Hilarious Fun January Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.
It's my new year's resolution.
Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January
Can't wait to have 2020 vision.
Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.
What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!
Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are?
December, January, and February.
Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"
"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
COUNTING CONDOMS
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the c**... display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one c**...?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th...
Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
You shouldn't kiss someone on January 1st
It's the first date
Don't have s**... on January 1st
It's only the first date!
I just told my wife I am going dry for January
I really can't be bothered with foreplay.
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
You can explore january jun reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean january november dad jokes. There are also january puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
There's a special running course around the White House.
Every president does this before they leave office, and records their times in a special book dating back to the early 19th century. Obama recently completed it, knowing he had to get it done before January. He did 9:25 and was quite pleased with it. He wondered if he had set the record, but then he found out that Bush did 9:11.
Two Unix experts are talking about their age...
- What is your date of birth?
- 0
- Ohh, nice I was born in January too.
The date is 20 January 2017.
The date is 20 January 2017. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as President. He walks to the mic for his inauguration speech. He looks at Obama and says "You're Fired"
New Years resolution
Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution
On January 1st I joked to my girlfriend we haven't had s**... all year.
It's getting less funnier each day I tell her.
Kid asks is paw why do these condoms come in 3 packs?
Father: Those are for highschool boys son. One for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Son: Then what is this 6 pack for?
Father: Those are for college men! 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday!
Son: WOW!! And the 12 pack of condoms?
Father: Sigh.... Those are for married men. One for January.... One for February..... One for...
Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January.
However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.
I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,
but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds...
A KGB agent walks up to the front and asks, One v**..., please.
The woman at the register looks and says, Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don't serve v**....
The KGB agent looks surprised and says, Excuse me, comrade. One *McVodka*, please.
My grandfather was arrested numerous times for selling a phony life lengthening drug...
Once in 1888, again in 1922, a third time in 1954, and another time in January 2018
The weather in London is crazy right now.
It's the middle of January, but it feels like the end of May.
2020 has a new calendar out
January
February
Lockdown
December
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It's may.
Student: No, it's January
Next January I will only be watching videos on 1080p
It's my new years resolution
Joe Biden is not my president!!
At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
Trump will still be president of The United States after January 20th
He's having Rudy draw up the paperwork to form The United States Total Landscaping Co. as we speak!
What do a christmas tree and Donald Trump have in common?
Both will be out in January.
Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.
January — ABCD...
February — EFG...
March — HIJK...
April to December — ELEMENOP.
I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.
It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.
What do trump and a Christmas tree both have in common ?
They both get thrown out in January
When January finally arrives we'll find out whether we've defeated the evil year 2020 or not. According to my calendar...
Twenty-twenty won.
People may have hope for the year after that, but I hear it'll be twenty-twenty too.
They've finally reached a Covid Stimulus deal!
It includes a direct payment of $40 in Kohl's Cash that will be valid from January 3 - January 7, 2021.
I'm starting a new business tomorrow.
It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
I'm calling it, "Resolutions."
When I woke up on January 1st, I was surprised to see that my wife looked very pixelated.
She saw the expression of confusion on my face and said, "oh, don't worry honey, this is just my new year's resolution"
The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.
Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.
I'm proud to announce I have stuck to my New Years Resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.
My friend Jack …
… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!
A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions
So it's best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd
If January threw a parade
Would February March?
No, but April May
I'm finally upgrading from 1080p to 4K this January
It's my New Years resolution.
Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns?
They always fail their Constitution checks.
Liz Cheney will agree to dismantle the January 6 Commission under one condition
That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.
Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?
January = Greg
February = Ian
March = Greg
April = Ian
May = Ian
June = Greg
July = Ian
August = Greg
September = Greg
October = Ian
November = Greg
December = Ian
How many Excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Monday January 01, 1900
How many seconds in a year?
12.
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd….
Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.
Hmm… Sherlock ponders, I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6' 1 , was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.
Watson was completely confused by his partner's deduction.
How could you possibly get all that from just a button?
Elementary! Sherlock replied. Because it's mine!
How many Seconds are in a year?
12!
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
