Jagger Jokes
40 jagger jokes and hilarious jagger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jagger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article covers some of the funniest jokes told by Mick Jagger and Woody Harrelson. From their famous banter about Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen and John Mellencamp, to their rib-tickling one-liners, it's sure to make you laugh!
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Funniest Jagger Short Jokes
Short jagger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jagger humour may include short singer jokes also.
- What's a cows favorite song? "I got the moooooooooooooooooooves like Jagger"
From my 5 year old son
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Jagger One Liners
Which jagger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jagger? I can suggest the ones about figurine and collateral.
- Why won't Dracula bite m**... Jagger? Cause you can't get blood out of a stone.
- Why doesn't m**... Jagger date British supermodels? A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
- What's a rolling rolling stone? m**... Jagger in a wheelchair
- If m**... Jagger was Irish would he go by McJagger?
- m**... Jagger had to give up his Japanese garden. The rolling stone couldn't grow moss.
- I've heard the rumours of m**... Jagger's lips... They're Exjaggerated.
- What black thing did six men constantly enter in the late 60s? m**... Jagger's Door
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Jagger Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about jagger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jaguar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jagger pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.
Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When m**... swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were attacked by a giant magpie?
Witnesses say one bird was trying to kill two Stones
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked m**... Jagger to pick me up some swampy plants.
But a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house
They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did m**... Jagger do when he found his cupboard was infested with moths?
Nothing. A rolling stone gathers no moths.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A golfer is playing a par 4 hole.
His first shot is right down the middle, but the second shot lands in a sand trap. He swings hard. The ball clears the trap but hooks badly. A famous rock group is walking by. The ball ricochets off the side of the head of m**... Jagger, killing him instantly. It bounces off the head of Keith Richards, killing him too, but then lands on the green and rolls into the cup.
Yep, you got it, he killed two Stones with one birdie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't m**... Jagger pick r**... Moss up from the airport?
Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... Jagger goes to the doctor...
m**... Jagger: "Doctor, I feel all bloated and gassy, but I just can't seem to f**...."
Doctor: "Are you saying that..."
m**... Jagger: "Yes, doctor... I can't get no flatus action."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call m**... Jagger and Keith Richards both found dead with their eyes taped open in front of the TV?
Killing two Stones with one Birdbox.
*I'll show myself out...*
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m**... Jagger and Keith Richards have a huge falling out after m**... refuses to stop talking in broken Spanish
When asked for comment, m**... replied "The Rolling Stones gather no mas."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the last interview, m**... Jagger revealed the secret of his young appearance.
He said, 'Just stand by Keith.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what did m**... jagger say when he caught hugh hefner and dennis weaver in the bedroom together?
hey, hugh, get off of mccloud.
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TIL m**... Jagger once studied to become a Bryologist
After forming his band, he abandoned his dream. After all, a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.
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m**... Jagger is sitting on a cloud.
He sees a piece of gold on the cloud with him and throws it off exclaiming
Au get off of my cloud!
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m**... Jagger and a cough have one thing in common.
Once you start them up, they never stop.
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Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.
The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.
"Well, my dad's m**... Jagger," Kermit replied.
Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.
"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.
Now confused, Patty told him she had to speak with her manager.
"Mr Jones," she said, "I don't know what to do. Kermit the Frog is asking for money, he says his dad is m**... Jagger, and his only collateral is this thing. I don't even know what it is!"
The manager replies, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A talking frog walks into a bank
and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter.
"I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her.
"How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief.
The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and m**... jagger, i guess i got the best of both worlds".
The teller isn't sure on what to do so she excuses herself to talk to the manager. She fills the manager in on the situation and after a heft debate he replies;
"Knick knack patty mack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog walks into a bank...
...and proceeds to ask the Asian teller, Ms. Patricia Wok, for a $5,000 loan. Absolutely gobsmacked at a talking frog she mechanically goes through the procedure, asking him if he has any references. As a matter of fact, he replies, my dad's m**... Jagger, he's a musician. Okay, she says hesitantly. I mean if a talking frog, what's not allowed? Do you have any collateral, she continues. Yeah, he says, this ruby, while pulling a crimson rock from his overalls. Composing herself she decides to ask the bank manager for assistance. Quickly bringing him up to speed, she says, can we continue with the transaction and is the ruby even real? At which point the bank manager examines the gemstone, sizes up the situation and says, it's just a nicknack Patty Wok but give the frog a loan, his old man is a rolling stone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog needs a loan...
...so he goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks 'Okay, well what's your name?' The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, son of the musician m**... Jagger.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who wants a loan and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?' The bank manager looks back at her and says 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.
A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.
Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous m**... Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.
Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?
Kermit: As a matter of fact I do. (Pulls out a small porcelain elephant from his pocket and gives it to the teller)
Patty Wack: (Unsure of what to do) I'll go ask the manager.
Patty Wack: (explains the situation to the manager) And then he handed me this little elephant and I don't even know what it is!
Bank Manger: It's a nick nack Patty Wack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frog walks into a bank looking for a loan
Bank Teller ("Whack" on her name tag"): Hello, what would you like?
Frog: I would like a loan.
Mrs. Whack: What is your name?
Frog: Kermit.
Mrs. Whack: You're not Kermit The Frog.
Kermit: No, I was named after him. Name's Kermit Jagger, father's name is m**... Jagger, mother's a frog.
Mrs. Whack: Okay, do you have any collateral
Kermit pulls out a tiny pink elephant
Mrs. Whack: Let me check that with my manager
Patty Whack goes into the back and asks the manger what the pink elephant is
Manager: That's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
Cr
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A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.
He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.
Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"
The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.
Kermit: "My father, m**... Jagger is friends with the manager. Go ask him if he will accept it."
So Mrs. Whack goes to the manager with the request and the pink elephant.
Manager: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone."
I hope this hasn't been posted before. I just remembered it while reading a joke about a bank. Sorry if this is a repost.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller...
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
