Jack Off Jokes
101 jack off jokes and hilarious jack off puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jack off that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Jack Off Short Jokes
Short jack off jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jack off humour may include short jacking jokes also.
- Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's Mom: use protection
daughter: mom I'm 15
Mom: and I'm 30 - Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.
- How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern? They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
- I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on.. .. the suspension is killing me.
- What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
- The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...." - What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common? They have the same middle name.
- Give a man a jacket Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during winter.
Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house. - What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common? There's no room for jack, on both of them
- Our family surname is Daniels So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.
She hates it.
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Jack Off One Liners
Which jack off one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jack off? I can suggest the ones about jacked and flip off.
- How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
- What do dora The Explorer and Jack The Ripper have incommon Same middle name
- My dad told me if I kept jacking off I'd go blind. I said dad, I'm over here
- What does an iPhone 7 and The titanic have in common? The end has no Jack.
- Have you seen the new iPhone card trick? It's the one where all the jacks dissappear
- What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns? pumpkin Pi.
- I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today. All I did was greet my friend Jack.
- Jack Daniels couldn't be here today, But he's here in spirit.
- Why did Rose not buy the iPhone 7 Cause it didn't have a Jack
- Dark humor is like... ...a headphone jack. Not everybody gets it.
- How does Jack Frost get around during the winter solstice? On "icicles"!
- I started jacking off to my mind. But eventually i came to my senses.
- I jacked off on an elevator It was wrong on so many levels
- Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 killed the headphone jack with lightning
- What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? Their middle name
Ridiculous Jack Off Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about jack off you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hand job jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jack off pranks.
I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle j**... a horse" and "i helped my uncle j**... a horse".
Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.
Dear people who don't write capital letters,
We're the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
Layoffs
The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or j**..."
"You better j**..., I've got a headache"
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
Jack and Jill work together in an office...
Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or j**...".
"j**...!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".
Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he m**... before learning it?
He was j**... all trades.
My friend said he liked the ending of his book so much, he'd j**... to it.
I just don't know how he came to that conclusion.
Why did Darth Maul j**... into a piece of fruit?
Because the sith always comes in pears
Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.
Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."
What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?
j**...
Don't forget capital letters...
In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse."
Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
Jimmy don't j**..., you'll go blind.
Little Jimmy's dad walks into his son's room and says, "Jimmy don't j**..., you'll go blind."
Little Jimmy: "Dad I'm over here, in the living room..."
If you and jack were horseback riding
Would you help j**... the horse?
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.
What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A j**... All Trades
Proper Grammar, Guys
Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
My ex-wife cheated on me with the plumber, the electrician, and carpenter
She was a j**... all trades
If your uncle Jack helped you off a horse….
In return, would you help your uncle j**... a horse?
From an English Professor.
"In the world of hi-tech gadgetry , I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the practice of using capital letters.
The use of capitals , known as capitalization , is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
Is everybody clear on that ?"
What do you call it when a person will give you a h**... in return for any physical item?
j**... all trades
My dad always told me,"son if you j**... to much youll go blind."
I said, Dad, I'm over here.
I'll admit it, I often j**... in the bathroom at work.
Some of the guys here think it's strange that I use the u**....
I heard this one at school today
Jack and Amy both work for the same company. Their work is going fine until the economy falls and the company starts downsizing. The boss was given the option to fire one of them. He calls Amy into his office to break her the news. He says: "I'll either have to lay you or j**...".
Good Grammar is the Difference...
...between
* Helping your Uncle j**... a horse
and
* Helping your Uncle j**... a horse
Capitalization...
Is what defines wether you're helping your Uncle j**... a horse, or you're helping your Uncle j**... a horse.
How does a Marxist j**...?
By seizing the means of reproduction.
Capitalization is important
There's a big difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
Capitalisation
It is the difference between "I helped my uncle j**... a horse," and "I helped my uncle j**... a horse."
Cutback
Ellen and Jack worked for a small company owned by Bob.
Hard times hit and Bob was having to cut back.
He called a meeting and looking directly at Ellen stated I've got to lay you or j**....
Ellen replied Well you gonna have to j**... then, cause I got a headache.
A guy opens the door to a brothel
And asks, "What can I get for five dollars"
One of the girls looks at him and says, "why don't you go j**... in your car?"
Guy closes the door and comes back 10 minutes later,
'Who do I give the 5 dollars to?'
If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle j**... an elephant?
Mariska Hargitay
Call your son Jack
So you can drop your wife and j**... every morning.
(Actually heard a friend said that)
What do you get when you j**... the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A doughnut
If my uncle Jack helped you off a horse,
Would you help *my* uncle j**... a horse?
An all boys high school teacher was doing the attendance roll call one morning
She went through the list of names and each student replied, Yes miss as their name was called.
James?
Yes miss, replied James.
Is Robert here?
Yes miss, replied Robert.
Jack?
After about 5 seconds of silence, Jack hadn't replied.
The teacher continued, j**... today?
The whole class in unison, Okay we will miss.
Jack and Jill...
Jack and Jill worked at the mill before the work did slack off.
The miller cried, "I can't decide whether to lay Jill or j**...."
Your Uncle Jack is Stuck On a Horse
Would you help your Uncle j**... a horse?
If your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof....
...would you help your uncle j**...?
I j**... so much
They called it apprenticebating until I came along.
Cowboy Jack
So I used to have this friend named Jack. He was pretty fat, and he thought he was a cowboy. He loved to ride horses. I was surprised they held him up. Well Jack just kept getting fatter and fatter. He refused to give up riding. Then one day he got stuck in his saddle. He tried to throw himself over one side, throw himself over the other, but nothing would work. Anyways, that was the day I had to help j**... a horse.
What do you call a girl who hops around from guy to guy at a construction company?
j**... all trades
What do you call a blue collar p**...?
A j**... all trades.
Proper use of capital letters
It's the difference between helping grandpa j**... a horse and helping grandpa j**... a horse.
me :i dont like capitalization in words, it's a waste of time
Teacher:Its important for one really good reason, because it's the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your Uncle j**... a horse.
The importance of punctuation...
... is the difference between helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse or helping your uncle j**... a horse.
If your fat uncle named jack falls over your dad.
"Will you help your uncle j**... your dad ?"
Proof-reading is vital - for example, you may accidentally type "I helped my uncle j**... a horse."
When in reality, all you did was sit and watch.
Capital letters are the only thing between helping your Uncle j**... a horse...
...and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
What is the design philosophy of the iPhone 7?
j**...
Well,would you?
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle j**...?
Clear and concise writing can mean the difference between "I helped my uncle j**... a horse"...
and "I spent my summer working on the family's husbandry ranch."
Every time I j**..., it makes me a little more of a hero.
Just think how many little Hitlers could be in each batch.
Where do s**... go to die when you j**...?
The sementary.
Punctuation is so important
I learned that when I helped my uncle j**... a horse
If your friend jack was stuck on a horse
Would you help j**... the horse?
Punctuation and grammar makes all the difference
Proper punctuation and grammar is the difference between helping your Uncle, Jack, off a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse .
Nick Offerman has to be careful about his kids name.
He could give them an unfortunate job like Jack Offerman.
If I j**... in a plane
Does it count as Highjacking?
What does Tim Cook do when he's home alone at night?
j**...
When I was a kid I remember a joke that went something like this: if your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help your uncle j**...?, I know not too funny! Well years later my then 8 year old son comes home from school and said he heard a joke, I said let's hear it. And he said,..,
If your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help him down? And then said he didn't get it! I thought it was hilarious!
I went to help my friend j**... a horse
But we gave it a b**... instead.
What do you call a guy with a lisp who likes to j**... during math arguments?
A math debater.
What do you get when you j**... a pig?
Pulled pork.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on s**....
The librarian said, "j**... mate, you won't bring it back!".
A very serious question.
If your uncle jack helps you off an elephant, will you help your uncle j**... an elephant?
Commas in a sentence can change everything.
I helped my uncle jack, off a horse.
I helped my uncle j**... a horse.
iphone designer seeks help from god
* *iphone7 designer*:your highness show us the path to create the most unique and powerful phone the world will ever see
* *God*:arrg,why don't you just **j**...!!!**
* designer:wow,that could really work
Q: What's the importance of capitalization?
A: You can either help your Uncle j**... a horse or help your uncle j**... a horse.
Why Does Capitalization Matter?
It makes the difference between "I'm helping my Uncle j**... a horse and I'm helping my uncle j**... a horse".
You're almost playing with a full deck.
However you're one j**....
A comma is important in a sentence
For example...
I was helping my uncle jack, off a horse.
I was helping my uncle j**... a horse.
What do you call it when you j**... on a plane?
h**...
Leave Apple alone!
All they wanted to do was j**....
If God didn't want us to j**... he would have...
...given us shorter arms
Mexican Word of the Day: Canoli
I canoli j**... with one hand at a time.
Would you help ur uncle
If your uncle Jack was stuck on a horse, would you help your uncle j**...?
Me and my buddy Jack got a job at a warehouse...
Things got slow and the boss called me into the office.He told me that he was going to have to either lay me or j**.... I told him to j**.... He's not my type.
I heard that if you j**... you go blund
Sorry I guys I'm having a little trouble seeing my keyboard
If jack was on A horse
If jack was on a horse....
And he wanted to get off the horse...
Would you help j**... the horse....
Capital letters are make the difference
A capital letter and a comma makes the difference between
'helping your uncle Jack, off a horse'
and
'helping your Uncle, j**... a horse'
