The Best 78 Jail Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jail jokes. There are some jail bitcoiner jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jail jailhouse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jail Jokes and Puns

If your debits and credits don't equal,

then your assets in jail.

If we all end up going to jail for downloading music......

I at least hope they separate us by music genre.

A prison guard asked three prisoners how they got in jail...

The first prisoner replies, "I was blowing bubbles in the park."
The second replies "I was also blowing bubbles in the park."
When the guard gets to the third prisoner he says "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles in the park."
Then the third prisoner replies "no, im bubbles."

Jail joke, A prison guard asked three prisoners how they got in jail...

I saw a dwarf escaping from jail down the side of a wall

As he passed by, he sneered at me, and I thought, "That's a little condescending."

What Does Your Father Do?

It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.

1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!

2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!

3rd Child: My dad is dead.

The teacher asks:

Well, what did your father do before he died?

3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"


Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape?

Because they had no bars on their cells!

Hey girl is your dad in jail...

...Because if I was your dad, I would be

Jail joke, Hey girl is your dad in jail...

You can tell monopoly's an old game...

...because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail

I went to go see a psychic the other day..

I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

An alcoholic wakes up in jail

He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?"

the officer replies "for drinking"

The man replies "great, when do we start?"

I ended up in jail the other night and the guys across from me had glued themselves together...

It was very confusing.

You can explore jail wrongfully reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jail slammer dad jokes. There are also jail puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Jesus can walk on water, Babies are 89% Water, I can walk on babies, I am...

In jail.

Why did the guitarist go to jail?

For fingering a minor

A man always smoked two cigarettes at a time

When people asked him why, he answered: i'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother in jail.

One day he was smoking only one, so people gladly asked "is your brother out of jail?"
He answered: "no, I quit"

Why did the ghost go to jail?

He got arrested for possession.

What do you call an immigrant and a pedophile in a jail cell together?

Alien vs predator.

Jail joke, What do you call an immigrant and a pedophile in a jail cell together?

I almost got raped in jail ...

My family takes monopoly way too seriously.

Where's your bin?

A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin.

"Hey bub, where's ya bin`"
"I took a little vacation for a few weeks,"
"No. I meant where's your bin?"
"Told ya, vacation, at the beach!"
"No man. Where's ya wheely bin?"
"Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"

A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex

The other 7% have not been to jail.


And the Oscar goes to...

Jail.

What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail?

A small medium at large

What happens when you shoot a black man?

You go to jail for impersonating a police officer...

Whenever I hear my neighbors having sex...

I think to myself, "I should get a girlfriend when I get out of jail."

A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today

"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.

"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"

"I remember," she says.

"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"

"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"

"I would have gotten out today."

I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am.

"Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"

I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax

Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave

However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

A drunk is thrown in jail for public intoxication ...

... The next day he's brought into court and the judge says, "My good man, you've been brought here for drinking." He says, "Alright, judge, let's get started."

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

Why did the guitarist get thrown in jail?

He was caught fingering A Minor.

As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...

You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.

If you ever get thrown into jail

Introduce yourself as the mitochondria...

You're the powerhouse of the cell.

A man goes to jail.

A man was sentenced to death. By tradition, the man can request one last meal

"So what will it Be?" the executioner asked

"Instead of food, can I request to sing one last song? But you must let me finish the song"

Confused by this, the executioner agreed to let the man sing

The man begins "1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall..."

My Brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.

We never played Monopoly again.

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were in jail

Turns out they were in for assault and battery

I have recently become a new man

I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

I've been in jail for only 10 minutes and I have already been raped and beaten 3 times...

This is definitely the last time I play monopoly with my dad

"Excuse me lady but how long has your father been in jail?" NSFW

"He's not in jail. What are you talking about?"

"I'm not sure how he has resisted but if I were your father I would be in jail."

Why is the white guy the scariest person in jail?

You know he's guilty.

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.

The 2 other spies asked him How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy! The Italian replied: I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.

A guy was thrown into the jail for refusing to take a nap

He was resisting a rest

what does 18 + 15 equal?

Jail time

Facebook is like jail

You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know

Most men like to be woken up with sex

except the ones in jail

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

A psychic dwarf escaped from jail

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

Did you hear about the guy who got 10 years in jail for using imaginary numbers?

He was an accountant.

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

If im ever sent to jail, im going to rename myself Mitochondria

This is to let them know I am the powerhouse of the cell

Been in Jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped twice...

I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.

My friend is in jail for something he didn't do.

He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

Why did Donald Trump invite Kim Kardashian to talk about prison reform?

Because she's had more black dudes in her than a jail.

My brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Ellen jail joke

Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !

One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !

It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.

You can tell Monopoly is an old game...

...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

There's a guy who smokes 2 cigarettes together

They asked him: why do you always smoke 2 cigarettes together?

He said: one for me, and one for my brother in prison.

After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail?

He said: no, I stopped smoking.

My friend sadly went to jail for something he didn't do.

He didn't wipe the fingerprints off of his gun.

My twin brother called me from jail

He started with, So you know how we finish each other's sentences?

If being sexy was a crime

Then I'd still be in jail for 34 counts of tax evasion

Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.

His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.

Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.

His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.

Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.

If being sexy was a crime

I'd be in jail for tax fraud

Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore.

There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"

"For drinking." replies the cop.

"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

Do you know how you can tell Monopoly's an old game?

...it has a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

My wife died.

After she died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 20 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

My daughter asked why she can't just quit school

I told her it's against the law and they'll put me in jail.

My sweet sweet child looked me in the eye, and said: I'll visit you .

A young boy asked his dad why does Santa only visit once a year?

The dad replied because he's in jail the rest of the year for breaking and entering .

A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"

"For drinking." replies the cop.

"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"



(credit to "Fact and Fun" on youtube)

A prisoner digs a hole out of jail....

.... and ends up in a toddler playground
and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!"

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail

But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Being kissed while sleeping is the most beautiful expression of love.

Unless you're in jail.

I don't have to get a job to live, I don't live in my parents house, I have sex often, I read books and workout daily!

Can't wait to get out of jail

So this guy is getting arrested and the officer tells him he doesn't have to speak without his lawyer present.

When in jail, he consults his lawyer and asks...

Where the heck is my present?

I was at the bank yesterday, and an old lady asked me to help her check her balance...

Spent the night in jail for elder abuse for pushing her down.

My incarcerated cousin who has a stutter just died in jail

He didn't even get to finish his sentence

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.

But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.

Why did the energizer bunny go to jail

He was charged with battery

Why did the flashlight go to jail?

Because he was charged with battery.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jail jailer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jail cellfie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes