suddenly everyone goes quiet, and one of them turns to him and says "No sir, I'm sure that's the right hole."

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Why is the birthrate in Japan so low?

Last time they had a little boy, 66,000 people died.

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When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja.

Impressive.

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How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?

He doesn't, they are both Aryans.

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How do Japanese Chihuahuas say hello?

Konichihuahua

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What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

They vote.

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A whale of a joke

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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How do Japanese Chihuahuas say 'Hello'?

Konichihuahua

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Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

..Because Logan left him hanging.

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The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin?

Detroit

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What do Japanese cannibals eat?

Rawmen.

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How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

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A Japanese woman went to the bank to exchange yen to US dollars.

The teller gave her $100. A few weeks later, she gave the teller the same amount of yen, but she was given only $90.

She said, "What wrong? I give yen, you only give 90 dorrah?!"

The teller shrugged and said "Fluctuations?"

The woman said "Fuck you white peopre too."

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I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.

I mean, they're all Chinese.

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A Japanese man on vacation in america...

Went to a bank near his hotel to exchange his yen for dollars. He hands the teller 1,000 yen and he gets 10 dollars. The next day he goes to the same bank and hands the teller 1,000 yen only this time he gets back 8 dollars. When the Japanese man asks why, the teller replies "Because fluctuations." the Japanese man says "Oh yeah? Well fuck you Americans too!"

-edit. changed 100 yen to 1,000.

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Why does japan have such a low obesity rate

Because the last time they saw a fat man 80,000 people died

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What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

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A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen".

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I like how Japan censors pornography.

It allows me to watch it with my kids.

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A Japanese man, a French man, and an American are traveling the amazon...

When out of nowhere, they're ambushed by a pack of head hunters and each one of them is knocked out. When they all come to, they are tied to wooden poles, a native man, the chief, standing before them. He says, "Now before we kill you, I want to let you all know, not a single part of your body will go to waste. We will ground your bones to make powder. We will use your teeth for necklaces and jewelry. Your skin will be tanned and stretched out across a frame to make canoes, and so on." He adds," I will give you all a knife, and you can kill yourselves how you want", he says untiing them. He hands a knife to the French man, he yells, "VIVA LA FRANCE!", and slits his throat. The Japanese man is next. He takes the knife, yells,"BANZIA!", and commits a hari-kari. Then, the American takes the knife, stabs holes all over his body, and says,"THERE'S YOUR FUCKIN' CANOE!"

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While I was living in Japan a woman approached me on the train...

She said to me, "What's black and white and red all over?"

"Wow," I said, "You can speak English?"

"Just a riddle," she said.

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Why is japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because the last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

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An American goes to Japan....

...to close a big business deal. The night before, he is very tense so he picks up a hooker in the hotel bar. She speaks no English, but they get their transaction settled and go to his room.

In bed, she is wildly thrashing around screaming out a phrase in Japanese. The man figures she is loving it and tries to remember what she is yelling.

The next day, he is playing golf with his Japanese customer. On the third tee, the Japanese man swings, the ball makes a beautiful arc, hits the green, bounces twice, rolls, and winds up right in the cup -- a hole in one!

Thinking to impress his client, the man repeats the phrase he had heard so much the night before. The Japanese golfer eyes him and says, "What you mean.... wrong hole?"

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A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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Cataracts are extremely rare in Japan.

Chevrorets and Rincolns, on the other hand, are quite common.

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A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...

This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese hooker. He has his way with the hooker and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his hooker. He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"

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50% of Japanese doctors have Cataracts...

The other 50% drive Rincolns.

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Why is obesity not a problem in Japan?

Because the last time they had a fat man there. Several thousand people died.

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When did Japanese start eating egg?

A long tamago

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Why does Japan have such strict BMI regulations?

They remember what the first fat man did to them.

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What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

Vote

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Why does Japan have so many skinny people?

Last time they had a fat man, they lost a city.

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a prostitute.

He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.

The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a phrase his prostitute used the other night to express his excitement. One of the businessmen turns to him and says, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

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What do Japanese guys do when they have erections?

Vote

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What did a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan.

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Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets?

It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.

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What do the Japanese do when they have an erection?

They vote, you lacist.

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Why does japan have such a Low birth rate?

Because the last time they saw a little boy, 90000 people died

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Banking Crisis in Japan

Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

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A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.


A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.


"Fluctuations," the teller says.


Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

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A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange.

He gives the teller $100 CAD And receives $150 Β₯ back.

He returns the following week to do the same thing. He gives the teller $100 CAD and receives $140 Β₯.

He asks "I was in here last week, why am I not getting the same amount back?"

Teller replies, "Well, fluctuations."

The Japanese man says, "Oh yeah? Well fluck you white guys too"

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Trip to Japan

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan, and he hires a hooker. The whole night the hooker keeps screaming, "Hosthimota! Hosthimota!"

The man doesn't know what the word means, but he's positive he's pleased the hooker to the best of his abilities, and thus assumes it's positive.

The next day he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partners when he makes a hole in one! Everyone is congratulating him, and he can't think of anything to say but, "Hosthimota!"

The applause stop, and one of the business partners turns to him and says, "No, sir. That *was* the right hole.

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A Japanese woman is trying to exchange Yen for Dollars at a bank

With a baffled look on her face, she angrily demands, Yesterday, it was 180 Yen to a dollar, today it's 200. Why is that?
The banker responds, Fluctuations
The woman snaps back, Well, fuck you white people, too!

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My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

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[NSFW] An American business man travels to Japan for work

On his first night there, he decides to get a prostitute. They're going at it pretty good when she starts exclaiming "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"

He doesn't understand the language but assuming it must mean "great job!"

Fast forward to the next day, when he's golfing with his Japanese colleague. His colleague sinks a 40 foot putt with little effort, to which the American shouts, "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"

The Japanese man turns and says, "What do you mean 'wrong hole! Wrong hole!'"

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A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute.

He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.


The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"


Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"

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a man goes to japan on a business trip

...and he is bored on his first night so he hires a prostitute. she comes to his room and he furiously screws her. the entire time, she is saying "hoshi mota HOSHI MOTA HOOOSSHIIII MOTAAAAA!!!!!!!" he thought the sex was wonderful. the next day, after a business meeting, he goes to play golf with his business partners, and happens to score a hole in one. everyone is congradulating him in japanese, and he has nothing else to say, so he says "hoshi mota" his partner looks at him with a confused look on his face and says, "what do you mean wrong hole?

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I hope NK doesn't name their bombs after their leader...

We've already seen what one Fat Man can do to Japan.

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A business man goes to Japan...

To meet some potential clients and play a round of golf with them. The night before his meeting the man decides to pick up a Japanese hooker. He brings her back to his hotel and they start going at it. While they were doing their thing the hooker, being able to speak only Japanese, starts moaning, " Machigatta ana!" The man thinks to himself that he must be doing a great job. They finish, the hooked leaves, and the man goes to sleep feeling great. On the golf course the next day one of the clients hits a hole in one on the third hole. The man decides to compliment him on his skills with his new knowledge of a Japanese phrase. "Machigatta ana," he says confidently attempting to impress the clients. The client who hit the hole in one looks at the business man and says, "What the fuck do you mean 'wrong hole'?"

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What do the Japanese do when they have an erection?

They vote.

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What do japanese men do when they have erections?

Vote

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An American businessman was in Japan...

He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

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Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

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A rich Texan is visiting Japan....

A rich Texan businessman is visiting Japan, so he decides to hire a Japanese hooker. That night, as they're reaching the climax of the night's activities, she begins yelling, "Nagasai! Nagasai!" He obviously doesn't speak the language, so he guesses she was yelling "Yes! Yes!".

The next day, the Texan goes to play golf with a group of fellow businessmen who are Japanese. On the green of one of the later holes, one of the businessmen sink a 35 foot, double breaking putt for an Eagle. Remembering the hooker from the night before, the Texan starts yelling "Nagasai! Nagasai!"

The group of businessmen turn to him with faces of confusion. The man who sank the putt then says "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

(I heard this joke this morning on 1310 KTCK in DFW)

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Why does Japan love Obama?

He is first Barack president.

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Where did the little Japanese girl go when the little boy dropped by?

Everywhere.

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A limerick about limericks

There was a young poet from Japan

Whose limericks did not easily scan

When asked why this was,

He said, "It's because

IAlwaysTryToFitAsManySyllablesInTheLastLineAsEverIPossibly can."

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A Japanese man, an American, an Englishman, and a Mexican are in a plane. The plane's about to crash.

The pilot says over the intercom "The plane is about to crash, but if we jettison the cargo, we may be able to get back up."

The cargo is jettisoned, but there is no significant effect.

The pilot then says "The plane can only support one man other than me and the copilot, so the three of you must make a sacrifice. May God have mercy on your souls."

The Japanese man decides to jump out first and shouts "Tenno haika banzai! (Long live the Emperor)". The Englishman in all his dignity closes his eyes, jumps down and shouts "God save the Queen!".

The American quickly gets up, throws the Mexican off the plane and yells "Remember the Alamo!"

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In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves

In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves, so they took it out to different countries for a test. In USA, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves,
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
Spain in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves :
Nigeria in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves,
Uganda in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves,
Then they brought it to South Africa , in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

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A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.

"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"

Moments later, another car speeds ahead.

"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"

Then once more, another car rushes ahead.

"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"

Then they reach their destination.

"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"

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An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...

When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.

When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.

The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**

"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman

Looking puzzled, his business partner replied

"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"

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A Japanese man walks into a bar..

Just for the sake of it.

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Why are there no fat people in Japan?

Last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died.

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Why do Japanese people always look serious in photos?

Last time they saw a flash, it destroyed their country.

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A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.

He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

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What's a Japanese cannibals favourite food?

Rawmen

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A man goes to Japan for a business trip and decides to spice things up.

The night before the meeting, he goes out and meets a friendly Japanese woman who he takes back to the hotel. They get to action and all night the woman repeatedly yells, Chigau! Chigau!

The next day the man goes to the meeting and it follows up with Golf with the Japanese employees. As the man lines up his shot on a Par 3, he swings and gets a hole in one! His Japanese peers celebrate and the man, out of instinct, excitedly yells Chigau!

The company's Japanese translator, confused, asks the man, What do you mean 'Wrong Hole'?

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What's the world's largest pan?

Japan.

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I like my women like I like my phones

Thin, smart, imported from Japan, and in my pocket all the time.

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A Japanese shogun is looking for a new samurai.

He summons three swordsmen, one of them Jewish, to his palace to showcase their skills. The first swordsman stands before the shogun with a sword and a small box. When he opens the box, a small box. When he opens the box, a fly flies out. With one swing of his sword, the fly is dead. The second swordsman again brings a sword and a small box. When he opens the box, an even smaller fly comes out, and he kills it with one swing. The shogun is impressed. At last, the Jewish swordsman walks up. He is also carrying a sword and a small box. He opens the box and an even smaller fly comes out. He swings his sword around many times, but it doesn't seem to affect the fly. "I am disappointed," says the shogun. "You didn't kill the fly." The Jew replies, "A circumcision is not meant to kill."

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An American businessman on a business trip in Japan meets this beautiful Japanese girl at a bar.

She hardly understands any English and he tries his best to communicate with her using sign language. She is very amused.

They both end up in bed together and "get it on !
It's pretty dark in the room and all the guy hears is the girl screaming "TSING TO"!!!!
To him it sounded something like "Fuck yeah" so he kept going all night long.

The next day at a golf court:
A potential Japanese client shoots a hole in one. The American then takes his chance to make use of his newly learned language skills and yells "TSING TO"!!!!

The Japanese businessman then replies: "What do you mean wrong hole"?

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What do Japanese men do when they have an erection?

They vote.

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My 9-year-old nephew showed me with pride the "Telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans....

I pulled out my cellphone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in japan !"

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Why do Japanese hate bingo?

They all scramble for cover when you call B-29

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There was a young man from Japan

Whose limericks would never quite scan.

When told this was so,

He said, "Yes, I know...

It's because I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."

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Why do Japanese women have such small breasts?

Their entire lives their fathers told them getting anything other than an 'A' was unacceptable.

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The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart..

..about how many of them are scared of Godzilla.

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An American man travels to Japan on business...

...and on his first night he visits a bar in Tokyo to experience the local nightlife. He meets an enchanting woman, and after several rounds of drinks and flirting, she accompanies him back to his hotel. They commence copulation, and in the throws of passion, the woman screams out "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!" The man, pleased with himself for appeasing his lover's desires, finishes and rolls over to sleep.

The next morning, he meets a prospective business associate for golf. On the first hole, his golf partner completes the round under par. In an attempt to impress him, he shouts "Machigatta ana!" His associate replies "What do you mean 'wrong hole'?"

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What do Japanese men do if they have erections?

Vote

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The Jewish Samurai [Long]

The Emperor of Japan loses his most trusted bodyguard, and sends out a proclamation to the whole empire: Bring forth the best samurai to show their skills, so that they may guard my life.

Three samurai enter the throne room: A samurai from Edo, A samurai from osaka, and a jew.

The first samurai bows to the emperor, then opens up a matchbox. A single fly comes out, and flies up. The samurai swings his sword once, and the fly drops dead in two pieces. The emperor is impressed.

The second samurai bows, opens a matchbox, and a fly comes out. His sword swings twice, and the fly drops dead in four pieces. The emperor stands and claps, even more impressed.

The jew comes up, bows before the emperor, and opens a matchbox. A fly comes out, the jew puts on his glasses, then proceeds to chase the fly around the throne room, swinging wildly. After about 30 swings, the jew re-sheathes his sword, and the fly flies away. The emperor is confused, and asks: "Why is the fly not dead?"

The jew's response? "Circumcision isn't meant to kill."

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When did the Japanese start eating omelettes?

A long tamago.

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Three Japanese businessmen

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Japanese men says, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry." The waitress says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

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Why is Japan such a healthy nation?

Last time they had a fat man 60,000 people died

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A man visits a whorehouse in Japan

A man goes on a trip to Japan to see some friends. His buddy tells him about this whorehouse on a corner downtown. He goes to the address, nervously he knocks on the door.
A peephole opens up, "what can I do for you?" The man answers "I want to get fucked"
"Slide $50 under the door."
The man slides a $50 bill under the door and waits. After a few moments, nothing happens. The man knocks again, angry. "What is it this time?" the man behind the door says. "I said I want to get fucked!"
The man behind the door replies "Again?!"

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What do Japanese men do when they have an
erection?

They vote.

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An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan.

One day he decides to hire a hooker.

The whole night this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"

He can't quite remember what the word means, but he is positive that he pleased the hooker to the best of his ability.

The next morning he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner, when he suddenly makes a hole in one.

Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese, and he can't think of anything to say but "Hoshimota!"

Concerned, his partner turns to him and says: "What do you mean 'The wrong hole'?"

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How do Japanese dogs say hello

Konnichihuahua

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Some Japanese business men take out an American exec out on the town...

to show him a great time. They hit a bunch of restaurants and eventually settle at a local bar and drink heavily. As the night is coming to an end, the Japanese men think it would be hilarious if they send the American man home with a Japanese hooker. In a drunk state, he agrees and is sent to his hotel room with a Japanese lady of the night.

As they begin to had a good ole time, she starts yelling almost immediately "Machigatta ana!". Not understanding Japanese, he thinks he is doing an AMAZING job. I mean he has her screaming at the top of her lungs the same phrase over and over "Machigatta ana!!". Thinking she is screaming in pleasure he then proceeds to scream this pleasure phrase as well "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ANA!!!".

The next day the Japanese and American man go golfing. The American man goes up for his turn and hits the ball to which all the Japanese men yell "MACHIGATTA ANA!!". Confused, the American man turns to them and asks "I'm sorry, What does that mean?" To which one of the men replies "Oh, it mean 'Wrong Hole' ".

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Japanese Banking Crisis

Worrying news from the Japanese financial markets. Following last week`s disclosure that the Origami Bank had folded, we hear that the Sumo Bank has just gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived, 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and Karaoke Bank is up for sale and going for a song. Analysts also report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal. But Samurai Bank is soldiering on after sharp cutbacks.

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An American businessman goes to Japan (NSFW)

An American businessman goes to Japan to meet with a client so the night before, he hires a prostitute. While they're having sex, she keeps moaning "machigatta ana." The man is confident about himself and goes to meet with his client the next day at a golf course. While there, the client makes a hole-in-one and the businessman congratulates the client by saying "machigatta ana" to which the Japanese client says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"

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What does the Japanese Jesus say after praying?

Ramen

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Why do Japanese people look so serious in pictures?


Last time they saw a flash it destroyed their country

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Have you heard of the 300-lb. college student from Japan?

He graduated sumo cum laude

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I don't know what STD causes blurry genitals...

But Japan seems to have an epidemic of it.

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How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?

"Konnichihuahua"

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A Japanese guy tried to high five Logan Paul...

But Logan left him hanging.

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A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death...

His family didn't bereave him.

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My Japanese friend bought a new Sentra and named it 123

When I asked why 123, he replied with

"Ichi Ni san"

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The Japanese version of Netflix and Chill

is Hentai with Senpai

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What do Japanese people say when someone takes their panties?

"Those aren't ja-panese!"


My 11 year old just said she made this up. I had to share.

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American Businessman's First Visit to Japan

A successful American businessman heads to Japan to meet with a big supplier. Naturally, the Japanese are going to set him up with a good time and loads of entertainment. The first night, they go to Karaoke and a gorgeous young Karaoke hostess is sent back to the man's hotel room to entertain him further.

Despite her willingness, she still wants everything done with the lights off. As he is going at it, she is crying out "Oshimigaso, Oshimigaso", over and over.

When it is all said and done, he asks her, "What does Oshimigaso mean?"

"Oh," she says blushing, "it means 'fantastic' or 'incredible'."

The next morning, the businessman joins his Japanese hosts for a round of golf. Naturally.

On the fifth hole, the CEO of the Japanese company hits a hole-in-one.

Aiming to impress, the American cries out, "Oshimigaso, OSHIMIGASO!!".

The Japanese CEO replies, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

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My Japanese ex-girlfriend kept trying to get back with me

I had to drop the bomb twice before she finally gave up.

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The Japanese designed a detective-robot able to catch thieves easily

They tried it out in three countries.

In Japan, the robots caught 100 thieves in five minutes.

In the US, the robots caught 200 thieves in five minutes.

In Albania, five minutes were enough for the robots to be stolen.

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What do you call a stock market crash in Japan?

The "My Yen" Apocalypse

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There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar.

They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too.

It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, "Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so many useful things. But you still eat seaweed!"

Then it was the Englishman and the Japanese man who spoke about France. They said, "France is such a fine country which has provided the world with so many useful things. But you still eat frogs legs!"

Finally, the Japanese man and the Frenchman spoke about England. They said, "England is such a fine country which has provided the world with so many useful things. But you still eat English food!"

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Business Trip to Japan

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fujifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable..

The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo".

The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

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A Japanese woman moves to America

And needs some cash. So she goes to the bank and gives them 10000 yen, and they give her 90 dollars. A week later she needps more cash, so she goes back to the bank and gives them 10000 yen. This time they only give her 80 dollars.

"Why only 80 this week when you gave me 90 last week?" She asks the teller.

The teller shrugs and tells her "Fluctuations."

The woman replies "Fuck you white people!"

Edited inaccurate exchange rate.

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If I had an atom bomb for every gender...

I'd force Japan to surrender

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When did the Japanese learn to eat egg?

A long tamago.

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Maglev train hits 310mph in Japan.

Critics say it has barely left the ground.

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Why are there no feminists in Japan?

Because the Japanese hunt whales.

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A Japanese man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian replies "Get out of here, you won't bring it back"

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They say when a Japanese girl is really turned on...

The pixels will align.

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What would Hitler be called if he entered into Japan unlawfully?

An illegal Aryan.

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An American man goes on a business trip to Japan

His meeting is the next day and he decides to find a Japanese hooker as he's heard great things from his colleagues .

He has sex with a hooker and the whole night she screams :

"HOSHI MOTA!, HOSHI MOTA!"

But the man had no idea what that meant.

He goes to a morning golf game the next day with the Japanese CEO.

The business man makes a hole in one and is so excited he doesn't know what to say so he yells:

"HOSHI MOTA!, HOSHI MOTA!"

The CEO turns to him confused and asks:

"What do you mean "wrong hole?" "

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Nakamushi! Nakamushi!

A businessman is on his first trip to Japan. To relax himself the night before his big meeting he gets a call girl. While he's banging her she keeps on screaming

Nakamushi! Nakamushi! which he assumes is a complement on his sexual prowess.

The next his meeting goes well and he's invited to play golf with the Japanese CEO. The CEO sinks a particular long putt for a birdie and the businessman thinks 'I'll impress him with some Japanese' so he applauds the CEO and says

Nakamushi! Nakamushi! But the CEO frowns at him and says

What do you mean 'Wrong hole! Wrong hole'?

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A man was in Japan, and had hired a prostitute

And as he was going at it, she was screaming "Fujifoo! Fujifoo!"
He took this as that she was screaming with pleasure, and kept going.
The next day, he was playing golf with some Japanese friends. On one hole, he manages to score a hole in one. He jumps up into the air and exclaims "Fujifoo!"
His friends say to him "No, no, it's the right hole..."

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How can you know a girl is from Japan?

Her pussy is blurry.

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What does a Japanese chicken wear to a meeting?

A hentai.

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A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death.

His family didn't bereave him.

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A huge guy walks into a bar and approaches a little guy.

The huge guy karate chops the little guy on the back and says "That was a karate chop from Japan."

A little while later the same huge guy chops the little guy on the back again and says "that was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar for a little while and when he comes back he whacks the huge guy on the back knocking him to the ground.

"Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

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A japanese guy gets off the plane to New York

He needs American money so he goes to the bank but doesnt know much english. He goes to the teller and says "me, change" and hands over 10,000. The bank teller understands and takes it and hands over $100

The next day, he does the same thing and gives 10,000 yen to the teller but only gets $90 in return.
He says "last day i got $100, not $90 you made mistake"

The teller replies "flucuations"

The japanese guy is furious and a has a look of digust. He replies "well, f*** you white guy" and storms off.



*dont know if its repeated here but i remember my dad telling me somewhere a decade ago*

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Man goes on a work trip to Japan.

A man travels to Japan for work. After a few weeks he gets lonely and hires a prostitute. They get down to business, but right away she starts yelling "machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"

Not speaking a word of Japanese he thinks she must be really enjoying it. He finishes up and she collects her things quickly, grabs the money scowling all the time and slams the door on the way out.

The next day his boss takes him out for a round of golf. On the third hole he tee's up, takes a swing and it flies true and lands a whole in one! He's so excited and wants to show off the Japanese he learned. "Machigatta ana" he screams!

He boss looks confused... "No, you got it in the right hole... "

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Interviewer: So Japan, I hear that you're the least obese country in the world. How did you achieve this?

Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?

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Fallout 4 came out for most of us, but Japan doesn't get it until Dec. 17...

That's absolutely fair; they got the original fallout 70 years ago.

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My husband and his friends came back from Japan and showered me with gifts

That day I learnt about bukkake

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What do you say to a japanese-mexican

Konichijuan

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How does a Japanese alligator express its gratitude?

Aligato

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Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII

The Pacific Theatre

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A Japanese man observes his son scratching his knee.

He comments, "Itchy knee, son?"

The son replies, "I already know how to count, Dad!"

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An American man goes on a business trip to Japan.

And he arrives there a day early before the meeting. So he decides to enjoy the night-life a little bit. The man goes out to a bar, picks up a lady after having a few drinks, and takes her back to the hotel. Eventually they start having sex and the lady keeps saying, "Oshi Moshi! Oshi Moshi!"

The man thought that was weird but he kept going. The next day, he meets some business men on a golf course and sees one of them shank the ball. The guy is absolutely livid and shouts, "Oshi Moshi!"

The American man looks at him and asks, "I hate to bother you, but what does 'oshi moshi' mean?"

The golfer replies, "wrong hole!"

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How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello?

Konichiuaua

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What's a sexually confused weebs favourite sport?

Soccer...

Or as they call it in Japan... Futaball.

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Japanese bank crises.

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and it is (you guessed it!) going for a song. Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

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What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

Vote.

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Why aren't there any pedophiles in Japan?

Because they learned what happens when you touch a little boy.

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What does a Japanese bakery thief say?

"I Tokyo cookie."

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Golf in Japan

An American golfer went to Japan for a tournament. The night before he met a woman, and although neither spoke a word of the other's language, he managed to get the point across. They got into bed and when he stuck it in her she yelled something in Japanese which he took to me she was in ecstasy. The next day the golfer played in his tournament against a Japanese golfer. The Japanese golfer sank a tricky putt so the American golfer thought he'd compliment him but repeating the Japanese words he heard the night before. The Japanese golfer looked surprised and said What do you mean wrong hole?

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That Military Documentary series on Japan in WW2 was really good...

...Unfortunately it never survived past the Pilot episode.

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What are the best Japan puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Japan? Well, here are the best jokes about Japan to have fun with.

Joko Jokes