Jame Jokes
79 jame jokes and hilarious jame puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jame that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Jame Short Jokes
Short jame jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jame humour may include short stork jokes also.
- James Bond always holds his farts while in bed Otherwise he would blow his cover.
(Look I'm not funny this was my first and only attempt so sorry X\_X) - 007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle. His orders are to, "bond James, bond".
- I went to make my own james bond clothing, but came back with a plain, white T-shirt I had No Time To Dye.
- Have you guys seen the new image from James Webb telescope yet? I heard it looks back in time like 13.7 billion years... ...and it still can't see the last time you got laid.
- If James Hetfield officiated kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding... He'd be a Pastor of Muppets!
- "The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what?
"Bond Name's the james"
Are you alright?
"Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance" - I think I figured out the source of the beef between Kyle Rittenhouse and LeBron James. Kyle has LeBron sorely outclassed in both shooting and defense.
- What is the most unrealistic part of the newest James Bond movie? A Brit with a full petrol tank.
- Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred
- James Bond walks into a bar... James Bond walks into a bar.
Michael J. Fox is the bartender.
James Bond says "I'll have a martini."
He does not need to specify.
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Jame One Liners
Which jame one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jame? I can suggest the ones about pistachio and parenthood.
- Why can't lebron james stand on his tippy toes? He gets no support from his Cavs
- Where do James Bond Actors go when they die? 00Heaven
- What does Lebron James do after winning the nba
Championship? He turns off his Xbox. - I go to the gym so infrequently I still call it James
- Why did LeBron James skip college? He didn't want to show up for finals.
- What does James Bond do before going to bed He goes undercover
- I went to a posh school. In fact it was so posh, their gym was called James.
- What is James Bond called in Newfoundland? 007:30
- WAS BARRY WHITE ? WAS CILLA BLACK ? WAS JAMES BROWN ? SURE MAKES STEVIE WONDER
- What do you call James Bond in the bathtub? Bubble-0-7
- How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women? Shaven, not furred
- You're so unfamiliar with the gym... You call it James
- If James T. Kirk ran a drug business from his ship... Would it be a criminal Enterprise?
- James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014. But she was exposed for being a double agent.
- Jeremy Clarkson decided not to stay with Top Gear, but James May
Jame Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about jame you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean infantry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jame pranks.
James Thurber's crossword puzzle.
Laid up in the hospital, James Thurber passed the time doing crossword puzzles.
One day he asked a nurse, What seven-letter word has three u's in it?
She said, I don't know, but it must be unusual.
What did James Hetfield say when he go to the gas station?
Gimme fuel
James Bond and Money Penny are locked in a trunk...
Money Penny: What's that jabbing me in the gluteus maximus?
Bond: my PPK?
Money Penny: 'K
What do James Cameron and M. Night Shamylan have in common?
Icy dead people.
Jameis Winston and the Ducks
When Florida State got down early, my brother, who was rooting for FSU, said Jameis Winston had the Ducks right where he wanted them.
Considering the Ducks were sober and on top, I respectfully disagreed.
Side note:
I can't take credit for this. Was found on Deadspin.
James calls a doc for help...
Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
James: Nope. It's her husband!
What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?
I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.
Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?
Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.
Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?
If James Bond movies were about food...
These could be their titles:
* On Her Majesty's Secret Recipe
* Donuts are Forever
* Octopie
* Moonbaker
* The Spy Who Loved Meat
* License to Grill
* GoldenPie
* Diet Another Day
* All The Food In The World Is Not Enough
* Cashew Chicken Royale
James Franco is making a movie about lesbian vampires.
I'm betting it'll be a period piece.
Why does James Bay have to be so indecisive?
First he wants me to hold back the river, then he wants me to let it go!
How does James Bond sleep?
Around.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?
Because he found his s**... note in her Wikileaks emails.
James Bond.
Do you think when he is out of the UK he is known as +44 007?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many James Pattersons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll just hire a ghostwriter to do it for him.
Why is James Bond such a big fan of pottery?
He has a license to kiln.
James Bond gets called into M's office
M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.
Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!
M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.
If James Bond led such a high-risk lifestyle...
why wasn't he James Stock?
-Caroline
How can you tell if James Bond has died?
If he has been shaken and not stirred!!
What's James Bond's favourite snack?
Couscous Bang Bang
James Comey walks into a bar...
and orders two White Russians - one for here, one to go.
What's James Cameron called when he's no working?
James Camera-off
James Bond is supposed to protect people, but he kills more people than he saves.
That makes him an ironic bond.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
James Franco responds to claims of s**... misconduct.
I did not touch them! It's not true! It's b**...! I did not touch them! I did naaaht.
Oh hi Mark.
Why did James Brown always tour in Asia?
He loved the Seoul train.
James Bond is laid off
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
James and giant peach should have been serialized into a number of films.
Dave and the giant strawberry.
John and the giant cantelope.
Your mom and the giant cucumber.
When James Bond visits Arabia, he still prefers his drinks...
Sheikhen, not stirred.
James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east.
Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.
James Bond orders a sandwich
James Bond goes to a deli and orders a club sandwich.
The employee says to him, "Mr. Bond, we have ham or turkey. How would you like it?"
Bond replies, "bacon, not bird."
James A. Garfield was shot on Saturday, July 2, 1881.
He died months later, on Monday, September 19, 1881.
Garfield hates Mondays.
What' was James Brown's favorite college?
UNH
James Bond is on a mission to the white house
007: Q!
Q: Yes sir
007: Do you have the package?
Q: Yes sir! It's armed and ready
007: Good. Now do you have a marker on you
Q: Uhh sure here
007: thanks
*writes on package: From Russia with Love*
007: He'll never suspect a thing
James and Charles are always fighting
and there's always no Victor.
James Gunn should do an AMA
so we could talk about Rampart
James Gunn has been brought back as the director of Guardians Of The Galaxy 3
I guess you can unfire a Gunn.
James Bond is going to be played by a woman
As a woman, James Bond's name will be Fools, April Fools.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did James Bond say to the CEO of a famous microphone company before he executed him?
It's the end of the Røde for you.
James Dean had a tiring day at work
James Dean had a long and tiring day at work, so he decided to stop at a pub on the way home. He ordered a pint of Coors Light and some whiskey. Before the drinks were poured he changed his mind - instead of the pint he asked for a can of Red Bull. He was getting a Red Bull without a Coors!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is James Charles favorite music genre?
Re-Gay
What did James Bond's mother say as she was giving birth
I've been expecting you Mr. Bond
James French was placed in the electric chair due to be executed; his last words?
'French Fries'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.
James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"
Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."
Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."
"I'm not kidding!" Black protested. "She killed me!"
**"Oh," James said, looking at his friend. "You're dead Sirius."** (dead serious)
James Bond's father :
How many marks did you get?
James Bond: 95% ………… 34.95%
What is James Bond's favorite pasta…?
Mini Penne
James takes his date to the prom
They get to the building, and there's a long line to get in
They go to take pictures, and there a long line for pictures
They go to get flowers, and there's another long line for flowers.
James is fed up with all the lines, so he goes for some punch, and finds that there is no punchline
Why the next James Bond should be a woman
The next Bond should be a woman!
Can you imagine? Crazy car scenes with spectacular crashes, explosions...
... And all of that while she's parking.
Did you know that in the James Bond movies, all the action/risky scenes were performed by agent 0014?
of course, he was, after all, his double. I'll see myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
James finds Timmy crying at a hospital...
"Timmy!" James exclaims, "What happened?"
"I had a blood test today, and the doctor stabbed a massive needle into my arm," Timmy responds.
James then proceeds to cry more hysterically than Timmy.
Timmy looks over and asks, "Why are you suddenly crying now?"
James wails, "Because I have a u**... test later!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know James bond is british?
He needs a licence to kill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
James and Rob went fishing
James and Rob went fishing. They caught a lot of fish and returned to the shore.
**James:** I hope you remember the spot where we caught all these fish.
**Rob:** Yes, I marked X on the side of the boat to mark the spot.
**James:** You idiot! How do we know we will get the same boat tomorrow?
What were James Brown's last words?
I don't feel good
James Caan shared this one in his famous Twitter fashion
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. End of tweet
Using the new James Webb telescope, scientists recently discovered an enormous object in deep space that shares nearly identical chemical composition as humor in the human brain.
Ultimately it was determined to be no laughing matter
