Jane Jokes
105 jane jokes and hilarious jane puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jane that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud with some of the best jokes featuring the name Jane! From G.I. Jane to Mary Jane, Ricky Gervais to Tarzan and Jane, we have jokes for every type of Jane. Have a Plain Jane of an evening in with friends or make a suggestion to your boyfriend. No matter the occasion, these Jane jokes will definitely make you and your friends laugh.
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Funniest Jane Short Jokes
Short jane jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jane humour may include short boyfriend jokes also.
- a Colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. Jane's friend took a bite of her hamburger.
vs.
Jane's friend took a bite of her colon. - Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example... *I heard Jane was riding on her bike.*
Becomes...
*I heard Jane was riding on her period.* - They polled Britons on their favorite Jane Austen novel 52% prefer Pride & Prejudice to Sense & Sensibility
- Why did the monkey and Jane fight over Tarzan? Because they heard that he swings both ways.
- From one side of the bakery to the other, a breadstick yelled out to a pretzel Hey Jane, when did you take up yoga?
- Jane couldn't quite work out why she didn't like her husband's new hobby. But as he grabbed his bait and rod for the fifth day in row, she new it seemed fishy.
- Why did Josh Gordon marry mary jane? So he'd only get a 2 game suspension for abusing her.
- Charlotte Bronte wrote a horror novel Jane Scare
Emily wrote one about aircraft turbulence
Wuthering Flights
(I do apologise for this) - It's been quite a while since I saw a movie with Jane, Henry, or Bridget I guess it's true what they say - absence makes the heart grow Fonda.
- If we had a break up letter there for every gender there was... We'd have "Dear John", "Dear Jane", and "Dear Xir, Ruler of Omicron Persei 8"
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Jane One Liners
Which jane one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jane? I can suggest the ones about suggestion and tarzan and jane.
- Jane: I miss England. Tarzan: Me no idea you a beauty pageant winner.
- My Uncle John is hosting a gender reveal party Sorry, I mean my Aunt Jane.
- What does Spiderman like to get high on? Mary Jane
- Jane Goodall has blocked my number! Didn't appreciate me sending her photos of macaque.
- How does Mary Jane get to school? She takes the cani-bus
- What is Walter White's favourite band? Well it's not Saving Jane, that's for sure.
- I hate talking to Mary Jane She's just too blunt
- How did Peter Parker know Mary Jane was cheating on him? He spied her man.
- If Tarzan and Jane were Irish what would that make Cheetah? The designated driver....
- What is the most expensive book of all time? Pride and Accomplishment, by Jane Austen
- How can we get rid of the Electoral College? Put Jane Sanders in charge of it.
- What Breaking Benjamin song should you only listen to on the toilet? Diarrhea Jane
- What did Tarzan say when Jane's mother came to their tree house? Ladder in.
- acording to Jane Eyre... Love is blind
- Did you hear about the woman who died of a yeast infection? She was a Jane Dough
Mary Jane Jokes
Here is a list of funny mary jane jokes and even better mary jane puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a second hand gold necklace? Recyc-bling
(I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......) - Why is Mary Jane so attractive in the comics? Because Spidey needs a place to Park his Peter.
- If I don't win the Mary Jane Country Grill-off I won't be able to afford my rent... I guess you could say the steaks are high
- Peter Parker's at a party He's offered a blunt. "No," He says looking out the window at the skyline. "That's not the Mary Jane I need."
- - Mary, do you know what Bechdel Test is? -Jane, I have no idea.
-I'm pretty sure that the author of this joke knows it well. - Why was the web server down? Mary Jane dumped him.
- What do Spiderman and I have in common? We're both in love with Mary Jane
- Spidy nonsense Sometimes I feel like spider man. Once I had Gwen Stacy, now I just have Mary Jane.
- I know a lesbian... She really likes Mary Jane.
- What did Spiderman say to Mary Jane in the morning? That ain't web.
Tarzan And Jane Jokes
Here is a list of funny tarzan and jane jokes and even better tarzan and jane puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill? Swim for it Jane!
Jane Austen Jokes
Here is a list of funny jane austen jokes and even better jane austen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do 21st Century Americans and Jane Austen have in common? Cause of death: Consumption.
- Brexit was similar to choosing your favorite Jane Austen novel. Pride and Prejudice defeated Sense and Sensibility.
Hilarious Fun Jane Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about jane you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mary jane jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jane pranks.
I don't know.
Jane and Mary are eating lunch together when, out of the blue, Jane asks what the circumference of the Earth is.
Mary shrugs and says, "No sé."
Jane gives her a funny look and asks, "What does that mean?" to which Mary replies "I don't know."
Jane, flabbergasted, says, "Don't say it if you don't know what it means!"
what was the last thing that went though Jane Wicker's mind?
The ground
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...
Mom and dad are having s**... when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Surgery
After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a n**... here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
Mary Jane
One night Mary Jane was walking down a dark alley when a strange man appeared and started ripping her clothes off. Mary Jane laughed and laughed though, because she knew her clothes wouldn't fit him.
How Tarzan's famous yell was invented.
Tarzan was swing through the jungle one day when he spotted Jane.
He hollered, "Jane! Grab vine!"
And he swung down to swoop her up.
"AHHHHHEEEEAHHHHEAHHHHH!!!!" "JANE GRAB WRONG VINE!!!!"
Just after Jane Fonda was born..
..the doctor approached her father Henry with bad news.
'I'm afraid your new baby daughter has an underdeveloped heart, we're going to have to inject her with pus and create an abscess.'
Henry is shocked.
'I've never heard of the like, what quackery do you call this?!?'
'Well, an abscess makes the heart grow, Fonda!'
Humorous quote: "Well, my mother's name was Opal, her mother's name was Ruby, her mother's name was Pearl, her mother's name was Sapphire and my daughter's name will be...
Jane, because this is a tradition that needs to stop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Little Johnny grew out of diapers, his dad had to teach him how to pee like a man...
"Listen here, son, this is how you do it," says Daddy.
1. Unzip your pants
2. Pull out your equipment
3. Pull back your f**...
4. Relax the muscle that's holding in the pee
5. Push back your f**...
6. Put your equipment back,
7. Zip back up.
Later that day Johnny's sister, Little Jane, runs up to her dad exasperated. "Daddy, Daddy! Johnny's hogging the bathroom!" "That's fine," responds Daddy, "he's learning how to pee like a man." "No he's not!" yells Jane. "He's just in there shouting, 'Three, five, three, five, three, five..."
True lines...
True lines...
Log kahte he kisi ek ke chale jane se hamari zindagi ruk nhi
jati...
Ye koi nhi janta ki lakho ke mil jane se bhi us ek ki kami
poori nhi hoti....!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde is about to solve a crossword...
... but still misses some answers.
She asks for a help her best friend,
"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine i**... part' - with 4 letters.."
"Across or down?" asks her friend.
"It's across"
"Then it should be lips"
A boy goes into confession...
The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl."
"Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?"
"Oh I can't say."
"Was it Mary Jane?"
"No Father."
"Adalina Mozarelli?"
"My lips are sealed."
"How about Cindy King"
"I can never say."
"Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?"
"No."
"It has to be Tracy Cummings though!"
"Father I will never tell you."
"Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months."
"Ok, Father"
The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?"
The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"
Did they ever identify that unknown female deer crime victim?
You mean Jane Doe?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was drinking my favorite liquor the other night...
...while sitting in front of my fireplace. I was feeling a pretty good buzz when all of a sudden I began to hallucinate, and out from the top of the fireplace sprung the disembodied head of Jane Fonda! Normally I would find this odd, but you know what they say:
Absinthe makes the hearth grow Fonda.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John and Jane go to see a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor says, "So, you two are married, correct?"
"Correct," they reply.
"And you are having regular s**...?" asks the counsellor.
"Absolutely," they reply,
"So," laughs the counsellor, "What is the problem?"
They say, "Well, our partners don't really approve."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the s**... go to the chapel?
To marry Jane
Euro 2016
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
A man walks into hospital
"What's with Jane ?"
"It doesn't look good"
"Yeah, I know, I'm asking about her health"
Crazy Riddle
If Jane's daughter is my daughter's mother, then who am I to Jane?
Janet, a bit tipsy from the champagne, didn't realize the new office photocopier was a 3D photocopier.
So Steve got a nice bust for his bookshelf for christmas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Math class
Teacher asks Johnny:
"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"
"An o**...?"
Edited: names spelling, grammar.
Why did Janeen eat her test?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Da-dum-tss. Popsicles are running out of jokes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How is w**... Nelson like Spider-Man?
They both love Mary Jane
Jane told her mum, "Mommy, I kissed Dave the other day."
Taken aback, her mom asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"
"2 girls helped me catch him," she replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the name of the female s**... turned bounty hunter?
Jane Doe Unchained.
Why did Janeen eat her test?
So she could pass it later...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's another name for cat n**...
Meowy Jane
Jane Foster was not able to get out of bed the morning after the cloning experiment.
She was two Thor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Aids originally jump from chimpanzees to humans?
Tarzan was not a v**... when he met jane
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've always dated girls with the same name who are into s**...
You can say that it's my dominant Jane.
Have you heard about this average girl that is actually one of the world's greatest pilots?
They call her Plane Jane.
What does Janet Jackson say when she goes to the garden?!?
GIMME A BEET.
House Makeover Host: David and Jane wanted more space
So we repossessed the house and now they're living in the park.
Why did Janeen go into the forest to look for her parents?
She wanted to find her family tree!
Doctor Joke
Bill: I went to my doctor and told him I was having trouble breathing.
Jane: Really? What'd he say?
Bill: He told me he could give me something to stop it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mary Jane
Is the only woman who won't complain when you hit her.
Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini
He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.
At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Before dinner?"
"Jane, you don't understand," sighs Tarzan. "It's a jungle out there!"
A joke my dad always tells.
Mary Jane was swinging on the swing set when her Mama came out and yelled,
Mary Jane! Don't swing so high! The boys can see your underwear!
But Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.
Mary Jane's mom saw that Mary Jane had burnt the garage down.
Her mom said, when your dad gets home you're going to be in big trouble.
And Mary Jane laughed and laughed because she knew her dad was in the garage.
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
-
- - Jane ate her friend's colon.
I have a list of friends who love palindromes!
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jane is on her honeymoon with Tarzan.
He lays stiff in bed awkwardly staring at the roof of the treehouse. "Have you ever had s**...?" She asks, he stands up and points out the window, "when Tarzan h**..., Tarzan poke hole in tree."
She walks over to him and says "Just do the same, pretend i'm the tree." He nods, and swiftly kicks her between the legs. "w**... was that?" She shrieks in pain.. "Tarzan always check for squirrels"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teenage boys
Two teenage boys go to confession. In the booth the first boy admits having s**... with a girl but refuses to name her. The priest asks, 'It wasn't Mary Jones, was it?' The boy says 'No, Father it wasn't'. The priest asks' 'Was it Angela Brown?'. The boy replies 'No, Father. it wasn't. 'It wasn't Jane Carter by any chance?' The boy says 'No father it wasn't' The priest gives up and says 'Well for your penance say fifty Hail Mary's and leave half your pocket money in the poor box.' When the boy leaves his friend asks him how it went. He replies 'Not bad, a $5 fine and three great leads!'
Mary and Jane are old friends.
They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
in the restaurant:
Waitress: Hello, my name is Pam, what can I get you?
Husband: Hello Pam, you are very beautiful.
Wife: Why don't you tell her about your erectile dysfunction?
Husband: OK. Pam, this is my erectile dysfunction, her name is Jane.
