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January Jokes

108 january jokes and hilarious january puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about january that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh your way into the new year with these hilarious January jokes. Get ready to make a splash with these top jokes about January 1st, the January blues, the January gym, a January kid's birthday, a January lunch box, and starting the year off right. Enjoy the laughs with family and friends!

Best Short January Jokes

Short january jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The january humour may include short january 1st jokes also.

  1. I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above. It's my new year's resolution.
  2. Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & dragon campaigns? They always fail their Constitution checks.
  3. I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th... Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
  4. I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman, but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
  5. Liz Cheney will agree to dismantle the January 6 Commission under one condition That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.
  6. I'm starting a new business tomorrow. It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
    I'm calling it, "Resolutions."
  7. What do trump and a Christmas tree both have in common ? They both get thrown out in January
  8. The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
  9. How many seconds are there in one year? 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, august 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
  10. Trump will still be president of The United States after January 20th He's having Rudy draw up the paperwork to form The United States Total Landscaping Co. as we speak!

Quick Jump To


January joke, Trump will still be president of The United States after January 20th


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about january can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of january puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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January One Liners

Which january one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with january? I can suggest the ones about march and august.

  1. How many excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb? Monday January 01, 1900
  2. joe Biden is not my president!! At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
  3. You shouldn't kiss someone on January 1st It's the first date
  4. 2020 has a new calendar out January
    February
    Lockdown
    December
  5. Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are? December, January, and February.
  6. If January threw a parade Would February March?
    No, but April May
  7. What do a christmas tree and Donald Trump have in common? Both will be out in January.
  8. Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It's may. Student: No, it's January
  9. Next January I will only be watching videos on 1080p It's my new years resolution
  10. I just told my wife I am going dry for January I really can't be bothered with foreplay.
  11. I'm finally upgrading from 1080p to 4K this January It's my New Years resolution.
  12. When does the narwhal bacon? Not on January 18th.
  13. Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower.
  14. Pokemon go in January is the worst Everyone is joining all the gyms
  15. Can January March? No, but April May

January 1st Jokes

Here is a list of funny january 1st jokes and even better january 1st puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January Can't wait to have 2020 vision.
  • I don't think I was concentrating properly when midnight struck on January 1st 2000. It just went in one era and out the other.
  • So I saw an internet survey the other day... and apparently 99.87% of the population was born on the 1st of January! How very strange!
  • I got a new ultra high definition monitor on January 1st. My New Year's resolution is 4K.
  • What do cows say on January 1st? Happy moo year!
  • It's only January 1st, but I already know what I'm doing next year. I have 2020 vision.
  • Starting January 1st McDonald's will not be making fries any longer They are already long enough
  • Everyone else saying "haven't seen you since last year" on January 1st Meanwhile i say "see you next year" on January 1st and proceed to hide in my room
  • What will the Soviets do on January 1st, 2019? They'll make a new year's revolution.
  • Happy 47th birthday, teens logging into adults-only websites! And the same to anyone else whose birthday actually *is* January 1st, 1969.

January 1 Jokes

Here is a list of funny january 1 jokes and even better january 1 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the psychologist say to his client after diagnosing him with a phobia on January 1? Happy new fear.
  • I can't believe it! 364 days to January 1... Yet everyone is celebrating already!
  • On January 1, 2019, New Horizons will fly by a small, frozen world in the Kuiper Belt called Imndan, which orbits a billion miles beyond Pluto. This small frozen world is a stereotypical red dot.
  • January 1, 1990 Go change it.

January Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny january kid jokes and even better january kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet. January — ABCD...
    February — EFG...
    March — HIJK...
    April to December — ELEMENOP.
  • My grandma is going celebrate her last Christmas as a kid. ...According to Nat King Cole at least, she turns 93 in January.

January Birthday Jokes

Here is a list of funny january birthday jokes and even better january birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • (Overheard at work) I'm not saying 2020 has been a long year... But we just celebrated my son's third birthday and he was born in January.
  • Today would have been my moms 50th birthday... but she was born in January.
  • What is the most popular birthday based on Internet records? January 1st, 1993
January joke, What is the most popular birthday based on Internet records?

Hilarious Fun January Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about january you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean independence jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make january prank.

A Jumper

On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.
The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit s**...," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing s**...?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".
The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!

Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.

What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!

Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."

Why do Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January?

Cause eight reindeer and a sleigh are a lot quicker than 6 pigs and a stoneboat.

My sister is a mathematician...

She celebrates 4/20 on January fifth because it's just simpler that way.

COUNTING CONDOMS

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the c**... display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one c**...?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

Don't have s**... on January 1st

It's only the first date!

January 4th is the commemoration of Schrodinger's death...

But since he's is in a box, we are not sure.

There's a special running course around the White House.

Every president does this before they leave office, and records their times in a special book dating back to the early 19th century. Obama recently completed it, knowing he had to get it done before January. He did 9:25 and was quite pleased with it. He wondered if he had set the record, but then he found out that Bush did 9:11.

Two Unix experts are talking about their age...

- What is your date of birth?
- 0
- Ohh, nice I was born in January too.

January 20, 2017

The day America expires.

The date is 20 January 2017.

The date is 20 January 2017. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as President. He walks to the mic for his inauguration speech. He looks at Obama and says "You're Fired"

Obama's announcement

Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of "U.S. Government" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government.

Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5?

Because he knows how to reduce fractions.

My overweight friend's 2017 resolution was to join a gym and lose weight. We're three weeks into January and he's already quit. I asked him, "What happened??"

"Just didn't work out."

You know what the greatest thing about January 20th 2017 12:01 AM?

That is when its going to be the darkest before the Donald

The March for Life is all fine and well.....

But why are we forgetting the January and February for Life?

January is national stalking awareness month...

That crept up on my fast

New Years resolution

Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution

On January 1st I joked to my girlfriend we haven't had s**... all year.

It's getting less funnier each day I tell her.

On January 1st I joked to my wife we haven't had s**... all year.

Just like last year.

Kid asks is paw why do these condoms come in 3 packs?

Father: Those are for highschool boys son. One for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Son: Then what is this 6 pack for?

Father: Those are for college men! 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday!

Son: WOW!! And the 12 pack of condoms?

Father: Sigh.... Those are for married men. One for January.... One for February..... One for...

This Date in History: January 28, 1521. The Diet of Worms begins

and lasts until people get tired of eating worms.

Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January.

However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.

When will mark zuckerberg die?

January 19 2038 of course

The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds...

A KGB agent walks up to the front and asks, One v**..., please.
The woman at the register looks and says, Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don't serve v**....
The KGB agent looks surprised and says, Excuse me, comrade. One *McVodka*, please.

My grandfather was arrested numerous times for selling a phony life lengthening drug...

Once in 1888, again in 1922, a third time in 1954, and another time in January 2018

What Month Is It?

No, not January.
June.
We've just seen the end of May.

The weather in London is crazy right now.

It's the middle of January, but it feels like the end of May.

I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.

It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.

When January finally arrives we'll find out whether we've defeated the evil year 2020 or not. According to my calendar...

Twenty-twenty won.
People may have hope for the year after that, but I hear it'll be twenty-twenty too.

They've finally reached a Covid Stimulus deal!

It includes a direct payment of $40 in Kohl's Cash that will be valid from January 3 - January 7, 2021.

Christmas gifts will be delivered on January 8 this year instead of December 25

Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days.

Last year, one of my new year resolutions was too stop being so arrogant and c**...

Realised a week into January I didn't need to bother because I am already perfect

What does Trump have in common with winter holiday decorations?

Both can fu k off in January.

When I woke up on January 1st, I was surprised to see that my wife looked very pixelated.

She saw the expression of confusion on my face and said, "oh, don't worry honey, this is just my new year's resolution"

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

My friend Jack …

… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!

Does anyone recall the guy in the superhero outfit at the Capitol on January 6th?

He was on the far right.

I think Christmas should be moved to January.

The stores are less crowded and everything is on sale.

A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions

So it's best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd

Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?

January = Greg
February = Ian
March = Greg
April = Ian
May = Ian
June = Greg
July = Ian
August = Greg
September = Greg
October = Ian
November = Greg
December = Ian

Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.

Hmm… Sherlock ponders, I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6' 1 , was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.
Watson was completely confused by his partner's deduction.
How could you possibly get all that from just a button?
Elementary! Sherlock replied. Because it's mine!

January joke, Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floo

jokes about january

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these january jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.