The Best 63 Jane Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jane jokes. There are some jane annie jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jane jane austen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jane Jokes and Puns

My English teacher told me that using a colon in a sentence can really change its meaning.

For example,

Jane ate her friend's sandwich

Becomes

Jane ate her friend's colon.

I don't know.

Jane and Mary are eating lunch together when, out of the blue, Jane asks what the circumference of the Earth is.
Mary shrugs and says, "No sΓ©."
Jane gives her a funny look and asks, "What does that mean?" to which Mary replies "I don't know."
Jane, flabbergasted, says, "Don't say it if you don't know what it means!"

Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...

Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"

Jane joke, Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...

Surgery

After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."

What do you call a second hand gold necklace?

Recyc-bling

(I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......)


Mary Jane

One night Mary Jane was walking down a dark alley when a strange man appeared and started ripping her clothes off. Mary Jane laughed and laughed though, because she knew her clothes wouldn't fit him.

What is Walter White's favourite band?

Well it's not Saving Jane, that's for sure.

Jane joke, What is Walter White's favourite band?

Why did Josh Gordon marry Mary Jane?

So he'd only get a 2 game suspension for abusing her.

How Tarzan's famous yell was invented.

Tarzan was swing through the jungle one day when he spotted Jane.
He hollered, "Jane! Grab vine!"
And he swung down to swoop her up.
"AHHHHHEEEEAHHHHEAHHHHH!!!!" "JANE GRAB WRONG VINE!!!!"

When Little Johnny grew out of diapers, his dad had to teach him how to pee like a man...

"Listen here, son, this is how you do it," says Daddy.

1. Unzip your pants

2. Pull out your equipment

3. Pull back your foreskin

4. Relax the muscle that's holding in the pee

5. Push back your foreskin

6. Put your equipment back,

7. Zip back up.

Later that day Johnny's sister, Little Jane, runs up to her dad exasperated. "Daddy, Daddy! Johnny's hogging the bathroom!" "That's fine," responds Daddy, "he's learning how to pee like a man." "No he's not!" yells Jane. "He's just in there shouting, 'Three, five, three, five, three, five..."

Peter Parker's at a party

He's offered a blunt. "No," He says looking out the window at the skyline. "That's not the Mary Jane I need."

You can explore jane suggestion reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jane joanna dad jokes. There are also jane puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A blonde is about to solve a crossword...

... but still misses some answers.

She asks for a help her best friend,

"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine intercourse part' - with 4 letters.."

"Across or down?" asks her friend.

"It's across"

"Then it should be lips"

A boy goes into confession...

The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl."

"Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?"

"Oh I can't say."

"Was it Mary Jane?"

"No Father."

"Adalina Mozarelli?"

"My lips are sealed."

"How about Cindy King"

"I can never say."

"Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?"

"No."

"It has to be Tracy Cummings though!"

"Father I will never tell you."

"Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months."

"Ok, Father"

The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?"

The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"

I was drinking my favorite liquor the other night...

...while sitting in front of my fireplace. I was feeling a pretty good buzz when all of a sudden I began to hallucinate, and out from the top of the fireplace sprung the disembodied head of Jane Fonda! Normally I would find this odd, but you know what they say:

Absinthe makes the hearth grow Fonda.

John and Jane go to see a marriage counsellor.

The counsellor says, "So, you two are married, correct?"

"Correct," they reply.

"And you are having regular sex?" asks the counsellor.

"Absolutely," they reply,

"So," laughs the counsellor, "What is the problem?"

They say, "Well, our partners don't really approve."

Why did the stoner go to the chapel?

To marry Jane

Jane joke, Why did the stoner go to the chapel?

How did Peter Parker know Mary Jane was cheating on him?

He spied her man.

acording to Jane Eyre...

Love is blind

Euro 2016

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.


They polled Britons on their favorite Jane Austen novel

52% prefer Pride & Prejudice to Sense & Sensibility

Periods can really change the meaning of a sentence.

Jane was on her motorbike.

Jane was on her period.

What does Spiderman like to get high on?

Mary Jane

If I don't win the Mary Jane Country Grill-off I won't be able to afford my rent...

I guess you could say the steaks are high

It's been quite a while since I saw a movie with Jane, Henry, or Bridget

I guess it's true what they say - absence makes the heart grow Fonda.

If we had a break up letter there for every gender there was...

We'd have "Dear John", "Dear Jane", and "Dear Xir, Ruler of Omicron Persei 8"

Janet, a bit tipsy from the champagne, didn't realize the new office photocopier was a 3D photocopier.

So Steve got a nice bust for his bookshelf for christmas.

Math class

Teacher asks Johnny:

"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"

"An orgy?"

Edited: names spelling, grammar.

How does Mary Jane get to school?

She takes the cani-bus

Why did Janeen eat her test?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Da-dum-tss. Popsicles are running out of jokes.

How is Willie Nelson like Spider-Man?

They both love Mary Jane

What Breaking Benjamin song should you only listen to on the toilet?

Diarrhea Jane

Jane told her mum, "Mommy, I kissed Dave the other day."

Taken aback, her mom asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"

"2 girls helped me catch him," she replies.

Why did Janeen eat her test?

So she could pass it later...

How can we get rid of the Electoral College?

Put Jane Sanders in charge of it.

Why is Mary Jane so attractive in the comics?

Because Spidey needs a place to Park his Peter.

Jane Foster was not able to get out of bed the morning after the cloning experiment.

She was two Thor.

How did Aids originally jump from chimpanzees to humans?

Tarzan was not a virgin when he met jane

What is the most expensive book of all time?

Pride and Accomplishment, by Jane Austen

Have you heard about this average girl that is actually one of the world's greatest pilots?

They call her Plane Jane.

Why did the monkey and Jane fight over Tarzan?

Because they heard that he swings both ways.

Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example...

*I heard Jane was riding on her bike.*

Becomes...

*I heard Jane was riding on her period.*

Charlotte Bronte wrote a horror novel

Jane Scare

Emily wrote one about aircraft turbulence

Wuthering Flights

(I do apologise for this)

Doctor Joke

Bill: I went to my doctor and told him I was having trouble breathing.

Jane: Really? What'd he say?

Bill: He told me he could give me something to stop it.

What do 21st Century Americans and Jane Austen have in common?

Cause of death: Consumption.

Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini

He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.

At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Before dinner?"

"Jane, you don't understand," sighs Tarzan. "It's a jungle out there!"

A joke my dad always tells.

Mary Jane was swinging on the swing set when her Mama came out and yelled,
Mary Jane! Don't swing so high! The boys can see your underwear!
But Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.

I hate talking to Mary Jane

She's just too blunt

Miss Reed asks Little Rickie: If I say I love chocolate, what's the verb little Rickie? ...

-.. the verb is love, Miss ..

- Very Good . Now if I say : Jon arrived , what is the object , little Tim ? ..

The object is arrived, Miss ...

Well done, little Tim. Now if I say :Jane moans from pleasure , what's the subject little Johnny? ...

- The subject is doing her, Miss

If Tarzan and Jane were Irish what would that make Cheetah?

The designated driver....

Mary Jane's mom saw that Mary Jane had burnt the garage down.

Her mom said, when your dad gets home you're going to be in big trouble.

And Mary Jane laughed and laughed because she knew her dad was in the garage.

Forgive me Father for I have Sinned

A teenage boy goes to confession. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I've had premarital sex.
The priest says My son, who was the young lady? Was it Mary O'Toole?
I won't say her name. I don't want her to get in trouble.
Was it Jane Thompson? Laura Smith?
Father, I'm not saying who it was.
He exits the confessional and his friend asks What'd you get?
Ten Hail Mary's, five Our Father's, and three good leads.

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."

β€Œβ€ŒMy Lβ€Œβ€Œesbian neighbours Jane aβ€Œβ€Œnd Caroline aβ€Œβ€Œsked mβ€Œβ€Œe tβ€Œβ€Œo hβ€Œβ€Œelp tβ€Œβ€Œhem cβ€Œβ€Œonceive aβ€Œβ€Œ cβ€Œβ€Œhild rβ€Œβ€Œecently.

They sβ€Œβ€Œaid tβ€Œβ€Œhey wβ€Œβ€Œouldn't mβ€Œβ€Œind iβ€Œβ€Œf wβ€Œβ€Œe dβ€Œβ€Œid iβ€Œβ€Œt tβ€Œβ€Œhe oβ€Œβ€Œld fβ€Œβ€Œashioned wβ€Œβ€Œay aβ€Œβ€Œs tβ€Œβ€Œhey wβ€Œβ€Œere desperate to have a baby.

For sβ€Œβ€Œix mβ€Œβ€Œonths nβ€Œβ€Œow wβ€Œβ€Œe've bβ€Œβ€Œeen tβ€Œβ€Œrying bβ€Œβ€Œut Iβ€Œβ€Œ jβ€Œβ€Œust dβ€Œβ€Œon't hβ€Œβ€Œave tβ€Œβ€Œhe hβ€Œβ€Œeart tβ€Œβ€Œo tβ€Œβ€Œell tβ€Œβ€Œhem Iβ€Œβ€Œ hβ€Œβ€Œad aβ€Œβ€Œ vβ€Œβ€Œasectomy lβ€Œβ€Œast yβ€Œβ€Œear.

Jane Goodall has blocked my number!

Didn't appreciate me sending her photos of macaque.

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:

- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.

-
- - Jane ate her friend's colon.

Jane: I miss England.

Tarzan: Me no idea you a beauty pageant winner.

My Uncle John is hosting a gender reveal party

Sorry, I mean my Aunt Jane.

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen

Jane is on her honeymoon with Tarzan.

He lays stiff in bed awkwardly staring at the roof of the treehouse. "Have you ever had sex?" She asks, he stands up and points out the window, "when Tarzan horny, Tarzan poke hole in tree."

She walks over to him and says "Just do the same, pretend i'm the tree." He nods, and swiftly kicks her between the legs. "WTF was that?" She shrieks in pain.. "Tarzan always check for squirrels"

Jane couldn't quite work out why she didn't like her husband's new hobby.

But as he grabbed his bait and rod for the fifth day in row, she new it seemed fishy.

Teenage boys

Two teenage boys go to confession. In the booth the first boy admits having sex with a girl but refuses to name her. The priest asks, 'It wasn't Mary Jones, was it?' The boy says 'No, Father it wasn't'. The priest asks' 'Was it Angela Brown?'. The boy replies 'No, Father. it wasn't. 'It wasn't Jane Carter by any chance?' The boy says 'No father it wasn't' The priest gives up and says 'Well for your penance say fifty Hail Mary's and leave half your pocket money in the poor box.' When the boy leaves his friend asks him how it went. He replies 'Not bad, a $5 fine and three great leads!'

A colon in a sentence can make it memorable

Jane ate her friend's lunch.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

See what I mean?

Mary and Jane are old friends.

They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jane mary jane jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jane tarzan and jane piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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