Jacket Jokes

Discover a range of hilarious jacket jokes! From the classic potato to a leather one, from a life jacket to an annoying yellow one and from a jean one to a straight jacket, we have all the funniest gags about jackets. Liven up your conversations with a joke about a puffer jacket, a high vis jacket or even pants, cardigans and trousers in the mix!

Charming Humor Jacket Jokes with Loads of Fun

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...



As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

A doctor reaches in his jacket for a pen....

and pulls out a thermometer. "Oh great, some asshole's got my pen!"

I lost my coat...

I hope somebody didn't jacket.

Heard this from my History Professor.

Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

jokes about jacket

How do you steal a coat joke

You jacket

The secret to wealth

A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."

"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."

"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."

"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."

Why did the Chihuahua put on a jacket?

Because it was a chili dog!

Jacket joke, Why did the Chihuahua put on a jacket?

My friend drowned last week

My friend drowned last week, so I had a wreath made in the shape of a life jacket in his memory. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted.

-Milton Jones

A cowboy rides into town wearing a paper suit.

He's wearing a paper hat, a paper shirt, vest, jacket and pants. He even had a paper holster for his six-shooter.

He wasn't in town 10 minutes before he was arrested for rustling.

What's the best way to make pants last?

Make the jacket first.

My mate wears the same jacket when he's impersonating either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman.

Maybe he's Bourne with it, maybe it's Wolverine.

You can explore jacket trousers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jacket sleeveless dad jokes. There are also jacket puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you wear when it's raining homophobia?

A straight jacket.

What's blue and white and can't climb trees?

A fridge with a denim jacket on

I saw a hipster walking outside in the cold.

He didn't have a jacket on, so I asked him why.

He said he was outside before it was cool.

A Mothers Secret

A mom was teaching her 4 year old son to zip up his jacket.

The secret, she explained, is getting the little straight piece all the way into the little slot before you pull up the zipper.

Her son looked up at her and said, Mom, why does that have to be a secret?

A kid got in trouble for masturbating in the coat room

All he did was jacket

Jacket joke, A kid got in trouble for masturbating in the coat room

A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...

... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."

Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.

"What's The Pink Panther's favourite type of jacket?"

"No idea."

"Denim."

"Denim?"

"Denim denim denim denim denim..."

Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.

Give a man a jacket

He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.

My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating.

There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon

A few days ago i saw an amazing magician...

When he opened his jacket and screamed Allahu Akbar he disappeared along with 30 others.

A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee raped by a consultant"

The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"

Bob drowned...

, so at his funeral we put a life jacket over his grave. It is what he would have wanted.

Give a man a jacket

Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house.

Marriage joke

My husband and I couldn't decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, I said, what would you get?

A bulletproof one, he said. I'm married.

Jacket joke, Marriage joke

What do you think of wearing a straight jacket?

I think I could pull it off

Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day.

Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.

How does a coat steal something?

They jacket

My buddy drowned the other day

I placed a life jacket in his coffin

It's what he would've wanted

Hey girl are you a cool autumn breeze

Because you make me wanna jacket

A joke from my three year old.

My wife removes the jacket from a book of my son's.

My three year old son yells out, "Don't take the jacket off."

My wife asks, "Why not?"

My son says, "Because the book will get cold."

Why is it prestigious to wear a condom?

It's a members-only jacket.

If you're leaving the U.S. Embassy in Santiago, make sure to put on a jacket...

It's Chile outside.

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!

(Sorry if the formatting sucks. On mobile)

How do you restrain a straight person?

Give them a straight jacket.

How do you restrain a trans person?

Make the trans' vest tight.

What do you call a jacket that's on fire?

A blazer.

Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week.

I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"

How many Chinese kids does it take to make a leather jacket?

Usually about 7, but maybe fewer if you fatten them up first.

A doctor rushes out of the hospital to sign a contract at his lawyer's office. Reaching into his jacket pocket he pulls out a rectal thermometer...

"Dammit, some asshole's got my pen again!"

How do you peel a banana?

1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.

2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.

3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.

4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

What does a king call his robe?

His reign jacket

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run.

What do you call a gay guy in a life jacket?

Flambuoyant.

Give a man a jacket, and he'll be warm for all winter

Teach a man to jack it, and he won't need to go outside!

The power of prayer

A ship is sinking, the captain turns to the people on the boat and asks, "does anyone here know how to pray?"

The priest on boards says he can pray.

Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."

My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket.

So he had something to read as he bled to death.

A pirate captain is about to pillage a Royal Navy ship.

He calls to his aide, "Bring me my red coat!" When the aide asks why, he says, "If I get shot, the men won't see it and will keep on fighting." The aide praises the captain's intelligence and fetches the jacket. Then, as soon as they are about to attack, a lookout yells, "Captain, we just realized that there are in fact 20 ships!" The captain suddenly goes very pale and calls, "Bring me my brown pants."

A developer finds a talking frog.

It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.

During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.

In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."

I just got home from a close friends funeral, he drowned last week......!

I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".

The super bowl is this weekend, don't forget to bring a jacket because it's supposed to get cold.

Luckily, there shouldn't be any Brees though.

Give a man a jacket..

and he'll be warm outside. Teach him to jacket and he won't ever leave the house

A terrorist is teaching a class

He carefully puts on a jacket loaded with explosives and, turning to his pupils, says:

"Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to do this once!"

To the man in a wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run.

What is the best way to steal a coat?

Jacket

Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread?

It's a pita parka.

How do you make suit pants last?

Make the jacket first.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket

You can hide but you can't run

To the man in the camo jacket who stole my wheelchair,

You can hide and I cannot run.

A French and British vampire walk into a bar

The French orders for a glass of champagne then mixes blood into it.

The British orders a cup of hot water, which makes the French surprised:

\- No tea?

\- Quite the contrary, my friend - The British replies - then pulls out a used tampon from his jacket

It's cold outside.

Give a man a jacket and he will stay warm for a day.
Teach a man to jacket and he will never leave his house.

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

Bought a new jacket the other day and it burst into flames.

Well, it was a blazer.

I threw a ball for my dog...

It was a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.

I threw a ball for my dog....

Extravagant, I know.

But he looks amazing in a dinner jacket.

Today my girlfriend said she will spend the entire day wearing only a short skirt and a long jacket.

After all, it is my Cake day!

Two men are playing golf when one realizes he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

Give a man a jacket, he'll be warm for a day.

Teach a man to jacket and he'll never leave the house.

"You give me one leather jacket and I invest it and give you two leather jackets"

"I don't know man, that sounds like a Fonzie scheme to me."

(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..

When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn't necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..

At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, it said old man with glasses .

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket, you can't run, but you can hide.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket, you can't run, but you can hide.

A ship was sinking...

The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".

A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he continues boastfully.

"Great" answers the captain, "We're one life jacket short, so you say prayers, me and the crew are gonna rescue the rest of passengers by the life jackets".

Why did the knight wear an octopus jacket?

It was his coat of arms

What marine animal wears a red jacket and a sequined glove on its flipper?

Thriller Whale!

What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket?

>!Flamboyancy!<

Jesus's favorite gun

My uncle is a member of the NRA. He came over for the Christmas dinner wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. I noticed his shirt and complimented it.

He then took his jacket off and showed me the back. On it, Jesus was holding a PK in one hand and an AK-47 on the other. Above it was text that reads "What would Jesus shoot?" That question was a no brainer. I answered "a nail gun."

I don't know why he got mad. Jesus was a carpenter.

I got a camo jacket for Christmas…

I just can't see myself wearing it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jacket life jacket puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jacket leather jacket piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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