Jake Jokes
68 jake jokes and hilarious jake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these hilarious jokes from Jake Peralta and Amir Jordan of the show Upstairs Talk, as well as some classic Jake Brake and Jake the Dog jokes for any newcomer to the comedy scene.
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Funniest Jake Short Jokes
Short jake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jake humour may include short upstairs jokes also.
- They say that 1 out of a group of 5 guys is gay.... I'm really hoping it's Jake, because he's *super cute*.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To push Jake off a cliff.... he really hates Jake.
as told by my 6 year old who hates a kid named Jake. - Ben has one dog. Jake has two fish. How many fish are there? Three. Ben's dog was just a red herring
- Open Up, This is police... Police: Open Up,This is police we need to talk.
Jake : How many of you are out there ?
Police: Two of us
Jake: Talk to each other. - So the Deji vs Jake Paul boxing match is this Saturday And if in the unlikely event of one of them dies,
Logan Paul will be there to record it - My girlfriend once turned to me in bed She asked me:Jake would you ever consider adoption
I answered:Only if you got pregnant - My 3 sons placed 1st, 2nd and 3rd in a talent contest judged by Lee Kun-hee Jake juggled, Daniel danced and Sam sung
- I'm a law student who's doing an IT subject this semester... and i've been asked whether I know Jake Weary over four times now! Who the heck is he?
- Why would Jake Gylenhall make the perfect Joker? Because he literally has heath ledger inside of him #brokebackmountain
- One day... God came to Jake and said," Come forth my child, and thou shall receive eternal youth." But Jake came fifth and won a toaster.
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Jake One Liners
Which jake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jake? I can suggest the ones about jenny and josh.
- A Jake Paul fan walked into a bar and got kicked out for being 10.
- What do you call a town where no one drinks alcohol? Jake Paul.
Since its got no bars. - Some people call me the space cowboy I wish they'd stop my names Jake
- Who won the fight between Logan Paul and KSI? Jake Paul.
- Ethan, Do you think i'm a bad mother? -My name is Jake.
- What's Jake Paul's favorite element? BROmine
- How do Jake and Logan Paul's parents feel about their kids? They're appauled.
- What is the first thing you should do after Jake Paul dies? Turn the radio back on
- If Jake Paul was a chemist what would he wrap gifts with? Litmus paper
- I just realized why Jake Paul left Disney Because everyone took the Mickey out of him
- The Paul Brothers(Jake and Logan) If you don't get it, that's the point.
- Jake and Logan Paul Fans...
- I heard Chris brown accepted jakes fight He said he is practicing on Rihanna for it too
- Jake Paul won lol
- Just watched YouTube rewind: The shape of 2017 2/10 not enough Jake Paul
Unearthly Funniest Jake Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about jake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jake pranks.
Jake's final conversation
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to" his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace...I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
Yet another world cup joke
Heard this from a telephone script today:
Jake! Is it true that you have my girlfriend at place, in your bed right now at this moment!?
Good! Finally I can watch the world cup in peace!
Spelling practice
It is spelling lesson. The teacher asks the kids to spell different words.
-Emma, can you spell 'dog'?
-D O G
-Correct! Jake, can you spell 'cat'?
-C A T
-Correct! Now, Ahmed, can you spell 'racial discrimination'?
A Very Short Man
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor!"
A Little Man
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
Jake wanted a brother
Jake had been asking his father for a brother the whole morning. His dad got annoyed so he gave little Jake some seeds.
"Just put these by the window, it attracts the storks!"
A few months later the neigbors had a baby delivered. Little Jake went to the newfound father and said:
"Just so you know, that wasn't because of your seed, it was because of my dad's seed!"
"Have you heard about the new rule in boxing?"
... James asked his friend Jake. Jake hadn't.
- Basically, to reduce the number of blows under the belt that boxers deliver and receive, their outfits will feature a line just above the waist that they must aim for with every hit.
- What? That's ridiculous! Is there something written on it?
- Of course! __This is the punchline__."
Jake Roper from Vsauce 3 is cancer.
too soon?
A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn
A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland.
When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."
"Oh, my," said the father. What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do.
Jake said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the rabbi.
The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people?
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do.
Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.
The Voice said, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel...
Music Jokes!
Jake: What did the Clarinet say to the naughty Trumpet?
Sean: What?
Jake: Why are you always in treble?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jake was on his deathbed
His wife, Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Don't talk."
He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother."
"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date.
When he found her n**..., he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't Jake Paul dress up for Halloween?
He didn't need a costume to go as a failure.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
JAKE PAUL HAS A MENTAL ISSUE? WANNA KNOW WHY. WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
jake paul is like h**...
They both forced their people to do dabs in their name.
What did Neytiri say to Jake Sully when their child was born on Christmas Day?
Feliz Na'vi dad
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my s**... life like I like my Jake Paul videos
A little tease in the beginning and 10 minutes of whole nothing.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Becky was on her deathbed...
Becky was on her deathbed.
Her husband, Jake, was maintaining a vigil by her side. He held her fragile hand, tears ran down his face. His praying roused her from her slumber.
She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly.
My darling Jake," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Rest. Shhh.Don't talk."
She was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. " I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake. Everything's all right, go to sleep ."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." "I know," he replied. "That's why I poisoned you"
The incident at the Cemetery.
It was summer. Jake went on a stroll. Soon he arrived at a cemetery. There, he saw a woman, sitting on a grave.
He asked, "Sitting on someone's grave, alone in the cemetery, aren't you scared?".
Woman, " Scared? Of what? It gets hot inside, so I just got out for air."
My wife and I both made a list of five people we could sleep with...
She read hers out: 'One, George Clooney; two, Brad Pitt; three, Justin Timberlake; four, Jake Gyllenhaal; five, Johnny Depp.' I thought, I've got the better deal here: 'One, your sister... That's where our conversation ended..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jake Paul just called out Chris Brown at the end of the Deji vs Jake fight
Jake you can't do that, you aren't a woman.
I heard the Georgia Bulldogs QB is going in to insurance when he's done with football.
He will be Jake Fromm, State Farm.
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Whats the difference between Jake Paul and a vacuum cleaner?
One needs to be plugged in before it s**...
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How many 9 year olds does it take to kill of Jake Paul's youtube career?
none
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would you call a movie staring Jake Paul and a Psychopath?
Dumb and d**...
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. It sure is, I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, What'd he do?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the big universe
two friends Jake & bill laying in the tent camping
bill: Jake what are you looking at
Jake: the stars
bill: and what you get from that
Jake: how big the universe is and how small we are
bill: no the fu\*\*ing tent is gone you m**...
Mike and jake went camping...
They put the tent up and went to sleep
Mike woke up and said: hey look at the sky what do you see
Jake: I see the stars
Mike: what does that mean
Jake: the universe is huge and it has all these stars and planets around them
Mike: no the tent is stolen
Blonde Joke
Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Here is a joke I heard from watching Jake and Amir.
A woman is boarding a bus with her newborn baby in her hand. The bus driver takes one look at the baby and says" ma'am that is the ugliest baby that I have laid my eyes on"
The woman appalled at the statement as she should be sits next to a man
The man says that the lady should not have to take that c**... from anyone so he says
" ma'am you go ahead and tell the driver off, here I'll hold your monkey" .
Bill was lying on his death bed
His faithful wife at his side, comforting him. Bill weakly lifts his head and says "Honey, if this is it for me, I don't want you to be alone. You should marry Jake, across the street"
"I can't even think of anything like that right now," she responds. "But, Jake? I thought you hated him."
"I do."
Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.
They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A traffic policeman stops some boys on a bike.
"Hey, why are there three of you riding a single bike at once? Don't you know it's i**...?"
"Three?! Holy s**..., guys, did Jake fall off somewhere??"
