Janitor Jokes
111 janitor jokes and hilarious janitor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about janitor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh at these funny janitor jokes from Jimmy the Janitor. From good hearted janitorial tips, to maid jokes, to Yale's housekeeper, you're sure to have a good time. Enjoy!
Funniest Janitor Short Jokes
Short janitor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The janitor humour may include short housekeeper jokes also.
- What Did the Janitor Say When He Jumped Out of the Closet? "Supplies!"
I'll see myself out - I went to the pet store to buy a Dalmatian, but they didn't have any. Their janitor keeps the store spotless.
- The janitor couldn't remember where he put the floor polisher As a programmer, this isn't the first time I encountered a 'buffer allocation failure due to memory error'
- The janitor had trouble with his broom After days of frustration he went to his boss and demanded sweeping reforms
- My father who is a janitor said his position at work was raised He will be cleaning the 40th floor instead of the 39th.
- Did you hear about the janitor who suffocated in a row of turds? He died in the line of doody.
- A Hollywood janitor decided to try his hand at directing He's billing himself as "the director who swept the Oscars"
- What do you call a bunch of janitors who made a band? The bleach boys.
- A guy's wife was spending a lot of time with the janitor, turns out his suspicions were correct. He was sweeping with his wife.
- Why did the janitor flush the toilet? Because it was his duty.
Share These Janitor Jokes With Friends
Janitor One Liners
Which janitor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with janitor? I can suggest the ones about repairman and maintenance man.
- How warm is a janitor's closet? Broom Temperature.
- A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar. Then they open for the day.
- What do you call the janitors of the CIA? Sweeper Agents
- A movie about janitors impressed critics. Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.
- Why did the janitor get fired from the bank? Because he cleaned out the vault.
- I just watched my friend sweep a woman off her feet. He's a really aggressive janitor.
- Where do janitors go at night? They go to sweep.
- I just swept a girl off her feet. I'm quite an aggressive janitor.
- have you heard about the janitor that died? yeah, he kicked the bucket
- Harvard University accepted my application! I'm going to be their best janitor!
- How does the ghost of a janitor communicate with the living world? Squeegee board
- A janitor gets accepted into Nascar His car goes "Broom, Broom"
- What do you call a janitor in space? A vacuum cleaner
- A Janitor starts up his car. "Broom broom"
- What do you call a small group of terrorists pretending to be janitors? A sweeper cell.
Good Janitor Jokes
Here is a list of funny good janitor jokes and even better good janitor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say a good woman will cook and clean for you. That's why i married a part time Chef and a full-time janitor
- Hey is Johannes Kepler such a good janitor? Because he sweeps out the same area every night.
- Why did the Warriors become Janitors? They're good at sweeping
- Why would Rip Van Winkle make a good janitor? Because he swept for 20 years.
- How is the Janitor daughter called? Janifer. She smells so good.
Cheeky Janitor Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about janitor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean inspector jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make janitor pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.
The professor says I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read? so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says I'll be an artist so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says I got a masters degree in art.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In The Military a janitor wanted to go out to the battlefield...
When the soldiers were getting ready for a battle the janitor told the general that he wanted to fight. The general gave him a broom and said "point this at the enemies and say 'bangity bang bang' and when they get close say 'stabbity stab stab'" "ok" the janitor replied. Once the janitor got out on the battlefield he aimed his broom and said "bangity bang bang" to his surprise the enemy dropped dead. Amazed, the janitor bagan repeating the words "bangity bang bang! Stabbity stab stab!" he repeated this until there was only one person left on the field. no matter how many times he said "bangity bang bang" and "stabbity stab stab" nothing worked. The last man pushed the janitor to the ground and said "tankity tank tank"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the janitor get for his birthday?
A u**... cake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did h**... call his janitor?
Mein Sweeper
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...
When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.
After many days with no luck, and the female gorilla getting more frustrated, he decided to try his last option. So he tracks down the janitor of the zoo and says to him "Steve, I have to ask you a big favor... I need you to have s**... with the female gorilla. It's worth 2000 dollars."
The janitor agrees so long as three conditions are met.
"Condition the first..." says the janitor "is that no one cam ever know."
"Second... I don't have to kiss her."
"Finally... I'll need some time to get the 2000 dollars."
A man asks a janitor in his office...
"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"
The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."
"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"
"Nah, they're janitors too."
I am a janitor...
They call me Dwayne "The Smock" Johnson.
The zoo inspector and the monkey
Once upon a time, an inspector planned to come to a zoo, as it wasn't doing well and didn't make profit. That became a problem to the managers who didn't want him to find out that they sold the monkey.
So they approached bill, a janitor and a faithful worker there and gave him a monkey suit and told him how to act like a monkey, and it will only last until the inspector leaves.
Came the inspector, the worker was in the cage and started acting like a monkey. The inspector wasn't pleased with the animal and thought that it was sick and old, so he told throw the monkey to the lion and get a new one, and the managers agreed.
Bill lied there still and overwhelmed with shock, because, after all these years working faithfully, they agreed to throw him just like that! He was paralyzed with shock when they threw him in the lion's cage. The lion came slowly and Bill was afraid and lost, when the lion whispered to him : "Don't worry, I'm Joe the cotton candy guy"
How Did the Janitor Get Rich?
Sweepstakes.
Who was the first black person accepted into Harvard University?
The Janitor
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A janitor, a security guard, and a CEO are sitting at table with a dozen Twinkies.
The CEO grabs 11 Twinkies for himself, turns to the security guard and says: "Watch out for the janitor, he wants part of your t**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is doing confessional and really has to go to the bathroom.
While he's in between people, he notices the janitor outside the confessional booth.
**Priest:** "Hey John, come sit in here for me for a second while I use the restroom, please."
**John the janitor:** "Yes Father, no problem."
As the janitor is waiting for the priest to return, a woman enters the confessional booth.
**Woman:** "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
The janitor nervously proceeds, "What did you do?"
**Woman:** "I gave a b**... to a married man."
As the janitor is struggling to come up with how to respond, he sees an altar boy walking through the church.
**John the janitor:** "Hey Timmy, what does Father Angelo normally give for a b**...?"
**Timmy:** "A bag of chips and a coke."
I called up my janitor the other day...
to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn't the slightest idea what he had done with it.
I told him not to worry about it - that as a programmer it wasn't the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.
My father was born in '53. He recently became a janitor...
I guess you could say he's a baby *broomer.*
If I work as a janitor at an office, does that mean that every time I change a lightbulb I climb the corporate ladder?
Why did the janitor file for a divorce?
He found his wife sweeping with someone else.
What do you get when you give a janitor a joint?
A high maintenance building.
What does the aquarium janitor use to clean?
She uses all-porpoise cleaner!
Disturbing Pattern of Suicides
When some scientists plotted the number of suicides per year, they discovered a curious pattern. Every four years, there would be a spike in the number.
This baffled them, until the old janitor said: "Perhaps it was not a good idea to call them leap years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
My school janitor is a part-time pianist.
He has 88 keys.
What did the skeleton say to the janitor?
Suh dude
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla
who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.
The zookeeper approaches a r**... janitor with a proposition. Would you be willing to have s**... with this gorilla for $500? he asks.
The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this. The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.
Well, says the janitor, I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.
I would like to work as a janitor in Microsoft.
I could see myself excel in that job.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a pig and a dwarf janitor?
One is messy, and the other is a little cleaner.
A woman walks in on the janitor using the women's washroom...
"What are you doing in here?"
"The men's room is filthy"
SpaceX announced today that they are removing the astronaut janitor position from their first manned flight to Mars
There just isn't enough room in the ship for a vacuum cleaner.
Just because I'm below grade average and my family is poor, doesn't mean I won't be applying to colleges
There's bound to be one college with an opening position as a janitor.
What did the German janitor say when asked if his 11 AM appointment was outdoors?
Nein! Eleven was an inside job.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the similarities between a janitor and the U.S.?
They both clean up after others.
The janitor at the bank managed to rob 21 million dollars.
He made a clean getaway!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When a girl sleeps with girls in college, she's "experimenting"
When I do it, I'm "fired" and "a terrible dorm janitor"
I used to date a janitor
She didn't always look her best while she was working, but she cleaned up well.
One day the male gorilla at a zoo's enclosure dies...
...The female is about to go into mating season so they are desperately searching for a replacement for the male gorilla. So, after trying all of the neighboring zoos they see the Greek janitor raking leaves with his hairy back for all to see. They approach him and ask,
"Will you sleep with the female gorilla for $500?"
He replies,
"I'll need to think about it overnight"
The next day he comes in and walks up and says,
"OK, I'll do it under one condition."
"Anything," they reply.
"Ok, you are going to have to give me a week to come up with the $500."
Why did the janitor with a speech impediment miss his shift?
He overswept
What do you call a gangster janitor?
A mopster
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw two janitors making out
And I said hey, get a broom!
Why was the janitor late?
He over swept
I challenged my school's janitor to a game of Mario kart...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an u**.... What do they arm the lunch lady with?
A salt rifle
Never get in a fight with a Janitor...
Unless you want your clock cleaned.
A caveman walks into an auditorium
He sits down in the front row and a janitor walks by. The janitor turns to the caveman and says, "Hey, the anthropology lecture doesn't start for another hour. You're early, man."
"Art is the elimination of the unnecessary" -Pablo picasso
"Sure thing Pablo, but must people just call me the janitor" - Art
What did the Chinese janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPRISE!
I have a friend who's half Portuguese and half Jewish
He's a janitor, but the building is his.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The janitor at my work asked if I wanted to take a five minute break to go smoke w**... with her.
I told her, 'No, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for a high maintainance woman."
A janitor walks into a bar..
It's after hours and closed. He is only there to clean it. He of course doesn't make a living wage and can;t afford a drink there,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Janitor in the church
The church janitor is cleaning the large overhead ducts from the inside when he notices a nun praying by herself and decides to have some fun. With the echo and a booming voice he proclaims "your prayers will answered", but the nun doesnt even flinch. He tries again "my child, your sins are forgiven", and again no response from the nun. Thinking she might be deaf, he tries one last time "I Jesus will lead you to salvation", upon which the nun firmly responds "shut up, I'm talking to your mother"
What would Jennifer Lopez's name be if she cleaned bathrooms?
Janitor Lopez.
How many teachers does it take to change a light bulb.
None, they just call the janitor.
People always ask me how I got into Harvard at the age of 16, after skipping two grades.
Honestly I think the janitor just left the door open or something.
Right after I got my PhD in theoretical physics, I was able to land a job at Stanford!
My first shift starts tomorrow, after the senior janitor gives me a quick rundown.
I once broke a toilet in front of a janitor.
He was very angry, replying, "Ur in for it now!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst thing about getting caught m**... at work?
Having to explain to the janitor why you're in the supply closet with a belt wrapped around your neck.
Why should you vote a janitor into public office?
If you want them to make sweeping changes.
What does a Janitor have in common with Santa Claus?
Leave out some cookies for them and you'll receive better treatment.
Being a janitor doesn't leave you smelling great
It adds a whole new meaning to eau de toilette
It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.
You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.
What do you call a live in janitor?
A broomate.
Young man fresh out of college gets a job at a factory
When he arrives he surprised that he is assigned as junior janitor. Shocked he asks for the manager who hired him. Didn't you read I have a double major in Social Science and Anthropology
Oh says the man, I must have missed that. OK let me explain. Lift the mop up and put in the bucket, then wipe the dirty floor with it.
My dad works at Microsoft!
He's a Janitor
Harvard University
I guess my dream is finally coming true. Among many people who applied for Harvard University,they chose me to be the janitor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two monks werewere discussing humility.
"I have been praying and fasting, meditating and studying religion for 20 years. I have finally reached the level of humility. I am truly a nothing." said one monk.
The other monk nodded gravely. "I too have spent my life devoted to serving God. I am also a nothing."
At that moment a janitor passed, holding his mop. Overhearing the conversation, and feeling quite spiritual, he interrupted. "You know what, i am also a nothing."
The monks looked away in disgust. "Who the h**... does he think he is to be a nothing???"
