The Best 35 Jack Off Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jack Off jokes. There are some jack off lanterns jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jack off swilling puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jack Off Jokes and Puns

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate the headphone jack.

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.

Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's

Mom: use protection

Daughter: mom I'm 15

Mom: and I'm 30

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.


Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.

How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?

They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.

Dear people who don't write capital letters,

We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.

"What'll ya have?" he asks.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.

So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.

His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.

"Yuck! It tastes awful, worse than awful!" she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go!" cries the husband. "And you think I am out enjoying myself every night!"

You can explore jack off box reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jack off handey dad jokes. There are also jack off puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.

Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

Jack and Jill work together in an office...

Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

2 Guys in a Bar

2 guys in a bar.

John: "I have sex with my wife once a month"

Jack: "We do it twice a week"

John: "But Jack, you're not even married!"

Jack: "Oh, I thought we were talking about your wife"

My dad told me if I kept jacking off I'd go blind.

I said dad, I'm over here

Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he masturbated before learning it?

He was jack off all trades.

What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?

The end has no Jack.

My friend said he liked the ending of his book so much, he'd jack off to it.

I just don't know how he came to that conclusion.


Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...

Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."

I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on..

.. the suspension is killing me.

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

The student and the teacher.

JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

Have you seen the new iPhone card trick?

It's the one where all the jacks dissappear

What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common?

They have the same middle name.

When a deaf girl jacks you off

It's technically oral

Give a man a jacket

Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Use contraceptives kids.

Teacher came to Jack's desk

-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.

-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.

-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns?

Pumpkin Pi.

An indian lady visited a bar for the first time

She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.

The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"

The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"

Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?

The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.

What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common?

There's no room for jack, on both of them

My wife went to the cinema with her friends

My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" she asked.
I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub."

I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today.

All I did was greet my friend Jack.

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit?

Because the sith always comes in pears

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jack off churchhill jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jack off sokka piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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