The Best 84 James Jokes

Following is our collection of funny James jokes. There are some james gunn jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these james james corden puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest James Jokes and Puns

Why can't Lebron James stand on his tippy toes?

He gets no support from his Cavs

Why does Lebron James drive automatic?

He has no clutch.

You're so unfamiliar with the gym...

You call it James

James joke, You're so unfamiliar with the gym...

What does Lebron James do after winning the NBA

He turns off his Xbox.

Bill Russell tried to sell a championship ring to LeBron James for $1......

...... but LeBron only has 3 quarters.

Read online on a comment. LOL

"What do you dream of doing, kids?" Asked the teacher...

Jimmy: "I want to be a pilot"

Amber: "I want to be a teacher"

Stacy: "I want to be a good mother"

James: "I want to help Stacy to be a mother"

What do you call James Bond in the bathtub?


James joke, What do you call James Bond in the bathtub?

James Thurber's crossword puzzle.

Laid up in the hospital, James Thurber passed the time doing crossword puzzles.

One day he asked a nurse, What seven-letter word has three u's in it?

She said, I don't know, but it must be unusual.

Lebron James is going to be in Space Jam 2

It's going to be really weird when Lebron quits the Tune Squad and joins up with the Monstars midway through the movie

What's the difference between Lebron James and a dollar (USD)...

A dollar gives you four quarters :-)

When I want to exercise, I wear my gym clothes...

...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes.

You can explore james jeffrey reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean james nicole dad jokes. There are also james puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Yo momma is so unfamiliar with the gym...

...she calls it James

I went to a posh school.

In fact it was so posh, their gym was called James.

Why does LeBron James wear high socks?

His Cavs can't handle the Heat


James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:

" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"

" -Terrible."

" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"

" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."

" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"

" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."

" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"

" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."

" -Oh thank God! How is she?"

" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."

" -Well, at least you got the company."

" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."

" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"

" -Yeah, HIV."

Jeremy Clarkson decided not to stay with Top Gear, but James May

James joke, Jeremy Clarkson decided not to stay with Top Gear, but James May

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "

"Do you expect me to talk? "

"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dye. "

How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women?

Shaven, not furred

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.

"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.

"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.

"Shaken, not stirred."

"Oh, thank God."

Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?

Michael J Fox

A woman called up St. John's hospital and asked "I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better"

The nurse replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"

Nurse: I take it you must be a family member or a close friend!

Woman: No I am Sarah James. No one tells me anything here.

James Bond walks into a bar...

James Bond walks into a bar.

Michael J. Fox is the bartender.

James Bond says "I'll have a martini."

He does not need to specify.

Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?

Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails.

James Bond.

Do you think when he is out of the UK he is known as +44 007?

A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts

Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick.

Teacher: Who am I speaking to please?

Caller: I am my father.

A teacher asked her third grade class to

name things that ended with tor that eat things.
The first little boy said, Alligator.
Very good James, that's a big word.
The second boy said, Predator.
Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done.
Little Johnny says, Vibrator.
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything.
Well my mother has one and she says it eats frickin' batteries like there's no tomorrow!

James Bond gets called into M's office

M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?


If James Bond led such a high-risk lifestyle...

why wasn't he James Stock?


Why did LeBron James skip college?

He didn't want to show up for finals.



My science teacher told us this

James Bond says to a chicken, "I'm Bond, James Bond." The chicken turns and says, "Well I'm Ken, Chic-ken."

I'll see myself out...

James Franco responds to claims of sexual misconduct.

I did not touch them! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not touch them! I did naaaht.

Oh hi Mark.

"The bond's Name. James Name"

Pleased to... what?

"Bond Name's the james"

Are you alright?

"Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"

Why should you never loan LeBron James a dollar?

He will give you back 75 cents and say he wasn't sure about what happened to the fourth quarter.

John: "Yesterday my wife ran off with my best friend Mike."

James: "Since when is Mike your best friend?"

John: "Since yesterday."

James Bond is laid off

James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant

"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"

"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "

BOSS: What's going on here?

BOSS: What's going on here?

JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-

DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!

JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife

You're in the Army Now

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Why does 007 try to form so many relationships with women?

He was told to, "bond James, bond!"


When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07

007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle.

His orders are to, "bond James, bond".

James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east.

Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.

Kirk breaks his arm and goes to see Doctor McCoy.

McCoy starts to snigger and says, "Well James, you may not be laughing on the outside, but on the inside you're cracking up!"

"Funny, Bones", replies Kirk with a smirk.

"Actually James", says McCoy, checking Kirk's arm, "your humerus!"

I go to the gym so infrequently

I still call it James

A teacher asked her students a question

"Stand up if you think you're stupid."
The room was quiet for a bit, then one boy stood up.
"Do you think your stupid, James?", asked the teacher.
"No," replied James.
"Why did you stand up then?" asked the teacher.
"I didn't want you to be standing alone."

Why didn't LeBron James go to college?

Because he struggles with finals

James Bond orders a sandwich

James Bond goes to a deli and orders a club sandwich.

The employee says to him, "Mr. Bond, we have ham or turkey. How would you like it?"

Bond replies, "bacon, not bird."

Few people know, that James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014

But he was exposed as a double agent.

James Gunn has been brought back as the director of Guardians Of The Galaxy 3

I guess you can unfire a Gunn.

What does lebron james and stormy Daniels have in common

They both get paid to play with orange balls

What's the temperature in a taun taun?


Credit to my friend James for that.

Father looks hard at his teenage son and says, James, you've been adopted.

James jumps up, Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents! Father laughs, No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.

My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty....

0 - Kills

0 - Assists

7 - Deaths

So Sean Connery Died today.....

Couldn't he have died another day?

(Sean is hands down the best James Bond!)



What do you call a shrimp that's really good at basketball?

Leprawn James

Three men on a bike

Three men were travelling on the same bike when they were caught by a policeman.
"Don't you know it's illegal for more than 2 people to travel on a bike? Why are there three of you?"

"Three?! Shit, where's James?!"

What do you call James Bond taking a bath?

Bubble 0-7

My wife asked why I talked so quietly today, I told her I was afraid mark zuckerberg was listening!

She laughed, I laughed, Siri laughed and Alexa laughed!

-James Franco

Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?

It would blow his cover!

Lebron James is like Justin Timberlake.

No matter how good he his, he will never be Michael.

James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014.

But she was exposed for being a double agent.

What does James Bond's doorbell sounds like?

''Dong, Ding Dong''

What does James Bond do before going to bed

He goes undercover

What do you call James bond in the bath?


English lord to his servant: James a glass of water please. Here you are sir. Thank you James. Another glass of water please. Sure sir, here you are. Thank you, James.

James, please call the firemen, I don't think we can put out this fire on our own.

OMG guys, you won't believe this but James Bond just came into the bar I work at and ordered a drink

I'm literally shaking right now

If James T. Kirk ran a drug business from his ship...

Would it be a criminal Enterprise?

What is the most unrealistic part of the newest James Bond movie?

A Brit with a full petrol tank.

My Australian friend asked me to go see the new James Bond

My Australian friend asked me to go see the new James Bond.

I said "No time to die"?

He replied: we can go tomorrow then!

Mom, I'm dating a man.

Who is it, honey?"

"James the postman."

"James the postman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Honey, I don't think you understood.

Why the next James Bond should be a woman

The next Bond should be a woman!

Can you imagine? Crazy car scenes with spectacular crashes, explosions...

... And all of that while she's parking.

I think I figured out the source of the beef between Kyle Rittenhouse and LeBron James.

Kyle has LeBron sorely outclassed in both shooting and defense.

Did you know that in the James Bond movies, all the action/risky scenes were performed by agent 0014?

of course, he was, after all, his double. I'll see myself out.

What do you call James Bond when they're taking a bath?


Exciting news from the James Webb Telescope...

They have detected a new planet that is almost the size of one of Zelensky's balls

One good thing of the whole war...

...Russia will continue being James Bond story material.

James finds Timmy crying at a hospital...

"Timmy!" James exclaims, "What happened?"

"I had a blood test today, and the doctor stabbed a massive needle into my arm," Timmy responds.

James then proceeds to cry more hysterically than Timmy.

Timmy looks over and asks, "Why are you suddenly crying now?"

James wails, "Because I have a urine test later!"

Jean Claude Van Damme meets James Bond for the first time. Bond introduces himself.

"the name's Bond. James... Bond."

Jean Claude replies

"The name's Damme. Van Damme. Claude Van Damme. Jean Claude Van Damme"

How do you know James bond is british?

He needs a licence to kill.

Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed ?

Because, it would blow his cover.

A beautiful joke from my better half.

This guy named John is driving to meet his best friend James who is a mechanic.

But on the way John noticed a problem and pulled over.

Knowing nothing about cars he called James

James came straight over and said I know the problem, you've got a flat mate .

John replied what's Gerald got to do with this?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the james james bond jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working james james brown piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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